Great Expectations

By Charles Dickens

Chapter 1

My father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip,

my infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more

explicit than Pip. So, I called myself Pip, and came to be called

Pip.

I give Pirrip as my father's family name, on the authority of his

tombstone and my sister - Mrs. Joe Gargery, who married the

blacksmith. As I never saw my father or my mother, and never saw

any likeness of either of them (for their days were long before the

days of photographs), my first fancies regarding what they were

like, were unreasonably derived from their tombstones. The shape of

the letters on my father's, gave me an odd idea that he was a

square, stout, dark man, with curly black hair. From the character

and turn of the inscription, "Also Georgiana Wife of the Above," I

drew a childish conclusion that my mother was freckled and sickly.

To five little stone lozenges, each about a foot and a half long,

which were arranged in a neat row beside their grave, and were

sacred to the memory of five little brothers of mine - who gave up

trying to get a living, exceedingly early in that universal

struggle - I am indebted for a belief I religiously entertained

that they had all been born on their backs with their hands in

their trousers-pockets, and had never taken them out in this state

of existence.

Ours was the marsh country, down by the river, within, as the river

wound, twenty miles of the sea. My first most vivid and broad

impression of the identity of things, seems to me to have been

gained on a memorable raw afternoon towards evening. At such a time

I found out for certain, that this bleak place overgrown with

nettles was the churchyard; and that Philip Pirrip, late of this

parish, and also Georgiana wife of the above, were dead and buried;

and that Alexander, Bartholomew, Abraham, Tobias, and Roger, infant

children of the aforesaid, were also dead and buried; and that the

dark flat wilderness beyond the churchyard, intersected with dykes

and mounds and gates, with scattered cattle feeding on it, was the

marshes; and that the low leaden line beyond, was the river; and

that the distant savage lair from which the wind was rushing, was

the sea; and that the small bundle of shivers growing afraid of it

all and beginning to cry, was Pip.

"Hold your noise!" cried a terrible voice, as a man started up from

among the graves at the side of the church porch. "Keep still, you

little devil, or I'll cut your throat!"

A fearful man, all in coarse grey, with a great iron on his leg. A

man with no hat, and with broken shoes, and with an old rag tied

round his head. A man who had been soaked in water, and smothered

in mud, and lamed by stones, and cut by flints, and stung by

nettles, and torn by briars; who limped, and shivered, and glared

and growled; and whose teeth chattered in his head as he seized me

by the chin.

"O! Don't cut my throat, sir," I pleaded in terror. "Pray don't do

it, sir."

"Tell us your name!" said the man. "Quick!"

"Pip, sir."

"Once more," said the man, staring at me. "Give it mouth!"

"Pip. Pip, sir."

"Show us where you live," said the man. "Pint out the place!"

I pointed to where our village lay, on the flat in-shore among the

alder-trees and pollards, a mile or more from the church.

The man, after looking at me for a moment, turned me upside down,

and emptied my pockets. There was nothing in them but a piece of

bread. When the church came to itself - for he was so sudden and

strong that he made it go head over heels before me, and I saw the

steeple under my feet - when the church came to itself, I say, I

was seated on a high tombstone, trembling, while he ate the bread

ravenously.

"You young dog," said the man, licking his lips, "what fat cheeks

you ha' got."

I believe they were fat, though I was at that time undersized for

my years, and not strong.

"Darn me if I couldn't eat em," said the man, with a threatening

shake of his head, "and if I han't half a mind to't!"

I earnestly expressed my hope that he wouldn't, and held tighter to

the tombstone on which he had put me; partly, to keep myself upon

it; partly, to keep myself from crying.

"Now lookee here!" said the man. "Where's your mother?"

"There, sir!" said I.

He started, made a short run, and stopped and looked over his

shoulder.

"There, sir!" I timidly explained. "Also Georgiana. That's my

mother."

"Oh!" said he, coming back. "And is that your father alonger your

mother?"

"Yes, sir," said I; "him too; late of this parish."

"Ha!" he muttered then, considering. "Who d'ye live with -

supposin' you're kindly let to live, which I han't made up my mind

about?"

"My sister, sir - Mrs. Joe Gargery - wife of Joe Gargery, the

blacksmith, sir."

"Blacksmith, eh?" said he. And looked down at his leg.

After darkly looking at his leg and me several times, he came

closer to my tombstone, took me by both arms, and tilted me back as

far as he could hold me; so that his eyes looked most powerfully

down into mine, and mine looked most helplessly up into his.

"Now lookee here," he said, "the question being whether you're to

be let to live. You know what a file is?"

"Yes, sir."

"And you know what wittles is?"

"Yes, sir."

After each question he tilted me over a little more, so as to give

me a greater sense of helplessness and danger.

"You get me a file." He tilted me again. "And you get me wittles."

He tilted me again. "You bring 'em both to me." He tilted me again.

"Or I'll have your heart and liver out." He tilted me again.

I was dreadfully frightened, and so giddy that I clung to him with

both hands, and said, "If you would kindly please to let me keep

upright, sir, perhaps I shouldn't be sick, and perhaps I could

attend more."

He gave me a most tremendous dip and roll, so that the church

jumped over its own weather-cock. Then, he held me by the arms, in

an upright position on the top of the stone, and went on in these

fearful terms:

"You bring me, to-morrow morning early, that file and them wittles.

You bring the lot to me, at that old Battery over yonder. You do

it, and you never dare to say a word or dare to make a sign

concerning your having seen such a person as me, or any person

sumever, and you shall be let to live. You fail, or you go from my

words in any partickler, no matter how small it is, and your heart

and your liver shall be tore out, roasted and ate. Now, I ain't

alone, as you may think I am. There's a young man hid with me, in

comparison with which young man I am a Angel. That young man hears

the words I speak. That young man has a secret way pecooliar to

himself, of getting at a boy, and at his heart, and at his liver.

It is in wain for a boy to attempt to hide himself from that young

man. A boy may lock his door, may be warm in bed, may tuck himself

up, may draw the clothes over his head, may think himself

comfortable and safe, but that young man will softly creep and

creep his way to him and tear him open. I am a-keeping that young

man from harming of you at the present moment, with great

difficulty. I find it wery hard to hold that young man off of your

inside. Now, what do you say?"

I said that I would get him the file, and I would get him what

broken bits of food I could, and I would come to him at the

Battery, early in the morning.

"Say Lord strike you dead if you don't!" said the man.

I said so, and he took me down.

"Now," he pursued, "you remember what you've undertook, and you

remember that young man, and you get home!"

"Goo-good night, sir," I faltered.

"Much of that!" said he, glancing about him over the cold wet flat.

"I wish I was a frog. Or a eel!"

At the same time, he hugged his shuddering body in both his arms -

clasping himself, as if to hold himself together - and limped

towards the low church wall. As I saw him go, picking his way among

the nettles, and among the brambles that bound the green mounds, he

looked in my young eyes as if he were eluding the hands of the dead

people, stretching up cautiously out of their graves, to get a

twist upon his ankle and pull him in.

When he came to the low church wall, he got over it, like a man

whose legs were numbed and stiff, and then turned round to look for

me. When I saw him turning, I set my face towards home, and made

the best use of my legs. But presently I looked over my shoulder,

and saw him going on again towards the river, still hugging himself

in both arms, and picking his way with his sore feet among the

great stones dropped into the marshes here and there, for

stepping-places when the rains were heavy, or the tide was in.

The marshes were just a long black horizontal line then, as I

stopped to look after him; and the river was just another

horizontal line, not nearly so broad nor yet so black; and the sky

was just a row of long angry red lines and dense black lines

intermixed. On the edge of the river I could faintly make out the

only two black things in all the prospect that seemed to be

standing upright; one of these was the beacon by which the sailors

steered - like an unhooped cask upon a pole - an ugly thing when

you were near it; the other a gibbet, with some chains hanging to

it which had once held a pirate. The man was limping on towards

this latter, as if he were the pirate come to life, and come down,

and going back to hook himself up again. It gave me a terrible turn

when I thought so; and as I saw the cattle lifting their heads to

gaze after him, I wondered whether they thought so too. I looked

all round for the horrible young man, and could see no signs of

him. But, now I was frightened again, and ran home without

stopping.

 

Chapter 2

My sister, Mrs. Joe Gargery, was more than twenty years older than

I, and had established a great reputation with herself and the

neighbours because she had brought me up "by hand." Having at that

time to find out for myself what the expression meant, and knowing

her to have a hard and heavy hand, and to be much in the habit of

laying it upon her husband as well as upon me, I supposed that Joe

Gargery and I were both brought up by hand.

She was not a good-looking woman, my sister; and I had a general

impression that she must have made Joe Gargery marry her by hand.

Joe was a fair man, with curls of flaxen hair on each side of his

smooth face, and with eyes of such a very undecided blue that they

seemed to have somehow got mixed with their own whites. He was a

mild, good-natured, sweet-tempered, easy-going, foolish, dear

fellow - a sort of Hercules in strength, and also in weakness.

My sister, Mrs. Joe, with black hair and eyes, had such a prevailing

redness of skin that I sometimes used to wonder whether it was

possible she washed herself with a nutmeg-grater instead of soap.

She was tall and bony, and almost always wore a coarse apron,

fastened over her figure behind with two loops, and having a square

impregnable bib in front, that was stuck full of pins and needles.

She made it a powerful merit in herself, and a strong reproach

against Joe, that she wore this apron so much. Though I really see

no reason why she should have worn it at all: or why, if she did

wear it at all, she should not have taken it off, every day of her

life.

Joe's forge adjoined our house, which was a wooden house, as many

of the dwellings in our country were - most of them, at that time.

When I ran home from the churchyard, the forge was shut up, and Joe

was sitting alone in the kitchen. Joe and I being fellow-sufferers,

and having confidences as such, Joe imparted a confidence to me,

the moment I raised the latch of the door and peeped in at him

opposite to it, sitting in the chimney corner.

"Mrs. Joe has been out a dozen times, looking for you, Pip. And

she's out now, making it a baker's dozen."

"Is she?"

"Yes, Pip," said Joe; "and what's worse, she's got Tickler with

her."

At this dismal intelligence, I twisted the only button on my

waistcoat round and round, and looked in great depression at the

fire. Tickler was a wax-ended piece of cane, worn smooth by

collision with my tickled frame.

"She sot down," said Joe, "and she got up, and she made a grab at

Tickler, and she Ram-paged out. That's what she did," said Joe,

slowly clearing the fire between the lower bars with the poker, and

looking at it: "she Ram-paged out, Pip."

"Has she been gone long, Joe?" I always treated him as a larger

species of child, and as no more than my equal.

"Well," said Joe, glancing up at the Dutch clock, "she's been on

the Ram-page, this last spell, about five minutes, Pip. She's a-

coming! Get behind the door, old chap, and have the jack-towel

betwixt you."

I took the advice. My sister, Mrs. Joe, throwing the door wide open,

and finding an obstruction behind it, immediately divined the

cause, and applied Tickler to its further investigation. She

concluded by throwing me - I often served as a connubial missile -

at Joe, who, glad to get hold of me on any terms, passed me on into

the chimney and quietly fenced me up there with his great leg.

"Where have you been, you young monkey?" said Mrs. Joe, stamping her

foot. "Tell me directly what you've been doing to wear me away with

fret and fright and worrit, or I'd have you out of that corner if

you was fifty Pips, and he was five hundred Gargerys."

"I have only been to the churchyard," said I, from my stool, crying

and rubbing myself.

"Churchyard!" repeated my sister. "If it warn't for me you'd have

been to the churchyard long ago, and stayed there. Who brought you

up by hand?"

"You did," said I.

"And why did I do it, I should like to know?" exclaimed my sister.

I whimpered, "I don't know."

"I don't!" said my sister. "I'd never do it again! I know that. I

may truly say I've never had this apron of mine off, since born you

were. It's bad enough to be a blacksmith's wife (and him a Gargery)

without being your mother."

My thoughts strayed from that question as I looked disconsolately

at the fire. For, the fugitive out on the marshes with the ironed

leg, the mysterious young man, the file, the food, and the dreadful

pledge I was under to commit a larceny on those sheltering

premises, rose before me in the avenging coals.

"Hah!" said Mrs. Joe, restoring Tickler to his station. "Churchyard,

indeed! You may well say churchyard, you two." One of us,

by-the-bye, had not said it at all. "You'll drive me to the

churchyard betwixt you, one of these days, and oh, a pr-r-recious

pair you'd be without me!"

As she applied herself to set the tea-things, Joe peeped down at me

over his leg, as if he were mentally casting me and himself up, and

calculating what kind of pair we practically should make, under the

grievous circumstances foreshadowed. After that, he sat feeling his

right-side flaxen curls and whisker, and following Mrs. Joe about

with his blue eyes, as his manner always was at squally times.

My sister had a trenchant way of cutting our bread-and-butter for

us, that never varied. First, with her left hand she jammed the

loaf hard and fast against her bib - where it sometimes got a pin

into it, and sometimes a needle, which we afterwards got into our

mouths. Then she took some butter (not too much) on a knife and

spread it on the loaf, in an apothecary kind of way, as if she were

making a plaister - using both sides of the knife with a slapping

dexterity, and trimming and moulding the butter off round the

crust. Then, she gave the knife a final smart wipe on the edge of

the plaister, and then sawed a very thick round off the loaf: which

she finally, before separating from the loaf, hewed into two

halves, of which Joe got one, and I the other.

On the present occasion, though I was hungry, I dared not eat my

slice. I felt that I must have something in reserve for my dreadful

acquaintance, and his ally the still more dreadful young man. I

knew Mrs. Joe's housekeeping to be of the strictest kind, and that

my larcenous researches might find nothing available in the safe.

Therefore I resolved to put my hunk of bread-and-butter down the

leg of my trousers.

The effort of resolution necessary to the achievement of this

purpose, I found to be quite awful. It was as if I had to make up

my mind to leap from the top of a high house, or plunge into a

great depth of water. And it was made the more difficult by the

unconscious Joe. In our already-mentioned freemasonry as

fellow-sufferers, and in his good-natured companionship with me, it

was our evening habit to compare the way we bit through our slices,

by silently holding them up to each other's admiration now and then

- which stimulated us to new exertions. To-night, Joe several times

invited me, by the display of his fast-diminishing slice, to enter

upon our usual friendly competition; but he found me, each time,

with my yellow mug of tea on one knee, and my untouched

bread-and-butter on the other. At last, I desperately considered

that the thing I contemplated must be done, and that it had best be

done in the least improbable manner consistent with the

circumstances. I took advantage of a moment when Joe had just

looked at me, and got my bread-and-butter down my leg.

Joe was evidently made uncomfortable by what he supposed to be my

loss of appetite, and took a thoughtful bite out of his slice,

which he didn't seem to enjoy. He turned it about in his mouth much

longer than usual, pondering over it a good deal, and after all

gulped it down like a pill. He was about to take another bite, and

had just got his head on one side for a good purchase on it, when

his eye fell on me, and he saw that my bread-and-butter was gone.

The wonder and consternation with which Joe stopped on the

threshold of his bite and stared at me, were too evident to escape

my sister's observation.

"What's the matter now?" said she, smartly, as she put down her

cup.

"I say, you know!" muttered Joe, shaking his head at me in very

serious remonstrance. "Pip, old chap! You'll do yourself a

mischief. It'll stick somewhere. You can't have chawed it, Pip."

"What's the matter now?" repeated my sister, more sharply than

before.

"If you can cough any trifle on it up, Pip, I'd recommend you to do

it," said Joe, all aghast. "Manners is manners, but still your

elth's your elth."

By this time, my sister was quite desperate, so she pounced on Joe,

and, taking him by the two whiskers, knocked his head for a little

while against the wall behind him: while I sat in the corner,

looking guiltily on.

"Now, perhaps you'll mention what's the matter," said my sister,

out of breath, "you staring great stuck pig."

Joe looked at her in a helpless way; then took a helpless bite, and

looked at me again.

"You know, Pip," said Joe, solemnly, with his last bite in his

cheek and speaking in a confidential voice, as if we two were quite

alone, "you and me is always friends, and I'd be the last to tell

upon you, any time. But such a--" he moved his chair and looked

about the floor between us, and then again at me - "such a most

oncommon Bolt as that!"

"Been bolting his food, has he?" cried my sister.

"You know, old chap," said Joe, looking at me, and not at Mrs. Joe,

with his bite still in his cheek, "I Bolted, myself, when I was

your age - frequent - and as a boy I've been among a many Bolters;

but I never see your Bolting equal yet, Pip, and it's a mercy you

ain't Bolted dead."

My sister made a dive at me, and fished me up by the hair: saying

nothing more than the awful words, "You come along and be dosed."

Some medical beast had revived Tar-water in those days as a fine

medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard;

having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At

the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as

a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling

like a new fence. On this particular evening the urgency of my case

demanded a pint of this mixture, which was poured down my throat,

for my greater comfort, while Mrs. Joe held my head under her arm,

as a boot would be held in a boot-jack. Joe got off with half a

pint; but was made to swallow that (much to his disturbance, as he

sat slowly munching and meditating before the fire), "because he had

had a turn." Judging from myself, I should say he certainly had a

turn afterwards, if he had had none before.

Conscience is a dreadful thing when it accuses man or boy; but

when, in the case of a boy, that secret burden co-operates with

another secret burden down the leg of his trousers, it is (as I can

testify) a great punishment. The guilty knowledge that I was going

to rob Mrs. Joe - I never thought I was going to rob Joe, for I

never thought of any of the housekeeping property as his - united

to the necessity of always keeping one hand on my bread-and-butter

as I sat, or when I was ordered about the kitchen on any small

errand, almost drove me out of my mind. Then, as the marsh winds

made the fire glow and flare, I thought I heard the voice outside,

of the man with the iron on his leg who had sworn me to secrecy,

declaring that he couldn't and wouldn't starve until to-morrow, but

must be fed now. At other times, I thought, What if the young man

who was with so much difficulty restrained from imbruing his hands

in me, should yield to a constitutional impatience, or should

mistake the time, and should think himself accredited to my heart

and liver to-night, instead of to-morrow! If ever anybody's hair

stood on end with terror, mine must have done so then. But,

perhaps, nobody's ever did?

It was Christmas Eve, and I had to stir the pudding for next day,

with a copper-stick, from seven to eight by the Dutch clock. I

tried it with the load upon my leg (and that made me think afresh

of the man with the load on his leg), and found the tendency of

exercise to bring the bread-and-butter out at my ankle, quite

unmanageable. Happily, I slipped away, and deposited that part of

my conscience in my garret bedroom.

"Hark!" said I, when I had done my stirring, and was taking a final

warm in the chimney corner before being sent up to bed; "was that

great guns, Joe?"

"Ah!" said Joe. "There's another conwict off."

"What does that mean, Joe?" said I.

Mrs. Joe, who always took explanations upon herself, said,

snappishly, "Escaped. Escaped." Administering the definition like

Tar-water.

While Mrs. Joe sat with her head bending over her needlework, I put

my mouth into the forms of saying to Joe, "What's a convict?" Joe

put his mouth into the forms of returning such a highly elaborate

answer, that I could make out nothing of it but the single word

"Pip."

"There was a conwict off last night," said Joe, aloud, "after

sun-set-gun. And they fired warning of him. And now, it appears

they're firing warning of another."

"Who's firing?" said I.

"Drat that boy," interposed my sister, frowning at me over her

work, "what a questioner he is. Ask no questions, and you'll be

told no lies."

It was not very polite to herself, I thought, to imply that I should

be told lies by her, even if I did ask questions. But she never was

polite, unless there was company.

At this point, Joe greatly augmented my curiosity by taking the

utmost pains to open his mouth very wide, and to put it into the

form of a word that looked to me like "sulks." Therefore, I

naturally pointed to Mrs. Joe, and put my mouth into the form of

saying "her?" But Joe wouldn't hear of that, at all, and again

opened his mouth very wide, and shook the form of a most emphatic

word out of it. But I could make nothing of the word.

"Mrs. Joe," said I, as a last resort, "I should like to know - if

you wouldn't much mind - where the firing comes from?"

"Lord bless the boy!" exclaimed my sister, as if she didn't quite

mean that, but rather the contrary. "From the Hulks!"

"Oh-h!" said I, looking at Joe. "Hulks!"

Joe gave a reproachful cough, as much as to say, "Well, I told you

so."

"And please what's Hulks?" said I.

"That's the way with this boy!" exclaimed my sister, pointing me

out with her needle and thread, and shaking her head at me. "Answer

him one question, and he'll ask you a dozen directly. Hulks are

prison-ships, right 'cross th' meshes." We always used that name

for marshes, in our country.

"I wonder who's put into prison-ships, and why they're put there?"

said I, in a general way, and with quiet desperation.

It was too much for Mrs. Joe, who immediately rose. "I tell you

what, young fellow," said she, "I didn't bring you up by hand to

badger people's lives out. It would be blame to me, and not praise,

if I had. People are put in the Hulks because they murder, and

because they rob, and forge, and do all sorts of bad; and they

always begin by asking questions. Now, you get along to bed!"

I was never allowed a candle to light me to bed, and, as I went

upstairs in the dark, with my head tingling - from Mrs. Joe's

thimble having played the tambourine upon it, to accompany her last

words - I felt fearfully sensible of the great convenience that the

Hulks were handy for me. I was clearly on my way there. I had begun

by asking questions, and I was going to rob Mrs. Joe.

Since that time, which is far enough away now, I have often thought

that few people know what secrecy there is in the young, under

terror. No matter how unreasonable the terror, so that it be

terror. I was in mortal terror of the young man who wanted my heart

and liver; I was in mortal terror of my interlocutor with the

ironed leg; I was in mortal terror of myself, from whom an awful

promise had been extracted; I had no hope of deliverance through my

all-powerful sister, who repulsed me at every turn; I am afraid to

think of what I might have done, on requirement, in the secrecy of

my terror.

If I slept at all that night, it was only to imagine myself

drifting down the river on a strong spring-tide, to the Hulks; a

ghostly pirate calling out to me through a speaking-trumpet, as I

passed the gibbet-station, that I had better come ashore and be

hanged there at once, and not put it off. I was afraid to sleep,

even if I had been inclined, for I knew that at the first faint

dawn of morning I must rob the pantry. There was no doing it in the

night, for there was no getting a light by easy friction then; to

have got one, I must have struck it out of flint and steel, and

have made a noise like the very pirate himself rattling his chains.

As soon as the great black velvet pall outside my little window was

shot with grey, I got up and went down stairs; every board upon the

way, and every crack in every board, calling after me, "Stop

thief!" and "Get up, Mrs. Joe!" In the pantry, which was far more

abundantly supplied than usual, owing to the season, I was very

much alarmed, by a hare hanging up by the heels, whom I rather

thought I caught, when my back was half turned, winking. I had no

time for verification, no time for selection, no time for anything,

for I had no time to spare. I stole some bread, some rind of

cheese, about half a jar of mincemeat (which I tied up in my

pocket-handkerchief with my last night's slice), some brandy from a

stone bottle (which I decanted into a glass bottle I had secretly

used for making that intoxicating fluid, Spanish-liquorice-water,

up in my room: diluting the stone bottle from a jug in the kitchen

cupboard), a meat bone with very little on it, and a beautiful

round compact pork pie. I was nearly going away without the pie,

but I was tempted to mount upon a shelf, to look what it was that

was put away so carefully in a covered earthen ware dish in a

corner, and I found it was the pie, and I took it, in the hope that

it was not intended for early use, and would not be missed for some

time.

There was a door in the kitchen, communicating with the forge; I

unlocked and unbolted that door, and got a file from among Joe's

tools. Then, I put the fastenings as I had found them, opened the

door at which I had entered when I ran home last night, shut it,

and ran for the misty marshes.

 

Chapter 3

It was a rimy morning, and very damp. I had seen the damp lying on

the outside of my little window, as if some goblin had been crying

there all night, and using the window for a pocket-handkerchief.

Now, I saw the damp lying on the bare hedges and spare grass, like

a coarser sort of spiders' webs; hanging itself from twig to twig

and blade to blade. On every rail and gate, wet lay clammy; and the

marsh-mist was so thick, that the wooden finger on the post

directing people to our village - a direction which they never

accepted, for they never came there - was invisible to me until I

was quite close under it. Then, as I looked up at it, while it

dripped, it seemed to my oppressed conscience like a phantom

devoting me to the Hulks.

The mist was heavier yet when I got out upon the marshes, so that

instead of my running at everything, everything seemed to run at

me. This was very disagreeable to a guilty mind. The gates and

dykes and banks came bursting at me through the mist, as if they

cried as plainly as could be, "A boy with Somebody-else's pork pie!

Stop him!" The cattle came upon me with like suddenness, staring

out of their eyes, and steaming out of their nostrils, "Holloa,

young thief!" One black ox, with a white cravat on - who even had

to my awakened conscience something of a clerical air - fixed me so

obstinately with his eyes, and moved his blunt head round in such

an accusatory manner as I moved round, that I blubbered out to him,

"I couldn't help it, sir! It wasn't for myself I took it!" Upon

which he put down his head, blew a cloud of smoke out of his nose,

and vanished with a kick-up of his hind-legs and a flourish of his

tail.

All this time, I was getting on towards the river; but however fast

I went, I couldn't warm my feet, to which the damp cold seemed

riveted, as the iron was riveted to the leg of the man I was

running to meet. I knew my way to the Battery, pretty straight, for

I had been down there on a Sunday with Joe, and Joe, sitting on an

old gun, had told me that when I was 'prentice to him regularly

bound, we would have such Larks there! However, in the confusion of

the mist, I found myself at last too far to the right, and

consequently had to try back along the river-side, on the bank of

loose stones above the mud and the stakes that staked the tide out.

Making my way along here with all despatch, I had just crossed a

ditch which I knew to be very near the Battery, and had just

scrambled up the mound beyond the ditch, when I saw the man sitting

before me. His back was towards me, and he had his arms folded, and

was nodding forward, heavy with sleep.

I thought he would be more glad if I came upon him with his

breakfast, in that unexpected manner, so I went forward softly and

touched him on the shoulder. He instantly jumped up, and it was not

the same man, but another man!

And yet this man was dressed in coarse grey, too, and had a great

iron on his leg, and was lame, and hoarse, and cold, and was

everything that the other man was; except that he had not the same

face, and had a flat broad-brimmed low-crowned felt that on. All

this, I saw in a moment, for I had only a moment to see it in: he

swore an oath at me, made a hit at me - it was a round weak blow

that missed me and almost knocked himself down, for it made him

stumble - and then he ran into the mist, stumbling twice as he went,

and I lost him.

"It's the young man!" I thought, feeling my heart shoot as I

identified him. I dare say I should have felt a pain in my liver,

too, if I had known where it was.

I was soon at the Battery, after that, and there was the right

man-hugging himself and limping to and fro, as if he had never all

night left off hugging and limping - waiting for me. He was awfully

cold, to be sure. I half expected to see him drop down before my

face and die of deadly cold. His eyes looked so awfully hungry,

too, that when I handed him the file and he laid it down on the

grass, it occurred to me he would have tried to eat it, if he had

not seen my bundle. He did not turn me upside down, this time, to

get at what I had, but left me right side upwards while I opened

the bundle and emptied my pockets.

"What's in the bottle, boy?" said he.

"Brandy," said I.

He was already handing mincemeat down his throat in the most

curious manner - more like a man who was putting it away somewhere

in a violent hurry, than a man who was eating it - but he left off

to take some of the liquor. He shivered all the while, so

violently, that it was quite as much as he could do to keep the

neck of the bottle between his teeth, without biting it off.

"I think you have got the ague," said I.

"I'm much of your opinion, boy," said he.

"It's bad about here," I told him. "You've been lying out on the

meshes, and they're dreadful aguish. Rheumatic too."

"I'll eat my breakfast afore they're the death of me," said he.

"I'd do that, if I was going to be strung up to that there gallows

as there is over there, directly afterwards. I'll beat the shivers

so far, I'll bet you."

He was gobbling mincemeat, meatbone, bread, cheese, and pork pie,

all at once: staring distrustfully while he did so at the mist all

round us, and often stopping - even stopping his jaws - to listen.

Some real or fancied sound, some clink upon the river or breathing

of beast upon the marsh, now gave him a start, and he said,

suddenly:

"You're not a deceiving imp? You brought no one with you?"

"No, sir! No!"

"Nor giv' no one the office to follow you?"

"No!"

"Well," said he, "I believe you. You'd be but a fierce young hound

indeed, if at your time of life you could help to hunt a wretched

warmint, hunted as near death and dunghill as this poor wretched

warmint is!"

Something clicked in his throat, as if he had works in him like a

clock, and was going to strike. And he smeared his ragged rough

sleeve over his eyes.

Pitying his desolation, and watching him as he gradually settled

down upon the pie, I made bold to say, "I am glad you enjoy it."

"Did you speak?"

"I said I was glad you enjoyed it."

"Thankee, my boy. I do."

I had often watched a large dog of ours eating his food; and I now

noticed a decided similarity between the dog's way of eating, and

the man's. The man took strong sharp sudden bites, just like the

dog. He swallowed, or rather snapped up, every mouthful, too soon

and too fast; and he looked sideways here and there while he ate,

as if he thought there was danger in every direction, of somebody's

coming to take the pie away. He was altogether too unsettled in his

mind over it, to appreciate it comfortably, I thought, or to have

anybody to dine with him, without making a chop with his jaws at

the visitor. In all of which particulars he was very like the dog.

"I am afraid you won't leave any of it for him," said I, timidly;

after a silence during which I had hesitated as to the politeness

of making the remark. "There's no more to be got where that came

from." It was the certainty of this fact that impelled me to offer

the hint.

"Leave any for him? Who's him?" said my friend, stopping in his

crunching of pie-crust.

"The young man. That you spoke of. That was hid with you."

"Oh ah!" he returned, with something like a gruff laugh. "Him? Yes,

yes! He don't want no wittles."

"I thought he looked as if he did," said I.

The man stopped eating, and regarded me with the keenest scrutiny

and the greatest surprise.

"Looked? When?"

"Just now."

"Where?"

"Yonder," said I, pointing; "over there, where I found him nodding

asleep, and thought it was you."

He held me by the collar and stared at me so, that I began to think

his first idea about cutting my throat had revived.

"Dressed like you, you know, only with a hat," I explained,

trembling; "and - and" - I was very anxious to put this delicately

- "and with - the same reason for wanting to borrow a file. Didn't

you hear the cannon last night?"

"Then, there was firing!" he said to himself.

"I wonder you shouldn't have been sure of that," I returned, "for

we heard it up at home, and that's further away, and we were shut

in besides."

"Why, see now!" said he. "When a man's alone on these flats, with a

light head and a light stomach, perishing of cold and want, he

hears nothin' all night, but guns firing, and voices calling.

Hears? He sees the soldiers, with their red coats lighted up by the

torches carried afore, closing in round him. Hears his number

called, hears himself challenged, hears the rattle of the muskets,

hears the orders 'Make ready! Present! Cover him steady, men!' and

is laid hands on - and there's nothin'! Why, if I see one pursuing

party last night - coming up in order, Damn 'em, with their tramp,

tramp - I see a hundred. And as to firing! Why, I see the mist

shake with the cannon, arter it was broad day - But this man;" he

had said all the rest, as if he had forgotten my being there; "did

you notice anything in him?"

"He had a badly bruised face," said I, recalling what I hardly knew

I knew.

"Not here?" exclaimed the man, striking his left cheek mercilessly,

with the flat of his hand.

"Yes, there!"

"Where is he?" He crammed what little food was left, into the

breast of his grey jacket. "Show me the way he went. I'll pull him

down, like a bloodhound. Curse this iron on my sore leg! Give us

hold of the file, boy."

I indicated in what direction the mist had shrouded the other man,

and he looked up at it for an instant. But he was down on the rank

wet grass, filing at his iron like a madman, and not minding me or

minding his own leg, which had an old chafe upon it and was bloody,

but which he handled as roughly as if it had no more feeling in it

than the file. I was very much afraid of him again, now that he had

worked himself into this fierce hurry, and I was likewise very much

afraid of keeping away from home any longer. I told him I must go,

but he took no notice, so I thought the best thing I could do was

to slip off. The last I saw of him, his head was bent over his knee

and he was working hard at his fetter, muttering impatient

imprecations at it and at his leg. The last I heard of him, I

stopped in the mist to listen, and the file was still going.

 

Chapter 4

I fully expected to find a Constable in the kitchen, waiting to

take me up. But not only was there no Constable there, but no

discovery had yet been made of the robbery. Mrs. Joe was

prodigiously busy in getting the house ready for the festivities of

the day, and Joe had been put upon the kitchen door-step to keep

him out of the dust-pan - an article into which his destiny always

led him sooner or later, when my sister was vigorously reaping the

floors of her establishment.

"And where the deuce ha' you been?" was Mrs. Joe's Christmas

salutation, when I and my conscience showed ourselves.

I said I had been down to hear the Carols. "Ah! well!" observed Mrs.

Joe. "You might ha' done worse." Not a doubt of that, I thought.

"Perhaps if I warn't a blacksmith's wife, and (what's the same

thing) a slave with her apron never off, I should have been to hear

the Carols," said Mrs. Joe. "I'm rather partial to Carols, myself,

and that's the best of reasons for my never hearing any."

Joe, who had ventured into the kitchen after me as the dust-pan had

retired before us, drew the back of his hand across his nose with a

conciliatory air when Mrs. Joe darted a look at him, and, when her

eyes were withdrawn, secretly crossed his two forefingers, and

exhibited them to me, as our token that Mrs. Joe was in a cross

temper. This was so much her normal state, that Joe and I would

often, for weeks together, be, as to our fingers, like monumental

Crusaders as to their legs.

We were to have a superb dinner, consisting of a leg of pickled

pork and greens, and a pair of roast stuffed fowls. A handsome

mince-pie had been made yesterday morning (which accounted for the

mincemeat not being missed), and the pudding was already on the

boil. These extensive arrangements occasioned us to be cut off

unceremoniously in respect of breakfast; "for I an't," said Mrs.

Joe, "I an't a-going to have no formal cramming and busting and

washing up now, with what I've got before me, I promise you!"

So, we had our slices served out, as if we were two thousand troops

on a forced march instead of a man and boy at home; and we took

gulps of milk and water, with apologetic countenances, from a jug

on the dresser. In the meantime, Mrs. Joe put clean white curtains

up, and tacked a new flowered-flounce across the wide chimney to

replace the old one, and uncovered the little state parlour across

the passage, which was never uncovered at any other time, but

passed the rest of the year in a cool haze of silver paper, which

even extended to the four little white crockery poodles on the

mantelshelf, each with a black nose and a basket of flowers in his

mouth, and each the counterpart of the other. Mrs. Joe was a very

clean housekeeper, but had an exquisite art of making her

cleanliness more uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness, and some people do the same by

their religion.

My sister having so much to do, was going to church vicariously;

that is to say, Joe and I were going. In his working clothes, Joe

was a well-knit characteristic-looking blacksmith; in his holiday

clothes, he was more like a scarecrow in good circumstances, than

anything else. Nothing that he wore then, fitted him or seemed to

belong to him; and everything that he wore then, grazed him. On the

present festive occasion he emerged from his room, when the blithe

bells were going, the picture of misery, in a full suit of Sunday

penitentials. As to me, I think my sister must have had some

general idea that I was a young offender whom an Accoucheur

Policemen had taken up (on my birthday) and delivered over to her,

to be dealt with according to the outraged majesty of the law. I

was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in

opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and

against the dissuading arguments of my best friends. Even when I

was taken to have a new suit of clothes, the tailor had orders to

make them like a kind of Reformatory, and on no account to let me

have the free use of my limbs.

Joe and I going to church, therefore, must have been a moving

spectacle for compassionate minds. Yet, what I suffered outside,

was nothing to what I underwent within. The terrors that had

assailed me whenever Mrs. Joe had gone near the pantry, or out of

the room, were only to be equalled by the remorse with which my

mind dwelt on what my hands had done. Under the weight of my wicked

secret, I pondered whether the Church would be powerful enough to

shield me from the vengeance of the terrible young man, if I

divulged to that establishment. I conceived the idea that the time

when the banns were read and when the clergyman said, "Ye are now

to declare it!" would be the time for me to rise and propose a

private conference in the vestry. I am far from being sure that I

might not have astonished our small congregation by resorting to

this extreme measure, but for its being Christmas Day and no

Sunday.

Mr. Wopsle, the clerk at church, was to dine with us; and Mr. Hubble

the wheelwright and Mrs. Hubble; and Uncle Pumblechook (Joe's uncle,

but Mrs. Joe appropriated him), who was a well-to-do corn-chandler

in the nearest town, and drove his own chaise-cart. The dinner hour

was half-past one. When Joe and I got home, we found the table

laid, and Mrs. Joe dressed, and the dinner dressing, and the front

door unlocked (it never was at any other time) for the company to

enter by, and everything most splendid. And still, not a word of

the robbery.

The time came, without bringing with it any relief to my feelings,

and the company came. Mr. Wopsle, united to a Roman nose and a

large shining bald forehead, had a deep voice which he was

uncommonly proud of; indeed it was understood among his

acquaintance that if you could only give him his head, he would

read the clergyman into fits; he himself confessed that if the

Church was "thrown open," meaning to competition, he would not

despair of making his mark in it. The Church not being "thrown

open," he was, as I have said, our clerk. But he punished the

Amens tremendously; and when he gave out the psalm - always giving

the whole verse - he looked all round the congregation first, as

much as to say, "You have heard my friend overhead; oblige me with

your opinion of this style!"

I opened the door to the company - making believe that it was a

habit of ours to open that door - and I opened it first to Mr.

Wopsle, next to Mr. and Mrs. Hubble, and last of all to Uncle

Pumblechook. N.B., I was not allowed to call him uncle, under the

severest penalties.

"Mrs. Joe," said Uncle Pumblechook: a large hard-breathing

middle-aged slow man, with a mouth like a fish, dull staring eyes,

and sandy hair standing upright on his head, so that he looked as

if he had just been all but choked, and had that moment come to;

"I have brought you, as the compliments of the season - I have

brought you, Mum, a bottle of sherry wine - and I have brought you,

Mum, a bottle of port wine."

Every Christmas Day he presented himself, as a profound novelty,

with exactly the same words, and carrying the two bottles like

dumb-bells. Every Christmas Day, Mrs. Joe replied, as she now

replied, "Oh, Un - cle Pum - ble - chook! This IS kind!" Every

Christmas Day, he retorted, as he now retorted, "It's no more than

your merits. And now are you all bobbish, and how's Sixpennorth of

halfpence?" meaning me.

We dined on these occasions in the kitchen, and adjourned, for the

nuts and oranges and apples, to the parlour; which was a change

very like Joe's change from his working clothes to his Sunday

dress. My sister was uncommonly lively on the present occasion, and

indeed was generally more gracious in the society of Mrs. Hubble

than in other company. I remember Mrs. Hubble as a little curly

sharp-edged person in sky-blue, who held a conventionally juvenile

position, because she had married Mr. Hubble - I don't know at what

remote period - when she was much younger than he. I remember Mr

Hubble as a tough high-shouldered stooping old man, of a sawdusty

fragrance, with his legs extraordinarily wide apart: so that in my

short days I always saw some miles of open country between them

when I met him coming up the lane.

Among this good company I should have felt myself, even if I hadn't

robbed the pantry, in a false position. Not because I was squeezed

in at an acute angle of the table-cloth, with the table in my

chest, and the Pumblechookian elbow in my eye, nor because I was

not allowed to speak (I didn't want to speak), nor because I was

regaled with the scaly tips of the drumsticks of the fowls, and

with those obscure corners of pork of which the pig, when living,

had had the least reason to be vain. No; I should not have minded

that, if they would only have left me alone. But they wouldn't

leave me alone. They seemed to think the opportunity lost, if they

failed to point the conversation at me, every now and then, and

stick the point into me. I might have been an unfortunate little

bull in a Spanish arena, I got so smartingly touched up by these

moral goads.

It began the moment we sat down to dinner. Mr. Wopsle said grace

with theatrical declamation - as it now appears to me, something

like a religious cross of the Ghost in Hamlet with Richard the

Third - and ended with the very proper aspiration that we might be

truly grateful. Upon which my sister fixed me with her eye, and

said, in a low reproachful voice, "Do you hear that? Be grateful."

"Especially," said Mr. Pumblechook, "be grateful, boy, to them which

brought you up by hand."

Mrs. Hubble shook her head, and contemplating me with a mournful

presentiment that I should come to no good, asked, "Why is it that

the young are never grateful?" This moral mystery seemed too much

for the company until Mr. Hubble tersely solved it by saying,

"Naterally wicious." Everybody then murmured "True!" and looked at

me in a particularly unpleasant and personal manner.

Joe's station and influence were something feebler (if possible)

when there was company, than when there was none. But he always

aided and comforted me when he could, in some way of his own, and

he always did so at dinner-time by giving me gravy, if there were

any. There being plenty of gravy to-day, Joe spooned into my plate,

at this point, about half a pint.

A little later on in the dinner, Mr. Wopsle reviewed the sermon with

some severity, and intimated - in the usual hypothetical case of

the Church being "thrown open" - what kind of sermon he would have

given them. After favouring them with some heads of that discourse,

he remarked that he considered the subject of the day's homily,

ill-chosen; which was the less excusable, he added, when there were

so many subjects "going about."

"True again," said Uncle Pumblechook. "You've hit it, sir! Plenty of

subjects going about, for them that know how to put salt upon their

tails. That's what's wanted. A man needn't go far to find a

subject, if he's ready with his salt-box." Mr. Pumblechook added,

after a short interval of reflection, "Look at Pork alone. There's

a subject! If you want a subject, look at Pork!"

"True, sir. Many a moral for the young," returned Mr. Wopsle; and I

knew he was going to lug me in, before he said it; "might be

deduced from that text."

("You listen to this," said my sister to me, in a severe

parenthesis.)

Joe gave me some more gravy.

"Swine," pursued Mr. Wopsle, in his deepest voice, and pointing his

fork at my blushes, as if he were mentioning my Christian name;

"Swine were the companions of the prodigal. The gluttony of Swine

is put before us, as an example to the young." (I thought this

pretty well in him who had been praising up the pork for being so

plump and juicy.) "What is detestable in a pig, is more detestable

in a boy."

"Or girl," suggested Mr. Hubble.

"Of course, or girl, Mr. Hubble," assented Mr. Wopsle, rather

irritably, "but there is no girl present."

"Besides," said Mr. Pumblechook, turning sharp on me, "think what

you've got to be grateful for. If you'd been born a Squeaker--"

"He was, if ever a child was," said my sister, most emphatically.

Joe gave me some more gravy.

"Well, but I mean a four-footed Squeaker," said Mr. Pumblechook. "If

you had been born such, would you have been here now? Not you--"

"Unless in that form," said Mr. Wopsle, nodding towards the dish.

"But I don't mean in that form, sir," returned Mr. Pumblechook, who

had an objection to being interrupted; "I mean, enjoying himself

with his elders and betters, and improving himself with their

conversation, and rolling in the lap of luxury. Would he have been

doing that? No, he wouldn't. And what would have been your

destination?" turning on me again. "You would have been disposed of

for so many shillings according to the market price of the article,

and Dunstable the butcher would have come up to you as you lay in

your straw, and he would have whipped you under his left arm, and

with his right he would have tucked up his frock to get a penknife

from out of his waistcoat-pocket, and he would have shed your

blood and had your life. No bringing up by hand then. Not a bit of

it!"

Joe offered me more gravy, which I was afraid to take.

"He was a world of trouble to you, ma'am," said Mrs. Hubble,

commiserating my sister.

"Trouble?" echoed my sister; "trouble?" and then entered on a

fearful catalogue of all the illnesses I had been guilty of, and

all the acts of sleeplessness I had committed, and all the high

places I had tumbled from, and all the low places I had tumbled

into, and all the injuries I had done myself, and all the times she

had wished me in my grave, and I had contumaciously refused to go

there.

I think the Romans must have aggravated one another very much, with

their noses. Perhaps, they became the restless people they were, in

consequence. Anyhow, Mr. Wopsle's Roman nose so aggravated me,

during the recital of my misdemeanours, that I should have liked to

pull it until he howled. But, all I had endured up to this time,

was nothing in comparison with the awful feelings that took

possession of me when the pause was broken which ensued upon my

sister's recital, and in which pause everybody had looked at me (as

I felt painfully conscious) with indignation and abhorrence.

"Yet," said Mr. Pumblechook, leading the company gently back to the

theme from which they had strayed, "Pork - regarded as biled - is

rich, too; ain't it?"

"Have a little brandy, uncle," said my sister.

O Heavens, it had come at last! He would find it was weak, he would

say it was weak, and I was lost! I held tight to the leg of the

table under the cloth, with both hands, and awaited my fate.

My sister went for the stone bottle, came back with the stone

bottle, and poured his brandy out: no one else taking any. The

wretched man trifled with his glass - took it up, looked at it

through the light, put it down - prolonged my misery. All this

time, Mrs. Joe and Joe were briskly clearing the table for the pie

and pudding.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him. Always holding tight by the leg of

the table with my hands and feet, I saw the miserable creature

finger his glass playfully, take it up, smile, throw his head back,

and drink the brandy off. Instantly afterwards, the company were

seized with unspeakable consternation, owing to his springing to

his feet, turning round several times in an appalling spasmodic

whooping-cough dance, and rushing out at the door; he then became

visible through the window, violently plunging and expectorating,

making the most hideous faces, and apparently out of his mind.

I held on tight, while Mrs. Joe and Joe ran to him. I didn't know

how I had done it, but I had no doubt I had murdered him somehow.

In my dreadful situation, it was a relief when he was brought back,

and, surveying the company all round as if they had disagreed with

him, sank down into his chair with the one significant gasp, "Tar!"

I had filled up the bottle from the tar-water jug. I knew he would

be worse by-and-by. I moved the table, like a Medium of the present

day, by the vigour of my unseen hold upon it.

"Tar!" cried my sister, in amazement. "Why, how ever could Tar come

there?"

But, Uncle Pumblechook, who was omnipotent in that kitchen,

wouldn't hear the word, wouldn't hear of the subject, imperiously

waved it all away with his hand, and asked for hot gin-and-water.

My sister, who had begun to be alarmingly meditative, had to employ

herself actively in getting the gin, the hot water, the sugar, and

the lemon-peel, and mixing them. For the time being at least, I was

saved. I still held on to the leg of the table, but clutched it now

with the fervour of gratitude.

By degrees, I became calm enough to release my grasp and partake of

pudding. Mr. Pumblechook partook of pudding. All partook of pudding.

The course terminated, and Mr. Pumblechook had begun to beam under

the genial influence of gin-and-water. I began to think I should

get over the day, when my sister said to Joe, "Clean plates -

cold."

I clutched the leg of the table again immediately, and pressed it

to my bosom as if it had been the companion of my youth and friend

of my soul. I foresaw what was coming, and I felt that this time I

really was gone.

"You must taste," said my sister, addressing the guests with her

best grace, "You must taste, to finish with, such a delightful and

delicious present of Uncle Pumblechook's!"

Must they! Let them not hope to taste it!

"You must know," said my sister, rising, "it's a pie; a savoury

pork pie."

The company murmured their compliments. Uncle Pumblechook, sensible

of having deserved well of his fellow-creatures, said - quite

vivaciously, all things considered - "Well, Mrs. Joe, we'll do our

best endeavours; let us have a cut at this same pie."

My sister went out to get it. I heard her steps proceed to the

pantry. I saw Mr. Pumblechook balance his knife. I saw re-awakening

appetite in the Roman nostrils of Mr. Wopsle. I heard Mr. Hubble

remark that "a bit of savoury pork pie would lay atop of anything

you could mention, and do no harm," and I heard Joe say, "You shall

have some, Pip." I have never been absolutely certain whether I

uttered a shrill yell of terror, merely in spirit, or in the bodily

hearing of the company. I felt that I could bear no more, and that

I must run away. I released the leg of the table, and ran for my

life.

But, I ran no further than the house door, for there I ran head

foremost into a party of soldiers with their muskets: one of whom

held out a pair of handcuffs to me, saying, "Here you are, look

sharp, come on!"

 

Chapter 5

The apparition of a file of soldiers ringing down the butt-ends of

their loaded muskets on our door-step, caused the dinner-party to

rise from table in confusion, and caused Mrs. Joe re-entering the

kitchen empty-handed, to stop short and stare, in her wondering

lament of "Gracious goodness gracious me, what's gone - with the -

pie!"

The sergeant and I were in the kitchen when Mrs. Joe stood staring;

at which crisis I partially recovered the use of my senses. It was

the sergeant who had spoken to me, and he was now looking round at

the company, with his handcuffs invitingly extended towards them in

his right hand, and his left on my shoulder.

"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman," said the sergeant, "but as I

have mentioned at the door to this smart young shaver" (which he

hadn't), "I am on a chase in the name of the king, and I want the

blacksmith."

"And pray what might you want with him?" retorted my sister, quick

to resent his being wanted at all.

"Missis," returned the gallant sergeant, "speaking for myself, I

should reply, the honour and pleasure of his fine wife's

acquaintance; speaking for the king, I answer, a little job done."

This was received as rather neat in the sergeant; insomuch that Mr

Pumblechook cried audibly, "Good again!"

"You see, blacksmith," said the sergeant, who had by this time

picked out Joe with his eye, "we have had an accident with these,

and I find the lock of one of 'em goes wrong, and the coupling

don't act pretty. As they are wanted for immediate service, will

you throw your eye over them?"

Joe threw his eye over them, and pronounced that the job would

necessitate the lighting of his forge fire, and would take nearer

two hours than one, "Will it? Then will you set about it at once,

blacksmith?" said the off-hand sergeant, "as it's on his Majesty's

service. And if my men can beat a hand anywhere, they'll make

themselves useful." With that, he called to his men, who came

trooping into the kitchen one after another, and piled their arms

in a corner. And then they stood about, as soldiers do; now, with

their hands loosely clasped before them; now, resting a knee or a

shoulder; now, easing a belt or a pouch; now, opening the door to

spit stiffly over their high stocks, out into the yard.

All these things I saw without then knowing that I saw them, for I

was in an agony of apprehension. But, beginning to perceive that

the handcuffs were not for me, and that the military had so far got

the better of the pie as to put it in the background, I collected a

little more of my scattered wits.

"Would you give me the Time?" said the sergeant, addressing himself

to Mr. Pumblechook, as to a man whose appreciative powers justified

the inference that he was equal to the time.

"It's just gone half-past two."

"That's not so bad," said the sergeant, reflecting; "even if I was

forced to halt here nigh two hours, that'll do. How far might you

call yourselves from the marshes, hereabouts? Not above a mile, I

reckon?"

"Just a mile," said Mrs. Joe.

"That'll do. We begin to close in upon 'em about dusk. A little

before dusk, my orders are. That'll do."

"Convicts, sergeant?" asked Mr. Wopsle, in a matter-of-course way.

"Ay!" returned the sergeant, "two. They're pretty well known to be

out on the marshes still, and they won't try to get clear of 'em

before dusk. Anybody here seen anything of any such game?"

Everybody, myself excepted, said no, with confidence. Nobody

thought of me.

"Well!" said the sergeant, "they'll find themselves trapped in a

circle, I expect, sooner than they count on. Now, blacksmith! If

you're ready, his Majesty the King is."

Joe had got his coat and waistcoat and cravat off, and his leather

apron on, and passed into the forge. One of the soldiers opened its

wooden windows, another lighted the fire, another turned to at

the bellows, the rest stood round the blaze, which was soon

roaring. Then Joe began to hammer and clink, hammer and clink, and

we all looked on.

The interest of the impending pursuit not only absorbed the general

attention, but even made my sister liberal. She drew a pitcher of

beer from the cask, for the soldiers, and invited the sergeant to

take a glass of brandy. But Mr. Pumblechook said, sharply, "Give him

wine, Mum. I'll engage there's no Tar in that:" so, the sergeant

thanked him and said that as he preferred his drink without tar, he

would take wine, if it was equally convenient. When it was given

him, he drank his Majesty's health and Compliments of the Season,

and took it all at a mouthful and smacked his lips.

"Good stuff, eh, sergeant?" said Mr. Pumblechook.

"I'll tell you something," returned the sergeant; "I suspect that

stuff's of your providing."

Mr. Pumblechook, with a fat sort of laugh, said, "Ay, ay? Why?"

"Because," returned the sergeant, clapping him on the shoulder,

"you're a man that knows what's what."

"D'ye think so?" said Mr. Pumblechook, with his former laugh. "Have

another glass!"

"With you. Hob and nob," returned the sergeant. "The top of mine to

the foot of yours - the foot of yours to the top of mine - Ring

once, ring twice - the best tune on the Musical Glasses! Your

health. May you live a thousand years, and never be a worse judge

of the right sort than you are at the present moment of your life!"

The sergeant tossed off his glass again and seemed quite ready for

another glass. I noticed that Mr. Pumblechook in his hospitality

appeared to forget that he had made a present of the wine, but took

the bottle from Mrs. Joe and had all the credit of handing it about

in a gush of joviality. Even I got some. And he was so very free of

the wine that he even called for the other bottle, and handed that

about with the same liberality, when the first was gone.

As I watched them while they all stood clustering about the forge,

enjoying themselves so much, I thought what terrible good sauce for

a dinner my fugitive friend on the marshes was. They had not

enjoyed themselves a quarter so much, before the entertainment was

brightened with the excitement he furnished. And now, when they

were all in lively anticipation of "the two villains" being taken,

and when the bellows seemed to roar for the fugitives, the fire to

flare for them, the smoke to hurry away in pursuit of them, Joe to

hammer and clink for them, and all the murky shadows on the wall to

shake at them in menace as the blaze rose and sank and the red-hot

sparks dropped and died, the pale after-noon outside, almost seemed

in my pitying young fancy to have turned pale on their account,

poor wretches.

At last, Joe's job was done, and the ringing and roaring stopped.

As Joe got on his coat, he mustered courage to propose that some of

us should go down with the soldiers and see what came of the hunt.

Mr. Pumblechook and Mr. Hubble declined, on the plea of a pipe and

ladies' society; but Mr. Wopsle said he would go, if Joe would. Joe

said he was agreeable, and would take me, if Mrs. Joe approved. We

never should have got leave to go, I am sure, but for Mrs. Joe's

curiosity to know all about it and how it ended. As it was, she

merely stipulated, "If you bring the boy back with his head blown

to bits by a musket, don't look to me to put it together again."

The sergeant took a polite leave of the ladies, and parted from Mr.

Pumblechook as from a comrade; though I doubt if he were quite as

fully sensible of that gentleman's merits under arid conditions, as

when something moist was going. His men resumed their muskets and

fell in. Mr. Wopsle, Joe, and I, received strict charge to keep in

the rear, and to speak no word after we reached the marshes. When

we were all out in the raw air and were steadily moving towards our

business, I treasonably whispered to Joe, "I hope, Joe, we shan't

find them." and Joe whispered to me, "I'd give a shilling if they

had cut and run, Pip."

We were joined by no stragglers from the village, for the weather

was cold and threatening, the way dreary, the footing bad, darkness

coming on, and the people had good fires in-doors and were keeping

the day. A few faces hurried to glowing windows and looked after

us, but none came out. We passed the finger-post, and held straight

on to the churchyard. There, we were stopped a few minutes by a

signal from the sergeant's hand, while two or three of his men

dispersed themselves among the graves, and also examined the porch.

They came in again without finding anything, and then we struck out

on the open marshes, through the gate at the side of the

churchyard. A bitter sleet came rattling against us here on the

east wind, and Joe took me on his back.

Now that we were out upon the dismal wilderness where they little

thought I had been within eight or nine hours and had seen both men

hiding, I considered for the first time, with great dread, if we

should come upon them, would my particular convict suppose that it

was I who had brought the soldiers there? He had asked me if I was

a deceiving imp, and he had said I should be a fierce young hound

if I joined the hunt against him. Would he believe that I was both

imp and hound in treacherous earnest, and had betrayed him?

It was of no use asking myself this question now. There I was, on

Joe's back, and there was Joe beneath me, charging at the ditches

like a hunter, and stimulating Mr. Wopsle not to tumble on his Roman

nose, and to keep up with us. The soldiers were in front of us,

extending into a pretty wide line with an interval between man and

man. We were taking the course I had begun with, and from which I

had diverged in the mist. Either the mist was not out again yet, or

the wind had dispelled it. Under the low red glare of sunset, the

beacon, and the gibbet, and the mound of the Battery, and the

opposite shore of the river, were plain, though all of a watery

lead colour.

With my heart thumping like a blacksmith at Joe's broad shoulder, I

looked all about for any sign of the convicts. I could see none, I

could hear none. Mr. Wopsle had greatly alarmed me more than once,

by his blowing and hard breathing; but I knew the sounds by this

time, and could dissociate them from the object of pursuit. I got a

dreadful start, when I thought I heard the file still going; but it

was only a sheep bell. The sheep stopped in their eating and looked

timidly at us; and the cattle, their heads turned from the wind and

sleet, stared angrily as if they held us responsible for both

annoyances; but, except these things, and the shudder of the dying

day in every blade of grass, there was no break in the bleak

stillness of the marshes.

The soldiers were moving on in the direction of the old Battery,

and we were moving on a little way behind them, when, all of a

sudden, we all stopped. For, there had reached us on the wings of

the wind and rain, a long shout. It was repeated. It was at a

distance towards the east, but it was long and loud. Nay, there

seemed to be two or more shouts raised together - if one might

judge from a confusion in the sound.

To this effect the sergeant and the nearest men were speaking under

their breath, when Joe and I came up. After another moment's

listening, Joe (who was a good judge) agreed, and Mr. Wopsle (who

was a bad judge) agreed. The sergeant, a decisive man, ordered that

the sound should not be answered, but that the course should be

changed, and that his men should make towards it "at the double."

So we slanted to the right (where the East was), and Joe pounded

away so wonderfully, that I had to hold on tight to keep my seat.

It was a run indeed now, and what Joe called, in the only two words

he spoke all the time, "a Winder." Down banks and up banks, and

over gates, and splashing into dykes, and breaking among coarse

rushes: no man cared where he went. As we came nearer to the

shouting, it became more and more apparent that it was made by more

than one voice. Sometimes, it seemed to stop altogether, and then

the soldiers stopped. When it broke out again, the soldiers made

for it at a greater rate than ever, and we after them. After a

while, we had so run it down, that we could hear one voice calling

"Murder!" and another voice, "Convicts! Runaways! Guard! This way

for the runaway convicts!" Then both voices would seem to be

stifled in a struggle, and then would break out again. And when it

had come to this, the soldiers ran like deer, and Joe too.

The sergeant ran in first, when we had run the noise quite down,

and two of his men ran in close upon him. Their pieces were cocked

and levelled when we all ran in.

"Here are both men!" panted the sergeant, struggling at the bottom

of a ditch. "Surrender, you two! and confound you for two wild

beasts! Come asunder!"

Water was splashing, and mud was flying, and oaths were being

sworn, and blows were being struck, when some more men went down

into the ditch to help the sergeant, and dragged out, separately,

my convict and the other one. Both were bleeding and panting and

execrating and struggling; but of course I knew them both directly.

"Mind!" said my convict, wiping blood from his face with his ragged

sleeves, and shaking torn hair from his fingers: "I took him! I give

him up to you! Mind that!"

"It's not much to be particular about," said the sergeant; "it'll do

you small good, my man, being in the same plight yourself.

Handcuffs there!"

"I don't expect it to do me any good. I don't want it to do me more

good than it does now," said my convict, with a greedy laugh. "I

took him. He knows it. That's enough for me."

The other convict was livid to look at, and, in addition to the old

bruised left side of his face, seemed to be bruised and torn all

over. He could not so much as get his breath to speak, until they

were both separately handcuffed, but leaned upon a soldier to keep

himself from falling.

"Take notice, guard - he tried to murder me," were his first words.

"Tried to murder him?" said my convict, disdainfully. "Try, and not

do it? I took him, and giv' him up; that's what I done. I not only

prevented him getting off the marshes, but I dragged him here -

dragged him this far on his way back. He's a gentleman, if you

please, this villain. Now, the Hulks has got its gentleman again,

through me. Murder him? Worth my while, too, to murder him, when I

could do worse and drag him back!"

The other one still gasped, "He tried - he tried - to - murder me.

Bear - bear witness."

"Lookee here!" said my convict to the sergeant. "Single-handed I

got clear of the prison-ship; I made a dash and I done it. I could

ha' got clear of these death-cold flats likewise - look at my leg:

you won't find much iron on it - if I hadn't made the discovery that

he was here. Let him go free? Let him profit by the means as I found

out? Let him make a tool of me afresh and again? Once more? No, no,

no. If I had died at the bottom there;" and he made an emphatic

swing at the ditch with his manacled hands; "I'd have held to him

with that grip, that you should have been safe to find him in my

hold."

The other fugitive, who was evidently in extreme horror of his

companion, repeated, "He tried to murder me. I should have been a

dead man if you had not come up."

"He lies!" said my convict, with fierce energy. "He's a liar born,

and he'll die a liar. Look at his face; ain't it written there? Let

him turn those eyes of his on me. I defy him to do it."

The other, with an effort at a scornful smile - which could not,

however, collect the nervous working of his mouth into any set

expression - looked at the soldiers, and looked about at the

marshes and at the sky, but certainly did not look at the speaker.

"Do you see him?" pursued my convict. "Do you see what a villain he

is? Do you see those grovelling and wandering eyes? That's how he

looked when we were tried together. He never looked at me."

The other, always working and working his dry lips and turning his

eyes restlessly about him far and near, did at last turn them for a

moment on the speaker, with the words, "You are not much to look

at," and with a half-taunting glance at the bound hands. At that

point, my convict became so frantically exasperated, that he would

have rushed upon him but for the interposition of the soldiers.

"Didn't I tell you," said the other convict then, "that he would

murder me, if he could?" And any one could see that he shook with

fear, and that there broke out upon his lips, curious white flakes,

like thin snow.

"Enough of this parley," said the sergeant. "Light those torches."

As one of the soldiers, who carried a basket in lieu of a gun, went

down on his knee to open it, my convict looked round him for the

first time, and saw me. I had alighted from Joe's back on the brink

of the ditch when we came up, and had not moved since. I looked at

him eagerly when he looked at me, and slightly moved my hands and

shook my head. I had been waiting for him to see me, that I might

try to assure him of my innocence. It was not at all expressed to

me that he even comprehended my intention, for he gave me a look

that I did not understand, and it all passed in a moment. But if he

had looked at me for an hour or for a day, I could not have

remembered his face ever afterwards, as having been more attentive.

The soldier with the basket soon got a light, and lighted three or

four torches, and took one himself and distributed the others. It

had been almost dark before, but now it seemed quite dark, and soon

afterwards very dark. Before we departed from that spot, four

soldiers standing in a ring, fired twice into the air. Presently we

saw other torches kindled at some distance behind us, and others on

the marshes on the opposite bank of the river. "All right," said

the sergeant. "March."

We had not gone far when three cannon were fired ahead of us with a

sound that seemed to burst something inside my ear. "You are

expected on board," said the sergeant to my convict; "they know you

are coming. Don't straggle, my man. Close up here."

The two were kept apart, and each walked surrounded by a separate

guard. I had hold of Joe's hand now, and Joe carried one of the

torches. Mr. Wopsle had been for going back, but Joe was resolved to

see it out, so we went on with the party. There was a reasonably

good path now, mostly on the edge of the river, with a divergence

here and there where a dyke came, with a miniature windmill on it

and a muddy sluice-gate. When I looked round, I could see the other

lights coming in after us. The torches we carried, dropped great

blotches of fire upon the track, and I could see those, too, lying

smoking and flaring. I could see nothing else but black darkness.

Our lights warmed the air about us with their pitchy blaze, and the

two prisoners seemed rather to like that, as they limped along in

the midst of the muskets. We could not go fast, because of their

lameness; and they were so spent, that two or three times we had to

halt while they rested.

After an hour or so of this travelling, we came to a rough wooden

hut and a landing-place. There was a guard in the hut, and they

challenged, and the sergeant answered. Then, we went into the hut

where there was a smell of tobacco and whitewash, and a bright

fire, and a lamp, and a stand of muskets, and a drum, and a low

wooden bedstead, like an overgrown mangle without the machinery,

capable of holding about a dozen soldiers all at once. Three or

four soldiers who lay upon it in their great-coats, were not much

interested in us, but just lifted their heads and took a sleepy

stare, and then lay down again. The sergeant made some kind of

report, and some entry in a book, and then the convict whom I call

the other convict was drafted off with his guard, to go on board

first.

My convict never looked at me, except that once. While we stood in

the hut, he stood before the fire looking thoughtfully at it, or

putting up his feet by turns upon the hob, and looking thoughtfully

at them as if he pitied them for their recent adventures. Suddenly,

he turned to the sergeant, and remarked:

"I wish to say something respecting this escape. It may prevent

some persons laying under suspicion alonger me."

"You can say what you like," returned the sergeant, standing coolly

looking at him with his arms folded, "but you have no call to say

it here. You'll have opportunity enough to say about it, and hear

about it, before it's done with, you know."

"I know, but this is another pint, a separate matter. A man can't

starve; at least I can't. I took some wittles, up at the willage

over yonder - where the church stands a'most out on the marshes."

"You mean stole," said the sergeant.

"And I'll tell you where from. From the blacksmith's."

"Halloa!" said the sergeant, staring at Joe.

"Halloa, Pip!" said Joe, staring at me.

"It was some broken wittles - that's what it was - and a dram of

liquor, and a pie."

"Have you happened to miss such an article as a pie, blacksmith?"

asked the sergeant, confidentially.

"My wife did, at the very moment when you came in. Don't you know,

Pip?"

"So," said my convict, turning his eyes on Joe in a moody manner,

and without the least glance at me; "so you're the blacksmith, are

you? Than I'm sorry to say, I've eat your pie."

"God knows you're welcome to it - so far as it was ever mine,"

returned Joe, with a saving remembrance of Mrs. Joe. "We don't know

what you have done, but we wouldn't have you starved to death for

it, poor miserable fellow-creatur. - Would us, Pip?"

The something that I had noticed before, clicked in the man's

throat again, and he turned his back. The boat had returned, and

his guard were ready, so we followed him to the landing-place made

of rough stakes and stones, and saw him put into the boat, which

was rowed by a crew of convicts like himself. No one seemed

surprised to see him, or interested in seeing him, or glad to see

him, or sorry to see him, or spoke a word, except that somebody in

the boat growled as if to dogs, "Give way, you!" which was the

signal for the dip of the oars. By the light of the torches, we saw

the black Hulk lying out a little way from the mud of the shore, like

a wicked Noah's ark. Cribbed and barred and moored by massive rusty

chains, the prison-ship seemed in my young eyes to be ironed like

the prisoners. We saw the boat go alongside, and we saw him taken

up the side and disappear. Then, the ends of the torches were flung

hissing into the water, and went out, as if it were all over with

him.

 

Chapter 6

My state of mind regarding the pilfering from which I had been so

unexpectedly exonerated, did not impel me to frank disclosure; but

I hope it had some dregs of good at the bottom of it.

I do not recall that I felt any tenderness of conscience in

reference to Mrs. Joe, when the fear of being found out was lifted

off me. But I loved Joe - perhaps for no better reason in those

early days than because the dear fellow let me love him - and, as

to him, my inner self was not so easily composed. It was much upon

my mind (particularly when I first saw him looking about for his

file) that I ought to tell Joe the whole truth. Yet I did not, and

for the reason that I mistrusted that if I did, he would think me

worse than I was. The fear of losing Joe's confidence, and of

thenceforth sitting in the chimney-corner at night staring drearily

at my for ever lost companion and friend, tied up my tongue. I

morbidly represented to myself that if Joe knew it, I never

afterwards could see him at the fireside feeling his fair whisker,

without thinking that he was meditating on it. That, if Joe knew

it, I never afterwards could see him glance, however casually, at

yesterday's meat or pudding when it came on to-day's table, without

thinking that he was debating whether I had been in the pantry.

That, if Joe knew it, and at any subsequent period of our joint

domestic life remarked that his beer was flat or thick, the

conviction that he suspected Tar in it, would bring a rush of blood

to my face. In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be

right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be

wrong. I had had no intercourse with the world at that time, and I

imitated none of its many inhabitants who act in this manner. Quite

an untaught genius, I made the discovery of the line of action for

myself.

As I was sleepy before we were far away from the prison-ship, Joe

took me on his back again and carried me home. He must have had a

tiresome journey of it, for Mr. Wopsle, being knocked up, was in

such a very bad temper that if the Church had been thrown open, he

would probably have excommunicated the whole expedition, beginning

with Joe and myself. In his lay capacity, he persisted in sitting

down in the damp to such an insane extent, that when his coat was

taken off to be dried at the kitchen fire, the circumstantial

evidence on his trousers would have hanged him if it had been a

capital offence.

By that time, I was staggering on the kitchen floor like a little

drunkard, through having been newly set upon my feet, and through

having been fast asleep, and through waking in the heat and lights

and noise of tongues. As I came to myself (with the aid of a heavy

thump between the shoulders, and the restorative exclamation "Yah!

Was there ever such a boy as this!" from my sister), I found Joe

telling them about the convict's confession, and all the visitors

suggesting different ways by which he had got into the pantry. Mr.

Pumblechook made out, after carefully surveying the premises, that

he had first got upon the roof of the forge, and had then got upon

the roof of the house, and had then let himself down the kitchen

chimney by a rope made of his bedding cut into strips; and as Mr.

Pumblechook was very positive and drove his own chaise-cart - over

everybody - it was agreed that it must be so. Mr. Wopsle, indeed,

wildly cried out "No!" with the feeble malice of a tired man; but,

as he had no theory, and no coat on, he was unanimously set at

nought - not to mention his smoking hard behind, as he stood with

his back to the kitchen fire to draw the damp out: which was not

calculated to inspire confidence.

This was all I heard that night before my sister clutched me, as a

slumberous offence to the company's eyesight, and assisted me up to

bed with such a strong hand that I seemed to have fifty boots on,

and to be dangling them all against the edges of the stairs. My

state of mind, as I have described it, began before I was up in the

morning, and lasted long after the subject had died out, and had

ceased to be mentioned saving on exceptional occasions.

 

Chapter 7

At the time when I stood in the churchyard, reading the family

tombstones, I had just enough learning to be able to spell them

out. My construction even of their simple meaning was not very

correct, for I read "wife of the Above" as a complimentary

reference to my father's exaltation to a better world; and if any

one of my deceased relations had been referred to as "Below," I

have no doubt I should have formed the worst opinions of that

member of the family. Neither, were my notions of the theological

positions to which my Catechism bound me, at all accurate; for, I

have a lively remembrance that I supposed my declaration that I was

to "walk in the same all the days of my life," laid me under an

obligation always to go through the village from our house in one

particular direction, and never to vary it by turning down by the

wheelwright's or up by the mill.

When I was old enough, I was to be apprenticed to Joe, and until I

could assume that dignity I was not to be what Mrs. Joe called

"Pompeyed," or (as I render it) pampered. Therefore, I was not only

odd-boy about the forge, but if any neighbour happened to want an

extra boy to frighten birds, or pick up stones, or do any such job,

I was favoured with the employment. In order, however, that our

superior position might not be compromised thereby, a money-box was

kept on the kitchen mantel-shelf, in to which it was publicly made

known that all my earnings were dropped. I have an impression that

they were to be contributed eventually towards the liquidation of

the National Debt, but I know I had no hope of any personal

participation in the treasure.

Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt kept an evening school in the village; that

is to say, she was a ridiculous old woman of limited means and

unlimited infirmity, who used to go to sleep from six to seven

every evening, in the society of youth who paid twopence per week

each, for the improving opportunity of seeing her do it. She rented

a small cottage, and Mr. Wopsle had the room up-stairs, where we

students used to overhear him reading aloud in a most dignified and

terrific manner, and occasionally bumping on the ceiling. There was

a fiction that Mr. Wopsle "examined" the scholars, once a quarter.

What he did on those occasions was to turn up his cuffs, stick up

his hair, and give us Mark Antony's oration over the body of

Caesar. This was always followed by Collins's Ode on the Passions,

wherein I particularly venerated Mr. Wopsle as Revenge, throwing his

blood-stained sword in thunder down, and taking the War-denouncing

trumpet with a withering look. It was not with me then, as it was

in later life, when I fell into the society of the Passions, and

compared them with Collins and Wopsle, rather to the disadvantage

of both gentlemen.

Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt, besides keeping this Educational

Institution, kept - in the same room - a little general shop. She

had no idea what stock she had, or what the price of anything in it

was; but there was a little greasy memorandum-book kept in a

drawer, which served as a Catalogue of Prices, and by this oracle

Biddy arranged all the shop transaction. Biddy was Mr. Wopsle's

great-aunt's granddaughter; I confess myself quiet unequal to the

working out of the problem, what relation she was to Mr. Wopsle. She

was an orphan like myself; like me, too, had been brought up by

hand. She was most noticeable, I thought, in respect of her

extremities; for, her hair always wanted brushing, her hands always

wanted washing, and her shoes always wanted mending and pulling up

at heel. This description must be received with a week-day

limitation. On Sundays, she went to church elaborated.

Much of my unassisted self, and more by the help of Biddy than of

Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt, I struggled through the alphabet as if it

had been a bramble-bush; getting considerably worried and scratched

by every letter. After that, I fell among those thieves, the nine

figures, who seemed every evening to do something new to disguise

themselves and baffle recognition. But, at last I began, in a

purblind groping way, to read, write, and cipher, on the very

smallest scale.

One night, I was sitting in the chimney-corner with my slate,

expending great efforts on the production of a letter to Joe. I

think it must have been a fully year after our hunt upon the

marshes, for it was a long time after, and it was winter and a hard

frost. With an alphabet on the hearth at my feet for reference, I

contrived in an hour or two to print and smear this epistle:

"MI DEER JO i OPE U R KR WITE WELL i OPE i SHAL SON B HABELL 4 2

TEEDGE U JO AN THEN WE SHORL B SO GLODD AN WEN i M PRENGTD 2 U JO

WOT LARX AN BLEVE ME INF XN PIP."

There was no indispensable necessity for my communicating with Joe

by letter, inasmuch as he sat beside me and we were alone. But, I

delivered this written communication (slate and all) with my own

hand, and Joe received it as a miracle of erudition.

"I say, Pip, old chap!" cried Joe, opening his blue eyes wide,

"what a scholar you are! An't you?"

"I should like to be," said I, glancing at the slate as he held it:

with a misgiving that the writing was rather hilly.

"Why, here's a J," said Joe, "and a O equal to anythink! Here's a J

and a O, Pip, and a J-O, Joe."

I had never heard Joe read aloud to any greater extent than this

monosyllable, and I had observed at church last Sunday when I

accidentally held our Prayer-Book upside down, that it seemed to

suit his convenience quite as well as if it had been all right.

Wishing to embrace the present occasion of finding out whether in

teaching Joe, I should have to begin quite at the beginning, I

said, "Ah! But read the rest, Jo."

"The rest, eh, Pip?" said Joe, looking at it with a slowly

searching eye, "One, two, three. Why, here's three Js, and three

Os, and three J-O, Joes in it, Pip!"

I leaned over Joe, and, with the aid of my forefinger, read him the

whole letter.

"Astonishing!" said Joe, when I had finished. "You ARE a scholar."

"How do you spell Gargery, Joe?" I asked him, with a modest

patronage.

"I don't spell it at all," said Joe.

"But supposing you did?"

"It can't be supposed," said Joe. "Tho' I'm oncommon fond of

reading, too."

"Are you, Joe?"

"On-common. Give me," said Joe, "a good book, or a good newspaper,

and sit me down afore a good fire, and I ask no better. Lord!" he

continued, after rubbing his knees a little, "when you do come to a

J and a O, and says you, "Here, at last, is a J-O, Joe," how

interesting reading is!"

I derived from this last, that Joe's education, like Steam, was yet

in its infancy, Pursuing the subject, I inquired:

"Didn't you ever go to school, Joe, when you were as little as me?"

"No, Pip."

"Why didn't you ever go to school, Joe, when you were as little as

me?"

"Well, Pip," said Joe, taking up the poker, and settling himself to

his usual occupation when he was thoughtful, of slowly raking the

fire between the lower bars: "I'll tell you. My father, Pip, he

were given to drink, and when he were overtook with drink, he

hammered away at my mother, most onmerciful. It were a'most the

only hammering he did, indeed, 'xcepting at myself. And he hammered

at me with a wigour only to be equalled by the wigour with which he

didn't hammer at his anwil. - You're a-listening and understanding,

Pip?"

"Yes, Joe."

"'Consequence, my mother and me we ran away from my father,

several times; and then my mother she'd go out to work, and she'd

say, "Joe," she'd say, "now, please God, you shall have some

schooling, child," and she'd put me to school. But my father were

that good in his hart that he couldn't abear to be without us. So,

he'd come with a most tremenjous crowd and make such a row at the

doors of the houses where we was, that they used to be obligated to

have no more to do with us and to give us up to him. And then he

took us home and hammered us. Which, you see, Pip," said Joe,

pausing in his meditative raking of the fire, and looking at me,

"were a drawback on my learning."

"Certainly, poor Joe!"

"Though mind you, Pip," said Joe, with a judicial touch or two of

the poker on the top bar, "rendering unto all their doo, and

maintaining equal justice betwixt man and man, my father were that

good in his hart, don't you see?"

I didn't see; but I didn't say so.

"Well!" Joe pursued, "somebody must keep the pot a biling, Pip, or

the pot won't bile, don't you know?"

I saw that, and said so.

"'Consequence, my father didn't make objections to my going to

work; so I went to work to work at my present calling, which were

his too, if he would have followed it, and I worked tolerable hard,

I assure you, Pip. In time I were able to keep him, and I kept him

till he went off in a purple leptic fit. And it were my intentions

to have had put upon his tombstone that Whatsume'er the failings on

his part, Remember reader he were that good in his hart."

Joe recited this couplet with such manifest pride and careful

perspicuity, that I asked him if he had made it himself.

"I made it," said Joe, "my own self. I made it in a moment. It was

like striking out a horseshoe complete, in a single blow. I never

was so much surprised in all my life - couldn't credit my own ed -

to tell you the truth, hardly believed it were my own ed. As I was

saying, Pip, it were my intentions to have had it cut over him; but

poetry costs money, cut it how you will, small or large, and it

were not done. Not to mention bearers, all the money that could be

spared were wanted for my mother. She were in poor elth, and quite

broke. She weren't long of following, poor soul, and her share of

peace come round at last."

Joe's blue eyes turned a little watery; he rubbed, first one of

them, and then the other, in a most uncongenial and uncomfortable

manner, with the round knob on the top of the poker.

"It were but lonesome then," said Joe, "living here alone, and I

got acquainted with your sister. Now, Pip;" Joe looked firmly at

me, as if he knew I was not going to agree with him; "your sister

is a fine figure of a woman."

I could not help looking at the fire, in an obvious state of doubt.

"Whatever family opinions, or whatever the world's opinions, on

that subject may be, Pip, your sister is," Joe tapped the top bar

with the poker after every word following, "a - fine - figure - of

- a - woman!"

I could think of nothing better to say than "I am glad you think

so, Joe."

"So am I," returned Joe, catching me up. "I am glad I think so,

Pip. A little redness or a little matter of Bone, here or there,

what does it signify to Me?"

I sagaciously observed, if it didn't signify to him, to whom did it

signify?

"Certainly!" assented Joe. "That's it. You're right, old chap! When

I got acquainted with your sister, it were the talk how she was

bringing you up by hand. Very kind of her too, all the folks said,

and I said, along with all the folks. As to you," Joe pursued with

a countenance expressive of seeing something very nasty indeed: "if

you could have been aware how small and flabby and mean you was,

dear me, you'd have formed the most contemptible opinion of

yourself!"

Not exactly relishing this, I said, "Never mind me, Joe."

"But I did mind you, Pip," he returned with tender simplicity.

"When I offered to your sister to keep company, and to be asked in

church at such times as she was willing and ready to come to the

forge, I said to her, 'And bring the poor little child. God bless

the poor little child,' I said to your sister, 'there's room for

him at the forge!'"

I broke out crying and begging pardon, and hugged Joe round the

neck: who dropped the poker to hug me, and to say, "Ever the best

of friends; an't us, Pip? Don't cry, old chap!"

When this little interruption was over, Joe resumed:

"Well, you see, Pip, and here we are! That's about where it lights;

here we are! Now, when you take me in hand in my learning, Pip (and

I tell you beforehand I am awful dull, most awful dull), Mrs. Joe

mustn't see too much of what we're up to. It must be done, as I may

say, on the sly. And why on the sly? I'll tell you why, Pip."

He had taken up the poker again; without which, I doubt if he could

have proceeded in his demonstration.

"Your sister is given to government."

"Given to government, Joe?" I was startled, for I had some shadowy

idea (and I am afraid I must add, hope) that Joe had divorced her

in a favour of the Lords of the Admiralty, or Treasury.

"Given to government," said Joe. "Which I meantersay the government

of you and myself."

"Oh!"

"And she an't over partial to having scholars on the premises," Joe

continued, "and in partickler would not be over partial to my being

a scholar, for fear as I might rise. Like a sort or rebel, don't

you see?"

I was going to retort with an inquiry, and had got as far as

"Why--" when Joe stopped me.

"Stay a bit. I know what you're a-going to say, Pip; stay a bit! I

don't deny that your sister comes the Mo-gul over us, now and

again. I don't deny that she do throw us back-falls, and that she

do drop down upon us heavy. At such times as when your sister is on

the Ram-page, Pip," Joe sank his voice to a whisper and glanced at

the door, "candour compels fur to admit that she is a Buster."

Joe pronounced this word, as if it began with at least twelve

capital Bs.

"Why don't I rise? That were your observation when I broke it off,

Pip?"

"Yes, Joe."

"Well," said Joe, passing the poker into his left hand, that he

might feel his whisker; and I had no hope of him whenever he took

to that placid occupation; "your sister's a master-mind. A

master-mind."

"What's that?" I asked, in some hope of bringing him to a stand.

But, Joe was readier with his definition than I had expected, and

completely stopped me by arguing circularly, and answering with a

fixed look, "Her."

"And I an't a master-mind," Joe resumed, when he had unfixed his

look, and got back to his whisker. "And last of all, Pip - and this

I want to say very serious to you, old chap - I see so much in my

poor mother, of a woman drudging and slaving and breaking her

honest hart and never getting no peace in her mortal days, that I'm

dead afeerd of going wrong in the way of not doing what's right by

a woman, and I'd fur rather of the two go wrong the t'other way,

and be a little ill-conwenienced myself. I wish it was only me that

got put out, Pip; I wish there warn't no Tickler for you, old chap;

I wish I could take it all on myself; but this is the

up-and-down-and-straight on it, Pip, and I hope you'll overlook

shortcomings."

Young as I was, I believe that I dated a new admiration of Joe from

that night. We were equals afterwards, as we had been before; but,

afterwards at quiet times when I sat looking at Joe and thinking

about him, I had a new sensation of feeling conscious that I was

looking up to Joe in my heart.

"However," said Joe, rising to replenish the fire; "here's the

Dutch-clock a working himself up to being equal to strike Eight of

'em, and she's not come home yet! I hope Uncle Pumblechook's mare

mayn't have set a fore-foot on a piece o' ice, and gone down."

Mrs. Joe made occasional trips with Uncle Pumblechook on

market-days, to assist him in buying such household stuffs and

goods as required a woman's judgment; Uncle Pumblechook being a

bachelor and reposing no confidences in his domestic servant. This

was market-day, and Mrs. Joe was out on one of these expeditions.

Joe made the fire and swept the hearth, and then we went to the

door to listen for the chaise-cart. It was a dry cold night, and

the wind blew keenly, and the frost was white and hard. A man would

die to-night of lying out on the marshes, I thought. And then I

looked at the stars, and considered how awful if would be for a man

to turn his face up to them as he froze to death, and see no help

or pity in all the glittering multitude.

"Here comes the mare," said Joe, "ringing like a peal of bells!"

The sound of her iron shoes upon the hard road was quite musical,

as she came along at a much brisker trot than usual. We got a chair

out, ready for Mrs. Joe's alighting, and stirred up the fire that

they might see a bright window, and took a final survey of the

kitchen that nothing might be out of its place. When we had

completed these preparations, they drove up, wrapped to the eyes.

Mrs. Joe was soon landed, and Uncle Pumblechook was soon down too,

covering the mare with a cloth, and we were soon all in the

kitchen, carrying so much cold air in with us that it seemed to

drive all the heat out of the fire.

"Now," said Mrs. Joe, unwrapping herself with haste and excitement,

and throwing her bonnet back on her shoulders where it hung by the

strings: "if this boy an't grateful this night, he never will be!"

I looked as grateful as any boy possibly could, who was wholly

uninformed why he ought to assume that expression.

"It's only to be hoped," said my sister, "that he won't be

Pomp-eyed. But I have my fears."

"She an't in that line, Mum," said Mr. Pumblechook. "She knows

better."

She? I looked at Joe, making the motion with my lips and eyebrows,

"She?" Joe looked at me, making the motion with his lips and

eyebrows, "She?" My sister catching him in the act, he drew the

back of his hand across his nose with his usual conciliatory air on

such occasions, and looked at her.

"Well?" said my sister, in her snappish way. "What are you staring

at? Is the house a-fire?"

" - Which some individual," Joe politely hinted, "mentioned - she."

"And she is a she, I suppose?" said my sister. "Unless you call

Miss Havisham a he. And I doubt if even you'll go so far as that."

"Miss Havisham, up town?" said Joe.

"Is there any Miss Havisham down town?" returned my sister.

"She wants this boy to go and play there. And of course he's going.

And he had better play there," said my sister, shaking her head at

me as an encouragement to be extremely light and sportive, "or I'll

work him."

I had heard of Miss Havisham up town - everybody for miles round,

had heard of Miss Havisham up town - as an immensely rich and grim

lady who lived in a large and dismal house barricaded against

robbers, and who led a life of seclusion.

"Well to be sure!" said Joe, astounded. "I wonder how she come to

know Pip!"

"Noodle!" cried my sister. "Who said she knew him?"

" - Which some individual," Joe again politely hinted, "mentioned

that she wanted him to go and play there."

"And couldn't she ask Uncle Pumblechook if he knew of a boy to go

and play there? Isn't it just barely possible that Uncle

Pumblechook may be a tenant of hers, and that he may sometimes - we

won't say quarterly or half-yearly, for that would be requiring too

much of you - but sometimes - go there to pay his rent? And

couldn't she then ask Uncle Pumblechook if he knew of a boy to go

and play there? And couldn't Uncle Pumblechook, being always

considerate and thoughtful for us - though you may not think it,

Joseph," in a tone of the deepest reproach, as if he were the most

callous of nephews, "then mention this boy, standing Prancing here"

- which I solemnly declare I was not doing - "that I have for ever

been a willing slave to?"

"Good again!" cried Uncle Pumblechook. "Well put! Prettily pointed!

Good indeed! Now Joseph, you know the case."

"No, Joseph," said my sister, still in a reproachful manner, while

Joe apologetically drew the back of his hand across and across his

nose, "you do not yet - though you may not think it - know the

case. You may consider that you do, but you do not, Joseph. For you

do not know that Uncle Pumblechook, being sensible that for

anything we can tell, this boy's fortune may be made by his going

to Miss Havisham's, has offered to take him into town to-night in

his own chaise-cart, and to keep him to-night, and to take him with

his own hands to Miss Havisham's to-morrow morning. And Lor-a-mussy

me!" cried my sister, casting off her bonnet in sudden desperation,

"here I stand talking to mere Mooncalfs, with Uncle Pumblechook

waiting, and the mare catching cold at the door, and the boy grimed

with crock and dirt from the hair of his head to the sole of his

foot!"

With that, she pounced upon me, like an eagle on a lamb, and my

face was squeezed into wooden bowls in sinks, and my head was put

under taps of water-butts, and I was soaped, and kneaded, and

towelled, and thumped, and harrowed, and rasped, until I really was

quite beside myself. (I may here remark that I suppose myself to be

better acquainted than any living authority, with the ridgy effect

of a wedding-ring, passing unsympathetically over the human

countenance.)

When my ablutions were completed, I was put into clean linen of the

stiffest character, like a young penitent into sackcloth, and was

trussed up in my tightest and fearfullest suit. I was then

delivered over to Mr. Pumblechook, who formally received me as if he

were the Sheriff, and who let off upon me the speech that I knew he

had been dying to make all along: "Boy, be for ever grateful to all

friends, but especially unto them which brought you up by hand!"

"Good-bye, Joe!"

"God bless you, Pip, old chap!"

I had never parted from him before, and what with my feelings and

what with soap-suds, I could at first see no stars from the

chaise-cart. But they twinkled out one by one, without throwing any

light on the questions why on earth I was going to play at Miss

Havisham's, and what on earth I was expected to play at.

 

Chapter 8

Mr. Pumblechook's premises in the High-street of the market town,

were of a peppercorny and farinaceous character, as the premises of

a corn-chandler and seedsman should be. It appeared to me that he

must be a very happy man indeed, to have so many little drawers in

his shop; and I wondered when I peeped into one or two on the lower

tiers, and saw the tied-up brown paper packets inside, whether the

flower-seeds and bulbs ever wanted of a fine day to break out of

those jails, and bloom.

It was in the early morning after my arrival that I entertained

this speculation. On the previous night, I had been sent straight

to bed in an attic with a sloping roof, which was so low in the

corner where the bedstead was, that I calculated the tiles as being

within a foot of my eyebrows. In the same early morning, I

discovered a singular affinity between seeds and corduroys. Mr.

Pumblechook wore corduroys, and so did his shopman; and somehow,

there was a general air and flavour about the corduroys, so much in

the nature of seeds, and a general air and flavour about the seeds,

so much in the nature of corduroys, that I hardly knew which was

which. The same opportunity served me for noticing that Mr.

Pumblechook appeared to conduct his business by looking across the

street at the saddler, who appeared to transact his business by

keeping his eye on the coach-maker, who appeared to get on in life

by putting his hands in his pockets and contemplating the baker,

who in his turn folded his arms and stared at the grocer, who stood

at his door and yawned at the chemist. The watch-maker, always

poring over a little desk with a magnifying glass at his eye, and

always inspected by a group of smock-frocks poring over him through

the glass of his shop-window, seemed to be about the only person in

the High-street whose trade engaged his attention.

Mr. Pumblechook and I breakfasted at eight o'clock in the parlour

behind the shop, while the shopman took his mug of tea and hunch of

bread-and-butter on a sack of peas in the front premises. I

considered Mr. Pumblechook wretched company. Besides being possessed

by my sister's idea that a mortifying and penitential character

ought to be imparted to my diet - besides giving me as much crumb

as possible in combination with as little butter, and putting such

a quantity of warm water into my milk that it would have been more

candid to have left the milk out altogether - his conversation

consisted of nothing but arithmetic. On my politely bidding him

Good morning, he said, pompously, "Seven times nine, boy?" And how

should I be able to answer, dodged in that way, in a strange place,

on an empty stomach! I was hungry, but before I had swallowed a

morsel, he began a running sum that lasted all through the

breakfast. "Seven?" "And four?" "And eight?" "And six?" "And two?"

"And ten?" And so on. And after each figure was disposed of, it was

as much as I could do to get a bite or a sup, before the next came;

while he sat at his ease guessing nothing, and eating bacon and hot

roll, in (if I may be allowed the expression) a gorging and

gormandising manner.

For such reasons I was very glad when ten o'clock came and we

started for Miss Havisham's; though I was not at all at my ease

regarding the manner in which I should acquit myself under that

lady's roof. Within a quarter of an hour we came to Miss Havisham's

house, which was of old brick, and dismal, and had a great many

iron bars to it. Some of the windows had been walled up; of those

that remained, all the lower were rustily barred. There was a

court-yard in front, and that was barred; so, we had to wait, after

ringing the bell, until some one should come to open it. While we

waited at the gate, I peeped in (even then Mr. Pumblechook said,

"And fourteen?" but I pretended not to hear him), and saw that at

the side of the house there was a large brewery. No brewing was going

on in it, and none seemed to have gone on for a long long time.

A window was raised, and a clear voice demanded "What name?" To

which my conductor replied, "Pumblechook." The voice returned,

"Quite right," and the window was shut again, and a young lady came

across the court-yard, with keys in her hand.

"This," said Mr. Pumblechook, "is Pip."

"This is Pip, is it?" returned the young lady, who was very pretty

and seemed very proud; "come in, Pip."

Mr. Pumblechook was coming in also, when she stopped him with the

gate.

"Oh!" she said. "Did you wish to see Miss Havisham?"

"If Miss Havisham wished to see me," returned Mr. Pumblechook,

discomfited.

"Ah!" said the girl; "but you see she don't."

She said it so finally, and in such an undiscussible way, that Mr.

Pumblechook, though in a condition of ruffled dignity, could not

protest. But he eyed me severely - as if I had done anything to

him! - and departed with the words reproachfully delivered: "Boy!

Let your behaviour here be a credit unto them which brought you up

by hand!" I was not free from apprehension that he would come back

to propound through the gate, "And sixteen?" But he didn't.

My young conductress locked the gate, and we went across the

court-yard. It was paved and clean, but grass was growing in every

crevice. The brewery buildings had a little lane of communication

with it, and the wooden gates of that lane stood open, and all the

brewery beyond, stood open, away to the high enclosing wall; and

all was empty and disused. The cold wind seemed to blow colder

there, than outside the gate; and it made a shrill noise in howling

in and out at the open sides of the brewery, like the noise of wind

in the rigging of a ship at sea.

She saw me looking at it, and she said, "You could drink without

hurt all the strong beer that's brewed there now, boy."

"I should think I could, miss," said I, in a shy way.

"Better not try to brew beer there now, or it would turn out sour,

boy; don't you think so?"

"It looks like it, miss."

"Not that anybody means to try," she added, "for that's all done

with, and the place will stand as idle as it is, till it falls. As

to strong beer, there's enough of it in the cellars already, to

drown the Manor House."

"Is that the name of this house, miss?"

"One of its names, boy."

"It has more than one, then, miss?"

"One more. Its other name was Satis; which is Greek, or Latin, or

Hebrew, or all three - or all one to me - for enough."

"Enough House," said I; "that's a curious name, miss."

"Yes," she replied; "but it meant more than it said. It meant, when

it was given, that whoever had this house, could want nothing else.

They must have been easily satisfied in those days, I should think.

But don't loiter, boy."

Though she called me "boy" so often, and with a carelessness that

was far from complimentary, she was of about my own age. She seemed

much older than I, of course, being a girl, and beautiful and

self-possessed; and she was as scornful of me as if she had been

one-and-twenty, and a queen.

We went into the house by a side door - the great front entrance

had two chains across it outside - and the first thing I noticed

was, that the passages were all dark, and that she had left a

candle burning there. She took it up, and we went through more

passages and up a staircase, and still it was all dark, and only

the candle lighted us.

At last we came to the door of a room, and she said, "Go in."

I answered, more in shyness than politeness, "After you, miss."

To this, she returned: "Don't be ridiculous, boy; I am not going

in." And scornfully walked away, and - what was worse - took the

candle with her.

This was very uncomfortable, and I was half afraid. However, the

only thing to be done being to knock at the door, I knocked, and

was told from within to enter. I entered, therefore, and found

myself in a pretty large room, well lighted with wax candles. No

glimpse of daylight was to be seen in it. It was a dressing-room,

as I supposed from the furniture, though much of it was of forms

and uses then quite unknown to me. But prominent in it was a draped

table with a gilded looking-glass, and that I made out at first

sight to be a fine lady's dressing-table.

Whether I should have made out this object so soon, if there had

been no fine lady sitting at it, I cannot say. In an arm-chair,

with an elbow resting on the table and her head leaning on that

hand, sat the strangest lady I have ever seen, or shall ever see.

She was dressed in rich materials - satins, and lace, and silks -

all of white. Her shoes were white. And she had a long white veil

dependent from her hair, and she had bridal flowers in her hair,

but her hair was white. Some bright jewels sparkled on her neck and

on her hands, and some other jewels lay sparkling on the table.

Dresses, less splendid than the dress she wore, and half-packed

trunks, were scattered about. She had not quite finished dressing,

for she had but one shoe on - the other was on the table near her

hand - her veil was but half arranged, her watch and chain were not

put on, and some lace for her bosom lay with those trinkets, and

with her handkerchief, and gloves, and some flowers, and a

prayer-book, all confusedly heaped about the looking-glass.

It was not in the first few moments that I saw all these things,

though I saw more of them in the first moments than might be

supposed. But, I saw that everything within my view which ought to

be white, had been white long ago, and had lost its lustre, and was

faded and yellow. I saw that the bride within the bridal dress had

withered like the dress, and like the flowers, and had no

brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes. I saw that

the dress had been put upon the rounded figure of a young woman,

and that the figure upon which it now hung loose, had shrunk to

skin and bone. Once, I had been taken to see some ghastly waxwork

at the Fair, representing I know not what impossible personage

lying in state. Once, I had been taken to one of our old marsh

churches to see a skeleton in the ashes of a rich dress, that had

been dug out of a vault under the church pavement. Now, waxwork and

skeleton seemed to have dark eyes that moved and looked at me. I

should have cried out, if I could.

"Who is it?" said the lady at the table.

"Pip, ma'am."

"Pip?"

"Mr. Pumblechook's boy, ma'am. Come - to play."

"Come nearer; let me look at you. Come close."

It was when I stood before her, avoiding her eyes, that I took note

of the surrounding objects in detail, and saw that her watch had

stopped at twenty minutes to nine, and that a clock in the room had

stopped at twenty minutes to nine.

"Look at me," said Miss Havisham. "You are not afraid of a woman

who has never seen the sun since you were born?"

I regret to state that I was not afraid of telling the enormous lie

comprehended in the answer "No."

"Do you know what I touch here?" she said, laying her hands, one

upon the other, on her left side.

"Yes, ma'am." (It made me think of the young man.)

"What do I touch?"

"Your heart."

"Broken!"

She uttered the word with an eager look, and with strong emphasis,

and with a weird smile that had a kind of boast in it. Afterwards,

she kept her hands there for a little while, and slowly took them

away as if they were heavy.

"I am tired," said Miss Havisham. "I want diversion, and I have

done with men and women. Play."

I think it will be conceded by my most disputatious reader, that

she could hardly have directed an unfortunate boy to do anything in

the wide world more difficult to be done under the circumstances.

"I sometimes have sick fancies," she went on, "and I have a sick

fancy that I want to see some play. There there!" with an impatient

movement of the fingers of her right hand; "play, play, play!"

For a moment, with the fear of my sister's working me before my

eyes, I had a desperate idea of starting round the room in the

assumed character of Mr. Pumblechook's chaise-cart. But, I felt

myself so unequal to the performance that I gave it up, and stood

looking at Miss Havisham in what I suppose she took for a dogged

manner, inasmuch as she said, when we had taken a good look at each

other:

"Are you sullen and obstinate?"

"No, ma'am, I am very sorry for you, and very sorry I can't play

just now. If you complain of me I shall get into trouble with my

sister, so I would do it if I could; but it's so new here, and so

strange, and so fine - and melancholy--." I stopped, fearing I might

say too much, or had already said it, and we took another look at

each other.

Before she spoke again, she turned her eyes from me, and looked at

the dress she wore, and at the dressing-table, and finally at

herself in the looking-glass.

"So new to him," she muttered, "so old to me; so strange to him, so

familiar to me; so melancholy to both of us! Call Estella."

As she was still looking at the reflection of herself, I thought

she was still talking to herself, and kept quiet.

"Call Estella," she repeated, flashing a look at me. "You can do

that. Call Estella. At the door."

To stand in the dark in a mysterious passage of an unknown house,

bawling Estella to a scornful young lady neither visible nor

responsive, and feeling it a dreadful liberty so to roar out her

name, was almost as bad as playing to order. But, she answered at

last, and her light came along the dark passage like a star.

Miss Havisham beckoned her to come close, and took up a jewel from

the table, and tried its effect upon her fair young bosom and

against her pretty brown hair. "Your own, one day, my dear, and you

will use it well. Let me see you play cards with this boy."

"With this boy? Why, he is a common labouring-boy!"

I thought I overheard Miss Havisham answer - only it seemed so

unlikely - "Well? You can break his heart."

"What do you play, boy?" asked Estella of myself, with the greatest

disdain.

"Nothing but beggar my neighbour, miss."

"Beggar him," said Miss Havisham to Estella. So we sat down to

cards.

It was then I began to understand that everything in the room had

stopped, like the watch and the clock, a long time ago. I noticed

that Miss Havisham put down the jewel exactly on the spot from

which she had taken it up. As Estella dealt the cards, I glanced at

the dressing-table again, and saw that the shoe upon it, once

white, now yellow, had never been worn. I glanced down at the foot

from which the shoe was absent, and saw that the silk stocking on

it, once white, now yellow, had been trodden ragged. Without this

arrest of everything, this standing still of all the pale decayed

objects, not even the withered bridal dress on the collapsed from

could have looked so like grave-clothes, or the long veil so like a

shroud.

So she sat, corpse-like, as we played at cards; the frillings and

trimmings on her bridal dress, looking like earthy paper. I knew

nothing then, of the discoveries that are occasionally made of

bodies buried in ancient times, which fall to powder in the moment

of being distinctly seen; but, I have often thought since, that she

must have looked as if the admission of the natural light of day

would have struck her to dust.

"He calls the knaves, Jacks, this boy!" said Estella with disdain,

before our first game was out. "And what coarse hands he has! And

what thick boots!"

I had never thought of being ashamed of my hands before; but I

began to consider them a very indifferent pair. Her contempt for me

was so strong, that it became infectious, and I caught it.

She won the game, and I dealt. I misdealt, as was only natural,

when I knew she was lying in wait for me to do wrong; and she

denounced me for a stupid, clumsy labouring-boy.

"You say nothing of her," remarked Miss Havisham to me, as she

looked on. "She says many hard things of you, but you say nothing

of her. What do you think of her?"

"I don't like to say," I stammered.

"Tell me in my ear," said Miss Havisham, bending down.

"I think she is very proud," I replied, in a whisper.

"Anything else?"

"I think she is very pretty."

"Anything else?"

"I think she is very insulting." (She was looking at me then with a

look of supreme aversion.)

"Anything else?"

"I think I should like to go home."

"And never see her again, though she is so pretty?"

"I am not sure that I shouldn't like to see her again, but I should

like to go home now."

"You shall go soon," said Miss Havisham, aloud. "Play the game

out."

Saving for the one weird smile at first, I should have felt almost

sure that Miss Havisham's face could not smile. It had dropped into

a watchful and brooding expression - most likely when all the

things about her had become transfixed - and it looked as if

nothing could ever lift it up again. Her chest had dropped, so that

she stooped; and her voice had dropped, so that she spoke low, and

with a dead lull upon her; altogether, she had the appearance of

having dropped, body and soul, within and without, under the weight

of a crushing blow.

I played the game to an end with Estella, and she beggared me. She

threw the cards down on the table when she had won them all, as if

she despised them for having been won of me.

"When shall I have you here again?" said miss Havisham. "Let me

think."

I was beginning to remind her that to-day was Wednesday, when she

checked me with her former impatient movement of the fingers of her

right hand.

"There, there! I know nothing of days of the week; I know nothing

of weeks of the year. Come again after six days. You hear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Estella, take him down. Let him have something to eat, and let him

roam and look about him while he eats. Go, Pip."

I followed the candle down, as I had followed the candle up, and

she stood it in the place where we had found it. Until she opened

the side entrance, I had fancied, without thinking about it, that

it must necessarily be night-time. The rush of the daylight quite

confounded me, and made me feel as if I had been in the candlelight

of the strange room many hours.

"You are to wait here, you boy," said Estella; and disappeared and

closed the door.

I took the opportunity of being alone in the court-yard, to look at

my coarse hands and my common boots. My opinion of those

accessories was not favourable. They had never troubled me before,

but they troubled me now, as vulgar appendages. I determined to ask

Joe why he had ever taught me to call those picture-cards, Jacks,

which ought to be called knaves. I wished Joe had been rather more

genteelly brought up, and then I should have been so too.

She came back, with some bread and meat and a little mug of beer.

She put the mug down on the stones of the yard, and gave me the

bread and meat without looking at me, as insolently as if I were a

dog in disgrace. I was so humiliated, hurt, spurned, offended,

angry, sorry - I cannot hit upon the right name for the smart - God

knows what its name was - that tears started to my eyes. The moment

they sprang there, the girl looked at me with a quick delight in

having been the cause of them. This gave me power to keep them back

and to look at her: so, she gave a contemptuous toss - but with a

sense, I thought, of having made too sure that I was so wounded -

and left me.

But, when she was gone, I looked about me for a place to hide my

face in, and got behind one of the gates in the brewery-lane, and

leaned my sleeve against the wall there, and leaned my forehead on

it and cried. As I cried, I kicked the wall, and took a hard twist

at my hair; so bitter were my feelings, and so sharp was the smart

without a name, that needed counteraction.

My sister's bringing up had made me sensitive. In the little world

in which children have their existence whosoever brings them up,

there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt, as

injustice. It may be only small injustice that the child can be

exposed to; but the child is small, and its world is small, and its

rocking-horse stands as many hands high, according to scale, as a

big-boned Irish hunter. Within myself, I had sustained, from my

babyhood, a perpetual conflict with injustice. I had known, from

the time when I could speak, that my sister, in her capricious and

violent coercion, was unjust to me. I had cherished a profound

conviction that her bringing me up by hand, gave her no right to

bring me up by jerks. Through all my punishments, disgraces, fasts

and vigils, and other penitential performances, I had nursed this

assurance; and to my communing so much with it, in a solitary and

unprotected way, I in great part refer the fact that I was morally

timid and very sensitive.

I got rid of my injured feelings for the time, by kicking them into

the brewery wall, and twisting them out of my hair, and then I

smoothed my face with my sleeve, and came from behind the gate. The

bread and meat were acceptable, and the beer was warming and

tingling, and I was soon in spirits to look about me.

To be sure, it was a deserted place, down to the pigeon-house in

the brewery-yard, which had been blown crooked on its pole by some

high wind, and would have made the pigeons think themselves at sea,

if there had been any pigeons there to be rocked by it. But, there

were no pigeons in the dove-cot, no horses in the stable, no pigs

in the sty, no malt in the store-house, no smells of grains and

beer in the copper or the vat. All the uses and scents of the

brewery might have evaporated with its last reek of smoke. In a

by-yard, there was a wilderness of empty casks, which had a certain

sour remembrance of better days lingering about them; but it was

too sour to be accepted as a sample of the beer that was gone - and

in this respect I remember those recluses as being like most

others.

Behind the furthest end of the brewery, was a rank garden with an

old wall: not so high but that I could struggle up and hold on long

enough to look over it, and see that the rank garden was the garden

of the house, and that it was overgrown with tangled weeds, but

that there was a track upon the green and yellow paths, as if some

one sometimes walked there, and that Estella was walking away from

me even then. But she seemed to be everywhere. For, when I yielded

to the temptation presented by the casks, and began to walk on

them. I saw her walking on them at the end of the yard of casks.

She had her back towards me, and held her pretty brown hair spread

out in her two hands, and never looked round, and passed out of my

view directly. So, in the brewery itself - by which I mean the

large paved lofty place in which they used to make the beer, and

where the brewing utensils still were. When I first went into it,

and, rather oppressed by its gloom, stood near the door looking

about me, I saw her pass among the extinguished fires, and ascend

some light iron stairs, and go out by a gallery high overhead, as

if she were going out into the sky.

It was in this place, and at this moment, that a strange thing

happened to my fancy. I thought it a strange thing then, and I

thought it a stranger thing long afterwards. I turned my eyes - a

little dimmed by looking up at the frosty light - towards a great

wooden beam in a low nook of the building near me on my right hand,

and I saw a figure hanging there by the neck. A figure all in

yellow white, with but one shoe to the feet; and it hung so, that I

could see that the faded trimmings of the dress were like earthy

paper, and that the face was Miss Havisham's, with a movement going

over the whole countenance as if she were trying to call to me. In

the terror of seeing the figure, and in the terror of being certain

that it had not been there a moment before, I at first ran from it,

and then ran towards it. And my terror was greatest of all, when I

found no figure there.

Nothing less than the frosty light of the cheerful sky, the sight

of people passing beyond the bars of the court-yard gate, and the

reviving influence of the rest of the bread and meat and beer,

would have brought me round. Even with those aids, I might not have

come to myself as soon as I did, but that I saw Estella approaching

with the keys, to let me out. She would have some fair reason for

looking down upon me, I thought, if she saw me frightened; and she

would have no fair reason.

She gave me a triumphant glance in passing me, as if she rejoiced

that my hands were so coarse and my boots were so thick, and she

opened the gate, and stood holding it. I was passing out without

looking at her, when she touched me with a taunting hand.

"Why don't you cry?"

"Because I don't want to."

"You do," said she. "You have been crying till you are half blind,

and you are near crying again now."

She laughed contemptuously, pushed me out, and locked the gate upon

me. I went straight to Mr. Pumblechook's, and was immensely relieved

to find him not at home. So, leaving word with the shopman on what

day I was wanted at Miss Havisham's again, I set off on the

four-mile walk to our forge; pondering, as I went along, on all I

had seen, and deeply revolving that I was a common labouring-boy;

that my hands were coarse; that my boots were thick; that I had

fallen into a despicable habit of calling knaves Jacks; that I was

much more ignorant than I had considered myself last night, and

generally that I was in a low-lived bad way.

 

Chapter 9

When I reached home, my sister was very curious to know all about

Miss Havisham's, and asked a number of questions. And I soon found

myself getting heavily bumped from behind in the nape of the neck

and the small of the back, and having my face ignominiously shoved

against the kitchen wall, because I did not answer those questions

at sufficient length.

If a dread of not being understood be hidden in the breasts of

other young people to anything like the extent to which it used to

be hidden in mine - which I consider probable, as I have no

particular reason to suspect myself of having been a monstrosity -

it is the key to many reservations. I felt convinced that if I

described Miss Havisham's as my eyes had seen it, I should not be

understood. Not only that, but I felt convinced that Miss Havisham

too would not be understood; and although she was perfectly

incomprehensible to me, I entertained an impression that there

would be something coarse and treacherous in my dragging her as she

really was (to say nothing of Miss Estella) before the

contemplation of Mrs. Joe. Consequently, I said as little as I

could, and had my face shoved against the kitchen wall.

The worst of it was that that bullying old Pumblechook, preyed upon

by a devouring curiosity to be informed of all I had seen and

heard, came gaping over in his chaise-cart at tea-time, to have the

details divulged to him. And the mere sight of the torment, with

his fishy eyes and mouth open, his sandy hair inquisitively on end,

and his waistcoat heaving with windy arithmetic, made me vicious in

my reticence.

"Well, boy," Uncle Pumblechook began, as soon as he was seated in

the chair of honour by the fire. "How did you get on up town?"

I answered, "Pretty well, sir," and my sister shook her fist at me.

"Pretty well?" Mr. Pumblechook repeated. "Pretty well is no answer.

Tell us what you mean by pretty well, boy?"

Whitewash on the forehead hardens the brain into a state of

obstinacy perhaps. Anyhow, with whitewash from the wall on my

forehead, my obstinacy was adamantine. I reflected for some time,

and then answered as if I had discovered a new idea, "I mean pretty

well."

My sister with an exclamation of impatience was going to fly at me

- I had no shadow of defence, for Joe was busy in the forge when Mr.

Pumblechook interposed with "No! Don't lose your temper. Leave this

lad to me, ma'am; leave this lad to me." Mr. Pumblechook then turned

me towards him, as if he were going to cut my hair, and said:

"First (to get our thoughts in order): Forty-three pence?"

I calculated the consequences of replying "Four Hundred Pound," and

finding them against me, went as near the answer as I could - which

was somewhere about eightpence off. Mr. Pumblechook then put me

through my pence-table from "twelve pence make one shilling," up to

"forty pence make three and fourpence," and then triumphantly

demanded, as if he had done for me, "Now! How much is forty-three

pence?" To which I replied, after a long interval of reflection, "I

don't know." And I was so aggravated that I almost doubt if I did

know.

Mr. Pumblechook worked his head like a screw to screw it out of me,

and said, "Is forty-three pence seven and sixpence three fardens,

for instance?"

"Yes!" said I. And although my sister instantly boxed my ears, it

was highly gratifying to me to see that the answer spoilt his joke,

and brought him to a dead stop.

"Boy! What like is Miss Havisham?" Mr. Pumblechook began again when

he had recovered; folding his arms tight on his chest and applying

the screw.

"Very tall and dark," I told him.

"Is she, uncle?" asked my sister.

Mr. Pumblechook winked assent; from which I at once inferred that he

had never seen Miss Havisham, for she was nothing of the kind.

"Good!" said Mr. Pumblechook conceitedly. ("This is the way to have

him! We are beginning to hold our own, I think, Mum?")

"I am sure, uncle," returned Mrs. Joe, "I wish you had him always:

you know so well how to deal with him."

"Now, boy! What was she a-doing of, when you went in today?" asked

Mr. Pumblechook.

"She was sitting," I answered, "in a black velvet coach."

Mr. Pumblechook and Mrs. Joe stared at one another - as they well

might - and both repeated, "In a black velvet coach?"

"Yes," said I. "And Miss Estella - that's her niece, I think -

handed her in cake and wine at the coach-window, on a gold plate.

And we all had cake and wine on gold plates. And I got up behind

the coach to eat mine, because she told me to."

"Was anybody else there?" asked Mr. Pumblechook.

"Four dogs," said I.

"Large or small?"

"Immense," said I. "And they fought for veal cutlets out of a

silver basket."

Mr. Pumblechook and Mrs. Joe stared at one another again, in utter

amazement. I was perfectly frantic - a reckless witness under the

torture - and would have told them anything.

"Where was this coach, in the name of gracious?" asked my sister.

"In Miss Havisham's room." They stared again. "But there weren't

any horses to it." I added this saving clause, in the moment of

rejecting four richly caparisoned coursers which I had had wild

thoughts of harnessing.

"Can this be possible, uncle?" asked Mrs. Joe. "What can the boy

mean?"

"I'll tell you, Mum," said Mr. Pumblechook. "My opinion is, it's a

sedan-chair. She's flighty, you know - very flighty - quite flighty

enough to pass her days in a sedan-chair."

"Did you ever see her in it, uncle?" asked Mrs. Joe.

"How could I," he returned, forced to the admission, "when I never

see her in my life? Never clapped eyes upon her!"

"Goodness, uncle! And yet you have spoken to her?"

"Why, don't you know," said Mr. Pumblechook, testily, "that when I

have been there, I have been took up to the outside of her door,

and the door has stood ajar, and she has spoke to me that way.

Don't say you don't know that, Mum. Howsever, the boy went there to

play. What did you play at, boy?"

"We played with flags," I said. (I beg to observe that I think of

myself with amazement, when I recall the lies I told on this

occasion.)

"Flags!" echoed my sister.

"Yes," said I. "Estella waved a blue flag, and I waved a red one,

and Miss Havisham waved one sprinkled all over with little gold

stars, out at the coach-window. And then we all waved our swords

and hurrahed."

"Swords!" repeated my sister. "Where did you get swords from?"

"Out of a cupboard," said I. "And I saw pistols in it - and jam -

and pills. And there was no daylight in the room, but it was all

lighted up with candles."

"That's true, Mum," said Mr. Pumblechook, with a grave nod. "That's

the state of the case, for that much I've seen myself." And then

they both stared at me, and I, with an obtrusive show of

artlessness on my countenance, stared at them, and plaited the

right leg of my trousers with my right hand.

If they had asked me any more questions I should undoubtedly have

betrayed myself, for I was even then on the point of mentioning

that there was a balloon in the yard, and should have hazarded the

statement but for my invention being divided between that

phenomenon and a bear in the brewery. They were so much occupied,

however, in discussing the marvels I had already presented for

their consideration, that I escaped. The subject still held them

when Joe came in from his work to have a cup of tea. To whom my

sister, more for the relief of her own mind than for the

gratification of his, related my pretended experiences.

Now, when I saw Joe open his blue eyes and roll them all round the

kitchen in helpless amazement, I was overtaken by penitence; but

only as regarded him - not in the least as regarded the other two.

Towards Joe, and Joe only, I considered myself a young monster,

while they sat debating what results would come to me from Miss

Havisham's acquaintance and favour. They had no doubt that Miss

Havisham would "do something" for me; their doubts related to the

form that something would take. My sister stood out for "property."

Mr. Pumblechook was in favour of a handsome premium for binding me

apprentice to some genteel trade - say, the corn and seed trade,

for instance. Joe fell into the deepest disgrace with both, for

offering the bright suggestion that I might only be presented with

one of the dogs who had fought for the veal-cutlets. "If a fool's

head can't express better opinions than that," said my sister, "and

you have got any work to do, you had better go and do it." So he

went.

After Mr. Pumblechook had driven off, and when my sister was washing

up, I stole into the forge to Joe, and remained by him until he had

done for the night. Then I said, "Before the fire goes out, Joe, I

should like to tell you something."

"Should you, Pip?" said Joe, drawing his shoeing-stool near the

forge. "Then tell us. What is it, Pip?"

"Joe," said I, taking hold of his rolled-up shirt sleeve, and

twisting it between my finger and thumb, "you remember all that

about Miss Havisham's?"

"Remember?" said Joe. "I believe you! Wonderful!"

"It's a terrible thing, Joe; it ain't true."

"What are you telling of, Pip?" cried Joe, falling back in the

greatest amazement. "You don't mean to say it's--"

"Yes I do; it's lies, Joe."

"But not all of it? Why sure you don't mean to say, Pip, that there

was no black welwet coach?" For, I stood shaking my head. "But at

least there was dogs, Pip? Come, Pip," said Joe, persuasively, "if

there warn't no weal-cutlets, at least there was dogs?"

"No, Joe."

"A dog?" said Joe. "A puppy? Come?"

"No, Joe, there was nothing at all of the kind."

As I fixed my eyes hopelessly on Joe, Joe contemplated me in

dismay. "Pip, old chap! This won't do, old fellow! I say! Where do

you expect to go to?"

"It's terrible, Joe; an't it?"

"Terrible?" cried Joe. "Awful! What possessed you?"

"I don't know what possessed me, Joe," I replied, letting his shirt

sleeve go, and sitting down in the ashes at his feet, hanging my

head; "but I wish you hadn't taught me to call Knaves at cards,

Jacks; and I wish my boots weren't so thick nor my hands so

coarse."

And then I told Joe that I felt very miserable, and that I hadn't

been able to explain myself to Mrs. Joe and Pumblechook who were so

rude to me, and that there had been a beautiful young lady at Miss

Havisham's who was dreadfully proud, and that she had said I was

common, and that I knew I was common, and that I wished I was not

common, and that the lies had come of it somehow, though I didn't

know how.

This was a case of metaphysics, at least as difficult for Joe to

deal with, as for me. But Joe took the case altogether out of the

region of metaphysics, and by that means vanquished it.

"There's one thing you may be sure of, Pip," said Joe, after some

rumination, "namely, that lies is lies. Howsever they come, they

didn't ought to come, and they come from the father of lies, and

work round to the same. Don't you tell no more of 'em, Pip. That

ain't the way to get out of being common, old chap. And as to being

common, I don't make it out at all clear. You are oncommon in some

things. You're oncommon small. Likewise you're a oncommon scholar."

"No, I am ignorant and backward, Joe."

"Why, see what a letter you wrote last night! Wrote in print even!

I've seen letters - Ah! and from gentlefolks! - that I'll swear

weren't wrote in print," said Joe.

"I have learnt next to nothing, Joe. You think much of me. It's

only that."

"Well, Pip," said Joe, "be it so or be it son't, you must be a

common scholar afore you can be a oncommon one, I should hope! The

king upon his throne, with his crown upon his 'ed, can't sit and

write his acts of Parliament in print, without having begun, when

he were a unpromoted Prince, with the alphabet - Ah!" added Joe,

with a shake of the head that was full of meaning, "and begun at A

too, and worked his way to Z. And I know what that is to do, though

I can't say I've exactly done it."

There was some hope in this piece of wisdom, and it rather

encouraged me.

"Whether common ones as to callings and earnings," pursued Joe,

reflectively, "mightn't be the better of continuing for a keep

company with common ones, instead of going out to play with

oncommon ones - which reminds me to hope that there were a flag,

perhaps?"

"No, Joe."

"(I'm sorry there weren't a flag, Pip). Whether that might be, or

mightn't be, is a thing as can't be looked into now, without

putting your sister on the Rampage; and that's a thing not to be

thought of, as being done intentional. Lookee here, Pip, at what is

said to you by a true friend. Which this to you the true friend

say. If you can't get to be oncommon through going straight, you'll

never get to do it through going crooked. So don't tell no more on

'em, Pip, and live well and die happy."

"You are not angry with me, Joe?"

"No, old chap. But bearing in mind that them were which I

meantersay of a stunning and outdacious sort - alluding to them

which bordered on weal-cutlets and dog-fighting - a sincere

wellwisher would adwise, Pip, their being dropped into your

meditations, when you go up-stairs to bed. That's all, old chap,

and don't never do it no more."

When I got up to my little room and said my prayers, I did not

forget Joe's recommendation, and yet my young mind was in that

disturbed and unthankful state, that I thought long after I laid me

down, how common Estella would consider Joe, a mere blacksmith: how

thick his boots, and how coarse his hands. I thought how Joe and my

sister were then sitting in the kitchen, and how I had come up to

bed from the kitchen, and how Miss Havisham and Estella never sat

in a kitchen, but were far above the level of such common doings. I

fell asleep recalling what I "used to do" when I was at Miss

Havisham's; as though I had been there weeks or months, instead of

hours; and as though it were quite an old subject of remembrance,

instead of one that had arisen only that day.

That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me.

But, it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck

out of it, and think how different its course would have been.

Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain

of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound

you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.

 

Chapter 10

The felicitous idea occurred to me a morning or two later when I

woke, that the best step I could take towards making myself

uncommon was to get out of Biddy everything she knew. In pursuance

of this luminous conception I mentioned to Biddy when I went to Mr.

Wopsle's great-aunt's at night, that I had a particular reason for

wishing to get on in life, and that I should feel very much obliged

to her if she would impart all her learning to me. Biddy, who was

the most obliging of girls, immediately said she would, and indeed

began to carry out her promise within five minutes.

The Educational scheme or Course established by Mr. Wopsle's

great-aunt may be resolved into the following synopsis. The pupils

ate apples and put straws down one another's backs, until Mr

Wopsle's great-aunt collected her energies, and made an

indiscriminate totter at them with a birch-rod. After receiving the

charge with every mark of derision, the pupils formed in line and

buzzingly passed a ragged book from hand to hand. The book had an

alphabet in it, some figures and tables, and a little spelling -

that is to say, it had had once. As soon as this volume began to

circulate, Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt fell into a state of coma;

arising either from sleep or a rheumatic paroxysm. The pupils then

entered among themselves upon a competitive examination on the

subject of Boots, with the view of ascertaining who could tread the

hardest upon whose toes. This mental exercise lasted until Biddy

made a rush at them and distributed three defaced Bibles (shaped as

if they had been unskilfully cut off the chump-end of something),

more illegibly printed at the best than any curiosities of

literature I have since met with, speckled all over with ironmould,

and having various specimens of the insect world smashed between

their leaves. This part of the Course was usually lightened by

several single combats between Biddy and refractory students. When

the fights were over, Biddy gave out the number of a page, and then

we all read aloud what we could - or what we couldn't - in a

frightful chorus; Biddy leading with a high shrill monotonous

voice, and none of us having the least notion of, or reverence for,

what we were reading about. When this horrible din had lasted a

certain time, it mechanically awoke Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt, who

staggered at a boy fortuitously, and pulled his ears. This was

understood to terminate the Course for the evening, and we emerged

into the air with shrieks of intellectual victory. It is fair to

remark that there was no prohibition against any pupil's

entertaining himself with a slate or even with the ink (when there

was any), but that it was not easy to pursue that branch of study

in the winter season, on account of the little general shop in

which the classes were holden - and which was also Mr. Wopsle's

great-aunt's sitting-room and bed-chamber - being but faintly

illuminated through the agency of one low-spirited dip-candle and

no snuffers.

It appeared to me that it would take time, to become uncommon under

these circumstances: nevertheless, I resolved to try it, and that

very evening Biddy entered on our special agreement, by imparting

some information from her little catalogue of Prices, under the

head of moist sugar, and lending me, to copy at home, a large old

English D which she had imitated from the heading of some

newspaper, and which I supposed, until she told me what it was, to

be a design for a buckle.

Of course there was a public-house in the village, and of course

Joe liked sometimes to smoke his pipe there. I had received strict

orders from my sister to call for him at the Three Jolly Bargemen,

that evening, on my way from school, and bring him home at my

peril. To the Three Jolly Bargemen, therefore, I directed my steps.

There was a bar at the Jolly Bargemen, with some alarmingly long

chalk scores in it on the wall at the side of the door, which

seemed to me to be never paid off. They had been there ever since I

could remember, and had grown more than I had. But there was a

quantity of chalk about our country, and perhaps the people

neglected no opportunity of turning it to account.

It being Saturday night, I found the landlord looking rather grimly

at these records, but as my business was with Joe and not with him,

I merely wished him good evening, and passed into the common room

at the end of the passage, where there was a bright large kitchen

fire, and where Joe was smoking his pipe in company with Mr. Wopsle

and a stranger. Joe greeted me as usual with "Halloa, Pip, old

chap!" and the moment he said that, the stranger turned his head

and looked at me.

He was a secret-looking man whom I had never seen before. His head

was all on one side, and one of his eyes was half shut up, as if he

were taking aim at something with an invisible gun. He had a pipe

in his mouth, and he took it out, and, after slowly blowing all his

smoke away and looking hard at me all the time, nodded. So, I

nodded, and then he nodded again, and made room on the settle

beside him that I might sit down there.

But, as I was used to sit beside Joe whenever I entered that place

of resort, I said "No, thank you, sir," and fell into the space Joe

made for me on the opposite settle. The strange man, after glancing

at Joe, and seeing that his attention was otherwise engaged, nodded

to me again when I had taken my seat, and then rubbed his leg - in

a very odd way, as it struck me.

"You was saying," said the strange man, turning to Joe, "that you

was a blacksmith."

"Yes. I said it, you know," said Joe.

"What'll you drink, Mr. - ? You didn't mention your name,

by-the-bye."

Joe mentioned it now, and the strange man called him by it.

"What'll you drink, Mr. Gargery? At my expense? To top up with?"

"Well," said Joe, "to tell you the truth, I ain't much in the habit

of drinking at anybody's expense but my own."

"Habit? No," returned the stranger, "but once and away, and on a

Saturday night too. Come! Put a name to it, Mr. Gargery."

"I wouldn't wish to be stiff company," said Joe. "Rum."

"Rum," repeated the stranger. "And will the other gentleman

originate a sentiment."

"Rum," said Mr. Wopsle.

"Three Rums!" cried the stranger, calling to the landlord. "Glasses

round!"

"This other gentleman," observed Joe, by way of introducing Mr.

Wopsle, "is a gentleman that you would like to hear give it out.

Our clerk at church."

"Aha!" said the stranger, quickly, and cocking his eye at me. "The

lonely church, right out on the marshes, with graves round it!"

"That's it," said Joe.

The stranger, with a comfortable kind of grunt over his pipe, put

his legs up on the settle that he had to himself. He wore a

flapping broad-brimmed traveller's hat, and under it a handkerchief

tied over his head in the manner of a cap: so that he showed no

hair. As he looked at the fire, I thought I saw a cunning

expression, followed by a half-laugh, come into his face.

"I am not acquainted with this country, gentlemen, but it seems a

solitary country towards the river."

"Most marshes is solitary," said Joe.

"No doubt, no doubt. Do you find any gipsies, now, or tramps, or

vagrants of any sort, out there?"

"No," said Joe; "none but a runaway convict now and then. And we

don't find them, easy. Eh, Mr. Wopsle?"

Mr. Wopsle, with a majestic remembrance of old discomfiture,

assented; but not warmly.

"Seems you have been out after such?" asked the stranger.

"Once," returned Joe. "Not that we wanted to take them, you

understand; we went out as lookers on; me, and Mr. Wopsle, and Pip.

Didn't us, Pip?"

"Yes, Joe."

The stranger looked at me again - still cocking his eye, as if he

were expressly taking aim at me with his invisible gun - and said,

"He's a likely young parcel of bones that. What is it you call

him?"

"Pip," said Joe.

"Christened Pip?"

"No, not christened Pip."

"Surname Pip?"

"No," said Joe, "it's a kind of family name what he gave himself

when a infant, and is called by."

"Son of yours?"

"Well," said Joe, meditatively - not, of course, that it could be

in anywise necessary to consider about it, but because it was the

way at the Jolly Bargemen to seem to consider deeply about

everything that was discussed over pipes; "well - no. No, he

ain't."

"Nevvy?" said the strange man.

"Well," said Joe, with the same appearance of profound cogitation,

"he is not - no, not to deceive you, he is not - my nevvy."

"What the Blue Blazes is he?" asked the stranger. Which appeared to

me to be an inquiry of unnecessary strength.

Mr. Wopsle struck in upon that; as one who knew all about

relationships, having professional occasion to bear in mind what

female relations a man might not marry; and expounded the ties

between me and Joe. Having his hand in, Mr. Wopsle finished off with

a most terrifically snarling passage from Richard the Third, and

seemed to think he had done quite enough to account for it when he

added - "as the poet says."

And here I may remark that when Mr. Wopsle referred to me, he

considered it a necessary part of such reference to rumple my hair

and poke it into my eyes. I cannot conceive why everybody of his

standing who visited at our house should always have put me through

the same inflammatory process under similar circumstances. Yet I do

not call to mind that I was ever in my earlier youth the subject of

remark in our social family circle, but some large-handed person

took some such ophthalmic steps to patronize me.

All this while, the strange man looked at nobody but me, and looked

at me as if he were determined to have a shot at me at last, and

bring me down. But he said nothing after offering his Blue Blazes

observation, until the glasses of rum-and-water were brought; and

then he made his shot, and a most extraordinary shot it was.

It was not a verbal remark, but a proceeding in dump show, and was

pointedly addressed to me. He stirred his rum-and-water pointedly

at me, and he tasted his rum-and-water pointedly at me. And he

stirred it and he tasted it: not with a spoon that was brought to

him, but with a file.

He did this so that nobody but I saw the file; and when he had done

it he wiped the file and put it in a breast-pocket. I knew it to be

Joe's file, and I knew that he knew my convict, the moment I saw

the instrument. I sat gazing at him, spell-bound. But he now

reclined on his settle, taking very little notice of me, and

talking principally about turnips.

There was a delicious sense of cleaning-up and making a quiet pause

before going on in life afresh, in our village on Saturday nights,

which stimulated Joe to dare to stay out half an hour longer on

Saturdays than at other times. The half hour and the rum-and-water

running out together, Joe got up to go, and took me by the hand.

"Stop half a moment, Mr. Gargery," said the strange man. "I think

I've got a bright new shilling somewhere in my pocket, and if I

have, the boy shall have it."

He looked it out from a handful of small change, folded it in some

crumpled paper, and gave it to me. "Yours!" said he. "Mind! Your

own."

I thanked him, staring at him far beyond the bounds of good

manners, and holding tight to Joe. He gave Joe good-night, and he

gave Mr. Wopsle good-night (who went out with us), and he gave me

only a look with his aiming eye - no, not a look, for he shut it

up, but wonders may be done with an eye by hiding it.

On the way home, if I had been in a humour for talking, the talk

must have been all on my side, for Mr. Wopsle parted from us at the

door of the Jolly Bargemen, and Joe went all the way home with his

mouth wide open, to rinse the rum out with as much air as possible.

But I was in a manner stupefied by this turning up of my old

misdeed and old acquaintance, and could think of nothing else.

My sister was not in a very bad temper when we presented ourselves

in the kitchen, and Joe was encouraged by that unusual circumstance

to tell her about the bright shilling. "A bad un, I'll be bound,"

said Mrs. Joe triumphantly, "or he wouldn't have given it to the

boy! Let's look at it."

I took it out of the paper, and it proved to be a good one. "But

what's this?" said Mrs. Joe, throwing down the shilling and catching

up the paper. "Two One-Pound notes?"

Nothing less than two fat sweltering one-pound notes that seemed to

have been on terms of the warmest intimacy with all the cattle

markets in the county. Joe caught up his hat again, and ran with

them to the Jolly Bargemen to restore them to their owner. While he

was gone, I sat down on my usual stool and looked vacantly at my

sister, feeling pretty sure that the man would not be there.

Presently, Joe came back, saying that the man was gone, but that

he, Joe, had left word at the Three Jolly Bargemen concerning the

notes. Then my sister sealed them up in a piece of paper, and put

them under some dried rose-leaves in an ornamental tea-pot on the

top of a press in the state parlour. There they remained, a

nightmare to me, many and many a night and day.

I had sadly broken sleep when I got to bed, through thinking of the

strange man taking aim at me with his invisible gun, and of the

guiltily coarse and common thing it was, to be on secret terms of

conspiracy with convicts - a feature in my low career that I had

previously forgotten. I was haunted by the file too. A dread

possessed me that when I least expected it, the file would

reappear. I coaxed myself to sleep by thinking of Miss Havisham's,

next Wednesday; and in my sleep I saw the file coming at me out of

a door, without seeing who held it, and I screamed myself awake.

 

Chapter 11

At the appointed time I returned to Miss Havisham's, and my

hesitating ring at the gate brought out Estella. She locked it

after admitting me, as she had done before, and again preceded me

into the dark passage where her candle stood. She took no notice of

me until she had the candle in her hand, when she looked over her

shoulder, superciliously saying, "You are to come this way today,"

and took me to quite another part of the house.

The passage was a long one, and seemed to pervade the whole square

basement of the Manor House. We traversed but one side of the

square, however, and at the end of it she stopped, and put her

candle down and opened a door. Here, the daylight reappeared, and I

found myself in a small paved court-yard, the opposite side of

which was formed by a detached dwelling-house, that looked as if it

had once belonged to the manager or head clerk of the extinct

brewery. There was a clock in the outer wall of this house. Like

the clock in Miss Havisham's room, and like Miss Havisham's watch,

it had stopped at twenty minutes to nine.

We went in at the door, which stood open, and into a gloomy room

with a low ceiling, on the ground floor at the back. There was some

company in the room, and Estella said to me as she joined it, "You

are to go and stand there, boy, till you are wanted." "There",

being the window, I crossed to it, and stood "there," in a very

uncomfortable state of mind, looking out.

It opened to the ground, and looked into a most miserable corner of

the neglected garden, upon a rank ruin of cabbage-stalks, and one

box tree that had been clipped round long ago, like a pudding, and

had a new growth at the top of it, out of shape and of a different

colour, as if that part of the pudding had stuck to the saucepan

and got burnt. This was my homely thought, as I contemplated the

box-tree. There had been some light snow, overnight, and it lay

nowhere else to my knowledge; but, it had not quite melted from the

cold shadow of this bit of garden, and the wind caught it up in

little eddies and threw it at the window, as if it pelted me for

coming there.

I divined that my coming had stopped conversation in the room, and

that its other occupants were looking at me. I could see nothing of

the room except the shining of the fire in the window glass, but I

stiffened in all my joints with the consciousness that I was under

close inspection.

There were three ladies in the room and one gentleman. Before I had

been standing at the window five minutes, they somehow conveyed to

me that they were all toadies and humbugs, but that each of them

pretended not to know that the others were toadies and humbugs:

because the admission that he or she did know it, would have made

him or her out to be a toady and humbug.

They all had a listless and dreary air of waiting somebody's

pleasure, and the most talkative of the ladies had to speak quite

rigidly to repress a yawn. This lady, whose name was Camilla, very

much reminded me of my sister, with the difference that she was

older, and (as I found when I caught sight of her) of a blunter

cast of features. Indeed, when I knew her better I began to think

it was a Mercy she had any features at all, so very blank and high

was the dead wall of her face.

"Poor dear soul!" said this lady, with an abruptness of manner

quite my sister's. "Nobody's enemy but his own!"

"It would be much more commendable to be somebody else's enemy,"

said the gentleman; "far more natural."

"Cousin Raymond," observed another lady, "we are to love our

neighbour."

"Sarah Pocket," returned Cousin Raymond, "if a man is not his own

neighbour, who is?"

Miss Pocket laughed, and Camilla laughed and said (checking a

yawn), "The idea!" But I thought they seemed to think it rather a

good idea too. The other lady, who had not spoken yet, said gravely

and emphatically, "Very true!"

"Poor soul!" Camilla presently went on (I knew they had all been

looking at me in the mean time), "he is so very strange! Would

anyone believe that when Tom's wife died, he actually could not be

induced to see the importance of the children's having the deepest

of trimmings to their mourning? 'Good Lord!' says he, 'Camilla,

what can it signify so long as the poor bereaved little things are

in black?' So like Matthew! The idea!"

"Good points in him, good points in him," said Cousin Raymond;

"Heaven forbid I should deny good points in him; but he never had,

and he never will have, any sense of the proprieties."

"You know I was obliged," said Camilla, "I was obliged to be firm.

I said, 'It WILL NOT DO, for the credit of the family.' I told him

that, without deep trimmings, the family was disgraced. I cried

about it from breakfast till dinner. I injured my digestion. And at

last he flung out in his violent way, and said, with a D, 'Then do

as you like.' Thank Goodness it will always be a consolation to me

to know that I instantly went out in a pouring rain and bought the

things."

"He paid for them, did he not?" asked Estella.

"It's not the question, my dear child, who paid for them," returned

Camilla. "I bought them. And I shall often think of that with

peace, when I wake up in the night."

The ringing of a distant bell, combined with the echoing of some

cry or call along the passage by which I had come, interrupted the

conversation and caused Estella to say to me, "Now, boy!" On my

turning round, they all looked at me with the utmost contempt, and,

as I went out, I heard Sarah Pocket say, "Well I am sure! What

next!" and Camilla add, with indignation, "Was there ever such a

fancy! The i-de-a!"

As we were going with our candle along the dark passage, Estella

stopped all of a sudden, and, facing round, said in her taunting

manner with her face quite close to mine:

"Well?"

"Well, miss?" I answered, almost falling over her and checking

myself.

She stood looking at me, and, of course, I stood looking at her.

"Am I pretty?"

"Yes; I think you are very pretty."

"Am I insulting?"

"Not so much so as you were last time," said I.

"Not so much so?"

"No."

She fired when she asked the last question, and she slapped my face

with such force as she had, when I answered it.

"Now?" said she. "You little coarse monster, what do you think of

me now?"

"I shall not tell you."

"Because you are going to tell, up-stairs. Is that it?"

"No," said I, "that's not it."

"Why don't you cry again, you little wretch?"

"Because I'll never cry for you again," said I. Which was, I

suppose, as false a declaration as ever was made; for I was

inwardly crying for her then, and I know what I know of the pain

she cost me afterwards.

We went on our way up-stairs after this episode; and, as we were

going up, we met a gentleman groping his way down.

"Whom have we here?" asked the gentleman, stopping and looking at

me.

"A boy," said Estella.

He was a burly man of an exceedingly dark complexion, with an

exceedingly large head and a corresponding large hand. He took my

chin in his large hand and turned up my face to have a look at me

by the light of the candle. He was prematurely bald on the top of

his head, and had bushy black eyebrows that wouldn't lie down but

stood up bristling. His eyes were set very deep in his head, and

were disagreeably sharp and suspicious. He had a large watchchain,

and strong black dots where his beard and whiskers would have been

if he had let them. He was nothing to me, and I could have had no

foresight then, that he ever would be anything to me, but it

happened that I had this opportunity of observing him well.

"Boy of the neighbourhood? Hey?" said he.

"Yes, sir," said I.

"How do you come here?"

"Miss Havisham sent for me, sir," I explained.

"Well! Behave yourself. I have a pretty large experience of boys,

and you're a bad set of fellows. Now mind!" said he, biting the

side of his great forefinger as he frowned at me, "you behave

yourself!"

With those words, he released me - which I was glad of, for his

hand smelt of scented soap - and went his way down-stairs. I

wondered whether he could be a doctor; but no, I thought; he

couldn't be a doctor, or he would have a quieter and more

persuasive manner. There was not much time to consider the subject,

for we were soon in Miss Havisham's room, where she and everything

else were just as I had left them. Estella left me standing near

the door, and I stood there until Miss Havisham cast her eyes upon

me from the dressing-table.

"So!" she said, without being startled or surprised; "the days have

worn away, have they?"

"Yes, ma'am. To-day is--"

"There, there, there!" with the impatient movement of her fingers.

"I don't want to know. Are you ready to play?"

I was obliged to answer in some confusion, "I don't think I am,

ma'am."

"Not at cards again?" she demanded, with a searching look.

"Yes, ma'am; I could do that, if I was wanted."

"Since this house strikes you old and grave, boy," said Miss

Havisham, impatiently, "and you are unwilling to play, are you

willing to work?"

I could answer this inquiry with a better heart than I had been

able to find for the other question, and I said I was quite

willing.

"Then go into that opposite room," said she, pointing at the door

behind me with her withered hand, "and wait there till I come."

I crossed the staircase landing, and entered the room she

indicated. From that room, too, the daylight was completely

excluded, and it had an airless smell that was oppressive. A fire

had been lately kindled in the damp old-fashioned grate, and it was

more disposed to go out than to burn up, and the reluctant smoke

which hung in the room seemed colder than the clearer air - like

our own marsh mist. Certain wintry branches of candles on the high

chimneypiece faintly lighted the chamber: or, it would be more

expressive to say, faintly troubled its darkness. It was spacious,

and I dare say had once been handsome, but every discernible thing

in it was covered with dust and mould, and dropping to pieces. The

most prominent object was a long table with a tablecloth spread on

it, as if a feast had been in preparation when the house and the

clocks all stopped together. An epergne or centrepiece of some kind

was in the middle of this cloth; it was so heavily overhung with

cobwebs that its form was quite undistinguishable; and, as I looked

along the yellow expanse out of which I remember its seeming to

grow, like a black fungus, I saw speckled-legged spiders with

blotchy bodies running home to it, and running out from it, as if

some circumstances of the greatest public importance had just

transpired in the spider community.

I heard the mice too, rattling behind the panels, as if the same

occurrence were important to their interests. But, the blackbeetles

took no notice of the agitation, and groped about the hearth in a

ponderous elderly way, as if they were short-sighted and hard of

hearing, and not on terms with one another.

These crawling things had fascinated my attention and I was

watching them from a distance, when Miss Havisham laid a hand upon

my shoulder. In her other hand she had a crutch-headed stick on

which she leaned, and she looked like the Witch of the place.

"This," said she, pointing to the long table with her stick, "is

where I will be laid when I am dead. They shall come and look at me

here."

With some vague misgiving that she might get upon the table then

and there and die at once, the complete realization of the ghastly

waxwork at the Fair, I shrank under her touch.

"What do you think that is?" she asked me, again pointing with her

stick; "that, where those cobwebs are?"

"I can't guess what it is, ma'am."

"It's a great cake. A bride-cake. Mine!"

She looked all round the room in a glaring manner, and then said,

leaning on me while her hand twitched my shoulder, "Come, come,

come! Walk me, walk me!"

I made out from this, that the work I had to do, was to walk Miss

Havisham round and round the room. Accordingly, I started at once,

and she leaned upon my shoulder, and we went away at a pace that

might have been an imitation (founded on my first impulse under

that roof) of Mr. Pumblechook's chaise-cart.

She was not physically strong, and after a little time said,

"Slower!" Still, we went at an impatient fitful speed, and as we

went, she twitched the hand upon my shoulder, and worked her mouth,

and led me to believe that we were going fast because her thoughts

went fast. After a while she said, "Call Estella!" so I went out on

the landing and roared that name as I had done on the previous

occasion. When her light appeared, I returned to Miss Havisham, and

we started away again round and round the room.

If only Estella had come to be a spectator of our proceedings, I

should have felt sufficiently discontented; but, as she brought

with her the three ladies and the gentleman whom I had seen below,

I didn't know what to do. In my politeness, I would have stopped;

but, Miss Havisham twitched my shoulder, and we posted on - with a

shame-faced consciousness on my part that they would think it was

all my doing.

"Dear Miss Havisham," said Miss Sarah Pocket. "How well you look!"

"I do not," returned Miss Havisham. "I am yellow skin and bone."

Camilla brightened when Miss Pocket met with this rebuff; and she

murmured, as she plaintively contemplated Miss Havisham, "Poor dear

soul! Certainly not to be expected to look well, poor thing. The

idea!"

"And how are you?" said Miss Havisham to Camilla. As we were close

to Camilla then, I would have stopped as a matter of course, only

Miss Havisham wouldn't stop. We swept on, and I felt that I was

highly obnoxious to Camilla.

"Thank you, Miss Havisham," she returned, "I am as well as can be

expected."

"Why, what's the matter with you?" asked Miss Havisham, with

exceeding sharpness.

"Nothing worth mentioning," replied Camilla. "I don't wish to make

a display of my feelings, but I have habitually thought of you more

in the night than I am quite equal to."

"Then don't think of me," retorted Miss Havisham.

"Very easily said!" remarked Camilla, amiably repressing a sob,

while a hitch came into her upper lip, and her tears overflowed.

"Raymond is a witness what ginger and sal volatile I am obliged to

take in the night. Raymond is a witness what nervous jerkings I

have in my legs. Chokings and nervous jerkings, however, are

nothing new to me when I think with anxiety of those I love. If I

could be less affectionate and sensitive, I should have a better

digestion and an iron set of nerves. I am sure I wish it could be

so. But as to not thinking of you in the night - The idea!" Here, a

burst of tears.

The Raymond referred to, I understood to be the gentleman present,

and him I understood to be Mr. Camilla. He came to the rescue at

this point, and said in a consolatory and complimentary voice,

"Camilla, my dear, it is well known that your family feelings are

gradually undermining you to the extent of making one of your legs

shorter than the other."

"I am not aware," observed the grave lady whose voice I had heard

but once, "that to think of any person is to make a great claim

upon that person, my dear."

Miss Sarah Pocket, whom I now saw to be a little dry brown

corrugated old woman, with a small face that might have been made

of walnut shells, and a large mouth like a cat's without the

whiskers, supported this position by saying, "No, indeed, my dear.

Hem!"

"Thinking is easy enough," said the grave lady.

"What is easier, you know?" assented Miss Sarah Pocket.

"Oh, yes, yes!" cried Camilla, whose fermenting feelings appeared

to rise from her legs to her bosom. "It's all very true! It's a

weakness to be so affectionate, but I can't help it. No doubt my

health would be much better if it was otherwise, still I wouldn't

change my disposition if I could. It's the cause of much suffering,

but it's a consolation to know I posses it, when I wake up in the

night." Here another burst of feeling.

Miss Havisham and I had never stopped all this time, but kept going

round and round the room: now, brushing against the skirts of the

visitors: now, giving them the whole length of the dismal chamber.

"There's Matthew!" said Camilla. "Never mixing with any natural

ties, never coming here to see how Miss Havisham is! I have taken

to the sofa with my staylace cut, and have lain there hours,

insensible, with my head over the side, and my hair all down, and

my feet I don't know where--"

("Much higher than your head, my love," said Mr. Camilla.)

"I have gone off into that state, hours and hours, on account of

Matthew's strange and inexplicable conduct, and nobody has thanked

me."

"Really I must say I should think not!" interposed the grave lady.

"You see, my dear," added Miss Sarah Pocket (a blandly vicious

personage), "the question to put to yourself is, who did you expect

to thank you, my love?"

"Without expecting any thanks, or anything of the sort," resumed

Camilla, "I have remained in that state, hours and hours, and

Raymond is a witness of the extent to which I have choked, and what

the total inefficacy of ginger has been, and I have been heard at

the pianoforte-tuner's across the street, where the poor mistaken

children have even supposed it to be pigeons cooing at a

distance-and now to be told--." Here Camilla put her hand to her

throat, and began to be quite chemical as to the formation of new

combinations there.

When this same Matthew was mentioned, Miss Havisham stopped me and

herself, and stood looking at the speaker. This change had a great

influence in bringing Camilla's chemistry to a sudden end.

"Matthew will come and see me at last," said Miss Havisham,

sternly, when I am laid on that table. That will be his place -

there," striking the table with her stick, "at my head! And yours

will be there! And your husband's there! And Sarah Pocket's there!

And Georgiana's there! Now you all know where to take your stations

when you come to feast upon me. And now go!"

At the mention of each name, she had struck the table with her

stick in a new place. She now said, "Walk me, walk me!" and we went

on again.

"I suppose there's nothing to be done," exclaimed Camilla, "but

comply and depart. It's something to have seen the object of one's

love and duty, for even so short a time. I shall think of it with a

melancholy satisfaction when I wake up in the night. I wish Matthew

could have that comfort, but he sets it at defiance. I am

determined not to make a display of my feelings, but it's very hard

to be told one wants to feast on one's relations - as if one was a

Giant - and to be told to go. The bare idea!"

Mr. Camilla interposing, as Mrs. Camilla laid her hand upon her

heaving bosom, that lady assumed an unnatural fortitude of manner

which I supposed to be expressive of an intention to drop and choke

when out of view, and kissing her hand to Miss Havisham, was

escorted forth. Sarah Pocket and Georgiana contended who should

remain last; but, Sarah was too knowing to be outdone, and ambled

round Georgiana with that artful slipperiness, that the latter was

obliged to take precedence. Sarah Pocket then made her separate

effect of departing with "Bless you, Miss Havisham dear!" and with

a smile of forgiving pity on her walnut-shell countenance for the

weaknesses of the rest.

While Estella was away lighting them down, Miss Havisham still

walked with her hand on my shoulder, but more and more slowly. At

last she stopped before the fire, and said, after muttering and

looking at it some seconds:

"This is my birthday, Pip."

I was going to wish her many happy returns, when she lifted her

stick.

"I don't suffer it to be spoken of. I don't suffer those who were

here just now, or any one, to speak of it. They come here on the

day, but they dare not refer to it."

Of course I made no further effort to refer to it.

"On this day of the year, long before you were born, this heap of

decay," stabbing with her crutched stick at the pile of cobwebs on

the table but not touching it, "was brought here. It and I have

worn away together. The mice have gnawed at it, and sharper teeth

than teeth of mice have gnawed at me."

She held the head of her stick against her heart as she stood

looking at the table; she in her once white dress, all yellow and

withered; the once white cloth all yellow and withered; everything

around, in a state to crumble under a touch.

"When the ruin is complete," said she, with a ghastly look, "and

when they lay me dead, in my bride's dress on the bride's table -

which shall be done, and which will be the finished curse upon him

- so much the better if it is done on this day!"

She stood looking at the table as if she stood looking at her own

figure lying there. I remained quiet. Estella returned, and she too

remained quiet. It seemed to me that we continued thus for a long

time. In the heavy air of the room, and the heavy darkness that

brooded in its remoter corners, I even had an alarming fancy that

Estella and I might presently begin to decay.

At length, not coming out of her distraught state by degrees, but

in an instant, Miss Havisham said, "Let me see you two play cards;

why have you not begun?" With that, we returned to her room, and

sat down as before; I was beggared, as before; and again, as

before, Miss Havisham watched us all the time, directed my

attention to Estella's beauty, and made me notice it the more by

trying her jewels on Estella's breast and hair.

Estella, for her part, likewise treated me as before; except that

she did not condescend to speak. When we had played some halfdozen

games, a day was appointed for my return, and I was taken down into

the yard to be fed in the former dog-like manner. There, too, I was

again left to wander about as I liked.

It is not much to the purpose whether a gate in that garden wall

which I had scrambled up to peep over on the last occasion was, on

that last occasion, open or shut. Enough that I saw no gate them,

and that I saw one now. As it stood open, and as I knew that

Estella had let the visitors out - for, she had returned with the

keys in her hand - I strolled into the garden and strolled all over

it. It was quite a wilderness, and there were old melon-frames and

cucumber-frames in it, which seemed in their decline to have

produced a spontaneous growth of weak attempts at pieces of old

hats and boots, with now and then a weedy offshoot into the

likeness of a battered saucepan.

When I had exhausted the garden, and a greenhouse with nothing in

it but a fallen-down grape-vine and some bottles, I found myself in

the dismal corner upon which I had looked out of the window. Never

questioning for a moment that the house was now empty, I looked in

at another window, and found myself, to my great surprise,

exchanging a broad stare with a pale young gentleman with red

eyelids and light hair.

This pale young gentleman quickly disappeared, and re-appeared

beside me. He had been at his books when I had found myself staring

at him, and I now saw that he was inky.

"Halloa!" said he, "young fellow!"

Halloa being a general observation which I had usually observed to

be best answered by itself, I said, "Halloa!" politely omitting

young fellow.

"Who let you in?" said he.

"Miss Estella."

"Who gave you leave to prowl about?"

"Miss Estella."

"Come and fight," said the pale young gentleman.

What could I do but follow him? I have often asked myself the

question since: but, what else could I do? His manner was so final

and I was so astonished, that I followed where he led, as if I had

been under a spell.

"Stop a minute, though," he said, wheeling round before we had gone

many paces. "I ought to give you a reason for fighting, too. There

it is!" In a most irritating manner he instantly slapped his hands

against one another, daintily flung one of his legs up behind him,

pulled my hair, slapped his hands again, dipped his head, and

butted it into my stomach.

The bull-like proceeding last mentioned, besides that it was

unquestionably to be regarded in the light of a liberty, was

particularly disagreeable just after bread and meat. I therefore

hit out at him and was going to hit out again, when he said,

"Aha! Would you?" and began dancing backwards and forwards in a

manner quite unparalleled within my limited experience.

"Laws of the game!" said he. Here, he skipped from his left leg on

to his right. "Regular rules!" Here, he skipped from his right leg

on to his left. "Come to the ground, and go through the

preliminaries!" Here, he dodged backwards and forwards, and did all

sorts of things while I looked helplessly at him.

I was secretly afraid of him when I saw him so dexterous; but, I

felt morally and physically convinced that his light head of hair

could have had no business in the pit of my stomach, and that I had

a right to consider it irrelevant when so obtruded on my attention.

Therefore, I followed him without a word, to a retired nook of the

garden, formed by the junction of two walls and screened by some

rubbish. On his asking me if I was satisfied with the ground, and

on my replying Yes, he begged my leave to absent himself for a

moment, and quickly returned with a bottle of water and a sponge

dipped in vinegar. "Available for both," he said, placing these

against the wall. And then fell to pulling off, not only his jacket

and waistcoat, but his shirt too, in a manner at once

light-hearted, businesslike, and bloodthirsty.

Although he did not look very healthy - having pimples on his face,

and a breaking out at his mouth - these dreadful preparations quite

appalled me. I judged him to be about my own age, but he was much

taller, and he had a way of spinning himself about that was full of

appearance. For the rest, he was a young gentleman in a grey suit

(when not denuded for battle), with his elbows, knees, wrists, and

heels, considerably in advance of the rest of him as to

development.

My heart failed me when I saw him squaring at me with every

demonstration of mechanical nicety, and eyeing my anatomy as if he

were minutely choosing his bone. I never have been so surprised in

my life, as I was when I let out the first blow, and saw him lying

on his back, looking up at me with a bloody nose and his face

exceedingly fore-shortened.

But, he was on his feet directly, and after sponging himself with a

great show of dexterity began squaring again. The second greatest

surprise I have ever had in my life was seeing him on his back

again, looking up at me out of a black eye.

His spirit inspired me with great respect. He seemed to have no

strength, and he never once hit me hard, and he was always knocked

down; but, he would be up again in a moment, sponging himself or

drinking out of the water-bottle, with the greatest satisfaction in

seconding himself according to form, and then came at me with an

air and a show that made me believe he really was going to do for

me at last. He got heavily bruised, for I am sorry to record that

the more I hit him, the harder I hit him; but, he came up again and

again and again, until at last he got a bad fall with the back of

his head against the wall. Even after that crisis in our affairs,

he got up and turned round and round confusedly a few times, not

knowing where I was; but finally went on his knees to his sponge

and threw it up: at the same time panting out, "That means you have

won."

He seemed so brave and innocent, that although I had not proposed

the contest I felt but a gloomy satisfaction in my victory. Indeed,

I go so far as to hope that I regarded myself while dressing, as a

species of savage young wolf, or other wild beast. However, I got

dressed, darkly wiping my sanguinary face at intervals, and I said,

"Can I help you?" and he said "No thankee," and I said "Good

afternoon," and he said "Same to you."

When I got into the court-yard, I found Estella waiting with the

keys. But, she neither asked me where I had been, nor why I had

kept her waiting; and there was a bright flush upon her face, as

though something had happened to delight her. Instead of going

straight to the gate, too, she stepped back into the passage, and

beckoned me.

"Come here! You may kiss me, if you like."

I kissed her cheek as she turned it to me. I think I would have

gone through a great deal to kiss her cheek. But, I felt that the

kiss was given to the coarse common boy as a piece of money might

have been, and that it was worth nothing.

What with the birthday visitors, and what with the cards, and what

with the fight, my stay had lasted so long, that when I neared home

the light on the spit of sand off the point on the marshes was

gleaming against a black night-sky, and Joe's furnace was flinging

a path of fire across the road.

 

Chapter 12

My mind grew very uneasy on the subject of the pale young

gentleman. The more I thought of the fight, and recalled the pale

young gentleman on his back in various stages of puffy and

incrimsoned countenance, the more certain it appeared that

something would be done to me. I felt that the pale young

gentleman's blood was on my head, and that the Law would avenge it.

Without having any definite idea of the penalties I had incurred,

it was clear to me that village boys could not go stalking about

the country, ravaging the houses of gentlefolks and pitching into

the studious youth of England, without laying themselves open to

severe punishment. For some days, I even kept close at home, and

looked out at the kitchen door with the greatest caution and

trepidation before going on an errand, lest the officers of the

County Jail should pounce upon me. The pale young gentleman's nose

had stained my trousers, and I tried to wash out that evidence of

my guilt in the dead of night. I had cut my knuckles against the

pale young gentleman's teeth, and I twisted my imagination into a

thousand tangles, as I devised incredible ways of accounting for

that damnatory circumstance when I should be haled before the

Judges.

When the day came round for my return to the scene of the deed of

violence, my terrors reached their height. Whether myrmidons of

Justice, specially sent down from London, would be lying in ambush

behind the gate? Whether Miss Havisham, preferring to take personal

vengeance for an outrage done to her house, might rise in those

grave-clothes of hers, draw a pistol, and shoot me dead? Whether

suborned boys - a numerous band of mercenaries - might be engaged

to fall upon me in the brewery, and cuff me until I was no more? It

was high testimony to my confidence in the spirit of the pale young

gentleman, that I never imagined him accessory to these

retaliations; they always came into my mind as the acts of

injudicious relatives of his, goaded on by the state of his visage

and an indignant sympathy with the family features.

However, go to Miss Havisham's I must, and go I did. And behold!

nothing came of the late struggle. It was not alluded to in any

way, and no pale young gentleman was to be discovered on the

premises. I found the same gate open, and I explored the garden,

and even looked in at the windows of the detached house; but, my

view was suddenly stopped by the closed shutters within, and all

was lifeless. Only in the corner where the combat had taken place,

could I detect any evidence of the young gentleman's existence.

There were traces of his gore in that spot, and I covered them with

garden-mould from the eye of man.

On the broad landing between Miss Havisham's own room and that

other room in which the long table was laid out, I saw a

garden-chair - a light chair on wheels, that you pushed from

behind. It had been placed there since my last visit, and I

entered, that same day, on a regular occupation of pushing Miss

Havisham in this chair (when she was tired of walking with her hand

upon my shoulder) round her own room, and across the landing, and

round the other room. Over and over and over again, we would make

these journeys, and sometimes they would last as long as three

hours at a stretch. I insensibly fall into a general mention of

these journeys as numerous, because it was at once settled that I

should return every alternate day at noon for these purposes, and

because I am now going to sum up a period of at least eight or ten

months.

As we began to be more used to one another, Miss Havisham talked

more to me, and asked me such questions as what had I learnt and

what was I going to be? I told her I was going to be apprenticed to

Joe, I believed; and I enlarged upon my knowing nothing and wanting

to know everything, in the hope that she might offer some help

towards that desirable end. But, she did not; on the contrary, she

seemed to prefer my being ignorant. Neither did she ever give me

any money - or anything but my daily dinner - nor ever stipulate

that I should be paid for my services.

Estella was always about, and always let me in and out, but never

told me I might kiss her again. Sometimes, she would coldly

tolerate me; sometimes, she would condescend to me; sometimes, she

would be quite familiar with me; sometimes, she would tell me

energetically that she hated me. Miss Havisham would often ask me

in a whisper, or when we were alone, "Does she grow prettier and

prettier, Pip?" And when I said yes (for indeed she did), would

seem to enjoy it greedily. Also, when we played at cards Miss

Havisham would look on, with a miserly relish of Estella's moods,

whatever they were. And sometimes, when her moods were so many and

so contradictory of one another that I was puzzled what to say or

do, Miss Havisham would embrace her with lavish fondness, murmuring

something in her ear that sounded like "Break their hearts my pride

and hope, break their hearts and have no mercy!"

There was a song Joe used to hum fragments of at the forge, of

which the burden was Old Clem. This was not a very ceremonious way

of rendering homage to a patron saint; but, I believe Old Clem

stood in that relation towards smiths. It was a song that imitated

the measure of beating upon iron, and was a mere lyrical excuse for

the introduction of Old Clem's respected name. Thus, you were to

hammer boys round - Old Clem! With a thump and a sound - Old Clem!

Beat it out, beat it out - Old Clem! With a clink for the stout -

Old Clem! Blow the fire, blow the fire - Old Clem! Roaring dryer,

soaring higher - Old Clem! One day soon after the appearance of the

chair, Miss Havisham suddenly saying to me, with the impatient

movement of her fingers, "There, there, there! Sing!" I was

surprised into crooning this ditty as I pushed her over the floor.

It happened so to catch her fancy, that she took it up in a low

brooding voice as if she were singing in her sleep. After that, it

became customary with us to have it as we moved about, and Estella

would often join in; though the whole strain was so subdued, even

when there were three of us, that it made less noise in the grim

old house than the lightest breath of wind.

What could I become with these surroundings? How could my character

fail to be influenced by them? Is it to be wondered at if my

thoughts were dazed, as my eyes were, when I came out into the

natural light from the misty yellow rooms?

Perhaps, I might have told Joe about the pale young gentleman, if I

had not previously been betrayed into those enormous inventions to

which I had confessed. Under the circumstances, I felt that Joe

could hardly fail to discern in the pale young gentleman, an

appropriate passenger to be put into the black velvet coach;

therefore, I said nothing of him. Besides: that shrinking from

having Miss Havisham and Estella discussed, which had come upon me

in the beginning, grew much more potent as time went on. I reposed

complete confidence in no one but Biddy; but, I told poor Biddy

everything. Why it came natural to me to do so, and why Biddy had a

deep concern in everything I told her, I did not know then, though

I think I know now.

Meanwhile, councils went on in the kitchen at home, fraught with

almost insupportable aggravation to my exasperated spirit. That

ass, Pumblechook, used often to come over of a night for the purpose

of discussing my prospects with my sister; and I really do believe

(to this hour with less penitence than I ought to feel), that if

these hands could have taken a linchpin out of his chaise-cart,

they would have done it. The miserable man was a man of that

confined stolidity of mind, that he could not discuss my prospects

without having me before him - as it were, to operate upon - and he

would drag me up from my stool (usually by the collar) where I was

quiet in a corner, and, putting me before the fire as if I were

going to be cooked, would begin by saying, "Now, Mum, here is this

boy! Here is this boy which you brought up by hand. Hold up your

head, boy, and be for ever grateful unto them which so did do. Now,

Mum, with respections to this boy!" And then he would rumple my

hair the wrong way - which from my earliest remembrance, as already

hinted, I have in my soul denied the right of any fellow-creature

to do - and would hold me before him by the sleeve: a spectacle of

imbecility only to be equalled by himself.

Then, he and my sister would pair off in such nonsensical

speculations about Miss Havisham, and about what she would do with

me and for me, that I used to want - quite painfully - to burst

into spiteful tears, fly at Pumblechook, and pummel him all over.

In these dialogues, my sister spoke to me as if she were morally

wrenching one of my teeth out at every reference; while Pumblechook

himself, self-constituted my patron, would sit supervising me with

a depreciatory eye, like the architect of my fortunes who thought

himself engaged on a very unremunerative job.

In these discussions, Joe bore no part. But he was often talked at,

while they were in progress, by reason of Mrs. Joe's perceiving that

he was not favourable to my being taken from the forge. I was fully

old enough now, to be apprenticed to Joe; and when Joe sat with the

poker on his knees thoughtfully raking out the ashes between the

lower bars, my sister would so distinctly construe that innocent

action into opposition on his part, that she would dive at him,

take the poker out of his hands, shake him, and put it away. There

was a most irritating end to every one of these debates. All in a

moment, with nothing to lead up to it, my sister would stop herself

in a yawn, and catching sight of me as it were incidentally, would

swoop upon me with, "Come! there's enough of you! You get along to

bed; you've given trouble enough for one night, I hope!" As if I

had besought them as a favour to bother my life out.

We went on in this way for a long time, and it seemed likely that

we should continue to go on in this way for a long time, when, one

day, Miss Havisham stopped short as she and I were walking, she

leaning on my shoulder; and said with some displeasure:

"You are growing tall, Pip!"

I thought it best to hint, through the medium of a meditative look,

that this might be occasioned by circumstances over which I had no

control.

She said no more at the time; but, she presently stopped and looked

at me again; and presently again; and after that, looked frowning

and moody. On the next day of my attendance when our usual exercise

was over, and I had landed her at her dressingtable, she stayed me

with a movement of her impatient fingers:

"Tell me the name again of that blacksmith of yours."

"Joe Gargery, ma'am."

"Meaning the master you were to be apprenticed to?"

"Yes, Miss Havisham."

"You had better be apprenticed at once. Would Gargery come here

with you, and bring your indentures, do you think?"

I signified that I had no doubt he would take it as an honour to be

asked.

"Then let him come."

"At any particular time, Miss Havisham?"

"There, there! I know nothing about times. Let him come soon, and

come along with you."

When I got home at night, and delivered this message for Joe, my

sister "went on the Rampage," in a more alarming degree than at any

previous period. She asked me and Joe whether we supposed she was

door-mats under our feet, and how we dared to use her so, and what

company we graciously thought she was fit for? When she had

exhausted a torrent of such inquiries, she threw a candlestick at

Joe, burst into a loud sobbing, got out the dustpan - which was

always a very bad sign - put on her coarse apron, and began

cleaning up to a terrible extent. Not satisfied with a dry

cleaning, she took to a pail and scrubbing-brush, and cleaned us

out of house and home, so that we stood shivering in the back-yard.

It was ten o'clock at night before we ventured to creep in again,

and then she asked Joe why he hadn't married a Negress Slave at

once? Joe offered no answer, poor fellow, but stood feeling his

whisker and looking dejectedly at me, as if he thought it really

might have been a better speculation.

 

Chapter 13

It was a trial to my feelings, on the next day but one, to see Joe

arraying himself in his Sunday clothes to accompany me to Miss

Havisham's. However, as he thought his court-suit necessary to the

occasion, it was not for me tell him that he looked far better in

his working dress; the rather, because I knew he made himself so

dreadfully uncomfortable, entirely on my account, and that it was

for me he pulled up his shirt-collar so very high behind, that it

made the hair on the crown of his head stand up like a tuft of

feathers.

At breakfast time my sister declared her intention of going to town

with us, and being left at Uncle Pumblechook's and called for "when

we had done with our fine ladies" - a way of putting the case, from

which Joe appeared inclined to augur the worst. The forge was shut

up for the day, and Joe inscribed in chalk upon the door (as it was

his custom to do on the very rare occasions when he was not at

work) the monosyllable HOUT, accompanied by a sketch of an arrow

supposed to be flying in the direction he had taken.

We walked to town, my sister leading the way in a very large beaver

bonnet, and carrying a basket like the Great Seal of England in

plaited straw, a pair of pattens, a spare shawl, and an umbrella,

though it was a fine bright day. I am not quite clear whether these

articles were carried penitentially or ostentatiously; but, I

rather think they were displayed as articles of property - much as

Cleopatra or any other sovereign lady on the Rampage might exhibit

her wealth in a pageant or procession.

When we came to Pumblechook's, my sister bounced in and left us. As

it was almost noon, Joe and I held straight on to Miss Havisham's

house. Estella opened the gate as usual, and, the moment she

appeared, Joe took his hat off and stood weighing it by the brim in

both his hands: as if he had some urgent reason in his mind for

being particular to half a quarter of an ounce.

Estella took no notice of either of us, but led us the way that I

knew so well. I followed next to her, and Joe came last. When I

looked back at Joe in the long passage, he was still weighing his

hat with the greatest care, and was coming after us in long strides

on the tips of his toes.

Estella told me we were both to go in, so I took Joe by the

coat-cuff and conducted him into Miss Havisham's presence. She was

seated at her dressing-table, and looked round at us immediately.

"Oh!" said she to Joe. "You are the husband of the sister of this

boy?"

I could hardly have imagined dear old Joe looking so unlike himself

or so like some extraordinary bird; standing, as he did,

speechless, with his tuft of feathers ruffled, and his mouth open,

as if he wanted a worm.

"You are the husband," repeated Miss Havisham, "of the sister of

this boy?"

It was very aggravating; but, throughout the interview Joe

persisted in addressing Me instead of Miss Havisham.

"Which I meantersay, Pip," Joe now observed in a manner that was at

once expressive of forcible argumentation, strict confidence, and

great politeness, "as I hup and married your sister, and I were at

the time what you might call (if you was anyways inclined) a single

man."

"Well!" said Miss Havisham. "And you have reared the boy, with the

intention of taking him for your apprentice; is that so, Mr.

Gargery?"

"You know, Pip," replied Joe, "as you and me were ever friends, and

it were looked for'ard to betwixt us, as being calc'lated to lead

to larks. Not but what, Pip, if you had ever made objections to the

business - such as its being open to black and sut, or such-like -

not but what they would have been attended to, don't you see?"

"Has the boy," said Miss Havisham, "ever made any objection? Does

he like the trade?"

"Which it is well beknown to yourself, Pip," returned Joe,

strengthening his former mixture of argumentation, confidence, and

politeness, "that it were the wish of your own hart." (I saw the

idea suddenly break upon him that he would adapt his epitaph to the

occasion, before he went on to say) "And there weren't no objection

on your part, and Pip it were the great wish of your heart!"

It was quite in vain for me to endeavour to make him sensible that

he ought to speak to Miss Havisham. The more I made faces and

gestures to him to do it, the more confidential, argumentative, and

polite, he persisted in being to Me.

"Have you brought his indentures with you?" asked Miss Havisham.

"Well, Pip, you know," replied Joe, as if that were a little

unreasonable, "you yourself see me put 'em in my 'at, and therefore

you know as they are here." With which he took them out, and gave

them, not to Miss Havisham, but to me. I am afraid I was ashamed of

the dear good fellow - I know I was ashamed of him - when I saw

that Estella stood at the back of Miss Havisham's chair, and that

her eyes laughed mischievously. I took the indentures out of his

hand and gave them to Miss Havisham.

"You expected," said Miss Havisham, as she looked them over, "no

premium with the boy?"

"Joe!" I remonstrated; for he made no reply at all. "Why don't you

answer--"

"Pip," returned Joe, cutting me short as if he were hurt, "which I

meantersay that were not a question requiring a answer betwixt

yourself and me, and which you know the answer to be full well No.

You know it to be No, Pip, and wherefore should I say it?"

Miss Havisham glanced at him as if she understood what he really

was, better than I had thought possible, seeing what he was there;

and took up a little bag from the table beside her.

"Pip has earned a premium here," she said, "and here it is. There

are five-and-twenty guineas in this bag. Give it to your master,

Pip."

As if he were absolutely out of his mind with the wonder awakened

in him by her strange figure and the strange room, Joe, even at

this pass, persisted in addressing me.

"This is wery liberal on your part, Pip," said Joe, "and it is as

such received and grateful welcome, though never looked for, far

nor near nor nowheres. And now, old chap," said Joe, conveying to

me a sensation, first of burning and then of freezing, for I felt

as if that familiar expression were applied to Miss Havisham; "and

now, old chap, may we do our duty! May you and me do our duty, both

on us by one and another, and by them which your liberal present -

have - conweyed - to be - for the satisfaction of mind - of - them

as never--" here Joe showed that he felt he had fallen into

frightful difficulties, until he triumphantly rescued himself with

the words, "and from myself far be it!" These words had such a

round and convincing sound for him that he said them twice.

"Good-bye, Pip!" said Miss Havisham. "Let them out, Estella."

"Am I to come again, Miss Havisham?" I asked.

"No. Gargery is your master now. Gargery! One word!"

Thus calling him back as I went out of the door, I heard her say to

Joe, in a distinct emphatic voice, "The boy has been a good boy

here, and that is his reward. Of course, as an honest man, you will

expect no other and no more."

How Joe got out of the room, I have never been able to determine;

but, I know that when he did get out he was steadily proceeding

up-stairs instead of coming down, and was deaf to all remonstrances

until I went after him and laid hold of him. In another minute we

were outside the gate, and it was locked, and Estella was gone.

When we stood in the daylight alone again, Joe backed up against a

wall, and said to me, "Astonishing!" And there he remained so long,

saying "Astonishing" at intervals, so often, that I began to think

his senses were never coming back. At length he prolonged his

remark into "Pip, I do assure you this is as-TONishing!" and so, by

degrees, became conversational and able to walk away.

I have reason to think that Joe's intellects were brightened by the

encounter they had passed through, and that on our way to

Pumblechook's he invented a subtle and deep design. My reason is to

be found in what took place in Mr. Pumblechook's parlour: where, on

our presenting ourselves, my sister sat in conference with that

detested seedsman.

"Well?" cried my sister, addressing us both at once. "And what's

happened to you? I wonder you condescend to come back to such poor

society as this, I am sure I do!"

"Miss Havisham," said Joe, with a fixed look at me, like an effort

of remembrance, "made it wery partick'ler that we should give her -

were it compliments or respects, Pip?"

"Compliments," I said.

"Which that were my own belief," answered Joe - "her compliments to

Mrs. J. Gargery--"

"Much good they'll do me!" observed my sister; but rather gratified

too.

"And wishing," pursued Joe, with another fixed look at me, like

another effort of remembrance, "that the state of Miss Havisham's

elth were sitch as would have - allowed, were it, Pip?"

"Of her having the pleasure," I added.

"Of ladies' company," said Joe. And drew a long breath.

"Well!" cried my sister, with a mollified glance at Mr. Pumblechook.

"She might have had the politeness to send that message at first,

but it's better late than never. And what did she give young

Rantipole here?"

"She giv' him," said Joe, "nothing."

Mrs. Joe was going to break out, but Joe went on.

"What she giv'," said Joe, "she giv' to his friends. 'And by his

friends,' were her explanation, 'I mean into the hands of his

sister Mrs. J. Gargery.' Them were her words; 'Mrs. J. Gargery.' She

mayn't have know'd," added Joe, with an appearance of reflection,

"whether it were Joe, or Jorge."

My sister looked at Pumblechook: who smoothed the elbows of his

wooden armchair, and nodded at her and at the fire, as if he had

known all about it beforehand.

"And how much have you got?" asked my sister, laughing. Positively,

laughing!

"What would present company say to ten pound?" demanded Joe.

"They'd say," returned my sister, curtly, "pretty well. Not too

much, but pretty well."

"It's more than that, then," said Joe.

That fearful Impostor, Pumblechook, immediately nodded, and said,

as he rubbed the arms of his chair: "It's more than that, Mum."

"Why, you don't mean to say--" began my sister.

"Yes I do, Mum," said Pumblechook; "but wait a bit. Go on, Joseph.

Good in you! Go on!"

"What would present company say," proceeded Joe, "to twenty pound?"

"Handsome would be the word," returned my sister.

"Well, then," said Joe, "It's more than twenty pound."

That abject hypocrite, Pumblechook, nodded again, and said, with a

patronizing laugh, "It's more than that, Mum. Good again! Follow her

up, Joseph!"

"Then to make an end of it," said Joe, delightedly handing the bag

to my sister; "it's five-and-twenty pound."

"It's five-and-twenty pound, Mum," echoed that basest of swindlers,

Pumblechook, rising to shake hands with her; "and it's no more than

your merits (as I said when my opinion was asked), and I wish you

joy of the money!"

If the villain had stopped here, his case would have been

sufficiently awful, but he blackened his guilt by proceeding to

take me into custody, with a right of patronage that left all his

former criminality far behind.

"Now you see, Joseph and wife," said Pumblechook, as he took me by

the arm above the elbow, "I am one of them that always go right

through with what they've begun. This boy must be bound, out of

hand. That's my way. Bound out of hand."

"Goodness knows, Uncle Pumblechook," said my sister (grasping the

money), "we're deeply beholden to you."

"Never mind me, Mum, returned that diabolical corn-chandler. "A

pleasure's a pleasure, all the world over. But this boy, you know;

we must have him bound. I said I'd see to it - to tell you the

truth."

The Justices were sitting in the Town Hall near at hand, and we at

once went over to have me bound apprentice to Joe in the

Magisterial presence. I say, we went over, but I was pushed over by

Pumblechook, exactly as if I had that moment picked a pocket or

fired a rick; indeed, it was the general impression in Court that I

had been taken red-handed, for, as Pumblechook shoved me before him

through the crowd, I heard some people say, "What's he done?" and

others, "He's a young 'un, too, but looks bad, don't he? One person

of mild and benevolent aspect even gave me a tract ornamented with

a woodcut of a malevolent young man fitted up with a perfect

sausage-shop of fetters, and entitled, TO BE READ IN MY CELL.

The Hall was a queer place, I thought, with higher pews in it than

a church - and with people hanging over the pews looking on - and

with mighty Justices (one with a powdered head) leaning back in

chairs, with folded arms, or taking snuff, or going to sleep, or

writing, or reading the newspapers - and with some shining black

portraits on the walls, which my unartistic eye regarded as a

composition of hardbake and sticking-plaister. Here, in a corner,

my indentures were duly signed and attested, and I was "bound;" Mr.

Pumblechook holding me all the while as if we had looked in on our

way to the scaffold, to have those little preliminaries disposed

of.

When we had come out again, and had got rid of the boys who had

been put into great spirits by the expectation of seeing me

publicly tortured, and who were much disappointed to find that my

friends were merely rallying round me, we went back to

Pumblechook's. And there my sister became so excited by the

twenty-five guineas, that nothing would serve her but we must have

a dinner out of that windfall, at the Blue Boar, and that

Pumblechook must go over in his chaise-cart, and bring the Hubbles

and Mr. Wopsle.

It was agreed to be done; and a most melancholy day I passed. For,

it inscrutably appeared to stand to reason, in the minds of the

whole company, that I was an excrescence on the entertainment. And

to make it worse, they all asked me from time to time - in short,

whenever they had nothing else to do - why I didn't enjoy myself.

And what could I possibly do then, but say I was enjoying myself -

when I wasn't?

However, they were grown up and had their own way, and they made

the most of it. That swindling Pumblechook, exalted into the

beneficent contriver of the whole occasion, actually took the top

of the table; and, when he addressed them on the subject of my

being bound, and had fiendishly congratulated them on my being

liable to imprisonment if I played at cards, drank strong liquors,

kept late hours or bad company, or indulged in other vagaries which

the form of my indentures appeared to contemplate as next to

inevitable, he placed me standing on a chair beside him, to

illustrate his remarks.

My only other remembrances of the great festival are, That they

wouldn't let me go to sleep, but whenever they saw me dropping off,

woke me up and told me to enjoy myself. That, rather late in the

evening Mr. Wopsle gave us Collins's ode, and threw his bloodstain'd

sword in thunder down, with such effect, that a waiter came in and

said, "The Commercials underneath sent up their compliments, and it

wasn't the Tumblers' Arms." That, they were all in excellent

spirits on the road home, and sang O Lady Fair! Mr. Wopsle taking

the bass, and asserting with a tremendously strong voice (in reply

to the inquisitive bore who leads that piece of music in a most

impertinent manner, by wanting to know all about everybody's

private affairs) that he was the man with his white locks flowing,

and that he was upon the whole the weakest pilgrim going.

Finally, I remember that when I got into my little bedroom I was

truly wretched, and had a strong conviction on me that I should

never like Joe's trade. I had liked it once, but once was not now.

 

Chapter 14

It is a most miserable thing to feel ashamed of home. There may be

black ingratitude in the thing, and the punishment may be

retributive and well deserved; but, that it is a miserable thing, I

can testify.

Home had never been a very pleasant place to me, because of my

sister's temper. But, Joe had sanctified it, and I had believed in

it. I had believed in the best parlour as a most elegant saloon; I

had believed in the front door, as a mysterious portal of the

Temple of State whose solemn opening was attended with a sacrifice

of roast fowls; I had believed in the kitchen as a chaste though

not magnificent apartment; I had believed in the forge as the

glowing road to manhood and independence. Within a single year, all

this was changed. Now, it was all coarse and common, and I would

not have had Miss Havisham and Estella see it on any account.

How much of my ungracious condition of mind may have been my own

fault, how much Miss Havisham's, how much my sister's, is now of no

moment to me or to any one. The change was made in me; the thing

was done. Well or ill done, excusably or inexcusably, it was done.

Once, it had seemed to me that when I should at last roll up my

shirt-sleeves and go into the forge, Joe's 'prentice, I should be

distinguished and happy. Now the reality was in my hold, I only

felt that I was dusty with the dust of small coal, and that I had a

weight upon my daily remembrance to which the anvil was a feather.

There have been occasions in my later life (I suppose as in most

lives) when I have felt for a time as if a thick curtain had fallen

on all its interest and romance, to shut me out from anything save

dull endurance any more. Never has that curtain dropped so heavy

and blank, as when my way in life lay stretched out straight before

me through the newly-entered road of apprenticeship to Joe.

I remember that at a later period of my "time," I used to stand

about the churchyard on Sunday evenings when night was falling,

comparing my own perspective with the windy marsh view, and making

out some likeness between them by thinking how flat and low both

were, and how on both there came an unknown way and a dark mist and

then the sea. I was quite as dejected on the first working-day of

my apprenticeship as in that after-time; but I am glad to know that

I never breathed a murmur to Joe while my indentures lasted. It is

about the only thing I am glad to know of myself in that

connection.

For, though it includes what I proceed to add, all the merit of

what I proceed to add was Joe's. It was not because I was faithful,

but because Joe was faithful, that I never ran away and went for a

soldier or a sailor. It was not because I had a strong sense of the

virtue of industry, but because Joe had a strong sense of the

virtue of industry, that I worked with tolerable zeal against the

grain. It is not possible to know how far the influence of any

amiable honest-hearted duty-doing man flies out into the world; but

it is very possible to know how it has touched one's self in going

by, and I know right well, that any good that intermixed itself

with my apprenticeship came of plain contented Joe, and not of

restlessly aspiring discontented me.

What I wanted, who can say? How can I say, when I never knew? What

I dreaded was, that in some unlucky hour I, being at my grimiest

and commonest, should lift up my eyes and see Estella looking in at

one of the wooden windows of the forge. I was haunted by the fear

that she would, sooner or later, find me out, with a black face and

hands, doing the coarsest part of my work, and would exult over me

and despise me. Often after dark, when I was pulling the bellows

for Joe, and we were singing Old Clem, and when the thought how we

used to sing it at Miss Havisham's would seem to show me Estella's

face in the fire, with her pretty hair fluttering in the wind and

her eyes scorning me, - often at such a time I would look towards

those panels of black night in the wall which the wooden windows

then were, and would fancy that I saw her just drawing her face

away, and would believe that she had come at last.

After that, when we went in to supper, the place and the meal would

have a more homely look than ever, and I would feel more ashamed of

home than ever, in my own ungracious breast.

 

Chapter 15

As I was getting too big for Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt's room, my

education under that preposterous female terminated. Not, however,

until Biddy had imparted to me everything she knew, from the little

catalogue of prices, to a comic song she had once bought for a

halfpenny. Although the only coherent part of the latter piece of

literature were the opening lines,

When I went to Lunnon town sirs, Too rul loo rul Too rul loo rul

Wasn't I done very brown sirs? Too rul loo rul Too rul loo rul

- still, in my desire to be wiser, I got this composition by heart

with the utmost gravity; nor do I recollect that I questioned its

merit, except that I thought (as I still do) the amount of Too rul

somewhat in excess of the poetry. In my hunger for information, I

made proposals to Mr. Wopsle to bestow some intellectual crumbs upon

me; with which he kindly complied. As it turned out, however, that

he only wanted me for a dramatic lay-figure, to be contradicted and

embraced and wept over and bullied and clutched and stabbed and

knocked about in a variety of ways, I soon declined that course of

instruction; though not until Mr. Wopsle in his poetic fury had

severely mauled me.

Whatever I acquired, I tried to impart to Joe. This statement

sounds so well, that I cannot in my conscience let it pass

unexplained. I wanted to make Joe less ignorant and common, that he

might be worthier of my society and less open to Estella's

reproach.

The old Battery out on the marshes was our place of study, and a

broken slate and a short piece of slate pencil were our educational

implements: to which Joe always added a pipe of tobacco. I never

knew Joe to remember anything from one Sunday to another, or to

acquire, under my tuition, any piece of information whatever. Yet

he would smoke his pipe at the Battery with a far more sagacious

air than anywhere else - even with a learned air - as if he

considered himself to be advancing immensely. Dear fellow, I hope

he did.

It was pleasant and quiet, out there with the sails on the river

passing beyond the earthwork, and sometimes, when the tide was low,

looking as if they belonged to sunken ships that were still sailing

on at the bottom of the water. Whenever I watched the vessels

standing out to sea with their white sails spread, I somehow

thought of Miss Havisham and Estella; and whenever the light struck

aslant, afar off, upon a cloud or sail or green hill-side or

water-line, it was just the same. - Miss Havisham and Estella and

the strange house and the strange life appeared to have something

to do with everything that was picturesque.

One Sunday when Joe, greatly enjoying his pipe, had so plumed

himself on being "most awful dull," that I had given him up for the

day, I lay on the earthwork for some time with my chin on my hand,

descrying traces of Miss Havisham and Estella all over the

prospect, in the sky and in the water, until at last I resolved to

mention a thought concerning them that had been much in my head.

"Joe," said I; "don't you think I ought to make Miss Havisham a

visit?"

"Well, Pip," returned Joe, slowly considering. "What for?"

"What for, Joe? What is any visit made for?"

"There is some wisits, p'r'aps," said Joe, "as for ever remains

open to the question, Pip. But in regard to wisiting Miss Havisham.

She might think you wanted something - expected something of her."

"Don't you think I might say that I did not, Joe?"

"You might, old chap," said Joe. "And she might credit it.

Similarly she mightn't."

Joe felt, as I did, that he had made a point there, and he pulled

hard at his pipe to keep himself from weakening it by repetition.

"You see, Pip," Joe pursued, as soon as he was past that danger,

"Miss Havisham done the handsome thing by you. When Miss Havisham

done the handsome thing by you, she called me back to say to me as

that were all."

"Yes, Joe. I heard her."

"ALL," Joe repeated, very emphatically.

"Yes, Joe. I tell you, I heard her."

"Which I meantersay, Pip, it might be that her meaning were - Make

a end on it! - As you was! - Me to the North, and you to the South!

- Keep in sunders!"

I had thought of that too, and it was very far from comforting to

me to find that he had thought of it; for it seemed to render it

more probable.

"But, Joe."

"Yes, old chap."

"Here am I, getting on in the first year of my time, and, since the

day of my being bound, I have never thanked Miss Havisham, or asked

after her, or shown that I remember her."

"That's true, Pip; and unless you was to turn her out a set of

shoes all four round - and which I meantersay as even a set of

shoes all four round might not be acceptable as a present, in a

total wacancy of hoofs--"

"I don't mean that sort of remembrance, Joe; I don't mean a

present."

But Joe had got the idea of a present in his head and must harp

upon it. "Or even," said he, "if you was helped to knocking her up

a new chain for the front door - or say a gross or two of

shark-headed screws for general use - or some light fancy article,

such as a toasting-fork when she took her muffins - or a gridiron

when she took a sprat or such like--"

"I don't mean any present at all, Joe," I interposed.

"Well," said Joe, still harping on it as though I had particularly

pressed it, "if I was yourself, Pip, I wouldn't. No, I would not.

For what's a door-chain when she's got one always up? And

shark-headers is open to misrepresentations. And if it was a

toasting-fork, you'd go into brass and do yourself no credit. And

the oncommonest workman can't show himself oncommon in a gridiron -

for a gridiron IS a gridiron," said Joe, steadfastly impressing it

upon me, as if he were endeavouring to rouse me from a fixed

delusion, "and you may haim at what you like, but a gridiron it

will come out, either by your leave or again your leave, and you

can't help yourself--"

"My dear Joe," I cried, in desperation, taking hold of his coat,

"don't go on in that way. I never thought of making Miss Havisham

any present."

"No, Pip," Joe assented, as if he had been contending for that, all

along; "and what I say to you is, you are right, Pip."

"Yes, Joe; but what I wanted to say, was, that as we are rather

slack just now, if you would give me a half-holiday to-morrow, I

think I would go up-town and make a call on Miss Est - Havisham."

"Which her name," said Joe, gravely, "ain't Estavisham, Pip, unless

she have been rechris'ened."

"I know, Joe, I know. It was a slip of mine. What do you think of

it, Joe?"

In brief, Joe thought that if I thought well of it, he thought well

of it. But, he was particular in stipulating that if I were not

received with cordiality, or if I were not encouraged to repeat my

visit as a visit which had no ulterior object but was simply one of

gratitude for a favour received, then this experimental trip should

have no successor. By these conditions I promised to abide.

Now, Joe kept a journeyman at weekly wages whose name was Orlick.

He pretended that his Christian name was Dolge - a clear

impossibility - but he was a fellow of that obstinate disposition

that I believe him to have been the prey of no delusion in this

particular, but wilfully to have imposed that name upon the village

as an affront to its understanding. He was a broadshouldered

loose-limbed swarthy fellow of great strength, never in a hurry,

and always slouching. He never even seemed to come to his work on

purpose, but would slouch in as if by mere accident; and when he

went to the Jolly Bargemen to eat his dinner, or went away at

night, he would slouch out, like Cain or the Wandering Jew, as if

he had no idea where he was going and no intention of ever coming

back. He lodged at a sluice-keeper's out on the marshes, and on

working days would come slouching from his hermitage, with his

hands in his pockets and his dinner loosely tied in a bundle round

his neck and dangling on his back. On Sundays he mostly lay all day

on the sluice-gates, or stood against ricks and barns. He always

slouched, locomotively, with his eyes on the ground; and, when

accosted or otherwise required to raise them, he looked up in a

half resentful, half puzzled way, as though the only thought he

ever had, was, that it was rather an odd and injurious fact that he

should never be thinking.

This morose journeyman had no liking for me. When I was very small

and timid, he gave me to understand that the Devil lived in a black

corner of the forge, and that he knew the fiend very well: also

that it was necessary to make up the fire, once in seven years,

with a live boy, and that I might consider myself fuel. When I

became Joe's 'prentice, Orlick was perhaps confirmed in some

suspicion that I should displace him; howbeit, he liked me still

less. Not that he ever said anything, or did anything, openly

importing hostility; I only noticed that he always beat his sparks

in my direction, and that whenever I sang Old Clem, he came in out

of time.

Dolge Orlick was at work and present, next day, when I reminded Joe

of my half-holiday. He said nothing at the moment, for he and Joe

had just got a piece of hot iron between them, and I was at the

bellows; but by-and-by he said, leaning on his hammer:

"Now, master! Sure you're not a-going to favour only one of us. If

Young Pip has a half-holiday, do as much for Old Orlick." I suppose

he was about five-and-twenty, but he usually spoke of himself as an

ancient person.

"Why, what'll you do with a half-holiday, if you get it?" said Joe.

"What'll I do with it! What'll he do with it? I'll do as much with

it as him," said Orlick.

"As to Pip, he's going up-town," said Joe.

"Well then, as to Old Orlick, he's a-going up-town," retorted that

worthy. "Two can go up-town. Tan't only one wot can go up-town.

"Don't lose your temper," said Joe.

"Shall if I like," growled Orlick. "Some and their up-towning! Now,

master! Come. No favouring in this shop. Be a man!"

The master refusing to entertain the subject until the journeyman

was in a better temper, Orlick plunged at the furnace, drew out a

red-hot bar, made at me with it as if he were going to run it

through my body, whisked it round my head, laid it on the anvil,

hammered it out - as if it were I, I thought, and the sparks were

my spirting blood - and finally said, when he had hammered himself

hot and the iron cold, and he again leaned on his hammer:

"Now, master!"

"Are you all right now?" demanded Joe.

"Ah! I am all right," said gruff Old Orlick.

"Then, as in general you stick to your work as well as most men,"

said Joe, "let it be a half-holiday for all."

My sister had been standing silent in the yard, within hearing -

she was a most unscrupulous spy and listener - and she instantly

looked in at one of the windows.

"Like you, you fool!" said she to Joe, "giving holidays to great

idle hulkers like that. You are a rich man, upon my life, to waste

wages in that way. I wish I was his master!"

"You'd be everybody's master, if you durst," retorted Orlick, with

an ill-favoured grin.

("Let her alone," said Joe.)

"I'd be a match for all noodles and all rogues," returned my

sister, beginning to work herself into a mighty rage. "And I

couldn't be a match for the noodles, without being a match for your

master, who's the dunder-headed king of the noodles. And I couldn't

be a match for the rogues, without being a match for you, who are

the blackest-looking and the worst rogue between this and France.

Now!"

"You're a foul shrew, Mother Gargery, growled the journeyman. "If

that makes a judge of rogues, you ought to be a good'un."

("Let her alone, will you?" said Joe.)

"What did you say?" cried my sister, beginning to scream. "What did

you say? What did that fellow Orlick say to me, Pip? What did he

call me, with my husband standing by? O! O! O!" Each of these

exclamations was a shriek; and I must remark of my sister, what is

equally true of all the violent women I have ever seen, that

passion was no excuse for her, because it is undeniable that

instead of lapsing into passion, she consciously and deliberately

took extraordinary pains to force herself into it, and became

blindly furious by regular stages; "what was the name he gave me

before the base man who swore to defend me? O! Hold me! O!"

"Ah-h-h!" growled the journeyman, between his teeth, "I'd hold you,

if you was my wife. I'd hold you under the pump, and choke it out

of you."

("I tell you, let her alone," said Joe.)

"Oh! To hear him!" cried my sister, with a clap of her hands and a

scream together - which was her next stage. "To hear the names he's

giving me! That Orlick! In my own house! Me, a married woman! With

my husband standing by! O! O!" Here my sister, after a fit of

clappings and screamings, beat her hands upon her bosom and upon

her knees, and threw her cap off, and pulled her hair down - which

were the last stages on her road to frenzy. Being by this time a

perfect Fury and a complete success, she made a dash at the door,

which I had fortunately locked.

What could the wretched Joe do now, after his disregarded

parenthetical interruptions, but stand up to his journeyman, and

ask him what he meant by interfering betwixt himself and Mrs. Joe;

and further whether he was man enough to come on? Old Orlick felt

that the situation admitted of nothing less than coming on, and was

on his defence straightway; so, without so much as pulling off

their singed and burnt aprons, they went at one another, like two

giants. But, if any man in that neighbourhood could stand up long

against Joe, I never saw the man. Orlick, as if he had been of no

more account than the pale young gentleman, was very soon among the

coal-dust, and in no hurry to come out of it. Then, Joe unlocked

the door and picked up my sister, who had dropped insensible at the

window (but who had seen the fight first, I think), and who was

carried into the house and laid down, and who was recommended to

revive, and would do nothing but struggle and clench her hands in

Joe's hair. Then, came that singular calm and silence which succeed

all uproars; and then, with the vague sensation which I have always

connected with such a lull - namely, that it was Sunday, and

somebody was dead - I went up-stairs to dress myself.

When I came down again, I found Joe and Orlick sweeping up, without

any other traces of discomposure than a slit in one of Orlick's

nostrils, which was neither expressive nor ornamental. A pot of

beer had appeared from the Jolly Bargemen, and they were sharing it

by turns in a peaceable manner. The lull had a sedative and

philosophical influence on Joe, who followed me out into the road

to say, as a parting observation that might do me good, "On the

Rampage, Pip, and off the Rampage, Pip - such is Life!"

With what absurd emotions (for, we think the feelings that are very

serious in a man quite comical in a boy) I found myself again going

to Miss Havisham's, matters little here. Nor, how I passed and

repassed the gate many times before I could make up my mind to

ring. Nor, how I debated whether I should go away without ringing;

nor, how I should undoubtedly have gone, if my time had been my

own, to come back.

Miss Sarah Pocket came to the gate. No Estella.

"How, then? You here again?" said Miss Pocket. "What do you want?"

When I said that I only came to see how Miss Havisham was, Sarah

evidently deliberated whether or no she should send me about my

business. But, unwilling to hazard the responsibility, she let me

in, and presently brought the sharp message that I was to "come

up."

Everything was unchanged, and Miss Havisham was alone.

"Well?" said she, fixing her eyes upon me. "I hope you want

nothing? You'll get nothing."

"No, indeed, Miss Havisham. I only wanted you to know that I am

doing very well in my apprenticeship, and am always much obliged to

you."

"There, there!" with the old restless fingers. "Come now and then;

come on your birthday. - Ay!" she cried suddenly, turning herself

and her chair towards me, "You are looking round for Estella? Hey?"

I had been looking round - in fact, for Estella - and I stammered

that I hoped she was well.

"Abroad," said Miss Havisham; "educating for a lady; far out of

reach; prettier than ever; admired by all who see her. Do you feel

that you have lost her?"

There was such a malignant enjoyment in her utterance of the last

words, and she broke into such a disagreeable laugh, that I was at

a loss what to say. She spared me the trouble of considering, by

dismissing me. When the gate was closed upon me by Sarah of the

walnut-shell countenance, I felt more than ever dissatisfied with

my home and with my trade and with everything; and that was all I

took by that motion.

As I was loitering along the High-street, looking in disconsolately

at the shop windows, and thinking what I would buy if I were a

gentleman, who should come out of the bookshop but Mr. Wopsle. Mr

Wopsle had in his hand the affecting tragedy of George Barnwell, in

which he had that moment invested sixpence, with the view of

heaping every word of it on the head of Pumblechook, with whom he

was going to drink tea. No sooner did he see me, than he appeared

to consider that a special Providence had put a 'prentice in his

way to be read at; and he laid hold of me, and insisted on my

accompanying him to the Pumblechookian parlour. As I knew it would

be miserable at home, and as the nights were dark and the way was

dreary, and almost any companionship on the road was better than

none, I made no great resistance; consequently, we turned into

Pumblechook's just as the street and the shops were lighting up.

As I never assisted at any other representation of George Barnwell,

I don't know how long it may usually take; but I know very well

that it took until half-past nine o' clock that night, and that

when Mr. Wopsle got into Newgate, I thought he never would go to the

scaffold, he became so much slower than at any former period of his

disgraceful career. I thought it a little too much that he should

complain of being cut short in his flower after all, as if he had

not been running to seed, leaf after leaf, ever since his course

began. This, however, was a mere question of length and

wearisomeness. What stung me, was the identification of the whole

affair with my unoffending self. When Barnwell began to go wrong, I

declare that I felt positively apologetic, Pumblechook's indignant

stare so taxed me with it. Wopsle, too, took pains to present me in

the worst light. At once ferocious and maudlin, I was made to

murder my uncle with no extenuating circumstances whatever;

Millwood put me down in argument, on every occasion; it became

sheer monomania in my master's daughter to care a button for me;

and all I can say for my gasping and procrastinating conduct on the

fatal morning, is, that it was worthy of the general feebleness of

my character. Even after I was happily hanged and Wopsle had closed

the book, Pumblechook sat staring at me, and shaking his head, and

saying, "Take warning, boy, take warning!" as if it were a

well-known fact that I contemplated murdering a near relation,

provided I could only induce one to have the weakness to become my

benefactor.

It was a very dark night when it was all over, and when I set out

with Mr. Wopsle on the walk home. Beyond town, we found a heavy

mist out, and it fell wet and thick. The turnpike lamp was a blur,

quite out of the lamp's usual place apparently, and its rays looked

solid substance on the fog. We were noticing this, and saying how

that the mist rose with a change of wind from a certain quarter of

our marshes, when we came upon a man, slouching under the lee of

the turnpike house.

"Halloa!" we said, stopping. "Orlick, there?"

"Ah!" he answered, slouching out. "I was standing by, a minute, on

the chance of company."

"You are late," I remarked.

Orlick not unnaturally answered, "Well? And you're late."

"We have been," said Mr. Wopsle, exalted with his late performance,

"we have been indulging, Mr. Orlick, in an intellectual evening."

Old Orlick growled, as if he had nothing to say about that, and we

all went on together. I asked him presently whether he had been

spending his half-holiday up and down town?

"Yes," said he, "all of it. I come in behind yourself. I didn't see

you, but I must have been pretty close behind you. By-the-bye, the

guns is going again."

"At the Hulks?" said I.

"Ay! There's some of the birds flown from the cages. The guns have

been going since dark, about. You'll hear one presently."

In effect, we had not walked many yards further, when the

wellremembered boom came towards us, deadened by the mist, and

heavily rolled away along the low grounds by the river, as if it

were pursuing and threatening the fugitives.

"A good night for cutting off in," said Orlick. "We'd be puzzled

how to bring down a jail-bird on the wing, to-night."

The subject was a suggestive one to me, and I thought about it in

silence. Mr. Wopsle, as the ill-requited uncle of the evening's

tragedy, fell to meditating aloud in his garden at Camberwell.

Orlick, with his hands in his pockets, slouched heavily at my side.

It was very dark, very wet, very muddy, and so we splashed along.

Now and then, the sound of the signal cannon broke upon us again,

and again rolled sulkily along the course of the river. I kept

myself to myself and my thoughts. Mr. Wopsle died amiably at

Camberwell, and exceedingly game on Bosworth Field, and in the

greatest agonies at Glastonbury. Orlick sometimes growled, "Beat it

out, beat it out - Old Clem! With a clink for the stout - Old

Clem!" I thought he had been drinking, but he was not drunk.

Thus, we came to the village. The way by which we approached it,

took us past the Three Jolly Bargemen, which we were surprised to

find - it being eleven o'clock - in a state of commotion, with the

door wide open, and unwonted lights that had been hastily caught up

and put down, scattered about. Mr. Wopsle dropped in to ask what was

the matter (surmising that a convict had been taken), but came

running out in a great hurry.

"There's something wrong," said he, without stopping, "up at your

place, Pip. Run all!"

"What is it?" I asked, keeping up with him. So did Orlick, at my

side.

"I can't quite understand. The house seems to have been violently

entered when Joe Gargery was out. Supposed by convicts. Somebody

has been attacked and hurt."

We were running too fast to admit of more being said, and we made

no stop until we got into our kitchen. It was full of people; the

whole village was there, or in the yard; and there was a surgeon,

and there was Joe, and there was a group of women, all on the floor

in the midst of the kitchen. The unemployed bystanders drew back

when they saw me, and so I became aware of my sister - lying

without sense or movement on the bare boards where she had been

knocked down by a tremendous blow on the back of the head, dealt by

some unknown hand when her face was turned towards the fire -

destined never to be on the Rampage again, while she was the wife

of Joe.

 

Chapter 16

With my head full of George Barnwell, I was at first disposed to

believe that I must have had some hand in the attack upon my

sister, or at all events that as her near relation, popularly known

to be under obligations to her, I was a more legitimate object of

suspicion than any one else. But when, in the clearer light of next

morning, I began to reconsider the matter and to hear it discussed

around me on all sides, I took another view of the case, which was

more reasonable.

Joe had been at the Three Jolly Bargemen, smoking his pipe, from a

quarter after eight o'clock to a quarter before ten. While he was

there, my sister had been seen standing at the kitchen door, and

had exchanged Good Night with a farm-labourer going home. The man

could not be more particular as to the time at which he saw her (he

got into dense confusion when he tried to be), than that it must

have been before nine. When Joe went home at five minutes before

ten, he found her struck down on the floor, and promptly called in

assistance. The fire had not then burnt unusually low, nor was the

snuff of the candle very long; the candle, however, had been blown

out.

Nothing had been taken away from any part of the house. Neither,

beyond the blowing out of the candle - which stood on a table

between the door and my sister, and was behind her when she stood

facing the fire and was struck - was there any disarrangement of

the kitchen, excepting such as she herself had made, in falling and

bleeding. But, there was one remarkable piece of evidence on the

spot. She had been struck with something blunt and heavy, on the

head and spine; after the blows were dealt, something heavy had

been thrown down at her with considerable violence, as she lay on

her face. And on the ground beside her, when Joe picked her up, was

a convict's leg-iron which had been filed asunder.

Now, Joe, examining this iron with a smith's eye, declared it to

have been filed asunder some time ago. The hue and cry going off to

the Hulks, and people coming thence to examine the iron, Joe's

opinion was corroborated. They did not undertake to say when it had

left the prison-ships to which it undoubtedly had once belonged;

but they claimed to know for certain that that particular manacle

had not been worn by either of the two convicts who had escaped last

night. Further, one of those two was already re-taken, and had not

freed himself of his iron.

Knowing what I knew, I set up an inference of my own here. I

believed the iron to be my convict's iron - the iron I had seen and

heard him filing at, on the marshes - but my mind did not accuse

him of having put it to its latest use. For, I believed one of two

other persons to have become possessed of it, and to have turned it

to this cruel account. Either Orlick, or the strange man who had

shown me the file.

Now, as to Orlick; he had gone to town exactly as he told us when

we picked him up at the turnpike, he had been seen about town all

the evening, he had been in divers companies in several

public-houses, and he had come back with myself and Mr. Wopsle.

There was nothing against him, save the quarrel; and my sister had

quarrelled with him, and with everybody else about her, ten

thousand times. As to the strange man; if he had come back for his

two bank-notes there could have been no dispute about them, because

my sister was fully prepared to restore them. Besides, there had

been no altercation; the assailant had come in so silently and

suddenly, that she had been felled before she could look round.

It was horrible to think that I had provided the weapon, however

undesignedly, but I could hardly think otherwise. I suffered

unspeakable trouble while I considered and reconsidered whether I

should at last dissolve that spell of my childhood, and tell Joe

all the story. For months afterwards, I every day settled the

question finally in the negative, and reopened and reargued it next

morning. The contention came, after all, to this; - the secret was

such an old one now, had so grown into me and become a part of

myself, that I could not tear it away. In addition to the dread

that, having led up to so much mischief, it would be now more

likely than ever to alienate Joe from me if he believed it, I had a

further restraining dread that he would not believe it, but would

assort it with the fabulous dogs and veal-cutlets as a monstrous

invention. However, I temporized with myself, of course - for, was

I not wavering between right and wrong, when the thing is always

done? - and resolved to make a full disclosure if I should see any

such new occasion as a new chance of helping in the discovery of

the assailant.

The Constables, and the Bow Street men from London - for, this

happened in the days of the extinct red-waistcoated police - were

about the house for a week or two, and did pretty much what I have

heard and read of like authorities doing in other such cases. They

took up several obviously wrong people, and they ran their heads

very hard against wrong ideas, and persisted in trying to fit the

circumstances to the ideas, instead of trying to extract ideas from

the circumstances. Also, they stood about the door of the Jolly

Bargemen, with knowing and reserved looks that filled the whole

neighbourhood with admiration; and they had a mysterious manner of

taking their drink, that was almost as good as taking the culprit.

But not quite, for they never did it.

Long after these constitutional powers had dispersed, my sister lay

very ill in bed. Her sight was disturbed, so that she saw objects

multiplied, and grasped at visionary teacups and wine-glasses

instead of the realities; her hearing was greatly impaired; her

memory also; and her speech was unintelligible. When, at last, she

came round so far as to be helped down-stairs, it was still

necessary to keep my slate always by her, that she might indicate

in writing what she could not indicate in speech. As she was (very

bad handwriting apart) a more than indifferent speller, and as Joe

was a more than indifferent reader, extraordinary complications

arose between them, which I was always called in to solve. The

administration of mutton instead of medicine, the substitution of

Tea for Joe, and the baker for bacon, were among the mildest of my

own mistakes.

However, her temper was greatly improved, and she was patient. A

tremulous uncertainty of the action of all her limbs soon became a

part of her regular state, and afterwards, at intervals of two or

three months, she would often put her hands to her head, and would

then remain for about a week at a time in some gloomy aberration of

mind. We were at a loss to find a suitable attendant for her, until

a circumstance happened conveniently to relieve us. Mr. Wopsle's

great-aunt conquered a confirmed habit of living into which she had

fallen, and Biddy became a part of our establishment.

It may have been about a month after my sister's reappearance in

the kitchen, when Biddy came to us with a small speckled box

containing the whole of her worldly effects, and became a blessing

to the household. Above all, she was a blessing to Joe, for the

dear old fellow was sadly cut up by the constant contemplation of

the wreck of his wife, and had been accustomed, while attending on

her of an evening, to turn to me every now and then and say, with

his blue eyes moistened, "Such a fine figure of a woman as she once

were, Pip!" Biddy instantly taking the cleverest charge of her as

though she had studied her from infancy, Joe became able in some

sort to appreciate the greater quiet of his life, and to get down

to the Jolly Bargemen now and then for a change that did him good.

It was characteristic of the police people that they had all more

or less suspected poor Joe (though he never knew it), and that they

had to a man concurred in regarding him as one of the deepest

spirits they had ever encountered.

Biddy's first triumph in her new office, was to solve a difficulty

that had completely vanquished me. I had tried hard at it, but had

made nothing of it. Thus it was:

Again and again and again, my sister had traced upon the slate, a

character that looked like a curious T, and then with the utmost

eagerness had called our attention to it as something she

particularly wanted. I had in vain tried everything producible that

began with a T, from tar to toast and tub. At length it had come

into my head that the sign looked like a hammer, and on my lustily

calling that word in my sister's ear, she had begun to hammer on

the table and had expressed a qualified assent. Thereupon, I had

brought in all our hammers, one after another, but without avail.

Then I bethought me of a crutch, the shape being much the same, and

I borrowed one in the village, and displayed it to my sister with

considerable confidence. But she shook her head to that extent when

she was shown it, that we were terrified lest in her weak and

shattered state she should dislocate her neck.

When my sister found that Biddy was very quick to understand her,

this mysterious sign reappeared on the slate. Biddy looked

thoughtfully at it, heard my explanation, looked thoughtfully at my

sister, looked thoughtfully at Joe (who was always represented on

the slate by his initial letter), and ran into the forge, followed

by Joe and me.

"Why, of course!" cried Biddy, with an exultant face. "Don't you

see? It's him!"

Orlick, without a doubt! She had lost his name, and could only

signify him by his hammer. We told him why we wanted him to come

into the kitchen, and he slowly laid down his hammer, wiped his

brow with his arm, took another wipe at it with his apron, and came

slouching out, with a curious loose vagabond bend in the knees that

strongly distinguished him.

I confess that I expected to see my sister denounce him, and that I

was disappointed by the different result. She manifested the

greatest anxiety to be on good terms with him, was evidently much

pleased by his being at length produced, and motioned that she

would have him given something to drink. She watched his

countenance as if she were particularly wishful to be assured that

he took kindly to his reception, she showed every possible desire

to conciliate him, and there was an air of humble propitiation in

all she did, such as I have seen pervade the bearing of a child

towards a hard master. After that day, a day rarely passed without

her drawing the hammer on her slate, and without Orlick's slouching

in and standing doggedly before her, as if he knew no more than I

did what to make of it.

 

Chapter 17

I now fell into a regular routine of apprenticeship life, which was

varied, beyond the limits of the village and the marshes, by no

more remarkable circumstance than the arrival of my birthday and my

paying another visit to Miss Havisham. I found Miss Sarah Pocket

still on duty at the gate, I found Miss Havisham just as I had left

her, and she spoke of Estella in the very same way, if not in the

very same words. The interview lasted but a few minutes, and she

gave me a guinea when I was going, and told me to come again on my

next birthday. I may mention at once that this became an annual

custom. I tried to decline taking the guinea on the first occasion,

but with no better effect than causing her to ask me very angrily,

if I expected more? Then, and after that, I took it.

So unchanging was the dull old house, the yellow light in the

darkened room, the faded spectre in the chair by the dressing-table

glass, that I felt as if the stopping of the clocks had stopped

Time in that mysterious place, and, while I and everything else

outside it grew older, it stood still. Daylight never entered the

house as to my thoughts and remembrances of it, any more than as to

the actual fact. It bewildered me, and under its influence I

continued at heart to hate my trade and to be ashamed of home.

Imperceptibly I became conscious of a change in Biddy, however. Her

shoes came up at the heel, her hair grew bright and neat, her hands

were always clean. She was not beautiful - she was common, and

could not be like Estella - but she was pleasant and wholesome and

sweet-tempered. She had not been with us more than a year (I

remember her being newly out of mourning at the time it struck me),

when I observed to myself one evening that she had curiously

thoughtful and attentive eyes; eyes that were very pretty and very

good.

It came of my lifting up my own eyes from a task I was poring at -

writing some passages from a book, to improve myself in two ways at

once by a sort of stratagem - and seeing Biddy observant of what I

was about. I laid down my pen, and Biddy stopped in her needlework

without laying it down.

"Biddy," said I, "how do you manage it? Either I am very stupid, or

you are very clever."

"What is it that I manage? I don't know," returned Biddy, smiling.

She managed our whole domestic life, and wonderfully too; but I did

not mean that, though that made what I did mean, more surprising.

"How do you manage, Biddy," said I, "to learn everything that I

learn, and always to keep up with me?" I was beginning to be rather

vain of my knowledge, for I spent my birthday guineas on it, and

set aside the greater part of my pocket-money for similar

investment; though I have no doubt, now, that the little I knew was

extremely dear at the price.

"I might as well ask you," said Biddy, "how you manage?"

"No; because when I come in from the forge of a night, any one can

see me turning to at it. But you never turn to at it, Biddy."

"I suppose I must catch it - like a cough," said Biddy, quietly;

and went on with her sewing.

Pursuing my idea as I leaned back in my wooden chair and looked at

Biddy sewing away with her head on one side, I began to think her

rather an extraordinary girl. For, I called to mind now, that she

was equally accomplished in the terms of our trade, and the names

of our different sorts of work, and our various tools. In short,

whatever I knew, Biddy knew. Theoretically, she was already as good

a blacksmith as I, or better.

"You are one of those, Biddy," said I, "who make the most of every

chance. You never had a chance before you came here, and see how

improved you are!"

Biddy looked at me for an instant, and went on with her sewing. "I

was your first teacher though; wasn't I?" said she, as she sewed.

"Biddy!" I exclaimed, in amazement. "Why, you are crying!"

"No I am not," said Biddy, looking up and laughing. "What put that

in your head?"

What could have put it in my head, but the glistening of a tear as

it dropped on her work? I sat silent, recalling what a drudge she

had been until Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt successfully overcame that

bad habit of living, so highly desirable to be got rid of by some

people. I recalled the hopeless circumstances by which she had been

surrounded in the miserable little shop and the miserable little

noisy evening school, with that miserable old bundle of

incompetence always to be dragged and shouldered. I reflected that

even in those untoward times there must have been latent in Biddy

what was now developing, for, in my first uneasiness and discontent

I had turned to her for help, as a matter of course. Biddy sat

quietly sewing, shedding no more tears, and while I looked at her

and thought about it all, it occurred to me that perhaps I had not

been sufficiently grateful to Biddy. I might have been too

reserved, and should have patronized her more (though I did not use

that precise word in my meditations), with my confidence.

"Yes, Biddy," I observed, when I had done turning it over, "you

were my first teacher, and that at a time when we little thought of

ever being together like this, in this kitchen."

"Ah, poor thing!" replied Biddy. It was like her

self-forgetfulness, to transfer the remark to my sister, and to get

up and be busy about her, making her more comfortable; "that's

sadly true!"

"Well!" said I, "we must talk together a little more, as we used to

do. And I must consult you a little more, as I used to do. Let us

have a quiet walk on the marshes next Sunday, Biddy, and a long

chat."

My sister was never left alone now; but Joe more than readily

undertook the care of her on that Sunday afternoon, and Biddy and I

went out together. It was summer-time, and lovely weather. When we

had passed the village and the church and the churchyard, and were

out on the marshes and began to see the sails of the ships as they

sailed on, I began to combine Miss Havisham and Estella with the

prospect, in my usual way. When we came to the river-side and sat

down on the bank, with the water rippling at our feet, making it

all more quiet than it would have been without that sound, I

resolved that it was a good time and place for the admission of

Biddy into my inner confidence.

"Biddy," said I, after binding her to secrecy, "I want to be a

gentleman."

"Oh, I wouldn't, if I was you!" she returned. "I don't think it

would answer."

"Biddy," said I, with some severity, "I have particular reasons for

wanting to be a gentleman."

"You know best, Pip; but don't you think you are happier as you

are?"

"Biddy," I exclaimed, impatiently, "I am not at all happy as I am.

I am disgusted with my calling and with my life. I have never taken

to either, since I was bound. Don't be absurd."

"Was I absurd?" said Biddy, quietly raising her eyebrows; "I am

sorry for that; I didn't mean to be. I only want you to do well,

and to be comfortable."

"Well then, understand once for all that I never shall or can be

comfortable - or anything but miserable - there, Biddy! - unless I

can lead a very different sort of life from the life I lead now."

"That's a pity!" said Biddy, shaking her head with a sorrowful air.

Now, I too had so often thought it a pity, that, in the singular

kind of quarrel with myself which I was always carrying on, I was

half inclined to shed tears of vexation and distress when Biddy

gave utterance to her sentiment and my own. I told her she was

right, and I knew it was much to be regretted, but still it was not

to be helped.

"If I could have settled down," I said to Biddy, plucking up the

short grass within reach, much as I had once upon a time pulled my

feelings out of my hair and kicked them into the brewery wall: "if

I could have settled down and been but half as fond of the forge as

I was when I was little, I know it would have been much better for

me. You and I and Joe would have wanted nothing then, and Joe and I

would perhaps have gone partners when I was out of my time, and I

might even have grown up to keep company with you, and we might

have sat on this very bank on a fine Sunday, quite different

people. I should have been good enough for you; shouldn't I,

Biddy?"

Biddy sighed as she looked at the ships sailing on, and returned

for answer, "Yes; I am not over-particular." It scarcely sounded

flattering, but I knew she meant well.

"Instead of that," said I, plucking up more grass and chewing a

blade or two, "see how I am going on. Dissatisfied, and

uncomfortable, and - what would it signify to me, being coarse and

common, if nobody had told me so!"

Biddy turned her face suddenly towards mine, and looked far more

attentively at me than she had looked at the sailing ships.

"It was neither a very true nor a very polite thing to say," she

remarked, directing her eyes to the ships again. "Who said it?"

I was disconcerted, for I had broken away without quite seeing

where I was going to. It was not to be shuffled off now, however,

and I answered, "The beautiful young lady at Miss Havisham's, and

she's more beautiful than anybody ever was, and I admire her

dreadfully, and I want to be a gentleman on her account." Having

made this lunatic confession, I began to throw my torn-up grass

into the river, as if I had some thoughts of following it.

"Do you want to be a gentleman, to spite her or to gain her over?"

Biddy quietly asked me, after a pause.

"I don't know," I moodily answered.

"Because, if it is to spite her," Biddy pursued, "I should think -

but you know best - that might be better and more independently

done by caring nothing for her words. And if it is to gain her

over, I should think - but you know best - she was not worth

gaining over."

Exactly what I myself had thought, many times. Exactly what was

perfectly manifest to me at the moment. But how could I, a poor

dazed village lad, avoid that wonderful inconsistency into which

the best and wisest of men fall every day?

"It may be all quite true," said I to Biddy, "but I admire her

dreadfully."

In short, I turned over on my face when I came to that, and got a

good grasp on the hair on each side of my head, and wrenched it

well. All the while knowing the madness of my heart to be so very

mad and misplaced, that I was quite conscious it would have served

my face right, if I had lifted it up by my hair, and knocked it

against the pebbles as a punishment for belonging to such an idiot.

Biddy was the wisest of girls, and she tried to reason no more with

me. She put her hand, which was a comfortable hand though roughened

by work, upon my hands, one after another, and gently took them out

of my hair. Then she softly patted my shoulder in a soothing way,

while with my face upon my sleeve I cried a little - exactly as I

had done in the brewery yard - and felt vaguely convinced that I

was very much ill-used by somebody, or by everybody; I can't say

which.

"I am glad of one thing," said Biddy, "and that is, that you have

felt you could give me your confidence, Pip. And I am glad of

another thing, and that is, that of course you know you may depend

upon my keeping it and always so far deserving it. If your first

teacher (dear! such a poor one, and so much in need of being taught

herself!) had been your teacher at the present time, she thinks she

knows what lesson she would set. But It would be a hard one to

learn, and you have got beyond her, and it's of no use now." So,

with a quiet sigh for me, Biddy rose from the bank, and said, with

a fresh and pleasant change of voice, "Shall we walk a little

further, or go home?"

"Biddy," I cried, getting up, putting my arm round her neck, and

giving her a kiss, "I shall always tell you everything."

"Till you're a gentleman," said Biddy.

"You know I never shall be, so that's always. Not that I have any

occasion to tell you anything, for you know everything I know - as

I told you at home the other night."

"Ah!" said Biddy, quite in a whisper, as she looked away at the

ships. And then repeated, with her former pleasant change; "shall

we walk a little further, or go home?"

I said to Biddy we would walk a little further, and we did so, and

the summer afternoon toned down into the summer evening, and it was

very beautiful. I began to consider whether I was not more

naturally and wholesomely situated, after all, in these

circumstances, than playing beggar my neighbour by candlelight in

the room with the stopped clocks, and being despised by Estella. I

thought it would be very good for me if I could get her out of my

head, with all the rest of those remembrances and fancies, and

could go to work determined to relish what I had to do, and stick

to it, and make the best of it. I asked myself the question whether

I did not surely know that if Estella were beside me at that moment

instead of Biddy, she would make me miserable? I was obliged to

admit that I did know it for a certainty, and I said to myself,

"Pip, what a fool you are!"

We talked a good deal as we walked, and all that Biddy said seemed

right. Biddy was never insulting, or capricious, or Biddy to-day

and somebody else to-morrow; she would have derived only pain, and

no pleasure, from giving me pain; she would far rather have wounded

her own breast than mine. How could it be, then, that I did not

like her much the better of the two?

"Biddy," said I, when we were walking homeward, "I wish you could

put me right."

"I wish I could!" said Biddy.

"If I could only get myself to fall in love with you - you don't

mind my speaking so openly to such an old acquaintance?"

"Oh dear, not at all!" said Biddy. "Don't mind me."

"If I could only get myself to do it, that would be the thing for

me."

"But you never will, you see," said Biddy.

It did not appear quite so unlikely to me that evening, as it would

have done if we had discussed it a few hours before. I therefore

observed I was not quite sure of that. But Biddy said she was, and

she said it decisively. In my heart I believed her to be right; and

yet I took it rather ill, too, that she should be so positive on

the point.

When we came near the churchyard, we had to cross an embankment,

and get over a stile near a sluice gate. There started up, from the

gate, or from the rushes, or from the ooze (which was quite in his

stagnant way), Old Orlick.

"Halloa!" he growled, "where are you two going?"

"Where should we be going, but home?"

"Well then," said he, "I'm jiggered if I don't see you home!"

This penalty of being jiggered was a favourite supposititious case

of his. He attached no definite meaning to the word that I am aware

of, but used it, like his own pretended Christian name, to affront

mankind, and convey an idea of something savagely damaging. When I

was younger, I had had a general belief that if he had jiggered me

personally, he would have done it with a sharp and twisted hook.

Biddy was much against his going with us, and said to me in a

whisper, "Don't let him come; I don't like him." As I did not like

him either, I took the liberty of saying that we thanked him, but

we didn't want seeing home. He received that piece of information

with a yell of laughter, and dropped back, but came slouching after

us at a little distance.

Curious to know whether Biddy suspected him of having had a hand in

that murderous attack of which my sister had never been able to

give any account, I asked her why she did not like him.

"Oh!" she replied, glancing over her shoulder as he slouched after

us, "because I - I am afraid he likes me."

"Did he ever tell you he liked you?" I asked, indignantly.

"No," said Biddy, glancing over her shoulder again, "he never told

me so; but he dances at me, whenever he can catch my eye."

However novel and peculiar this testimony of attachment, I did not

doubt the accuracy of the interpretation. I was very hot indeed

upon Old Orlick's daring to admire her; as hot as if it were an

outrage on myself.

"But it makes no difference to you, you know," said Biddy, calmly.

"No, Biddy, it makes no difference to me; only I don't like it; I

don't approve of it."

"Nor I neither," said Biddy. "Though that makes no difference to

you."

"Exactly," said I; "but I must tell you I should have no opinion of

you, Biddy, if he danced at you with your own consent."

I kept an eye on Orlick after that night, and, whenever

circumstances were favourable to his dancing at Biddy, got before

him, to obscure that demonstration. He had struck root in Joe's

establishment, by reason of my sister's sudden fancy for him, or I

should have tried to get him dismissed. He quite understood and

reciprocated my good intentions, as I had reason to know

thereafter.

And now, because my mind was not confused enough before, I

complicated its confusion fifty thousand-fold, by having states and

seasons when I was clear that Biddy was immeasurably better than

Estella, and that the plain honest working life to which I was

born, had nothing in it to be ashamed of, but offered me sufficient

means of self-respect and happiness. At those times, I would decide

conclusively that my disaffection to dear old Joe and the forge,

was gone, and that I was growing up in a fair way to be partners

with Joe and to keep company with Biddy - when all in a moment some

confounding remembrance of the Havisham days would fall upon me,

like a destructive missile, and scatter my wits again. Scattered

wits take a long time picking up; and often, before I had got them

well together, they would be dispersed in all directions by one

stray thought, that perhaps after all Miss Havisham was going to

make my fortune when my time was out.

If my time had run out, it would have left me still at the height

of my perplexities, I dare say. It never did run out, however, but

was brought to a premature end, as I proceed to relate.

 

Chapter 18

It was in the fourth year of my apprenticeship to Joe, and it was a

Saturday night. There was a group assembled round the fire at the

Three Jolly Bargemen, attentive to Mr. Wopsle as he read the

newspaper aloud. Of that group I was one.

A highly popular murder had been committed, and Mr. Wopsle was

imbrued in blood to the eyebrows. He gloated over every abhorrent

adjective in the description, and identified himself with every

witness at the Inquest. He faintly moaned, "I am done for," as the

victim, and he barbarously bellowed, "I'll serve you out," as the

murderer. He gave the medical testimony, in pointed imitation of

our local practitioner; and he piped and shook, as the aged

turnpike-keeper who had heard blows, to an extent so very paralytic

as to suggest a doubt regarding the mental competency of that

witness. The coroner, in Mr. Wopsle's hands, became Timon of Athens;

the beadle, Coriolanus. He enjoyed himself thoroughly, and we all

enjoyed ourselves, and were delightfully comfortable. In this cozy

state of mind we came to the verdict Wilful Murder.

Then, and not sooner, I became aware of a strange gentleman leaning

over the back of the settle opposite me, looking on. There was an

expression of contempt on his face, and he bit the side of a great

forefinger as he watched the group of faces.

"Well!" said the stranger to Mr. Wopsle, when the reading was done,

"you have settled it all to your own satisfaction, I have no

doubt?"

Everybody started and looked up, as if it were the murderer. He

looked at everybody coldly and sarcastically.

"Guilty, of course?" said he. "Out with it. Come!"

"Sir," returned Mr. Wopsle, "without having the honour of your

acquaintance, I do say Guilty." Upon this, we all took courage to

unite in a confirmatory murmur.

"I know you do," said the stranger; "I knew you would. I told you

so. But now I'll ask you a question. Do you know, or do you not

know, that the law of England supposes every man to be innocent,

until he is proved - proved - to be guilty?"

"Sir," Mr. Wopsle began to reply, "as an Englishman myself, I--"

"Come!" said the stranger, biting his forefinger at him. "Don't

evade the question. Either you know it, or you don't know it. Which

is it to be?"

He stood with his head on one side and himself on one side, in a

bullying interrogative manner, and he threw his forefinger at Mr.

Wopsle - as it were to mark him out - before biting it again.

"Now!" said he. "Do you know it, or don't you know it?"

"Certainly I know it," replied Mr. Wopsle.

"Certainly you know it. Then why didn't you say so at first? Now,

I'll ask you another question;" taking possession of Mr. Wopsle, as

if he had a right to him. "Do you know that none of these witnesses

have yet been cross-examined?"

Mr. Wopsle was beginning, "I can only say--" when the stranger

stopped him.

"What? You won't answer the question, yes or no? Now, I'll try you

again." Throwing his finger at him again. "Attend to me. Are you

aware, or are you not aware, that none of these witnesses have yet

been cross-examined? Come, I only want one word from you. Yes, or

no?"

Mr. Wopsle hesitated, and we all began to conceive rather a poor

opinion of him.

"Come!" said the stranger, "I'll help you. You don't deserve help,

but I'll help you. Look at that paper you hold in your hand. What

is it?"

"What is it?" repeated Mr. Wopsle, eyeing it, much at a loss.

"Is it," pursued the stranger in his most sarcastic and suspicious

manner, "the printed paper you have just been reading from?"

"Undoubtedly."

"Undoubtedly. Now, turn to that paper, and tell me whether it

distinctly states that the prisoner expressly said that his legal

advisers instructed him altogether to reserve his defence?"

"I read that just now," Mr. Wopsle pleaded.

"Never mind what you read just now, sir; I don't ask you what you

read just now. You may read the Lord's Prayer backwards, if you

like - and, perhaps, have done it before to-day. Turn to the paper.

No, no, no my friend; not to the top of the column; you know better

than that; to the bottom, to the bottom." (We all began to think Mr.

Wopsle full of subterfuge.) "Well? Have you found it?"

"Here it is," said Mr. Wopsle.

"Now, follow that passage with your eye, and tell me whether it

distinctly states that the prisoner expressly said that he was

instructed by his legal advisers wholly to reserve his defence?

Come! Do you make that of it?"

Mr. Wopsle answered, "Those are not the exact words."

"Not the exact words!" repeated the gentleman, bitterly. "Is that

the exact substance?"

"Yes," said Mr. Wopsle.

"Yes," repeated the stranger, looking round at the rest of the

company with his right hand extended towards the witness, Wopsle.

"And now I ask you what you say to the conscience of that man who,

with that passage before his eyes, can lay his head upon his pillow

after having pronounced a fellow-creature guilty, unheard?"

We all began to suspect that Mr. Wopsle was not the man we had

thought him, and that he was beginning to be found out.

"And that same man, remember," pursued the gentleman, throwing his

finger at Mr. Wopsle heavily; "that same man might be summoned as a

juryman upon this very trial, and, having thus deeply committed

himself, might return to the bosom of his family and lay his head

upon his pillow, after deliberately swearing that he would well and

truly try the issue joined between Our Sovereign Lord the King and

the prisoner at the bar, and would a true verdict give according to

the evidence, so help him God!"

We were all deeply persuaded that the unfortunate Wopsle had gone

too far, and had better stop in his reckless career while there was

yet time.

The strange gentleman, with an air of authority not to be disputed,

and with a manner expressive of knowing something secret about

every one of us that would effectually do for each individual if he

chose to disclose it, left the back of the settle, and came into

the space between the two settles, in front of the fire, where he

remained standing: his left hand in his pocket, and he biting the

forefinger of his right.

"From information I have received," said he, looking round at us as

we all quailed before him, "I have reason to believe there is a

blacksmith among you, by name Joseph - or Joe - Gargery. Which is

the man?"

"Here is the man," said Joe.

The strange gentleman beckoned him out of his place, and Joe went.

"You have an apprentice," pursued the stranger, "commonly known as

Pip? Is he here?"

"I am here!" I cried.

The stranger did not recognize me, but I recognized him as the

gentleman I had met on the stairs, on the occasion of my second

visit to Miss Havisham. I had known him the moment I saw him

looking over the settle, and now that I stood confronting him with

his hand upon my shoulder, I checked off again in detail, his large

head, his dark complexion, his deep-set eyes, his bushy black

eyebrows, his large watch-chain, his strong black dots of beard and

whisker, and even the smell of scented soap on his great hand.

"I wish to have a private conference with you two," said he, when

he had surveyed me at his leisure. "It will take a little time.

Perhaps we had better go to your place of residence. I prefer not

to anticipate my communication here; you will impart as much or as

little of it as you please to your friends afterwards; I have

nothing to do with that."

Amidst a wondering silence, we three walked out of the Jolly

Bargemen, and in a wondering silence walked home. While going

along, the strange gentleman occasionally looked at me, and

occasionally bit the side of his finger. As we neared home, Joe

vaguely acknowledging the occasion as an impressive and ceremonious

one, went on ahead to open the front door. Our conference was held

in the state parlour, which was feebly lighted by one candle.

It began with the strange gentleman's sitting down at the table,

drawing the candle to him, and looking over some entries in his

pocket-book. He then put up the pocket-book and set the candle a

little aside: after peering round it into the darkness at Joe and

me, to ascertain which was which.

"My name," he said, "is Jaggers, and I am a lawyer in London. I am

pretty well known. I have unusual business to transact with you,

and I commence by explaining that it is not of my originating. If

my advice had been asked, I should not have been here. It was not

asked, and you see me here. What I have to do as the confidential

agent of another, I do. No less, no more."

Finding that he could not see us very well from where he sat, he

got up, and threw one leg over the back of a chair and leaned upon

it; thus having one foot on the seat of the chair, and one foot on

the ground.

"Now, Joseph Gargery, I am the bearer of an offer to relieve you of

this young fellow your apprentice. You would not object to cancel

his indentures, at his request and for his good? You would want

nothing for so doing?"

"Lord forbid that I should want anything for not standing in Pip's

way," said Joe, staring.

"Lord forbidding is pious, but not to the purpose," returned Mr

Jaggers. "The question is, Would you want anything? Do you want

anything?"

"The answer is," returned Joe, sternly, "No."

I thought Mr. Jaggers glanced at Joe, as if he considered him a fool

for his disinterestedness. But I was too much bewildered between

breathless curiosity and surprise, to be sure of it.

"Very well," said Mr. Jaggers. "Recollect the admission you have

made, and don't try to go from it presently."

"Who's a-going to try?" retorted Joe.

"I don't say anybody is. Do you keep a dog?"

"Yes, I do keep a dog."

"Bear in mind then, that Brag is a good dog, but Holdfast is a

better. Bear that in mind, will you?" repeated Mr. Jaggers, shutting

his eyes and nodding his head at Joe, as if he were forgiving him

something. "Now, I return to this young fellow. And the

communication I have got to make is, that he has great

expectations."

Joe and I gasped, and looked at one another.

"I am instructed to communicate to him," said Mr. Jaggers, throwing

his finger at me sideways, "that he will come into a handsome

property. Further, that it is the desire of the present possessor

of that property, that he be immediately removed from his present

sphere of life and from this place, and be brought up as a

gentleman - in a word, as a young fellow of great expectations."

My dream was out; my wild fancy was surpassed by sober reality;

Miss Havisham was going to make my fortune on a grand scale.

"Now, Mr. Pip," pursued the lawyer, "I address the rest of what I

have to say, to you. You are to understand, first, that it is the

request of the person from whom I take my instructions, that you

always bear the name of Pip. You will have no objection, I dare

say, to your great expectations being encumbered with that easy

condition. But if you have any objection, this is the time to

mention it."

My heart was beating so fast, and there was such a singing in my

ears, that I could scarcely stammer I had no objection.

"I should think not! Now you are to understand, secondly, Mr. Pip,

that the name of the person who is your liberal benefactor remains

a profound secret, until the person chooses to reveal it. I am

empowered to mention that it is the intention of the person to

reveal it at first hand by word of mouth to yourself. When or where

that intention may be carried out, I cannot say; no one can say. It

may be years hence. Now, you are distinctly to understand that you

are most positively prohibited from making any inquiry on this

head, or any allusion or reference, however distant, to any

individual whomsoever as the individual, in all the communications

you may have with me. If you have a suspicion in your own breast,

keep that suspicion in your own breast. It is not the least to the

purpose what the reasons of this prohibition are; they may be the

strongest and gravest reasons, or they may be mere whim. This is

not for you to inquire into. The condition is laid down. Your

acceptance of it, and your observance of it as binding, is the only

remaining condition that I am charged with, by the person from whom

I take my instructions, and for whom I am not otherwise

responsible. That person is the person from whom you derive your

expectations, and the secret is solely held by that person and by

me. Again, not a very difficult condition with which to encumber

such a rise in fortune; but if you have any objection to it, this

is the time to mention it. Speak out."

Once more, I stammered with difficulty that I had no objection.

"I should think not! Now, Mr. Pip, I have done with stipulations."

Though he called me Mr. Pip, and began rather to make up to me, he

still could not get rid of a certain air of bullying suspicion; and

even now he occasionally shut his eyes and threw his finger at me

while he spoke, as much as to express that he knew all kinds of

things to my disparagement, if he only chose to mention them. "We

come next, to mere details of arrangement. You must know that,

although I have used the term "expectations" more than once, you

are not endowed with expectations only. There is already lodged in

my hands, a sum of money amply sufficient for your suitable

education and maintenance. You will please consider me your

guardian. Oh!" for I was going to thank him, "I tell you at once, I

am paid for my services, or I shouldn't render them. It is

considered that you must be better educated, in accordance with

your altered position, and that you will be alive to the importance

and necessity of at once entering on that advantage."

I said I had always longed for it.

"Never mind what you have always longed for, Mr. Pip," he retorted;

"keep to the record. If you long for it now, that's enough. Am I

answered that you are ready to be placed at once, under some proper

tutor? Is that it?"

I stammered yes, that was it.

"Good. Now, your inclinations are to be consulted. I don't think

that wise, mind, but it's my trust. Have you ever heard of any

tutor whom you would prefer to another?"

I had never heard of any tutor but Biddy and Mr. Wopsle's greataunt;

so, I replied in the negative.

"There is a certain tutor, of whom I have some knowledge, who I

think might suit the purpose," said Mr. Jaggers. "I don't recommend

him, observe; because I never recommend anybody. The gentleman I

speak of, is one Mr. Matthew Pocket."

Ah! I caught at the name directly. Miss Havisham's relation. The

Matthew whom Mr. and Mrs. Camilla had spoken of. The Matthew whose

place was to be at Miss Havisham's head, when she lay dead, in her

bride's dress on the bride's table.

"You know the name?" said Mr. Jaggers, looking shrewdly at me, and

then shutting up his eyes while he waited for my answer.

My answer was, that I had heard of the name.

"Oh!" said he. "You have heard of the name. But the question is,

what do you say of it?"

I said, or tried to say, that I was much obliged to him for his

recommendation--

"No, my young friend!" he interrupted, shaking his great head very

slowly. "Recollect yourself!"

Not recollecting myself, I began again that I was much obliged to

him for his recommendation--

"No, my young friend," he interrupted, shaking his head and

frowning and smiling both at once; "no, no, no; it's very well

done, but it won't do; you are too young to fix me with it.

Recommendation is not the word, Mr. Pip. Try another."

Correcting myself, I said that I was much obliged to him for his

mention of Mr. Matthew Pocket--

"That's more like it!" cried Mr. Jaggers.

- And (I added), I would gladly try that gentleman.

"Good. You had better try him in his own house. The way shall be

prepared for you, and you can see his son first, who is in London.

When will you come to London?"

I said (glancing at Joe, who stood looking on, motionless), that I

supposed I could come directly.

"First," said Mr. Jaggers, "you should have some new clothes to come

in, and they should not be working clothes. Say this day week.

You'll want some money. Shall I leave you twenty guineas?"

He produced a long purse, with the greatest coolness, and counted

them out on the table and pushed them over to me. This was the

first time he had taken his leg from the chair. He sat astride of

the chair when he had pushed the money over, and sat swinging his

purse and eyeing Joe.

"Well, Joseph Gargery? You look dumbfoundered?"

"I am!" said Joe, in a very decided manner.

"It was understood that you wanted nothing for yourself, remember?"

"It were understood," said Joe. "And it are understood. And it ever

will be similar according."

"But what," said Mr. Jaggers, swinging his purse, "what if it was in

my instructions to make you a present, as compensation?"

"As compensation what for?" Joe demanded.

"For the loss of his services."

Joe laid his hand upon my shoulder with the touch of a woman. I

have often thought him since, like the steam-hammer, that can crush

a man or pat an egg-shell, in his combination of strength with

gentleness. "Pip is that hearty welcome," said Joe, "to go free

with his services, to honour and fortun', as no words can tell him.

But if you think as Money can make compensation to me for the loss

of the little child - what come to the forge - and ever the best of

friends!--"

O dear good Joe, whom I was so ready to leave and so unthankful to,

I see you again, with your muscular blacksmith's arm before your

eyes, and your broad chest heaving, and your voice dying away. O

dear good faithful tender Joe, I feel the loving tremble of your

hand upon my arm, as solemnly this day as if it had been the rustle

of an angel's wing!

But I encouraged Joe at the time. I was lost in the mazes of my

future fortunes, and could not retrace the by-paths we had trodden

together. I begged Joe to be comforted, for (as he said) we had

ever been the best of friends, and (as I said) we ever would be so.

Joe scooped his eyes with his disengaged wrist, as if he were bent

on gouging himself, but said not another word.

Mr. Jaggers had looked on at this, as one who recognized in Joe the

village idiot, and in me his keeper. When it was over, he said,

weighing in his hand the purse he had ceased to swing:

"Now, Joseph Gargery, I warn you this is your last chance. No half

measures with me. If you mean to take a present that I have it in

charge to make you, speak out, and you shall have it. If on the

contrary you mean to say--" Here, to his great amazement, he was

stopped by Joe's suddenly working round him with every

demonstration of a fell pugilistic purpose.

"Which I meantersay," cried Joe, "that if you come into my place

bull-baiting and badgering me, come out! Which I meantersay as sech

if you're a man, come on! Which I meantersay that what I say, I

meantersay and stand or fall by!"

I drew Joe away, and he immediately became placable; merely stating

to me, in an obliging manner and as a polite expostulatory notice

to any one whom it might happen to concern, that he were not a

going to be bull-baited and badgered in his own place. Mr. Jaggers

had risen when Joe demonstrated, and had backed near the door.

Without evincing any inclination to come in again, he there

delivered his valedictory remarks. They were these:

"Well, Mr. Pip, I think the sooner you leave here - as you are to be

a gentleman - the better. Let it stand for this day week, and you

shall receive my printed address in the meantime. You can take a

hackney-coach at the stage-coach office in London, and come

straight to me. Understand, that I express no opinion, one way or

other, on the trust I undertake. I am paid for undertaking it, and

I do so. Now, understand that, finally. Understand that!"

He was throwing his finger at both of us, and I think would have

gone on, but for his seeming to think Joe dangerous, and going off.

Something came into my head which induced me to run after him, as

he was going down to the Jolly Bargemen where he had left a hired

carriage.

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Jaggers."

"Halloa!" said he, facing round, "what's the matter?"

"I wish to be quite right, Mr. Jaggers, and to keep to your

directions; so I thought I had better ask. Would there be any

objection to my taking leave of any one I know, about here, before

I go away?"

"No," said he, looking as if he hardly understood me.

"I don't mean in the village only, but up-town?"

"No," said he. "No objection."

I thanked him and ran home again, and there I found that Joe had

already locked the front door and vacated the state parlour, and

was seated by the kitchen fire with a hand on each knee, gazing

intently at the burning coals. I too sat down before the fire and

gazed at the coals, and nothing was said for a long time.

My sister was in her cushioned chair in her corner, and Biddy sat

at her needlework before the fire, and Joe sat next Biddy, and I

sat next Joe in the corner opposite my sister. The more I looked

into the glowing coals, the more incapable I became of looking at

Joe; the longer the silence lasted, the more unable I felt to

speak.

At length I got out, "Joe, have you told Biddy?"

"No, Pip," returned Joe, still looking at the fire, and holding his

knees tight, as if he had private information that they intended to

make off somewhere, "which I left it to yourself, Pip."

"I would rather you told, Joe."

"Pip's a gentleman of fortun' then," said Joe, "and God bless him

in it!"

Biddy dropped her work, and looked at me. Joe held his knees and

looked at me. I looked at both of them. After a pause, they both

heartily congratulated me; but there was a certain touch of sadness

in their congratulations, that I rather resented.

I took it upon myself to impress Biddy (and through Biddy, Joe)

with the grave obligation I considered my friends under, to know

nothing and say nothing about the maker of my fortune. It would all

come out in good time, I observed, and in the meanwhile nothing was

to be said, save that I had come into great expectations from a

mysterious patron. Biddy nodded her head thoughtfully at the fire

as she took up her work again, and said she would be very

particular; and Joe, still detaining his knees, said, "Ay, ay, I'll

be ekervally partickler, Pip;" and then they congratulated me

again, and went on to express so much wonder at the notion of my

being a gentleman, that I didn't half like it.

Infinite pains were then taken by Biddy to convey to my sister some

idea of what had happened. To the best of my belief, those efforts

entirely failed. She laughed and nodded her head a great many

times, and even repeated after Biddy, the words "Pip" and

"Property." But I doubt if they had more meaning in them than an

election cry, and I cannot suggest a darker picture of her state of

mind.

I never could have believed it without experience, but as Joe and

Biddy became more at their cheerful ease again, I became quite

gloomy. Dissatisfied with my fortune, of course I could not be; but

it is possible that I may have been, without quite knowing it,

dissatisfied with myself.

Anyhow, I sat with my elbow on my knee and my face upon my hand,

looking into the fire, as those two talked about my going away, and

about what they should do without me, and all that. And whenever I

caught one of them looking at me, though never so pleasantly (and

they often looked at me - particularly Biddy), I felt offended: as

if they were expressing some mistrust of me. Though Heaven knows

they never did by word or sign.

At those times I would get up and look out at the door; for, our

kitchen door opened at once upon the night, and stood open on

summer evenings to air the room. The very stars to which I then

raised my eyes, I am afraid I took to be but poor and humble stars

for glittering on the rustic objects among which I had passed my

life.

"Saturday night," said I, when we sat at our supper of

bread-and-cheese and beer. "Five more days, and then the day before

the day! They'll soon go."

"Yes, Pip," observed Joe, whose voice sounded hollow in his beer

mug. "They'll soon go."

"Soon, soon go," said Biddy.

"I have been thinking, Joe, that when I go down town on Monday, and

order my new clothes, I shall tell the tailor that I'll come and

put them on there, or that I'll have them sent to Mr. Pumblechook's.

It would be very disagreeable to be stared at by all the people

here."

"Mr. and Mrs. Hubble might like to see you in your new genteel figure

too, Pip," said Joe, industriously cutting his bread, with his

cheese on it, in the palm of his left hand, and glancing at my

untasted supper as if he thought of the time when we used to

compare slices. "So might Wopsle. And the Jolly Bargemen might take

it as a compliment."

"That's just what I don't want, Joe. They would make such a

business of it - such a coarse and common business - that I

couldn't bear myself."

"Ah, that indeed, Pip!" said Joe. "If you couldn't abear

yourself--"

Biddy asked me here, as she sat holding my sister's plate, "Have

you thought about when you'll show yourself to Mr. Gargery, and your

sister, and me? You will show yourself to us; won't you?"

"Biddy," I returned with some resentment, "you are so exceedingly

quick that it's difficult to keep up with you."

("She always were quick," observed Joe.)

"If you had waited another moment, Biddy, you would have heard me

say that I shall bring my clothes here in a bundle one evening -

most likely on the evening before I go away."

Biddy said no more. Handsomely forgiving her, I soon exchanged an

affectionate good-night with her and Joe, and went up to bed. When

I got into my little room, I sat down and took a long look at it,

as a mean little room that I should soon be parted from and raised

above, for ever, It was furnished with fresh young remembrances

too, and even at the same moment I fell into much the same confused

division of mind between it and the better rooms to which I was

going, as I had been in so often between the forge and Miss

Havisham's, and Biddy and Estella.

The sun had been shining brightly all day on the roof of my attic,

and the room was warm. As I put the window open and stood looking

out, I saw Joe come slowly forth at the dark door below, and take a

turn or two in the air; and then I saw Biddy come, and bring him a

pipe and light it for him. He never smoked so late, and it seemed

to hint to me that he wanted comforting, for some reason or other.

He presently stood at the door immediately beneath me, smoking his

pipe, and Biddy stood there too, quietly talking to him, and I knew

that they talked of me, for I heard my name mentioned in an

endearing tone by both of them more than once. I would not have

listened for more, if I could have heard more: so, I drew away from

the window, and sat down in my one chair by the bedside, feeling it

very sorrowful and strange that this first night of my bright

fortunes should be the loneliest I had ever known.

Looking towards the open window, I saw light wreaths from Joe's

pipe floating there, and I fancied it was like a blessing from Joe

- not obtruded on me or paraded before me, but pervading the air we

shared together. I put my light out, and crept into bed; and it was

an uneasy bed now, and I never slept the old sound sleep in it any

more.

 

Chapter 19

Morning made a considerable difference in my general prospect of

Life, and brightened it so much that it scarcely seemed the same.

What lay heaviest on my mind, was, the consideration that six days

intervened between me and the day of departure; for, I could not

divest myself of a misgiving that something might happen to London

in the meanwhile, and that, when I got there, it would be either

greatly deteriorated or clean gone.

Joe and Biddy were very sympathetic and pleasant when I spoke of

our approaching separation; but they only referred to it when I

did. After breakfast, Joe brought out my indentures from the press

in the best parlour, and we put them in the fire, and I felt that I

was free. With all the novelty of my emancipation on me, I went to

church with Joe, and thought, perhaps the clergyman wouldn't have

read that about the rich man and the kingdom of Heaven, if he had

known all.

After our early dinner I strolled out alone, purposing to finish

off the marshes at once, and get them done with. As I passed the

church, I felt (as I had felt during service in the morning) a

sublime compassion for the poor creatures who were destined to go

there, Sunday after Sunday, all their lives through, and to lie

obscurely at last among the low green mounds. I promised myself

that I would do something for them one of these days, and formed a

plan in outline for bestowing a dinner of roast-beef and

plumpudding, a pint of ale, and a gallon of condescension, upon

everybody in the village.

If I had often thought before, with something allied to shame, of

my companionship with the fugitive whom I had once seen limping

among those graves, what were my thoughts on this Sunday, when the

place recalled the wretch, ragged and shivering, with his felon

iron and badge! My comfort was, that it happened a long time ago,

and that he had doubtless been transported a long way off, and that

he was dead to me, and might be veritably dead into the bargain.

No more low wet grounds, no more dykes and sluices, no more of

these grazing cattle - though they seemed, in their dull manner, to

wear a more respectful air now, and to face round, in order that

they might stare as long as possible at the possessor of such great

expectations - farewell, monotonous acquaintances of my childhood,

henceforth I was for London and greatness: not for smith's work in

general and for you! I made my exultant way to the old Battery,

and, lying down there to consider the question whether Miss

Havisham intended me for Estella, fell asleep.

When I awoke, I was much surprised to find Joe sitting beside me,

smoking his pipe. He greeted me with a cheerful smile on my opening

my eyes, and said:

"As being the last time, Pip, I thought I'd foller."

"And Joe, I am very glad you did so."

"Thankee, Pip."

"You may be sure, dear Joe," I went on, after we had shaken hands,

"that I shall never forget you."

"No, no, Pip!" said Joe, in a comfortable tone, "I'm sure of that.

Ay, ay, old chap! Bless you, it were only necessary to get it well

round in a man's mind, to be certain on it. But it took a bit of

time to get it well round, the change come so oncommon plump;

didn't it?"

Somehow, I was not best pleased with Joe's being so mightily secure

of me. I should have liked him to have betrayed emotion, or to have

said, "It does you credit, Pip," or something of that sort.

Therefore, I made no remark on Joe's first head: merely saying as

to his second, that the tidings had indeed come suddenly, but that

I had always wanted to be a gentleman, and had often and often

speculated on what I would do, if I were one.

"Have you though?" said Joe. "Astonishing!"

"It's a pity now, Joe," said I, "that you did not get on a little

more, when we had our lessons here; isn't it?"

"Well, I don't know," returned Joe. "I'm so awful dull. I'm only

master of my own trade. It were always a pity as I was so awful

dull; but it's no more of a pity now, than it was - this day

twelvemonth - don't you see?"

What I had meant was, that when I came into my property and was

able to do something for Joe, it would have been much more

agreeable if he had been better qualified for a rise in station. He

was so perfectly innocent of my meaning, however, that I thought I

would mention it to Biddy in preference.

So, when we had walked home and had had tea, I took Biddy into our

little garden by the side of the lane, and, after throwing out in a

general way for the elevation of her spirits, that I should never

forget her, said I had a favour to ask of her.

"And it is, Biddy," said I, "that you will not omit any opportunity

of helping Joe on, a little."

"How helping him on?" asked Biddy, with a steady sort of glance.

"Well! Joe is a dear good fellow - in fact, I think he is the

dearest fellow that ever lived - but he is rather backward in some

things. For instance, Biddy, in his learning and his manners."

Although I was looking at Biddy as I spoke, and although she opened

her eyes very wide when I had spoken, she did not look at me.

"Oh, his manners! won't his manners do, then?" asked Biddy,

plucking a black-currant leaf.

"My dear Biddy, they do very well here--"

"Oh! they do very well here?" interrupted Biddy, looking closely at

the leaf in her hand.

"Hear me out - but if I were to remove Joe into a higher sphere, as

I shall hope to remove him when I fully come into my property, they

would hardly do him justice."

"And don't you think he knows that?" asked Biddy.

It was such a very provoking question (for it had never in the most

distant manner occurred to me), that I said, snappishly, "Biddy,

what do you mean?"

Biddy having rubbed the leaf to pieces between her hands - and the

smell of a black-currant bush has ever since recalled to me that

evening in the little garden by the side of the lane - said, "Have

you never considered that he may be proud?"

"Proud?" I repeated, with disdainful emphasis.

"Oh! there are many kinds of pride," said Biddy, looking full at me

and shaking her head; "pride is not all of one kind--"

"Well? What are you stopping for?" said I.

"Not all of one kind," resumed Biddy. "He may be too proud to let

any one take him out of a place that he is competent to fill, and

fills well and with respect. To tell you the truth, I think he is:

though it sounds bold in me to say so, for you must know him far

better than I do."

"Now, Biddy," said I, "I am very sorry to see this in you. I did

not expect to see this in you. You are envious, Biddy, and

grudging. You are dissatisfied on account of my rise in fortune,

and you can't help showing it."

"If you have the heart to think so," returned Biddy, "say so. Say

so over and over again, if you have the heart to think so."

"If you have the heart to be so, you mean, Biddy," said I, in a

virtuous and superior tone; "don't put it off upon me. I am very

sorry to see it, and it's a - it's a bad side of human nature. I

did intend to ask you to use any little opportunities you might

have after I was gone, of improving dear Joe. But after this, I ask

you nothing. I am extremely sorry to see this in you, Biddy," I

repeated. "It's a - it's a bad side of human nature."

"Whether you scold me or approve of me," returned poor Biddy, "you

may equally depend upon my trying to do all that lies in my power,

here, at all times. And whatever opinion you take away of me, shall

make no difference in my remembrance of you. Yet a gentleman should

not be unjust neither," said Biddy, turning away her head.

I again warmly repeated that it was a bad side of human nature (in

which sentiment, waiving its application, I have since seen reason

to think I was right), and I walked down the little path away from

Biddy, and Biddy went into the house, and I went out at the garden

gate and took a dejected stroll until supper-time; again feeling it

very sorrowful and strange that this, the second night of my bright

fortunes, should be as lonely and unsatisfactory as the first.

But, morning once more brightened my view, and I extended my

clemency to Biddy, and we dropped the subject. Putting on the best

clothes I had, I went into town as early as I could hope to find

the shops open, and presented myself before Mr. Trabb, the tailor:

who was having his breakfast in the parlour behind his shop, and

who did not think it worth his while to come out to me, but called

me in to him.

"Well!" said Mr. Trabb, in a hail-fellow-well-met kind of way. "How

are you, and what can I do for you?"

Mr. Trabb had sliced his hot roll into three feather beds, and was

slipping butter in between the blankets, and covering it up. He was

a prosperous old bachelor, and his open window looked into a

prosperous little garden and orchard, and there was a prosperous

iron safe let into the wall at the side of his fireplace, and I did

not doubt that heaps of his prosperity were put away in it in bags.

"Mr. Trabb," said I, "it's an unpleasant thing to have to mention,

because it looks like boasting; but I have come into a handsome

property."

A change passed over Mr. Trabb. He forgot the butter in bed, got up

from the bedside, and wiped his fingers on the table-cloth,

exclaiming, "Lord bless my soul!"

"I am going up to my guardian in London," said I, casually drawing

some guineas out of my pocket and looking at them; "and I want a

fashionable suit of clothes to go in. I wish to pay for them," I

added - otherwise I thought he might only pretend to make them -

"with ready money."

"My dear sir," said Mr. Trabb, as he respectfully bent his body,

opened his arms, and took the liberty of touching me on the outside

of each elbow, "don't hurt me by mentioning that. May I venture to

congratulate you? Would you do me the favour of stepping into the

shop?"

Mr. Trabb's boy was the most audacious boy in all that countryside.

When I had entered he was sweeping the shop, and he had sweetened

his labours by sweeping over me. He was still sweeping when I came

out into the shop with Mr. Trabb, and he knocked the broom against

all possible corners and obstacles, to express (as I understood it)

equality with any blacksmith, alive or dead.

"Hold that noise," said Mr. Trabb, with the greatest sternness, "or

I'll knock your head off! Do me the favour to be seated, sir. Now,

this," said Mr. Trabb, taking down a roll of cloth, and tiding it

out in a flowing manner over the counter, preparatory to getting

his hand under it to show the gloss, "is a very sweet article. I

can recommend it for your purpose, sir, because it really is extra

super. But you shall see some others. Give me Number Four, you!"

(To the boy, and with a dreadfully severe stare: foreseeing the

danger of that miscreant's brushing me with it, or making some

other sign of familiarity.)

Mr. Trabb never removed his stern eye from the boy until he had

deposited number four on the counter and was at a safe distance

again. Then, he commanded him to bring number five, and number

eight. "And let me have none of your tricks here," said Mr. Trabb,

"or you shall repent it, you young scoundrel, the longest day you

have to live."

Mr. Trabb then bent over number four, and in a sort of deferential

confidence recommended it to me as a light article for summer wear,

an article much in vogue among the nobility and gentry, an article

that it would ever be an honour to him to reflect upon a

distinguished fellow-townsman's (if he might claim me for a

fellow-townsman) having worn. "Are you bringing numbers five and

eight, you vagabond," said Mr. Trabb to the boy after that, "or

shall I kick you out of the shop and bring them myself?"

I selected the materials for a suit, with the assistance of Mr.

Trabb's judgment, and re-entered the parlour to be measured. For,

although Mr. Trabb had my measure already, and had previously been

quite contented with it, he said apologetically that it "wouldn't

do under existing circumstances, sir - wouldn't do at all." So, Mr.

Trabb measured and calculated me, in the parlour, as if I were an

estate and he the finest species of surveyor, and gave himself such

a world of trouble that I felt that no suit of clothes could

possibly remunerate him for his pains. When he had at last done and

had appointed to send the articles to Mr. Pumblechook's on the

Thursday evening, he said, with his hand upon the parlour lock, "I

know, sir, that London gentlemen cannot be expected to patronize

local work, as a rule; but if you would give me a turn now and then

in the quality of a townsman, I should greatly esteem it. Good

morning, sir, much obliged. - Door!"

The last word was flung at the boy, who had not the least notion

what it meant. But I saw him collapse as his master rubbed me out

with his hands, and my first decided experience of the stupendous

power of money, was, that it had morally laid upon his back,

Trabb's boy.

After this memorable event, I went to the hatter's, and the

bootmaker's, and the hosier's, and felt rather like Mother

Hubbard's dog whose outfit required the services of so many trades.

I also went to the coach-office and took my place for seven o'clock

on Saturday morning. It was not necessary to explain everywhere

that I had come into a handsome property; but whenever I said

anything to that effect, it followed that the officiating tradesman

ceased to have his attention diverted through the window by the

High-street, and concentrated his mind upon me. When I had ordered

everything I wanted, I directed my steps towards Pumblechook's,

and, as I approached that gentleman's place of business, I saw him

standing at his door.

He was waiting for me with great impatience. He had been out early

in the chaise-cart, and had called at the forge and heard the

news. He had prepared a collation for me in the Barnwell parlour,

and he too ordered his shopman to "come out of the gangway" as my

sacred person passed.

"My dear friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, taking me by both hands,

when he and I and the collation were alone, "I give you joy of your

good fortune. Well deserved, well deserved!"

This was coming to the point, and I thought it a sensible way of

expressing himself.

"To think," said Mr. Pumblechook, after snorting admiration at me

for some moments, "that I should have been the humble instrument of

leading up to this, is a proud reward."

I begged Mr. Pumblechook to remember that nothing was to be ever

said or hinted, on that point.

"My dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, "if you will allow me

to call you so--"

I murmured "Certainly," and Mr. Pumblechook took me by both hands

again, and communicated a movement to his waistcoat, which had an

emotional appearance, though it was rather low down, "My dear young

friend, rely upon my doing my little all in your absence, by

keeping the fact before the mind of Joseph. - Joseph!" said Mr.

Pumblechook, in the way of a compassionate adjuration. "Joseph!!

Joseph!!!" Thereupon he shook his head and tapped it, expressing

his sense of deficiency in Joseph.

"But my dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, "you must be

hungry, you must be exhausted. Be seated. Here is a chicken had

round from the Boar, here is a tongue had round from the Boar,

here's one or two little things had round from the Boar, that I

hope you may not despise. But do I," said Mr. Pumblechook, getting

up again the moment after he had sat down, "see afore me, him as I

ever sported with in his times of happy infancy? And may I - may

I - ?"

This May I, meant might he shake hands? I consented, and he was

fervent, and then sat down again.

"Here is wine," said Mr. Pumblechook. "Let us drink, Thanks to

Fortune, and may she ever pick out her favourites with equal

judgment! And yet I cannot," said Mr. Pumblechook, getting up again,

"see afore me One - and likewise drink to One - without again

expressing - May I - may I - ?"

I said he might, and he shook hands with me again, and emptied his

glass and turned it upside down. I did the same; and if I had

turned myself upside down before drinking, the wine could not have

gone more direct to my head.

Mr. Pumblechook helped me to the liver wing, and to the best slice

of tongue (none of those out-of-the-way No Thoroughfares of Pork

now), and took, comparatively speaking, no care of himself at all.

"Ah! poultry, poultry! You little thought," said Mr. Pumblechook,

apostrophizing the fowl in the dish, "when you was a young

fledgling, what was in store for you. You little thought you was to

be refreshment beneath this humble roof for one as - Call it a

weakness, if you will," said Mr. Pumblechook, getting up again, "but

may I? may I - ?"

It began to be unnecessary to repeat the form of saying he might,

so he did it at once. How he ever did it so often without wounding

himself with my knife, I don't know.

"And your sister," he resumed, after a little steady eating, "which

had the honour of bringing you up by hand! It's a sad picter, to

reflect that she's no longer equal to fully understanding the

honour. May--"

I saw he was about to come at me again, and I stopped him.

"We'll drink her health," said I.

"Ah!" cried Mr. Pumblechook, leaning back in his chair, quite

flaccid with admiration, "that's the way you know 'em, sir!" (I

don't know who Sir was, but he certainly was not I, and there was

no third person present); "that's the way you know the nobleminded,

sir! Ever forgiving and ever affable. It might," said the servile

Pumblechook, putting down his untasted glass in a hurry and getting

up again, "to a common person, have the appearance of repeating -

but may I - ?"

When he had done it, he resumed his seat and drank to my sister.

"Let us never be blind," said Mr. Pumblechook, "to her faults of

temper, but it is to be hoped she meant well."

At about this time, I began to observe that he was getting flushed

in the face; as to myself, I felt all face, steeped in wine and

smarting.

I mentioned to Mr. Pumblechook that I wished to have my new clothes

sent to his house, and he was ecstatic on my so distinguishing him.

I mentioned my reason for desiring to avoid observation in the

village, and he lauded it to the skies. There was nobody but

himself, he intimated, worthy of my confidence, and - in short,

might he? Then he asked me tenderly if I remembered our boyish

games at sums, and how we had gone together to have me bound

apprentice, and, in effect, how he had ever been my favourite fancy

and my chosen friend? If I had taken ten times as many glasses of

wine as I had, I should have known that he never had stood in that

relation towards me, and should in my heart of hearts have

repudiated the idea. Yet for all that, I remember feeling convinced

that I had been much mistaken in him, and that he was a sensible

practical good-hearted prime fellow.

By degrees he fell to reposing such great confidence in me, as to

ask my advice in reference to his own affairs. He mentioned that

there was an opportunity for a great amalgamation and monopoly of

the corn and seed trade on those premises, if enlarged, such as had

never occurred before in that, or any other neighbourhood. What

alone was wanting to the realization of a vast fortune, he

considered to be More Capital. Those were the two little words,

more capital. Now it appeared to him (Pumblechook) that if that

capital were got into the business, through a sleeping partner, sir

- which sleeping partner would have nothing to do but walk in, by

self or deputy, whenever he pleased, and examine the books - and

walk in twice a year and take his profits away in his pocket, to

the tune of fifty per cent. - it appeared to him that that might be

an opening for a young gentleman of spirit combined with property,

which would be worthy of his attention. But what did I think? He

had great confidence in my opinion, and what did I think? I gave it

as my opinion. "Wait a bit!" The united vastness and distinctness

of this view so struck him, that he no longer asked if he might

shake hands with me, but said he really must - and did.

We drank all the wine, and Mr. Pumblechook pledged himself over and

over again to keep Joseph up to the mark (I don't know what mark),

and to render me efficient and constant service (I don't know what

service). He also made known to me for the first time in my life,

and certainly after having kept his secret wonderfully well, that

he had always said of me, "That boy is no common boy, and mark me,

his fortun' will be no common fortun'." He said with a tearful

smile that it was a singular thing to think of now, and I said so

too. Finally, I went out into the air, with a dim perception that

there was something unwonted in the conduct of the sunshine, and

found that I had slumberously got to the turn-pike without having

taken any account of the road.

There, I was roused by Mr. Pumblechook's hailing me. He was a long

way down the sunny street, and was making expressive gestures for

me to stop. I stopped, and he came up breathless.

"No, my dear friend," said he, when he had recovered wind for

speech. "Not if I can help it. This occasion shall not entirely

pass without that affability on your part. - May I, as an old

friend and well-wisher? May I?"

We shook hands for the hundredth time at least, and he ordered a

young carter out of my way with the greatest indignation. Then, he

blessed me and stood waving his hand to me until I had passed the

crook in the road; and then I turned into a field and had a long

nap under a hedge before I pursued my way home.

I had scant luggage to take with me to London, for little of the

little I possessed was adapted to my new station. But, I began

packing that same afternoon, and wildly packed up things that I

knew I should want next morning, in a fiction that there was not a

moment to be lost.

So, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, passed; and on Friday morning

I went to Mr. Pumblechook's, to put on my new clothes and pay my

visit to Miss Havisham. Mr. Pumblechook's own room was given up to

me to dress in, and was decorated with clean towels expressly for

the event. My clothes were rather a disappointment, of course.

Probably every new and eagerly expected garment ever put on since

clothes came in, fell a trifle short of the wearer's expectation.

But after I had had my new suit on, some half an hour, and had gone

through an immensity of posturing with Mr. Pumblechook's very

limited dressing-glass, in the futile endeavour to see my legs, it

seemed to fit me better. It being market morning at a neighbouring

town some ten miles off, Mr. Pumblechook was not at home. I had not

told him exactly when I meant to leave, and was not likely to shake

hands with him again before departing. This was all as it should

be, and I went out in my new array: fearfully ashamed of having to

pass the shopman, and suspicious after all that I was at a personal

disadvantage, something like Joe's in his Sunday suit.

I went circuitously to Miss Havisham's by all the back ways, and

rang at the bell constrainedly, on account of the stiff long

fingers of my gloves. Sarah Pocket came to the gate, and positively

reeled back when she saw me so changed; her walnut-shell

countenance likewise, turned from brown to green and yellow.

"You?" said she. "You, good gracious! What do you want?"

"I am going to London, Miss Pocket," said I, "and want to say

good-bye to Miss Havisham."

I was not expected, for she left me locked in the yard, while she

went to ask if I were to be admitted. After a very short delay, she

returned and took me up, staring at me all the way.

Miss Havisham was taking exercise in the room with the long spread

table, leaning on her crutch stick. The room was lighted as of

yore, and at the sound of our entrance, she stopped and turned. She

was then just abreast of the rotted bride-cake.

"Don't go, Sarah," she said. "Well, Pip?"

"I start for London, Miss Havisham, to-morrow," I was exceedingly

careful what I said, "and I thought you would kindly not mind my

taking leave of you."

"This is a gay figure, Pip," said she, making her crutch stick play

round me, as if she, the fairy godmother who had changed me, were

bestowing the finishing gift.

"I have come into such good fortune since I saw you last, Miss

Havisham," I murmured. "And I am so grateful for it, Miss

Havisham!"

"Ay, ay!" said she, looking at the discomfited and envious Sarah,

with delight. "I have seen Mr. Jaggers. I have heard about it, Pip.

So you go to-morrow?"

"Yes, Miss Havisham."

"And you are adopted by a rich person?"

"Yes, Miss Havisham."

"Not named?"

"No, Miss Havisham."

"And Mr. Jaggers is made your guardian?"

"Yes, Miss Havisham."

She quite gloated on these questions and answers, so keen was her

enjoyment of Sarah Pocket's jealous dismay. "Well!" she went on;

"you have a promising career before you. Be good - deserve it - and

abide by Mr. Jaggers's instructions." She looked at me, and looked

at Sarah, and Sarah's countenance wrung out of her watchful face a

cruel smile. "Good-bye, Pip! - you will always keep the name of

Pip, you know."

"Yes, Miss Havisham."

"Good-bye, Pip!"

She stretched out her hand, and I went down on my knee and put it

to my lips. I had not considered how I should take leave of her; it

came naturally to me at the moment, to do this. She looked at Sarah

Pocket with triumph in her weird eyes, and so I left my fairy

godmother, with both her hands on her crutch stick, standing in the

midst of the dimly lighted room beside the rotten bridecake that

was hidden in cobwebs.

Sarah Pocket conducted me down, as if I were a ghost who must be

seen out. She could not get over my appearance, and was in the last

degree confounded. I said "Good-bye, Miss Pocket;" but she merely

stared, and did not seem collected enough to know that I had

spoken. Clear of the house, I made the best of my way back to

Pumblechook's, took off my new clothes, made them into a bundle,

and went back home in my older dress, carrying it - to speak the

truth - much more at my ease too, though I had the bundle to carry.

And now, those six days which were to have run out so slowly, had

run out fast and were gone, and to-morrow looked me in the face

more steadily than I could look at it. As the six evenings had

dwindled away, to five, to four, to three, to two, I had become

more and more appreciative of the society of Joe and Biddy. On this

last evening, I dressed my self out in my new clothes, for their

delight, and sat in my splendour until bedtime. We had a hot supper

on the occasion, graced by the inevitable roast fowl, and we had

some flip to finish with. We were all very low, and none the higher

for pretending to be in spirits.

I was to leave our village at five in the morning, carrying my

little hand-portmanteau, and I had told Joe that I wished to walk

away all alone. I am afraid - sore afraid - that this purpose

originated in my sense of the contrast there would be between me

and Joe, if we went to the coach together. I had pretended with

myself that there was nothing of this taint in the arrangement; but

when I went up to my little room on this last night, I felt

compelled to admit that it might be so, and had an impulse upon me

to go down again and entreat Joe to walk with me in the morning. I

did not.

All night there were coaches in my broken sleep, going to wrong

places instead of to London, and having in the traces, now dogs,

now cats, now pigs, now men - never horses. Fantastic failures of

journeys occupied me until the day dawned and the birds were

singing. Then, I got up and partly dressed, and sat at the window

to take a last look out, and in taking it fell asleep.

Biddy was astir so early to get my breakfast, that, although I did

not sleep at the window an hour, I smelt the smoke of the kitchen

fire when I started up with a terrible idea that it must be late in

the afternoon. But long after that, and long after I had heard the

clinking of the teacups and was quite ready, I wanted the

resolution to go down stairs. After all, I remained up there,

repeatedly unlocking and unstrapping my small portmanteau and

locking and strapping it up again, until Biddy called to me that I

was late.

It was a hurried breakfast with no taste in it. I got up from the

meal, saying with a sort of briskness, as if it had only just

occurred to me, "Well! I suppose I must be off!" and then I kissed

my sister who was laughing and nodding and shaking in her usual

chair, and kissed Biddy, and threw my arms around Joe's neck. Then

I took up my little portmanteau and walked out. The last I saw of

them was, when I presently heard a scuffle behind me, and looking

back, saw Joe throwing an old shoe after me and Biddy throwing

another old shoe. I stopped then, to wave my hat, and dear old Joe

waved his strong right arm above his head, crying huskily

"Hooroar!" and Biddy put her apron to her face.

I walked away at a good pace, thinking it was easier to go than I

had supposed it would be, and reflecting that it would never have

done to have had an old shoe thrown after the coach, in sight of

all the High-street. I whistled and made nothing of going. But the

village was very peaceful and quiet, and the light mists were

solemnly rising, as if to show me the world, and I had been so

innocent and little there, and all beyond was so unknown and great,

that in a moment with a strong heave and sob I broke into tears. It

was by the finger-post at the end of the village, and I laid my

hand upon it, and said, "Good-bye O my dear, dear friend!"

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are

rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I

was better after I had cried, than before - more sorry, more aware

of my own ingratitude, more gentle. If I had cried before, I should

have had Joe with me then.

So subdued I was by those tears, and by their breaking out again in

the course of the quiet walk, that when I was on the coach, and it

was clear of the town, I deliberated with an aching heart whether I

would not get down when we changed horses and walk back, and have

another evening at home, and a better parting. We changed, and I

had not made up my mind, and still reflected for my comfort that it

would be quite practicable to get down and walk back, when we

changed again. And while I was occupied with these deliberations, I

would fancy an exact resemblance to Joe in some man coming along

the road towards us, and my heart would beat high. - As if he could

possibly be there!

We changed again, and yet again, and it was now too late and too

far to go back, and I went on. And the mists had all solemnly risen

now, and the world lay spread before me.

THIS IS THE END OF THE FIRST STAGE OF PIP'S EXPECTATIONS.

 

Chapter 20

The journey from our town to the metropolis, was a journey of about

five hours. It was a little past mid-day when the fourhorse

stage-coach by which I was a passenger, got into the ravel of

traffic frayed out about the Cross Keys, Wood-street, Cheapside,

London.

We Britons had at that time particularly settled that it was

treasonable to doubt our having and our being the best of

everything: otherwise, while I was scared by the immensity of

London, I think I might have had some faint doubts whether it was

not rather ugly, crooked, narrow, and dirty.

Mr. Jaggers had duly sent me his address; it was, Little Britain,

and he had written after it on his card, "just out of Smithfield,

and close by the coach-office." Nevertheless, a hackney-coachman,

who seemed to have as many capes to his greasy great-coat as he was

years old, packed me up in his coach and hemmed me in with a

folding and jingling barrier of steps, as if he were going to take

me fifty miles. His getting on his box, which I remember to have

been decorated with an old weather-stained pea-green hammercloth

moth-eaten into rags, was quite a work of time. It was a wonderful

equipage, with six great coronets outside, and ragged things behind

for I don't know how many footmen to hold on by, and a harrow below

them, to prevent amateur footmen from yielding to the temptation.

I had scarcely had time to enjoy the coach and to think how like a

straw-yard it was, and yet how like a rag-shop, and to wonder why

the horses' nose-bags were kept inside, when I observed the

coachman beginning to get down, as if we were going to stop

presently. And stop we presently did, in a gloomy street, at

certain offices with an open door, whereon was painted MR. JAGGERS.

"How much?" I asked the coachman.

The coachman answered, "A shilling - unless you wish to make it

more."

I naturally said I had no wish to make it more.

"Then it must be a shilling," observed the coachman. "I don't want

to get into trouble. I know him!" He darkly closed an eye at Mr

Jaggers's name, and shook his head.

When he had got his shilling, and had in course of time completed

the ascent to his box, and had got away (which appeared to relieve

his mind), I went into the front office with my little portmanteau

in my hand and asked, Was Mr. Jaggers at home?

"He is not," returned the clerk. "He is in Court at present. Am I

addressing Mr. Pip?"

I signified that he was addressing Mr. Pip.

"Mr. Jaggers left word would you wait in his room. He couldn't say

how long he might be, having a case on. But it stands to reason,

his time being valuable, that he won't be longer than he can help."

With those words, the clerk opened a door, and ushered me into an

inner chamber at the back. Here, we found a gentleman with one eye,

in a velveteen suit and knee-breeches, who wiped his nose with his

sleeve on being interrupted in the perusal of the newspaper.

"Go and wait outside, Mike," said the clerk.

I began to say that I hoped I was not interrupting - when the clerk

shoved this gentleman out with as little ceremony as I ever saw

used, and tossing his fur cap out after him, left me alone.

Mr. Jaggers's room was lighted by a skylight only, and was a most

dismal place; the skylight, eccentrically pitched like a broken

head, and the distorted adjoining houses looking as if they had

twisted themselves to peep down at me through it. There were not so

many papers about, as I should have expected to see; and there were

some odd objects about, that I should not have expected to see -

such as an old rusty pistol, a sword in a scabbard, several

strange-looking boxes and packages, and two dreadful casts on a

shelf, of faces peculiarly swollen, and twitchy about the nose. Mr.

Jaggers's own high-backed chair was of deadly black horse-hair,

with rows of brass nails round it, like a coffin; and I fancied I

could see how he leaned back in it, and bit his forefinger at the

clients. The room was but small, and the clients seemed to have had

a habit of backing up against the wall: the wall, especially

opposite to Mr. Jaggers's chair, being greasy with shoulders. I

recalled, too, that the one-eyed gentleman had shuffled forth

against the wall when I was the innocent cause of his being turned

out.

I sat down in the cliental chair placed over against Mr. Jaggers's

chair, and became fascinated by the dismal atmosphere of the place.

I called to mind that the clerk had the same air of knowing

something to everybody else's disadvantage, as his master had. I

wondered how many other clerks there were up-stairs, and whether

they all claimed to have the same detrimental mastery of their

fellow-creatures. I wondered what was the history of all the odd

litter about the room, and how it came there. I wondered whether

the two swollen faces were of Mr. Jaggers's family, and, if he were

so unfortunate as to have had a pair of such ill-looking relations,

why he stuck them on that dusty perch for the blacks and flies to

settle on, instead of giving them a place at home. Of course I had

no experience of a London summer day, and my spirits may have been

oppressed by the hot exhausted air, and by the dust and grit that

lay thick on everything. But I sat wondering and waiting in Mr.

Jaggers's close room, until I really could not bear the two casts

on the shelf above Mr. Jaggers's chair, and got up and went out.

When I told the clerk that I would take a turn in the air while I

waited, he advised me to go round the corner and I should come into

Smithfield. So, I came into Smithfield; and the shameful place,

being all asmear with filth and fat and blood and foam, seemed to

stick to me. So, I rubbed it off with all possible speed by turning

into a street where I saw the great black dome of Saint Paul's

bulging at me from behind a grim stone building which a bystander

said was Newgate Prison. Following the wall of the jail, I found

the roadway covered with straw to deaden the noise of passing

vehicles; and from this, and from the quantity of people standing

about, smelling strongly of spirits and beer, I inferred that the

trials were on.

While I looked about me here, an exceedingly dirty and partially

drunk minister of justice asked me if I would like to step in and

hear a trial or so: informing me that he could give me a front

place for half-a-crown, whence I should command a full view of the

Lord Chief Justice in his wig and robes - mentioning that awful

personage like waxwork, and presently offering him at the reduced

price of eighteenpence. As I declined the proposal on the plea of

an appointment, he was so good as to take me into a yard and show

me where the gallows was kept, and also where people were publicly

whipped, and then he showed me the Debtors' Door, out of which

culprits came to be hanged: heightening the interest of that

dreadful portal by giving me to understand that "four on 'em" would

come out at that door the day after to-morrow at eight in the

morning, to be killed in a row. This was horrible, and gave me a

sickening idea of London: the more so as the Lord Chief Justice's

proprietor wore (from his hat down to his boots and up again to his

pocket-handkerchief inclusive) mildewed clothes, which had

evidently not belonged to him originally, and which, I took it into

my head, he had bought cheap of the executioner. Under these

circumstances I thought myself well rid of him for a shilling.

I dropped into the office to ask if Mr. Jaggers had come in yet, and

I found he had not, and I strolled out again. This time, I made the

tour of Little Britain, and turned into Bartholomew Close; and now

I became aware that other people were waiting about for Mr. Jaggers,

as well as I. There were two men of secret appearance lounging in

Bartholomew Close, and thoughtfully fitting their feet into the

cracks of the pavement as they talked together, one of whom said to

the other when they first passed me, that "Jaggers would do it if

it was to be done." There was a knot of three men and two women

standing at a corner, and one of the women was crying on her dirty

shawl, and the other comforted her by saying, as she pulled her own

shawl over her shoulders, "Jaggers is for him, 'Melia, and what

more could you have?" There was a red-eyed little Jew who came into

the Close while I was loitering there, in company with a second

little Jew whom he sent upon an errand; and while the messenger was

gone, I remarked this Jew, who was of a highly excitable

temperament, performing a jig of anxiety under a lamp-post and

accompanying himself, in a kind of frenzy, with the words, "Oh

Jaggerth, Jaggerth, Jaggerth! all otherth ith Cag-Maggerth, give me

Jaggerth!" These testimonies to the popularity of my guardian made

a deep impression on me, and I admired and wondered more than ever.

At length, as I was looking out at the iron gate of Bartholomew

Close into Little Britain, I saw Mr. Jaggers coming across the road

towards me. All the others who were waiting, saw him at the same

time, and there was quite a rush at him. Mr. Jaggers, putting a hand

on my shoulder and walking me on at his side without saying

anything to me, addressed himself to his followers.

First, he took the two secret men.

"Now, I have nothing to say to you," said Mr. Jaggers, throwing his

finger at them. "I want to know no more than I know. As to the

result, it's a toss-up. I told you from the first it was a toss-up.

Have you paid Wemmick?"

"We made the money up this morning, sir," said one of the men,

submissively, while the other perused Mr. Jaggers's face.

"I don't ask you when you made it up, or where, or whether you made

it up at all. Has Wemmick got it?"

"Yes, sir," said both the men together.

"Very well; then you may go. Now, I won't have it!" said Mr

Jaggers, waving his hand at them to put them behind him. "If you

say a word to me, I'll throw up the case."

"We thought, Mr. Jaggers--" one of the men began, pulling off his

hat.

"That's what I told you not to do," said Mr. Jaggers. "You thought!

I think for you; that's enough for you. If I want you, I know where

to find you; I don't want you to find me. Now I won't have it. I

won't hear a word."

The two men looked at one another as Mr. Jaggers waved them behind

again, and humbly fell back and were heard no more.

"And now you!" said Mr. Jaggers, suddenly stopping, and turning on

the two women with the shawls, from whom the three men had meekly

separated. - "Oh! Amelia, is it?"

"Yes, Mr. Jaggers."

"And do you remember," retorted Mr. Jaggers, "that but for me you

wouldn't be here and couldn't be here?"

"Oh yes, sir!" exclaimed both women together. "Lord bless you, sir,

well we knows that!"

"Then why," said Mr. Jaggers, "do you come here?"

"My Bill, sir!" the crying woman pleaded.

"Now, I tell you what!" said Mr. Jaggers. "Once for all. If you

don't know that your Bill's in good hands, I know it. And if you

come here, bothering about your Bill, I'll make an example of both

your Bill and you, and let him slip through my fingers. Have you

paid Wemmick?"

"Oh yes, sir! Every farden."

"Very well. Then you have done all you have got to do. Say another

word - one single word - and Wemmick shall give you your money

back."

This terrible threat caused the two women to fall off immediately.

No one remained now but the excitable Jew, who had already raised

the skirts of Mr. Jaggers's coat to his lips several times.

"I don't know this man!" said Mr. Jaggers, in the same devastating

strain: "What does this fellow want?"

"Ma thear Mithter Jaggerth. Hown brother to Habraham Latharuth?"

"Who's he?" said Mr. Jaggers. "Let go of my coat."

The suitor, kissing the hem of the garment again before

relinquishing it, replied, "Habraham Latharuth, on thuthpithion of

plate."

"You're too late," said Mr. Jaggers. "I am over the way."

"Holy father, Mithter Jaggerth!" cried my excitable acquaintance,

turning white, "don't thay you're again Habraham Latharuth!"

"I am," said Mr. Jaggers, "and there's an end of it. Get out of the

way."

"Mithter Jaggerth! Half a moment! My hown cuthen'th gone to Mithter

Wemmick at thith prethent minute, to hoffer him hany termth.

Mithter Jaggerth! Half a quarter of a moment! If you'd have the

condethenthun to be bought off from the t'other thide - at hany

thuperior prithe! - money no object! - Mithter Jaggerth - Mithter -

!"

My guardian threw his supplicant off with supreme indifference, and

left him dancing on the pavement as if it were red-hot. Without

further interruption, we reached the front office, where we found

the clerk and the man in velveteen with the fur cap.

"Here's Mike," said the clerk, getting down from his stool, and

approaching Mr. Jaggers confidentially.

"Oh!" said Mr. Jaggers, turning to the man, who was pulling a lock

of hair in the middle of his forehead, like the Bull in Cock Robin

pulling at the bell-rope; "your man comes on this afternoon. Well?"

"Well, Mas'r Jaggers," returned Mike, in the voice of a sufferer

from a constitutional cold; "arter a deal o' trouble, I've found

one, sir, as might do."

"What is he prepared to swear?"

"Well, Mas'r Jaggers," said Mike, wiping his nose on his fur cap

this time; "in a general way, anythink."

Mr. Jaggers suddenly became most irate. "Now, I warned you before,"

said he, throwing his forefinger at the terrified client, "that if

you ever presumed to talk in that way here, I'd make an example of

you. You infernal scoundrel, how dare you tell ME that?"

The client looked scared, but bewildered too, as if he were

unconscious what he had done.

"Spooney!" said the clerk, in a low voice, giving him a stir with

his elbow. "Soft Head! Need you say it face to face?"

"Now, I ask you, you blundering booby," said my guardian, very

sternly, "once more and for the last time, what the man you have

brought here is prepared to swear?"

Mike looked hard at my guardian, as if he were trying to learn a

lesson from his face, and slowly replied, "Ayther to character, or

to having been in his company and never left him all the night in

question."

"Now, be careful. In what station of life is this man?"

Mike looked at his cap, and looked at the floor, and looked at the

ceiling, and looked at the clerk, and even looked at me, before

beginning to reply in a nervous manner, "We've dressed him up

like--" when my guardian blustered out:

"What? You WILL, will you?"

("Spooney!" added the clerk again, with another stir.)

After some helpless casting about, Mike brightened and began again:

"He is dressed like a 'spectable pieman. A sort of a pastry-cook."

"Is he here?" asked my guardian.

"I left him," said Mike, "a settin on some doorsteps round the

corner."

"Take him past that window, and let me see him."

The window indicated, was the office window. We all three went to

it, behind the wire blind, and presently saw the client go by in an

accidental manner, with a murderous-looking tall individual, in a

short suit of white linen and a paper cap. This guileless

confectioner was not by any means sober, and had a black eye in the

green stage of recovery, which was painted over.

"Tell him to take his witness away directly," said my guardian to

the clerk, in extreme disgust, "and ask him what he means by

bringing such a fellow as that."

My guardian then took me into his own room, and while he lunched,

standing, from a sandwich-box and a pocket flask of sherry (he

seemed to bully his very sandwich as he ate it), informed me what

arrangements he had made for me. I was to go to "Barnard's Inn," to

young Mr. Pocket's rooms, where a bed had been sent in for my

accommodation; I was to remain with young Mr. Pocket until Monday;

on Monday I was to go with him to his father's house on a visit,

that I might try how I liked it. Also, I was told what my allowance

was to be - it was a very liberal one - and had handed to me from

one of my guardian's drawers, the cards of certain tradesmen with

whom I was to deal for all kinds of clothes, and such other things

as I could in reason want. "You will find your credit good, Mr.

Pip," said my guardian, whose flask of sherry smelt like a whole

cask-full, as he hastily refreshed himself, "but I shall by this

means be able to check your bills, and to pull you up if I find you

outrunning the constable. Of course you'll go wrong somehow, but

that's no fault of mine."

After I had pondered a little over this encouraging sentiment, I

asked Mr. Jaggers if I could send for a coach? He said it was not

worth while, I was so near my destination; Wemmick should walk

round with me, if I pleased.

I then found that Wemmick was the clerk in the next room. Another

clerk was rung down from up-stairs to take his place while he was

out, and I accompanied him into the street, after shaking hands

with my guardian. We found a new set of people lingering outside,

but Wemmick made a way among them by saying coolly yet decisively,

"I tell you it's no use; he won't have a word to say to one of

you;" and we soon got clear of them, and went on side by side.

 

Chapter 21

Casting my eyes on Mr. Wemmick as we went along, to see what he was

like in the light of day, I found him to be a dry man, rather short

in stature, with a square wooden face, whose expression seemed to

have been imperfectly chipped out with a dull-edged chisel. There

were some marks in it that might have been dimples, if the material

had been softer and the instrument finer, but which, as it was,

were only dints. The chisel had made three or four of these

attempts at embellishment over his nose, but had given them up

without an effort to smooth them off. I judged him to be a bachelor

from the frayed condition of his linen, and he appeared to have

sustained a good many bereavements; for, he wore at least four

mourning rings, besides a brooch representing a lady and a weeping

willow at a tomb with an urn on it. I noticed, too, that several

rings and seals hung at his watch chain, as if he were quite laden

with remembrances of departed friends. He had glittering eyes -

small, keen, and black - and thin wide mottled lips. He had had

them, to the best of my belief, from forty to fifty years.

"So you were never in London before?" said Mr. Wemmick to me.

"No," said I.

"I was new here once," said Mr. Wemmick. "Rum to think of now!"

"You are well acquainted with it now?"

"Why, yes," said Mr. Wemmick. "I know the moves of it."

"Is it a very wicked place?" I asked, more for the sake of saying

something than for information.

"You may get cheated, robbed, and murdered, in London. But there

are plenty of people anywhere, who'll do that for you."

"If there is bad blood between you and them," said I, to soften it

off a little.

"Oh! I don't know about bad blood," returned Mr. Wemmick; "there's

not much bad blood about. They'll do it, if there's anything to be

got by it."

"That makes it worse."

"You think so?" returned Mr. Wemmick. "Much about the same, I should

say."

He wore his hat on the back of his head, and looked straight before

him: walking in a self-contained way as if there were nothing in

the streets to claim his attention. His mouth was such a postoffice

of a mouth that he had a mechanical appearance of smiling. We had

got to the top of Holborn Hill before I knew that it was merely a

mechanical appearance, and that he was not smiling at all.

"Do you know where Mr. Matthew Pocket lives?" I asked Mr. Wemmick.

"Yes," said he, nodding in the direction. "At Hammersmith, west of

London."

"Is that far?"

"Well! Say five miles."

"Do you know him?"

"Why, you're a regular cross-examiner!" said Mr. Wemmick, looking at

me with an approving air. "Yes, I know him. I know him!"

There was an air of toleration or depreciation about his utterance

of these words, that rather depressed me; and I was still looking

sideways at his block of a face in search of any encouraging note

to the text, when he said here we were at Barnard's Inn. My

depression was not alleviated by the announcement, for, I had

supposed that establishment to be an hotel kept by Mr. Barnard, to

which the Blue Boar in our town was a mere public-house. Whereas I

now found Barnard to be a disembodied spirit, or a fiction, and his

inn the dingiest collection of shabby buildings ever squeezed

together in a rank corner as a club for Tom-cats.

We entered this haven through a wicket-gate, and were disgorged by

an introductory passage into a melancholy little square that looked

to me like a flat burying-ground. I thought it had the most dismal

trees in it, and the most dismal sparrows, and the most dismal

cats, and the most dismal houses (in number half a dozen or so),

that I had ever seen. I thought the windows of the sets of chambers

into which those houses were divided, were in every stage of

dilapidated blind and curtain, crippled flower-pot, cracked glass,

dusty decay, and miserable makeshift; while To Let To Let To Let,

glared at me from empty rooms, as if no new wretches ever came

there, and the vengeance of the soul of Barnard were being slowly

appeased by the gradual suicide of the present occupants and their

unholy interment under the gravel. A frouzy mourning of soot and

smoke attired this forlorn creation of Barnard, and it had strewn

ashes on its head, and was undergoing penance and humiliation as a

mere dust-hole. Thus far my sense of sight; while dry rot and wet

rot and all the silent rots that rot in neglected roof and cellar -

rot of rat and mouse and bug and coaching-stables near at hand

besides - addressed themselves faintly to my sense of smell, and

moaned, "Try Barnard's Mixture."

So imperfect was this realization of the first of my great

expectations, that I looked in dismay at Mr. Wemmick. "Ah!" said he,

mistaking me; "the retirement reminds you of the country. So it

does me."

He led me into a corner and conducted me up a flight of stairs -

which appeared to me to be slowly collapsing into sawdust, so that

one of those days the upper lodgers would look out at their doors

and find themselves without the means of coming down - to a set of

chambers on the top floor. MR. POCKET, JUN., was painted on the

door, and there was a label on the letter-box, "Return shortly."

"He hardly thought you'd come so soon," Mr. Wemmick explained. "You

don't want me any more?"

"No, thank you," said I.

"As I keep the cash," Mr. Wemmick observed, "we shall most likely

meet pretty often. Good day."

"Good day."

I put out my hand, and Mr. Wemmick at first looked at it as if he

thought I wanted something. Then he looked at me, and said,

correcting himself,

"To be sure! Yes. You're in the habit of shaking hands?"

I was rather confused, thinking it must be out of the London

fashion, but said yes.

"I have got so out of it!" said Mr. Wemmick - "except at last. Very

glad, I'm sure, to make your acquaintance. Good day!"

When we had shaken hands and he was gone, I opened the staircase

window and had nearly beheaded myself, for, the lines had rotted

away, and it came down like the guillotine. Happily it was so quick

that I had not put my head out. After this escape, I was content to

take a foggy view of the Inn through the window's encrusting dirt,

and to stand dolefully looking out, saying to myself that London

was decidedly overrated.

Mr. Pocket, Junior's, idea of Shortly was not mine, for I had nearly

maddened myself with looking out for half an hour, and had written

my name with my finger several times in the dirt of every pane in

the window, before I heard footsteps on the stairs. Gradually there

arose before me the hat, head, neckcloth, waistcoat, trousers,

boots, of a member of society of about my own standing. He had a

paper-bag under each arm and a pottle of strawberries in one hand,

and was out of breath.

"Mr. Pip?" said he.

"Mr. Pocket?" said I.

"Dear me!" he exclaimed. "I am extremely sorry; but I knew there

was a coach from your part of the country at midday, and I thought

you would come by that one. The fact is, I have been out on your

account - not that that is any excuse - for I thought, coming from

the country, you might like a little fruit after dinner, and I went

to Covent Garden Market to get it good."

For a reason that I had, I felt as if my eyes would start out of my

head. I acknowledged his attention incoherently, and began to think

this was a dream.

"Dear me!" said Mr. Pocket, Junior. "This door sticks so!"

As he was fast making jam of his fruit by wrestling with the door

while the paper-bags were under his arms, I begged him to allow me

to hold them. He relinquished them with an agreeable smile, and

combated with the door as if it were a wild beast. It yielded so

suddenly at last, that he staggered back upon me, and I staggered

back upon the opposite door, and we both laughed. But still I felt

as if my eyes must start out of my head, and as if this must be a

dream.

"Pray come in," said Mr. Pocket, Junior. "Allow me to lead the way.

I am rather bare here, but I hope you'll be able to make out

tolerably well till Monday. My father thought you would get on more

agreeably through to-morrow with me than with him, and might like

to take a walk about London. I am sure I shall be very happy to

show London to you. As to our table, you won't find that bad, I

hope, for it will be supplied from our coffee-house here, and (it

is only right I should add) at your expense, such being Mr.

Jaggers's directions. As to our lodging, it's not by any means

splendid, because I have my own bread to earn, and my father hasn't

anything to give me, and I shouldn't be willing to take it, if he

had. This is our sitting-room - just such chairs and tables and

carpet and so forth, you see, as they could spare from home. You

mustn't give me credit for the tablecloth and spoons and castors,

because they come for you from the coffee-house. This is my little

bedroom; rather musty, but Barnard's is musty. This is your

bed-room; the furniture's hired for the occasion, but I trust it

will answer the purpose; if you should want anything, I'll go and

fetch it. The chambers are retired, and we shall be alone together,

but we shan't fight, I dare say. But, dear me, I beg your pardon,

you're holding the fruit all this time. Pray let me take these bags

from you. I am quite ashamed."

As I stood opposite to Mr. Pocket, Junior, delivering him the bags,

One, Two, I saw the starting appearance come into his own eyes that

I knew to be in mine, and he said, falling back:

"Lord bless me, you're the prowling boy!"

"And you," said I, "are the pale young gentleman!"

 

Chapter 22

The pale young gentleman and I stood contemplating one another in

Barnard's Inn, until we both burst out laughing. "The idea of its

being you!" said he. "The idea of its being you!" said I. And then

we contemplated one another afresh, and laughed again. "Well!" said

the pale young gentleman, reaching out his hand goodhumouredly,

"it's all over now, I hope, and it will be magnanimous in you if

you'll forgive me for having knocked you about so."

I derived from this speech that Mr. Herbert Pocket (for Herbert was

the pale young gentleman's name) still rather confounded his

intention with his execution. But I made a modest reply, and we

shook hands warmly.

"You hadn't come into your good fortune at that time?" said Herbert

Pocket.

"No," said I.

"No," he acquiesced: "I heard it had happened very lately. I was

rather on the look-out for good-fortune then."

"Indeed?"

"Yes. Miss Havisham had sent for me, to see if she could take a

fancy to me. But she couldn't - at all events, she didn't."

I thought it polite to remark that I was surprised to hear that.

"Bad taste," said Herbert, laughing, "but a fact. Yes, she had sent

for me on a trial visit, and if I had come out of it successfully,

I suppose I should have been provided for; perhaps I should have

been what-you-may-called it to Estella."

"What's that?" I asked, with sudden gravity.

He was arranging his fruit in plates while we talked, which divided

his attention, and was the cause of his having made this lapse of a

word. "Affianced," he explained, still busy with the fruit.

"Betrothed. Engaged. What's-his-named. Any word of that sort."

"How did you bear your disappointment?" I asked.

"Pooh!" said he, "I didn't care much for it. She's a Tartar."

"Miss Havisham?"

"I don't say no to that, but I meant Estella. That girl's hard and

haughty and capricious to the last degree, and has been brought up

by Miss Havisham to wreak revenge on all the male sex."

"What relation is she to Miss Havisham?"

 

"None," said he. "Only adopted."

"Why should she wreak revenge on all the male sex? What revenge?"

"Lord, Mr. Pip!" said he. "Don't you know?"

"No," said I.

"Dear me! It's quite a story, and shall be saved till dinner-time.

And now let me take the liberty of asking you a question. How did

you come there, that day?"

I told him, and he was attentive until I had finished, and then

burst out laughing again, and asked me if I was sore afterwards? I

didn't ask him if he was, for my conviction on that point was

perfectly established.

"Mr. Jaggers is your guardian, I understand?" he went on.

"Yes."

"You know he is Miss Havisham's man of business and solicitor, and

has her confidence when nobody else has?"

This was bringing me (I felt) towards dangerous ground. I answered

with a constraint I made no attempt to disguise, that I had seen Mr.

Jaggers in Miss Havisham's house on the very day of our combat, but

never at any other time, and that I believed he had no recollection

of having ever seen me there.

"He was so obliging as to suggest my father for your tutor, and he

called on my father to propose it. Of course he knew about my

father from his connexion with Miss Havisham. My father is Miss

Havisham's cousin; not that that implies familiar intercourse

between them, for he is a bad courtier and will not propitiate

her."

Herbert Pocket had a frank and easy way with him that was very

taking. I had never seen any one then, and I have never seen any

one since, who more strongly expressed to me, in every look and

tone, a natural incapacity to do anything secret and mean. There

was something wonderfully hopeful about his general air, and

something that at the same time whispered to me he would never be

very successful or rich. I don't know how this was. I became imbued

with the notion on that first occasion before we sat down to

dinner, but I cannot define by what means.

He was still a pale young gentleman, and had a certain conquered

languor about him in the midst of his spirits and briskness, that

did not seem indicative of natural strength. He had not a handsome

face, but it was better than handsome: being extremely amiable and

cheerful. His figure was a little ungainly, as in the days when my

knuckles had taken such liberties with it, but it looked as if it

would always be light and young. Whether Mr. Trabb's local work

would have sat more gracefully on him than on me, may be a

question; but I am conscious that he carried off his rather old

clothes, much better than I carried off my new suit.

As he was so communicative, I felt that reserve on my part would be

a bad return unsuited to our years. I therefore told him my small

story, and laid stress on my being forbidden to inquire who my

benefactor was. I further mentioned that as I had been brought up a

blacksmith in a country place, and knew very little of the ways of

politeness, I would take it as a great kindness in him if he would

give me a hint whenever he saw me at a loss or going wrong.

"With pleasure," said he, "though I venture to prophesy that you'll

want very few hints. I dare say we shall be often together, and I

should like to banish any needless restraint between us. Will you

do me the favour to begin at once to call me by my Christian name,

Herbert?"

I thanked him, and said I would. I informed him in exchange that my

Christian name was Philip.

"I don't take to Philip," said he, smiling, "for it sounds like a

moral boy out of the spelling-book, who was so lazy that he fell

into a pond, or so fat that he couldn't see out of his eyes, or so

avaricious that he locked up his cake till the mice ate it, or so

determined to go a bird's-nesting that he got himself eaten by

bears who lived handy in the neighbourhood. I tell you what I

should like. We are so harmonious, and you have been a blacksmith -

would you mind it?"

"I shouldn't mind anything that you propose," I answered, "but I

don't understand you."

"Would you mind Handel for a familiar name? There's a charming

piece of music by Handel, called the Harmonious Blacksmith."

"I should like it very much."

"Then, my dear Handel," said he, turning round as the door opened,

"here is the dinner, and I must beg of you to take the top of the

table, because the dinner is of your providing."

This I would not hear of, so he took the top, and I faced him. It

was a nice little dinner - seemed to me then, a very Lord Mayor's

Feast - and it acquired additional relish from being eaten under

those independent circumstances, with no old people by, and with

London all around us. This again was heightened by a certain gipsy

character that set the banquet off; for, while the table was, as Mr.

Pumblechook might have said, the lap of luxury - being entirely

furnished forth from the coffee-house - the circumjacent region of

sitting-room was of a comparatively pastureless and shifty

character: imposing on the waiter the wandering habits of putting

the covers on the floor (where he fell over them), the melted

butter in the armchair, the bread on the bookshelves, the cheese in

the coalscuttle, and the boiled fowl into my bed in the next room -

where I found much of its parsley and butter in a state of

congelation when I retired for the night. All this made the feast

delightful, and when the waiter was not there to watch me, my

pleasure was without alloy.

We had made some progress in the dinner, when I reminded Herbert of

his promise to tell me about Miss Havisham.

"True," he replied. "I'll redeem it at once. Let me introduce the

topic, Handel, by mentioning that in London it is not the custom to

put the knife in the mouth - for fear of accidents - and that while

the fork is reserved for that use, it is not put further in than

necessary. It is scarcely worth mentioning, only it's as well to do

as other people do. Also, the spoon is not generally used

over-hand, but under. This has two advantages. You get at your

mouth better (which after all is the object), and you save a good

deal of the attitude of opening oysters, on the part of the right

elbow."

He offered these friendly suggestions in such a lively way, that we

both laughed and I scarcely blushed.

"Now," he pursued, "concerning Miss Havisham. Miss Havisham, you

must know, was a spoilt child. Her mother died when she was a baby,

and her father denied her nothing. Her father was a country

gentleman down in your part of the world, and was a brewer. I don't

know why it should be a crack thing to be a brewer; but it is

indisputable that while you cannot possibly be genteel and bake,

you may be as genteel as never was and brew. You see it every day."

"Yet a gentleman may not keep a public-house; may he?" said I.

"Not on any account," returned Herbert; "but a public-house may

keep a gentleman. Well! Mr. Havisham was very rich and very proud.

So was his daughter."

"Miss Havisham was an only child?" I hazarded.

"Stop a moment, I am coming to that. No, she was not an only child;

she had a half-brother. Her father privately married again - his

cook, I rather think."

"I thought he was proud," said I.

"My good Handel, so he was. He married his second wife privately,

because he was proud, and in course of time she died. When she was

dead, I apprehend he first told his daughter what he had done, and

then the son became a part of the family, residing in the house you

are acquainted with. As the son grew a young man, he turned out

riotous, extravagant, undutiful - altogether bad. At last his

father disinherited him; but he softened when he was dying, and

left him well off, though not nearly so well off as Miss Havisham.

- Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society

as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in

emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on

one's nose."

I had been doing this, in an excess of attention to his recital. I

thanked him, and apologized. He said, "Not at all," and resumed.

"Miss Havisham was now an heiress, and you may suppose was looked

after as a great match. Her half-brother had now ample means again,

but what with debts and what with new madness wasted them most

fearfully again. There were stronger differences between him and

her, than there had been between him and his father, and it is

suspected that he cherished a deep and mortal grudge against her,

as having influenced the father's anger. Now, I come to the cruel

part of the story - merely breaking off, my dear Handel, to remark

that a dinner-napkin will not go into a tumbler."

Why I was trying to pack mine into my tumbler, I am wholly unable

to say. I only know that I found myself, with a perseverance worthy

of a much better cause, making the most strenuous exertions to

compress it within those limits. Again I thanked him and

apologized, and again he said in the cheerfullest manner, "Not at

all, I am sure!" and resumed.

"There appeared upon the scene - say at the races, or the public

balls, or anywhere else you like - a certain man, who made love to

Miss Havisham. I never saw him, for this happened five-and-twenty

years ago (before you and I were, Handel), but I have heard my

father mention that he was a showy-man, and the kind of man for the

purpose. But that he was not to be, without ignorance or prejudice,

mistaken for a gentleman, my father most strongly asseverates;

because it is a principle of his that no man who was not a true

gentleman at heart, ever was, since the world began, a true

gentleman in manner. He says, no varnish can hide the grain of the

wood; and that the more varnish you put on, the more the grain will

express itself. Well! This man pursued Miss Havisham closely, and

professed to be devoted to her. I believe she had not shown much

susceptibility up to that time; but all the susceptibility she

possessed, certainly came out then, and she passionately loved him.

There is no doubt that she perfectly idolized him. He practised on

her affection in that systematic way, that he got great sums of

money from her, and he induced her to buy her brother out of a

share in the brewery (which had been weakly left him by his father)

at an immense price, on the plea that when he was her husband he

must hold and manage it all. Your guardian was not at that time in

Miss Havisham's councils, and she was too haughty and too much in

love, to be advised by any one. Her relations were poor and

scheming, with the exception of my father; he was poor enough, but

not time-serving or jealous. The only independent one among them,

he warned her that she was doing too much for this man, and was

placing herself too unreservedly in his power. She took the first

opportunity of angrily ordering my father out of the house, in his

presence, and my father has never seen her since."

I thought of her having said, "Matthew will come and see me at last

when I am laid dead upon that table;" and I asked Herbert whether

his father was so inveterate against her?

"It's not that," said he, "but she charged him, in the presence of

her intended husband, with being disappointed in the hope of

fawning upon her for his own advancement, and, if he were to go to

her now, it would look true - even to him - and even to her. To

return to the man and make an end of him. The marriage day was

fixed, the wedding dresses were bought, the wedding tour was

planned out, the wedding guests were invited. The day came, but not

the bridegroom. He wrote her a letter--"

"Which she received," I struck in, "when she was dressing for her

marriage? At twenty minutes to nine?"

"At the hour and minute," said Herbert, nodding, "at which she

afterwards stopped all the clocks. What was in it, further than

that it most heartlessly broke the marriage off, I can't tell you,

because I don't know. When she recovered from a bad illness that

she had, she laid the whole place waste, as you have seen it, and

she has never since looked upon the light of day."

"Is that all the story?" I asked, after considering it.

"All I know of it; and indeed I only know so much, through piecing

it out for myself; for my father always avoids it, and, even when

Miss Havisham invited me to go there, told me no more of it than it

was absolutely requisite I should understand. But I have forgotten

one thing. It has been supposed that the man to whom she gave her

misplaced confidence, acted throughout in concert with her

half-brother; that it was a conspiracy between them; and that they

shared the profits."

"I wonder he didn't marry her and get all the property," said I.

"He may have been married already, and her cruel mortification may

have been a part of her half-brother's scheme," said Herbert.

"Mind! I don't know that."

"What became of the two men?" I asked, after again considering the

subject.

"They fell into deeper shame and degradation - if there can be

deeper - and ruin."

"Are they alive now?"

"I don't know."

"You said just now, that Estella was not related to Miss Havisham,

but adopted. When adopted?"

Herbert shrugged his shoulders. "There has always been an Estella,

since I have heard of a Miss Havisham. I know no more. And now,

Handel," said he, finally throwing off the story as it were, "there

is a perfectly open understanding between us. All that I know about

Miss Havisham, you know."

"And all that I know," I retorted, "you know."

"I fully believe it. So there can be no competition or perplexity

between you and me. And as to the condition on which you hold your

advancement in life - namely, that you are not to inquire or

discuss to whom you owe it - you may be very sure that it will

never be encroached upon, or even approached, by me, or by any one

belonging to me."

In truth, he said this with so much delicacy, that I felt the

subject done with, even though I should be under his father's roof

for years and years to come. Yet he said it with so much meaning,

too, that I felt he as perfectly understood Miss Havisham to be my

benefactress, as I understood the fact myself.

It had not occurred to me before, that he had led up to the theme

for the purpose of clearing it out of our way; but we were so much

the lighter and easier for having broached it, that I now perceived

this to be the case. We were very gay and sociable, and I asked

him, in the course of conversation, what he was? He replied, "A

capitalist - an Insurer of Ships." I suppose he saw me glancing

about the room in search of some tokens of Shipping, or capital,

for he added, "In the City."

I had grand ideas of the wealth and importance of Insurers of Ships

in the City, and I began to think with awe, of having laid a young

Insurer on his back, blackened his enterprising eye, and cut his

responsible head open. But, again, there came upon me, for my

relief, that odd impression that Herbert Pocket would never be very

successful or rich.

"I shall not rest satisfied with merely employing my capital in

insuring ships. I shall buy up some good Life Assurance shares, and

cut into the Direction. I shall also do a little in the mining way.

None of these things will interfere with my chartering a few

thousand tons on my own account. I think I shall trade," said he,

leaning back in his chair, "to the East Indies, for silks, shawls,

spices, dyes, drugs, and precious woods. It's an interesting

trade."

"And the profits are large?" said I.

"Tremendous!" said he.

I wavered again, and began to think here were greater expectations

than my own.

"I think I shall trade, also," said he, putting his thumbs in his

waistcoat pockets, "to the West Indies, for sugar, tobacco, and

rum. Also to Ceylon, specially for elephants' tusks."

"You will want a good many ships," said I.

"A perfect fleet," said he.

Quite overpowered by the magnificence of these transactions, I

asked him where the ships he insured mostly traded to at present?

"I haven't begun insuring yet," he replied. "I am looking about

me."

Somehow, that pursuit seemed more in keeping with Barnard's Inn. I

said (in a tone of conviction), "Ah-h!"

"Yes. I am in a counting-house, and looking about me."

"Is a counting-house profitable?" I asked.

"To - do you mean to the young fellow who's in it?" he asked, in

reply.

"Yes; to you."

"Why, n-no: not to me." He said this with the air of one carefully

reckoning up and striking a balance. "Not directly profitable. That

is, it doesn't pay me anything, and I have to - keep myself."

This certainly had not a profitable appearance, and I shook my head

as if I would imply that it would be difficult to lay by much

accumulative capital from such a source of income.

"But the thing is," said Herbert Pocket, "that you look about you.

That's the grand thing. You are in a counting-house, you know, and

you look about you."

It struck me as a singular implication that you couldn't be out of

a counting-house, you know, and look about you; but I silently

deferred to his experience.

"Then the time comes," said Herbert, "when you see your opening.

And you go in, and you swoop upon it and you make your capital, and

then there you are! When you have once made your capital, you have

nothing to do but employ it."

This was very like his way of conducting that encounter in the

garden; very like. His manner of bearing his poverty, too, exactly

corresponded to his manner of bearing that defeat. It seemed to me

that he took all blows and buffets now, with just the same air as

he had taken mine then. It was evident that he had nothing around

him but the simplest necessaries, for everything that I remarked

upon turned out to have been sent in on my account from the

coffee-house or somewhere else.

Yet, having already made his fortune in his own mind, he was so

unassuming with it that I felt quite grateful to him for not being

puffed up. It was a pleasant addition to his naturally pleasant

ways, and we got on famously. In the evening we went out for a walk

in the streets, and went half-price to the Theatre; and next day we

went to church at Westminster Abbey, and in the afternoon we walked

in the Parks; and I wondered who shod all the horses there, and

wished Joe did.

On a moderate computation, it was many months, that Sunday, since I

had left Joe and Biddy. The space interposed between myself and

them, partook of that expansion, and our marshes were any distance

off. That I could have been at our old church in my old

church-going clothes, on the very last Sunday that ever was, seemed

a combination of impossibilities, geographical and social, solar

and lunar. Yet in the London streets, so crowded with people and so

brilliantly lighted in the dusk of evening, there were depressing

hints of reproaches for that I had put the poor old kitchen at home

so far away; and in the dead of night, the footsteps of some

incapable impostor of a porter mooning about Barnard's Inn, under

pretence of watching it, fell hollow on my heart.

On the Monday morning at a quarter before nine, Herbert went to the

counting-house to report himself - to look about him, too, I

suppose - and I bore him company. He was to come away in an hour or

two to attend me to Hammersmith, and I was to wait about for him.

It appeared to me that the eggs from which young Insurers were

hatched, were incubated in dust and heat, like the eggs of

ostriches, judging from the places to which those incipient giants

repaired on a Monday morning. Nor did the counting-house where

Herbert assisted, show in my eyes as at all a good Observatory;

being a back second floor up a yard, of a grimy presence in all

particulars, and with a look into another back second floor, rather

than a look out.

I waited about until it was noon, and I went upon 'Change, and I

saw fluey men sitting there under the bills about shipping, whom I

took to be great merchants, though I couldn't understand why they

should all be out of spirits. When Herbert came, we went and had

lunch at a celebrated house which I then quite venerated, but now

believe to have been the most abject superstition in Europe, and

where I could not help noticing, even then, that there was much

more gravy on the tablecloths and knives and waiters' clothes, than

in the steaks. This collation disposed of at a moderate price

(considering the grease: which was not charged for), we went back

to Barnard's Inn and got my little portmanteau, and then took coach

for Hammersmith. We arrived there at two or three o'clock in the

afternoon, and had very little way to walk to Mr. Pocket's house.

Lifting the latch of a gate, we passed direct into a little garden

overlooking the river, where Mr. Pocket's children were playing

about. And unless I deceive myself on a point where my interests or

prepossessions are certainly not concerned, I saw that Mr. and Mrs.

Pocket's children were not growing up or being brought up, but were

tumbling up.

Mrs. Pocket was sitting on a garden chair under a tree, reading,

with her legs upon another garden chair; and Mrs. Pocket's two

nursemaids were looking about them while the children played.

"Mamma," said Herbert, "this is young Mr. Pip." Upon which Mrs.

Pocket received me with an appearance of amiable dignity.

"Master Alick and Miss Jane," cried one of the nurses to two of the

children, "if you go a-bouncing up against them bushes you'll fall

over into the river and be drownded, and what'll your pa say then?"

At the same time this nurse picked up Mrs. Pocket's handkerchief,

and said, "If that don't make six times you've dropped it, Mum!"

Upon which Mrs. Pocket laughed and said, "Thank you, Flopson," and

settling herself in one chair only, resumed her book. Her

countenance immediately assumed a knitted and intent expression as

if she had been reading for a week, but before she could have read

half a dozen lines, she fixed her eyes upon me, and said, "I hope

your mamma is quite well?" This unexpected inquiry put me into such

a difficulty that I began saying in the absurdest way that if there

had been any such person I had no doubt she would have been quite

well and would have been very much obliged and would have sent her

compliments, when the nurse came to my rescue.

"Well!" she cried, picking up the pocket handkerchief, "if that

don't make seven times! What ARE you a-doing of this afternoon,

Mum!" Mrs. Pocket received her property, at first with a look of

unutterable surprise as if she had never seen it before, and then

with a laugh of recognition, and said, "Thank you, Flopson," and

forgot me, and went on reading.

I found, now I had leisure to count them, that there were no fewer

than six little Pockets present, in various stages of tumbling up.

I had scarcely arrived at the total when a seventh was heard, as in

the region of air, wailing dolefully.

"If there ain't Baby!" said Flopson, appearing to think it most

surprising. "Make haste up, Millers."

Millers, who was the other nurse, retired into the house, and by

degrees the child's wailing was hushed and stopped, as if it were a

young ventriloquist with something in its mouth. Mrs. Pocket read

all the time, and I was curious to know what the book could be.

We were waiting, I supposed, for Mr. Pocket to come out to us; at

any rate we waited there, and so I had an opportunity of observing

the remarkable family phenomenon that whenever any of the children

strayed near Mrs. Pocket in their play, they always tripped

themselves up and tumbled over her - always very much to her

momentary astonishment, and their own more enduring lamentation. I

was at a loss to account for this surprising circumstance, and

could not help giving my mind to speculations about it, until

by-and-by Millers came down with the baby, which baby was handed to

Flopson, which Flopson was handing it to Mrs. Pocket, when she too

went fairly head foremost over Mrs. Pocket, baby and all, and was

caught by Herbert and myself.

"Gracious me, Flopson!" said Mrs. Pocket, looking off her book for a

moment, "everybody's tumbling!"

"Gracious you, indeed, Mum!" returned Flopson, very red in the

face; "what have you got there?"

"I got here, Flopson?" asked Mrs. Pocket.

"Why, if it ain't your footstool!" cried Flopson. "And if you keep

it under your skirts like that, who's to help tumbling? Here! Take

the baby, Mum, and give me your book."

Mrs. Pocket acted on the advice, and inexpertly danced the infant a

little in her lap, while the other children played about it. This

had lasted but a very short time, when Mrs. Pocket issued summary

orders that they were all to be taken into the house for a nap.

Thus I made the second discovery on that first occasion, that the

nurture of the little Pockets consisted of alternately tumbling up

and lying down.

Under these circumstances, when Flopson and Millers had got the

children into the house, like a little flock of sheep, and Mr.

Pocket came out of it to make my acquaintance, I was not much

surprised to find that Mr. Pocket was a gentleman with a rather

perplexed expression of face, and with his very grey hair

disordered on his head, as if he didn't quite see his way to

putting anything straight.

 

Chapter 23

Mr. Pocket said he was glad to see me, and he hoped I was not sorry

to see him. "For, I really am not," he added, with his son's smile,

"an alarming personage." He was a young-looking man, in spite of

his perplexities and his very grey hair, and his manner seemed

quite natural. I use the word natural, in the sense of its being

unaffected; there was something comic in his distraught way, as

though it would have been downright ludicrous but for his own

perception that it was very near being so. When he had talked with

me a little, he said to Mrs. Pocket, with a rather anxious

contraction of his eyebrows, which were black and handsome,

"Belinda, I hope you have welcomed Mr. Pip?" And she looked up from

her book, and said, "Yes." She then smiled upon me in an absent

state of mind, and asked me if I liked the taste of orange-flower

water? As the question had no bearing, near or remote, on any

foregone or subsequent transaction, I consider it to have been

thrown out, like her previous approaches, in general conversational

condescension.

I found out within a few hours, and may mention at once, that Mrs.

Pocket was the only daughter of a certain quite accidental deceased

Knight, who had invented for himself a conviction that his deceased

father would have been made a Baronet but for somebody's determined

opposition arising out of entirely personal motives - I forget

whose, if I ever knew - the Sovereign's, the Prime Minister's, the

Lord Chancellor's, the Archbishop of Canterbury's, anybody's - and

had tacked himself on to the nobles of the earth in right of this

quite supposititious fact. I believe he had been knighted himself

for storming the English grammar at the point of the pen, in a

desperate address engrossed on vellum, on the occasion of the

laying of the first stone of some building or other, and for

handing some Royal Personage either the trowel or the mortar. Be

that as it may, he had directed Mrs. Pocket to be brought up from

her cradle as one who in the nature of things must marry a title,

and who was to be guarded from the acquisition of plebeian domestic

knowledge.

So successful a watch and ward had been established over the young

lady by this judicious parent, that she had grown up highly

ornamental, but perfectly helpless and useless. With her character

thus happily formed, in the first bloom of her youth she had

encountered Mr. Pocket: who was also in the first bloom of youth,

and not quite decided whether to mount to the Woolsack, or to roof

himself in with a mitre. As his doing the one or the other was a

mere question of time, he and Mrs. Pocket had taken Time by the

forelock (when, to judge from its length, it would seem to have

wanted cutting), and had married without the knowledge of the

judicious parent. The judicious parent, having nothing to bestow or

withhold but his blessing, had handsomely settled that dower upon

them after a short struggle, and had informed Mr. Pocket that his

wife was "a treasure for a Prince." Mr. Pocket had invested the

Prince's treasure in the ways of the world ever since, and it was

supposed to have brought him in but indifferent interest. Still,

Mrs. Pocket was in general the object of a queer sort of respectful

pity, because she had not married a title; while Mr. Pocket was the

object of a queer sort of forgiving reproach, because he had never

got one.

Mr. Pocket took me into the house and showed me my room: which was a

pleasant one, and so furnished as that I could use it with comfort

for my own private sitting-room. He then knocked at the doors of

two other similar rooms, and introduced me to their occupants, by

name Drummle and Startop. Drummle, an old-looking young man of a

heavy order of architecture, was whistling. Startop, younger in

years and appearance, was reading and holding his head, as if he

thought himself in danger of exploding it with too strong a charge

of knowledge.

Both Mr. and Mrs. Pocket had such a noticeable air of being in

somebody else's hands, that I wondered who really was in possession

of the house and let them live there, until I found this unknown

power to be the servants. It was a smooth way of going on, perhaps,

in respect of saving trouble; but it had the appearance of being

expensive, for the servants felt it a duty they owed to themselves

to be nice in their eating and drinking, and to keep a deal of

company down stairs. They allowed a very liberal table to Mr. and

Mrs. Pocket, yet it always appeared to me that by far the best part

of the house to have boarded in, would have been the kitchen -

always supposing the boarder capable of self-defence, for, before I

had been there a week, a neighbouring lady with whom the family

were personally unacquainted, wrote in to say that she had seen

Millers slapping the baby. This greatly distressed Mrs. Pocket, who

burst into tears on receiving the note, and said that it was an

extraordinary thing that the neighbours couldn't mind their own

business.

By degrees I learnt, and chiefly from Herbert, that Mr. Pocket had

been educated at Harrow and at Cambridge, where he had

distinguished himself; but that when he had had the happiness of

marrying Mrs. Pocket very early in life, he had impaired his

prospects and taken up the calling of a Grinder. After grinding a

number of dull blades - of whom it was remarkable that their

fathers, when influential, were always going to help him to

preferment, but always forgot to do it when the blades had left the

Grindstone - he had wearied of that poor work and had come to

London. Here, after gradually failing in loftier hopes, he had

"read" with divers who had lacked opportunities or neglected them,

and had refurbished divers others for special occasions, and had

turned his acquirements to the account of literary compilation and

correction, and on such means, added to some very moderate private

resources, still maintained the house I saw.

Mr. and Mrs. Pocket had a toady neighbour; a widow lady of that

highly sympathetic nature that she agreed with everybody, blessed

everybody, and shed smiles and tears on everybody, according to

circumstances. This lady's name was Mrs. Coiler, and I had the

honour of taking her down to dinner on the day of my installation.

She gave me to understand on the stairs, that it was a blow to dear

Mrs. Pocket that dear Mr. Pocket should be under the necessity of

receiving gentlemen to read with him. That did not extend to me,

she told me in a gush of love and confidence (at that time, I had

known her something less than five minutes); if they were all like

Me, it would be quite another thing.

"But dear Mrs. Pocket," said Mrs. Coiler, "after her early

disappointment (not that dear Mr. Pocket was to blame in that),

requires so much luxury and elegance--"

"Yes, ma'am," I said, to stop her, for I was afraid she was going

to cry.

"And she is of so aristocratic a disposition--"

"Yes, ma'am," I said again, with the same object as before.

" - that it is hard," said Mrs. Coiler, "to have dear Mr. Pocket's

time and attention diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket."

I could not help thinking that it might be harder if the butcher's

time and attention were diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket; but I said

nothing, and indeed had enough to do in keeping a bashful watch

upon my company-manners.

It came to my knowledge, through what passed between Mrs. Pocket and

Drummle while I was attentive to my knife and fork, spoon, glasses,

and other instruments of self-destruction, that Drummle, whose

Christian name was Bentley, was actually the next heir but one to a

baronetcy. It further appeared that the book I had seen Mrs. Pocket

reading in the garden, was all about titles, and that she knew the

exact date at which her grandpapa would have come into the book, if

he ever had come at all. Drummle didn't say much, but in his

limited way (he struck me as a sulky kind of fellow) he spoke as

one of the elect, and recognized Mrs. Pocket as a woman and a

sister. No one but themselves and Mrs. Coiler the toady neighbour

showed any interest in this part of the conversation, and it

appeared to me that it was painful to Herbert; but it promised to

last a long time, when the page came in with the announcement of a

domestic affliction. It was, in effect, that the cook had mislaid

the beef. To my unutterable amazement, I now, for the first time,

saw Mr. Pocket relieve his mind by going through a performance that

struck me as very extraordinary, but which made no impression on

anybody else, and with which I soon became as familiar as the rest.

He laid down the carving-knife and fork - being engaged in carving,

at the moment - put his two hands into his disturbed hair, and

appeared to make an extraordinary effort to lift himself up by it.

When he had done this, and had not lifted himself up at all, he

quietly went on with what he was about.

Mrs. Coiler then changed the subject, and began to flatter me. I

liked it for a few moments, but she flattered me so very grossly

that the pleasure was soon over. She had a serpentine way of coming

close at me when she pretended to be vitally interested in the

friends and localities I had left, which was altogether snaky and

fork-tongued; and when she made an occasional bounce upon Startop

(who said very little to her), or upon Drummle (who said less), I

rather envied them for being on the opposite side of the table.

After dinner the children were introduced, and Mrs. Coiler made

admiring comments on their eyes, noses, and legs - a sagacious way

of improving their minds. There were four little girls, and two

little boys, besides the baby who might have been either, and the

baby's next successor who was as yet neither. They were brought in

by Flopson and Millers, much as though those two noncommissioned

officers had been recruiting somewhere for children and had

enlisted these: while Mrs. Pocket looked at the young Nobles that

ought to have been, as if she rather thought she had had the

pleasure of inspecting them before, but didn't quite know what to

make of them.

"Here! Give me your fork, Mum, and take the baby," said Flopson.

"Don't take it that way, or you'll get its head under the table."

Thus advised, Mrs. Pocket took it the other way, and got its head

upon the table; which was announced to all present by a prodigious

concussion.

"Dear, dear! Give it me back, Mum," said Flopson; "and Miss Jane,

come and dance to baby, do!"

One of the little girls, a mere mite who seemed to have prematurely

taken upon herself some charge of the others, stepped out of her

place by me, and danced to and from the baby until it left off

crying, and laughed. Then, all the children laughed, and Mr. Pocket

(who in the meantime had twice endeavoured to lift himself up by

the hair) laughed, and we all laughed and were glad.

Flopson, by dint of doubling the baby at the joints like a Dutch

doll, then got it safely into Mrs. Pocket's lap, and gave it the

nutcrackers to play with: at the same time recommending Mrs. Pocket

to take notice that the handles of that instrument were not likely

to agree with its eyes, and sharply charging Miss Jane to look

after the same. Then, the two nurses left the room, and had a

lively scuffle on the staircase with a dissipated page who had

waited at dinner, and who had clearly lost half his buttons at the

gamingtable.

I was made very uneasy in my mind by Mrs. Pocket's falling into a

discussion with Drummle respecting two baronetcies, while she ate a

sliced orange steeped in sugar and wine, and forgetting all about

the baby on her lap: who did most appalling things with the

nutcrackers. At length, little Jane perceiving its young brains to

be imperilled, softly left her place, and with many small artifices

coaxed the dangerous weapon away. Mrs. Pocket finishing her orange

at about the same time, and not approving of this, said to Jane:

"You naughty child, how dare you? Go and sit down this instant!"

"Mamma dear," lisped the little girl, "baby ood have put hith eyeth

out."

"How dare you tell me so?" retorted Mrs. Pocket. "Go and sit down in

your chair this moment!"

Mrs. Pocket's dignity was so crushing, that I felt quite abashed: as

if I myself had done something to rouse it.

"Belinda," remonstrated Mr. Pocket, from the other end of the table,

"how can you be so unreasonable? Jane only interfered for the

protection of baby."

"I will not allow anybody to interfere," said Mrs. Pocket. "I am

surprised, Matthew, that you should expose me to the affront of

interference."

"Good God!" cried Mr. Pocket, in an outbreak of desolate

desperation. "Are infants to be nutcrackered into their tombs, and

is nobody to save them?"

"I will not be interfered with by Jane," said Mrs. Pocket, with a

majestic glance at that innocent little offender. "I hope I know my

poor grandpapa's position. Jane, indeed!"

Mr. Pocket got his hands in his hair again, and this time really did

lift himself some inches out of his chair. "Hear this!" he

helplessly exclaimed to the elements. "Babies are to be

nutcrackered dead, for people's poor grandpapa's positions!" Then

he let himself down again, and became silent.

We all looked awkwardly at the table-cloth while this was going on.

A pause succeeded, during which the honest and irrepressible baby

made a series of leaps and crows at little Jane, who appeared to me

to be the only member of the family (irrespective of servants) with

whom it had any decided acquaintance.

"Mr. Drummle," said Mrs. Pocket, "will you ring for Flopson? Jane,

you undutiful little thing, go and lie down. Now, baby darling,

come with ma!"

The baby was the soul of honour, and protested with all its might.

It doubled itself up the wrong way over Mrs. Pocket's arm, exhibited

a pair of knitted shoes and dimpled ankles to the company in lieu

of its soft face, and was carried out in the highest state of

mutiny. And it gained its point after all, for I saw it through the

window within a few minutes, being nursed by little Jane.

It happened that the other five children were left behind at the

dinner-table, through Flopson's having some private engagement, and

their not being anybody else's business. I thus became aware of the

mutual relations between them and Mr. Pocket, which were exemplified

in the following manner. Mr. Pocket, with the normal perplexity of

his face heightened and his hair rumpled, looked at them for some

minutes, as if he couldn't make out how they came to be boarding

and lodging in that establishment, and why they hadn't been

billeted by Nature on somebody else. Then, in a distant, Missionary

way he asked them certain questions - as why little Joe had that

hole in his frill: who said, Pa, Flopson was going to mend it when

she had time - and how little Fanny came by that whitlow: who said,

Pa, Millers was going to poultice it when she didn't forget. Then,

he melted into parental tenderness, and gave them a shilling apiece

and told them to go and play; and then as they went out, with one

very strong effort to lift himself up by the hair he dismissed the

hopeless subject.

In the evening there was rowing on the river. As Drummle and

Startop had each a boat, I resolved to set up mine, and to cut them

both out. I was pretty good at most exercises in which countryboys

are adepts, but, as I was conscious of wanting elegance of style

for the Thames - not to say for other waters - I at once engaged to

place myself under the tuition of the winner of a prizewherry who

plied at our stairs, and to whom I was introduced by my new allies.

This practical authority confused me very much, by saying I had the

arm of a blacksmith. If he could have known how nearly the

compliment lost him his pupil, I doubt if he would have paid it.

There was a supper-tray after we got home at night, and I think we

should all have enjoyed ourselves, but for a rather disagreeable

domestic occurrence. Mr. Pocket was in good spirits, when a

housemaid came in, and said, "If you please, sir, I should wish to

speak to you."

"Speak to your master?" said Mrs. Pocket, whose dignity was roused

again. "How can you think of such a thing? Go and speak to Flopson.

Or speak to me - at some other time."

"Begging your pardon, ma'am," returned the housemaid, "I should

wish to speak at once, and to speak to master."

Hereupon, Mr. Pocket went out of the room, and we made the best of

ourselves until he came back.

"This is a pretty thing, Belinda!" said Mr. Pocket, returning with a

countenance expressive of grief and despair. "Here's the cook lying

insensibly drunk on the kitchen floor, with a large bundle of fresh

butter made up in the cupboard ready to sell for grease!"

Mrs. Pocket instantly showed much amiable emotion, and said, "This

is that odious Sophia's doing!"

"What do you mean, Belinda?" demanded Mr. Pocket.

"Sophia has told you," said Mrs. Pocket. "Did I not see her with my

own eyes and hear her with my own ears, come into the room just now

and ask to speak to you?"

"But has she not taken me down stairs, Belinda," returned Mr.

Pocket, "and shown me the woman, and the bundle too?"

"And do you defend her, Matthew," said Mrs. Pocket, "for making

mischief?"

Mr. Pocket uttered a dismal groan.

"Am I, grandpapa's granddaughter, to be nothing in the house?" said

Mrs. Pocket. "Besides, the cook has always been a very nice

respectful woman, and said in the most natural manner when she came

to look after the situation, that she felt I was born to be a

Duchess."

There was a sofa where Mr. Pocket stood, and he dropped upon it in

the attitude of the Dying Gladiator. Still in that attitude he

said, with a hollow voice, "Good night, Mr. Pip," when I deemed it

advisable to go to bed and leave him.

 

Chapter 24

After two or three days, when I had established myself in my room

and had gone backwards and forwards to London several times, and

had ordered all I wanted of my tradesmen, Mr. Pocket and I had a

long talk together. He knew more of my intended career than I knew

myself, for he referred to his having been told by Mr. Jaggers that

I was not designed for any profession, and that I should be well

enough educated for my destiny if I could "hold my own" with the

average of young men in prosperous circumstances. I acquiesced, of

course, knowing nothing to the contrary.

He advised my attending certain places in London, for the

acquisition of such mere rudiments as I wanted, and my investing

him with the functions of explainer and director of all my studies.

He hoped that with intelligent assistance I should meet with little

to discourage me, and should soon be able to dispense with any aid

but his. Through his way of saying this, and much more to similar

purpose, he placed himself on confidential terms with me in an

admirable manner; and I may state at once that he was always so

zealous and honourable in fulfilling his compact with me, that he

made me zealous and honourable in fulfilling mine with him. If he

had shown indifference as a master, I have no doubt I should have

returned the compliment as a pupil; he gave me no such excuse, and

each of us did the other justice. Nor, did I ever regard him as

having anything ludicrous about him - or anything but what was

serious, honest, and good - in his tutor communication with me.

When these points were settled, and so far carried out as that I

had begun to work in earnest, it occurred to me that if I could

retain my bedroom in Barnard's Inn, my life would be agreeably

varied, while my manners would be none the worse for Herbert's

society. Mr. Pocket did not object to this arrangement, but urged

that before any step could possibly be taken in it, it must be

submitted to my guardian. I felt that this delicacy arose out of

the consideration that the plan would save Herbert some expense, so

I went off to Little Britain and imparted my wish to Mr. Jaggers.

"If I could buy the furniture now hired for me," said I, "and one

or two other little things, I should be quite at home there."

"Go it!" said Mr. Jaggers, with a short laugh. "I told you you'd get

on. Well! How much do you want?"

I said I didn't know how much.

"Come!" retorted Mr. Jaggers. "How much? Fifty pounds?"

"Oh, not nearly so much."

"Five pounds?" said Mr. Jaggers.

This was such a great fall, that I said in discomfiture, "Oh! more

than that."

"More than that, eh!" retorted Mr. Jaggers, lying in wait for me,

with his hands in his pockets, his head on one side, and his eyes

on the wall behind me; "how much more?"

"It is so difficult to fix a sum," said I, hesitating.

"Come!" said Mr. Jaggers. "Let's get at it. Twice five; will that

do? Three times five; will that do? Four times five; will that do?"

I said I thought that would do handsomely.

"Four times five will do handsomely, will it?" said Mr. Jaggers,

knitting his brows. "Now, what do you make of four times five?"

"What do I make of it?"

"Ah!" said Mr. Jaggers; "how much?"

"I suppose you make it twenty pounds," said I, smiling.

"Never mind what I make it, my friend," observed Mr. Jaggers, with a

knowing and contradictory toss of his head. "I want to know what

you make it."

"Twenty pounds, of course."

"Wemmick!" said Mr. Jaggers, opening his office door. "Take Mr. Pip's

written order, and pay him twenty pounds."

This strongly marked way of doing business made a strongly marked

impression on me, and that not of an agreeable kind. Mr. Jaggers

never laughed; but he wore great bright creaking boots, and, in

poising himself on these boots, with his large head bent down and

his eyebrows joined together, awaiting an answer, he sometimes

caused the boots to creak, as if they laughed in a dry and

suspicious way. As he happened to go out now, and as Wemmick was

brisk and talkative, I said to Wemmick that I hardly knew what to

make of Mr. Jaggers's manner.

"Tell him that, and he'll take it as a compliment," answered

Wemmick; "he don't mean that you should know what to make of it. -

Oh!" for I looked surprised, "it's not personal; it's professional:

only professional."

Wemmick was at his desk, lunching - and crunching - on a dry hard

biscuit; pieces of which he threw from time to time into his slit

of a mouth, as if he were posting them.

"Always seems to me," said Wemmick, "as if he had set a mantrap and

was watching it. Suddenly - click - you're caught!"

Without remarking that man-traps were not among the amenities of

life, I said I supposed he was very skilful?

"Deep," said Wemmick, "as Australia." Pointing with his pen at the

office floor, to express that Australia was understood, for the

purposes of the figure, to be symmetrically on the opposite spot of

the globe. "If there was anything deeper," added Wemmick, bringing

his pen to paper, "he'd be it."

Then, I said I supposed he had a fine business, and Wemmick said,

"Ca-pi-tal!" Then I asked if there were many clerks? to which he

replied:

"We don't run much into clerks, because there's only one Jaggers,

and people won't have him at second-hand. There are only four of

us. Would you like to see 'em? You are one of us, as I may say."

I accepted the offer. When Mr. Wemmick had put all the biscuit into

the post, and had paid me my money from a cash-box in a safe, the

key of which safe he kept somewhere down his back and produced from

his coat-collar like an iron pigtail, we went up-stairs. The house

was dark and shabby, and the greasy shoulders that had left their

mark in Mr. Jaggers's room, seemed to have been shuffling up and

down the staircase for years. In the front first floor, a clerk who

looked something between a publican and a rat-catcher - a large

pale puffed swollen man - was attentively engaged with three or

four people of shabby appearance, whom he treated as

unceremoniously as everybody seemed to be treated who contributed

to Mr. Jaggers's coffers. "Getting evidence together," said Mr.

Wemmick, as we came out, "for the Bailey."

In the room over that, a little flabby terrier of a clerk with

dangling hair (his cropping seemed to have been forgotten when he

was a puppy) was similarly engaged with a man with weak eyes, whom

Mr. Wemmick presented to me as a smelter who kept his pot always

boiling, and who would melt me anything I pleased - and who was in

an excessive white-perspiration, as if he had been trying his art on

himself. In a back room, a high-shouldered man with a face-ache tied

up in dirty flannel, who was dressed in old black clothes that bore

the appearance of having been waxed, was stooping over his work of

making fair copies of the notes of the other two gentlemen, for Mr.

Jaggers's own use.

This was all the establishment. When we went down-stairs again,

Wemmick led me into my guardian's room, and said, "This you've seen

already."

"Pray," said I, as the two odious casts with the twitchy leer upon

them caught my sight again, "whose likenesses are those?"

"These?" said Wemmick, getting upon a chair, and blowing the dust

off the horrible heads before bringing them down. "These are two

celebrated ones. Famous clients of ours that got us a world of

credit. This chap (why you must have come down in the night and

been peeping into the inkstand, to get this blot upon your eyebrow,

you old rascal!) murdered his master, and, considering that he

wasn't brought up to evidence, didn't plan it badly."

"Is it like him?" I asked, recoiling from the brute, as Wemmick

spat upon his eyebrow and gave it a rub with his sleeve.

"Like him? It's himself, you know. The cast was made in Newgate,

directly after he was taken down. You had a particular fancy for

me, hadn't you, Old Artful?" said Wemmick. He then explained this

affectionate apostrophe, by touching his brooch representing the

lady and the weeping willow at the tomb with the urn upon it, and

saying, "Had it made for me, express!"

"Is the lady anybody?" said I.

"No," returned Wemmick. "Only his game. (You liked your bit of

game, didn't you?) No; deuce a bit of a lady in the case, Mr. Pip,

except one - and she wasn't of this slender ladylike sort, and you

wouldn't have caught her looking after this urn - unless there was

something to drink in it." Wemmick's attention being thus directed

to his brooch, he put down the cast, and polished the brooch with

his pocket-handkerchief.

"Did that other creature come to the same end?" I asked. "He has

the same look."

"You're right," said Wemmick; "it's the genuine look. Much as if

one nostril was caught up with a horsehair and a little fish-hook.

Yes, he came to the same end; quite the natural end here, I assure

you. He forged wills, this blade did, if he didn't also put the

supposed testators to sleep too. You were a gentlemanly Cove,

though" (Mr. Wemmick was again apostrophizing), "and you said you

could write Greek. Yah, Bounceable! What a liar you were! I never

met such a liar as you!" Before putting his late friend on his

shelf again, Wemmick touched the largest of his mourning rings and

said, "Sent out to buy it for me, only the day before."

While he was putting up the other cast and coming down from the

chair, the thought crossed my mind that all his personal jewellery

was derived from like sources. As he had shown no diffidence on the

subject, I ventured on the liberty of asking him the question, when

he stood before me, dusting his hands.

"Oh yes," he returned, "these are all gifts of that kind. One

brings another, you see; that's the way of it. I always take 'em.

They're curiosities. And they're property. They may not be worth

much, but, after all, they're property and portable. It don't

signify to you with your brilliant look-out, but as to myself, my

guidingstar always is, "Get hold of portable property"."

When I had rendered homage to this light, he went on to say, in a

friendly manner:

"If at any odd time when you have nothing better to do, you

wouldn't mind coming over to see me at Walworth, I could offer you

a bed, and I should consider it an honour. I have not much to show

you; but such two or three curiosities as I have got, you might

like to look over; and I am fond of a bit of garden and a

summer-house."

I said I should be delighted to accept his hospitality.

"Thankee," said he; "then we'll consider that it's to come off,

when convenient to you. Have you dined with Mr. Jaggers yet?"

"Not yet."

"Well," said Wemmick, "he'll give you wine, and good wine. I'll

give you punch, and not bad punch. and now I'll tell you something.

When you go to dine with Mr. Jaggers, look at his housekeeper."

"Shall I see something very uncommon?"

"Well," said Wemmick, "you'll see a wild beast tamed. Not so very

uncommon, you'll tell me. I reply, that depends on the original

wildness of the beast, and the amount of taming. It won't lower

your opinion of Mr. Jaggers's powers. Keep your eye on it."

I told him I would do so, with all the interest and curiosity that

his preparation awakened. As I was taking my departure, he asked me

if I would like to devote five minutes to seeing Mr. Jaggers "at

it?"

For several reasons, and not least because I didn't clearly know

what Mr. Jaggers would be found to be "at," I replied in the

affirmative. We dived into the City, and came up in a crowded

policecourt, where a blood-relation (in the murderous sense) of the

deceased with the fanciful taste in brooches, was standing at the

bar, uncomfortably chewing something; while my guardian had a woman

under examination or cross-examination - I don't know which - and

was striking her, and the bench, and everybody present, with awe.

If anybody, of whatsoever degree, said a word that he didn't

approve of, he instantly required to have it "taken down." If

anybody wouldn't make an admission, he said, "I'll have it out of

you!" and if anybody made an admission, he said, "Now I have got

you!" the magistrates shivered under a single bite of his finger.

Thieves and thieftakers hung in dread rapture on his words, and

shrank when a hair of his eyebrows turned in their direction. Which

side he was on, I couldn't make out, for he seemed to me to be

grinding the whole place in a mill; I only know that when I stole

out on tiptoe, he was not on the side of the bench; for, he was

making the legs of the old gentleman who presided, quite convulsive

under the table, by his denunciations of his conduct as the

representative of British law and justice in that chair that day.

 

Chapter 25

Bentley Drummle, who was so sulky a fellow that he even took up a

book as if its writer had done him an injury, did not take up an

acquaintance in a more agreeable spirit. Heavy in figure, movement,

and comprehension - in the sluggish complexion of his face, and in

the large awkward tongue that seemed to loll about in his mouth as

he himself lolled about in a room - he was idle, proud, niggardly,

reserved, and suspicious. He came of rich people down in

Somersetshire, who had nursed this combination of qualities until

they made the discovery that it was just of age and a blockhead.

Thus, Bentley Drummle had come to Mr. Pocket when he was a head

taller than that gentleman, and half a dozen heads thicker than

most gentlemen.

Startop had been spoilt by a weak mother and kept at home when he

ought to have been at school, but he was devotedly attached to her,

and admired her beyond measure. He had a woman's delicacy of

feature, and was - "as you may see, though you never saw her," said

Herbert to me - exactly like his mother. It was but natural that I

should take to him much more kindly than to Drummle, and that, even

in the earliest evenings of our boating, he and I should pull

homeward abreast of one another, conversing from boat to boat,

while Bentley Drummle came up in our wake alone, under the

overhanging banks and among the rushes. He would always creep

in-shore like some uncomfortable amphibious creature, even when the

tide would have sent him fast upon his way; and I always think of

him as coming after us in the dark or by the back-water, when our

own two boats were breaking the sunset or the moonlight in

mid-stream.

Herbert was my intimate companion and friend. I presented him with

a half-share in my boat, which was the occasion of his often coming

down to Hammersmith; and my possession of a halfshare in his

chambers often took me up to London. We used to walk between the

two places at all hours. I have an affection for the road yet

(though it is not so pleasant a road as it was then), formed in the

impressibility of untried youth and hope.

When I had been in Mr. Pocket's family a month or two, Mr. and Mrs.

Camilla turned up. Camilla was Mr. Pocket's sister. Georgiana, whom

I had seen at Miss Havisham's on the same occasion, also turned up.

she was a cousin - an indigestive single woman, who called her

rigidity religion, and her liver love. These people hated me with

the hatred of cupidity and disappointment. As a matter of course,

they fawned upon me in my prosperity with the basest meanness.

Towards Mr. Pocket, as a grown-up infant with no notion of his own

interests, they showed the complacent forbearance I had heard them

express. Mrs. Pocket they held in contempt; but they allowed the

poor soul to have been heavily disappointed in life, because that

shed a feeble reflected light upon themselves.

These were the surroundings among which I settled down, and applied

myself to my education. I soon contracted expensive habits, and

began to spend an amount of money that within a few short months I

should have thought almost fabulous; but through good and evil I

stuck to my books. There was no other merit in this, than my having

sense enough to feel my deficiencies. Between Mr. Pocket and Herbert

I got on fast; and, with one or the other always at my elbow to

give me the start I wanted, and clear obstructions out of my road,

I must have been as great a dolt as Drummle if I had done less.

I had not seen Mr. Wemmick for some weeks, when I thought I would

write him a note and propose to go home with him on a certain

evening. He replied that it would give him much pleasure, and that

he would expect me at the office at six o'clock. Thither I went,

and there I found him, putting the key of his safe down his back as

the clock struck.

"Did you think of walking down to Walworth?" said he.

"Certainly," said I, "if you approve."

"Very much," was Wemmick's reply, "for I have had my legs under the

desk all day, and shall be glad to stretch them. Now, I'll tell you

what I have got for supper, Mr. Pip. I have got a stewed steak -

which is of home preparation - and a cold roast fowl - which is

from the cook's-shop. I think it's tender, because the master of

the shop was a Juryman in some cases of ours the other day, and we

let him down easy. I reminded him of it when I bought the fowl, and

I said, "Pick us out a good one, old Briton, because if we had

chosen to keep you in the box another day or two, we could easily

have done it." He said to that, "Let me make you a present of the

best fowl in the shop." I let him, of course. As far as it goes,

it's property and portable. You don't object to an aged parent, I

hope?"

I really thought he was still speaking of the fowl, until he added,

"Because I have got an aged parent at my place." I then said what

politeness required.

"So, you haven't dined with Mr. Jaggers yet?" he pursued, as we

walked along.

"Not yet."

"He told me so this afternoon when he heard you were coming. I

expect you'll have an invitation to-morrow. He's going to ask your

pals, too. Three of 'em; ain't there?"

Although I was not in the habit of counting Drummle as one of my

intimate associates, I answered, "Yes."

"Well, he's going to ask the whole gang;" I hardly felt

complimented by the word; "and whatever he gives you, he'll give

you good. Don't look forward to variety, but you'll have

excellence. And there'sa nother rum thing in his house," proceeded

Wemmick, after a moment's pause, as if the remark followed on the

housekeeper understood; "he never lets a door or window be fastened

at night."

"Is he never robbed?"

"That's it!" returned Wemmick. "He says, and gives it out publicly,

"I want to see the man who'll rob me." Lord bless you, I have heard

him, a hundred times if I have heard him once, say to regular

cracksmen in our front office, "You know where I live; now, no bolt

is ever drawn there; why don't you do a stroke of business with me?

Come; can't I tempt you?" Not a man of them, sir, would be bold

enough to try it on, for love or money."

"They dread him so much?" said I.

"Dread him," said Wemmick. "I believe you they dread him. Not but

what he's artful, even in his defiance of them. No silver, sir.

Britannia metal, every spoon."

"So they wouldn't have much," I observed, "even if they--"

"Ah! But he would have much," said Wemmick, cutting me short, "and

they know it. He'd have their lives, and the lives of scores of

'em. He'd have all he could get. And it's impossible to say what he

couldn't get, if he gave his mind to it."

I was falling into meditation on my guardian's greatness, when

Wemmick remarked:

"As to the absence of plate, that's only his natural depth, you

know. A river's its natural depth, and he's his natural depth. Look

at his watch-chain. That's real enough."

"It's very massive," said I.

"Massive?" repeated Wemmick. "I think so. And his watch is a gold

repeater, and worth a hundred pound if it's worth a penny. Mr. Pip,

there are about seven hundred thieves in this town who know all

about that watch; there's not a man, a woman, or a child, among

them, who wouldn't identify the smallest link in that chain, and

drop it as if it was red-hot, if inveigled into touching it."

At first with such discourse, and afterwards with conversation of a

more general nature, did Mr. Wemmick and I beguile the time and the

road, until he gave me to understand that we had arrived in the

district of Walworth.

It appeared to be a collection of back lanes, ditches, and little

gardens, and to present the aspect of a rather dull retirement.

Wemmick's house was a little wooden cottage in the midst of plots

of garden, and the top of it was cut out and painted like a battery

mounted with guns.

"My own doing," said Wemmick. "Looks pretty; don't it?"

I highly commended it, I think it was the smallest house I ever

saw; with the queerest gothic windows (by far the greater part of

them sham), and a gothic door, almost too small to get in at.

"That's a real flagstaff, you see," said Wemmick, "and on Sundays I

run up a real flag. Then look here. After I have crossed this

bridge, I hoist it up - so - and cut off the communication."

The bridge was a plank, and it crossed a chasm about four feet wide

and two deep. But it was very pleasant to see the pride with which

he hoisted it up and made it fast; smiling as he did so, with a

relish and not merely mechanically.

"At nine o'clock every night, Greenwich time," said Wemmick, "the

gun fires. There he is, you see! And when you hear him go, I think

you'll say he's a Stinger."

The piece of ordnance referred to, was mounted in a separate

fortress, constructed of lattice-work. It was protected from the

weather by an ingenious little tarpaulin contrivance in the nature

of an umbrella.

"Then, at the back," said Wemmick, "out of sight, so as not to

impede the idea of fortifications - for it's a principle with me,

if you have an idea, carry it out and keep it up - I don't know

whether that's your opinion--"

I said, decidedly.

" - At the back, there's a pig, and there are fowls and rabbits;

then, I knock together my own little frame, you see, and grow

cucumbers; and you'll judge at supper what sort of a salad I can

raise. So, sir," said Wemmick, smiling again, but seriously too, as

he shook his head, "if you can suppose the little place besieged,

it would hold out a devil of a time in point of provisions."

Then, he conducted me to a bower about a dozen yards off, but which

was approached by such ingenious twists of path that it took quite

a long time to get at; and in this retreat our glasses were already

set forth. Our punch was cooling in an ornamental lake, on whose

margin the bower was raised. This piece of water (with an island in

the middle which might have been the salad for supper) was of a

circular form, and he had constructed a fountain in it, which, when

you set a little mill going and took a cork out of a pipe, played

to that powerful extent that it made the back of your hand quite

wet.

"I am my own engineer, and my own carpenter, and my own plumber,

and my own gardener, and my own Jack of all Trades," said Wemmick,

in acknowledging my compliments. "Well; it's a good thing, you

know. It brushes the Newgate cobwebs away, and pleases the Aged.

You wouldn't mind being at once introduced to the Aged, would you?

It wouldn't put you out?"

I expressed the readiness I felt, and we went into the castle.

There, we found, sitting by a fire, a very old man in a flannel

coat: clean, cheerful, comfortable, and well cared for, but

intensely deaf.

"Well aged parent," said Wemmick, shaking hands with him in a

cordial and jocose way, "how am you?"

"All right, John; all right!" replied the old man.

"Here's Mr. Pip, aged parent," said Wemmick, "and I wish you could

hear his name. Nod away at him, Mr. Pip; that's what he likes. Nod

away at him, if you please, like winking!"

"This is a fine place of my son's, sir," cried the old man, while I

nodded as hard as I possibly could. "This is a pretty

pleasure-ground, sir. This spot and these beautiful works upon it

ought to be kept together by the Nation, after my son's time, for

the people's enjoyment."

"You're as proud of it as Punch; ain't you, Aged?" said Wemmick,

contemplating the old man, with his hard face really softened;

"there's a nod for you;" giving him a tremendous one; "there's

another for you;" giving him a still more tremendous one; "you like

that, don't you? If you're not tired, Mr. Pip - though I know it's

tiring to strangers - will you tip him one more? You can't think

how it pleases him."

I tipped him several more, and he was in great spirits. We left him

bestirring himself to feed the fowls, and we sat down to our punch

in the arbour; where Wemmick told me as he smoked a pipe that it

had taken him a good many years to bring the property up to its

present pitch of perfection.

"Is it your own, Mr. Wemmick?"

"O yes," said Wemmick, "I have got hold of it, a bit at a time.

It's a freehold, by George!"

"Is it, indeed? I hope Mr. Jaggers admires it?"

"Never seen it," said Wemmick. "Never heard of it. Never seen the

Aged. Never heard of him. No; the office is one thing, and private

life is another. When I go into the office, I leave the Castle

behind me, and when I come into the Castle, I leave the office

behind me. If it's not in any way disagreeable to you, you'll

oblige me by doing the same. I don't wish it professionally spoken

about."

Of course I felt my good faith involved in the observance of his

request. The punch being very nice, we sat there drinking it and

talking, until it was almost nine o'clock. "Getting near gun-fire,"

said Wemmick then, as he laid down his pipe; "it's the Aged's

treat."

Proceeding into the Castle again, we found the Aged heating the

poker, with expectant eyes, as a preliminary to the performance of

this great nightly ceremony. Wemmick stood with his watch in his

hand, until the moment was come for him to take the red-hot poker

from the Aged, and repair to the battery. He took it, and went out,

and presently the Stinger went off with a Bang that shook the crazy

little box of a cottage as if it must fall to pieces, and made

every glass and teacup in it ring. Upon this, the Aged - who I

believe would have been blown out of his arm-chair but for holding

on by the elbows - cried out exultingly, "He's fired! I heerd him!"

and I nodded at the old gentleman until it is no figure of speech

to declare that I absolutely could not see him.

The interval between that time and supper, Wemmick devoted to

showing me his collection of curiosities. They were mostly of a

felonious character; comprising the pen with which a celebrated

forgery had been committed, a distinguished razor or two, some

locks of hair, and several manuscript confessions written under

condemnation - upon which Mr. Wemmick set particular value as being,

to use his own words, "every one of 'em Lies, sir." These were

agreeably dispersed among small specimens of china and glass,

various neat trifles made by the proprietor of the museum, and some

tobacco-stoppers carved by the Aged. They were all displayed in

that chamber of the Castle into which I had been first inducted,

and which served, not only as the general sitting-room but as the

kitchen too, if I might judge from a saucepan on the hob, and a

brazen bijou over the fireplace designed for the suspension of a

roasting-jack.

There was a neat little girl in attendance, who looked after the

Aged in the day. When she had laid the supper-cloth, the bridge was

lowered to give her means of egress, and she withdrew for the

night. The supper was excellent; and though the Castle was rather

subject to dry-rot insomuch that it tasted like a bad nut, and

though the pig might have been farther off, I was heartily pleased

with my whole entertainment. Nor was there any drawback on my

little turret bedroom, beyond there being such a very thin ceiling

between me and the flagstaff, that when I lay down on my back in

bed, it seemed as if I had to balance that pole on my forehead all

night.

Wemmick was up early in the morning, and I am afraid I heard him

cleaning my boots. After that, he fell to gardening, and I saw him

from my gothic window pretending to employ the Aged, and nodding at

him in a most devoted manner. Our breakfast was as good as the

supper, and at half-past eight precisely we started for Little

Britain. By degrees, Wemmick got dryer and harder as we went along,

and his mouth tightened into a post-office again. At last, when we

got to his place of business and he pulled out his key from his

coat-collar, he looked as unconscious of his Walworth property as

if the Castle and the drawbridge and the arbour and the lake and

the fountain and the Aged, had all been blown into space together

by the last discharge of the Stinger.

 

Chapter 26

It fell out as Wemmick had told me it would, that I had an early

opportunity of comparing my guardian's establishment with that of

his cashier and clerk. My guardian was in his room, washing his

hands with his scented soap, when I went into the office from

Walworth; and he called me to him, and gave me the invitation for

myself and friends which Wemmick had prepared me to receive. "No

ceremony," he stipulated, "and no dinner dress, and say tomorrow."

I asked him where we should come to (for I had no idea where he

lived), and I believe it was in his general objection to make

anything like an admission, that he replied, "Come here, and I'll

take you home with me." I embrace this opportunity of remarking

that he washed his clients off, as if he were a surgeon or a

dentist. He had a closet in his room, fitted up for the purpose,

which smelt of the scented soap like a perfumer's shop. It had an

unusually large jack-towel on a roller inside the door, and he

would wash his hands, and wipe them and dry them all over this

towel, whenever he came in from a police-court or dismissed a

client from his room. When I and my friends repaired to him at six

o'clock next day, he seemed to have been engaged on a case of a

darker complexion than usual, for, we found him with his head

butted into this closet, not only washing his hands, but laving his

face and gargling his throat. And even when he had done all that,

and had gone all round the jack-towel, he took out his penknife and

scraped the case out of his nails before he put his coat on.

There were some people slinking about as usual when we passed out

into the street, who were evidently anxious to speak with him; but

there was something so conclusive in the halo of scented soap which

encircled his presence, that they gave it up for that day. As we

walked along westward, he was recognized ever and again by some

face in the crowd of the streets, and whenever that happened he

talked louder to me; but he never otherwise recognized anybody, or

took notice that anybody recognized him.

He conducted us to Gerrard-street, Soho, to a house on the south

side of that street. Rather a stately house of its kind, but

dolefully in want of painting, and with dirty windows. He took out

his key and opened the door, and we all went into a stone hall,

bare, gloomy, and little used. So, up a dark brown staircase into a

series of three dark brown rooms on the first floor. There were

carved garlands on the panelled walls, and as he stood among them

giving us welcome, I know what kind of loops I thought they looked

like.

Dinner was laid in the best of these rooms; the second was his

dressing-room; the third, his bedroom. He told us that he held the

whole house, but rarely used more of it than we saw. The table was

comfortably laid - no silver in the service, of course - and at the

side of his chair was a capacious dumb-waiter, with a variety of

bottles and decanters on it, and four dishes of fruit for dessert.

I noticed throughout, that he kept everything under his own hand,

and distributed everything himself.

There was a bookcase in the room; I saw, from the backs of the

books, that they were about evidence, criminal law, criminal

biography, trials, acts of parliament, and such things. The

furniture was all very solid and good, like his watch-chain. It had

an official look, however, and there was nothing merely ornamental

to be seen. In a corner, was a little table of papers with a shaded

lamp: so that he seemed to bring the office home with him in that

respect too, and to wheel it out of an evening and fall to work.

As he had scarcely seen my three companions until now - for, he and

I had walked together - he stood on the hearth-rug, after ringing

the bell, and took a searching look at them. To my surprise, he

seemed at once to be principally if not solely interested in

Drummle.

"Pip," said he, putting his large hand on my shoulder and moving me

to the window, "I don't know one from the other. Who's the Spider?"

"The spider?" said I.

"The blotchy, sprawly, sulky fellow."

"That's Bentley Drummle," I replied; "the one with the delicate

face is Startop."

Not making the least account of "the one with the delicate face,"

he returned, "Bentley Drummle is his name, is it? I like the look

of that fellow."

He immediately began to talk to Drummle: not at all deterred by his

replying in his heavy reticent way, but apparently led on by it to

screw discourse out of him. I was looking at the two, when there

came between me and them, the housekeeper, with the first dish for

the table.

She was a woman of about forty, I supposed - but I may have thought

her younger than she was. Rather tall, of a lithe nimble figure,

extremely pale, with large faded eyes, and a quantity of streaming

hair. I cannot say whether any diseased affection of the heart

caused her lips to be parted as if she were panting, and her face

to bear a curious expression of suddenness and flutter; but I know

that I had been to see Macbeth at the theatre, a night or two

before, and that her face looked to me as if it were all disturbed

by fiery air, like the faces I had seen rise out of the Witches'

caldron.

She set the dish on, touched my guardian quietly on the arm with a

finger to notify that dinner was ready, and vanished. We took our

seats at the round table, and my guardian kept Drummle on one side

of him, while Startop sat on the other. It was a noble dish of fish

that the housekeeper had put on table, and we had a joint of

equally choice mutton afterwards, and then an equally choice bird.

Sauces, wines, all the accessories we wanted, and all of the best,

were given out by our host from his dumb-waiter; and when they had

made the circuit of the table, he always put them back again.

Similarly, he dealt us clean plates and knives and forks, for each

course, and dropped those just disused into two baskets on the

ground by his chair. No other attendant than the housekeeper

appeared. She set on every dish; and I always saw in her face, a

face rising out of the caldron. Years afterwards, I made a dreadful

likeness of that woman, by causing a face that had no other natural

resemblance to it than it derived from flowing hair, to pass behind

a bowl of flaming spirits in a dark room.

Induced to take particular notice of the housekeeper, both by her

own striking appearance and by Wemmick's preparation, I observed

that whenever she was in the room, she kept her eyes attentively on

my guardian, and that she would remove her hands from any dish she

put before him, hesitatingly, as if she dreaded his calling her

back, and wanted him to speak when she was nigh, if he had anything

to say. I fancied that I could detect in his manner a consciousness

of this, and a purpose of always holding her in suspense.

Dinner went off gaily, and, although my guardian seemed to follow

rather than originate subjects, I knew that he wrenched the weakest

part of our dispositions out of us. For myself, I found that I was

expressing my tendency to lavish expenditure, and to patronize

Herbert, and to boast of my great prospects, before I quite knew

that I had opened my lips. It was so with all of us, but with no

one more than Drummle: the development of whose inclination to gird

in a grudging and suspicious way at the rest, was screwed out of

him before the fish was taken off.

It was not then, but when we had got to the cheese, that our

conversation turned upon our rowing feats, and that Drummle was

rallied for coming up behind of a night in that slow amphibious way

of his. Drummle upon this, informed our host that he much preferred

our room to our company, and that as to skill he was more than our

master, and that as to strength he could scatter us like chaff. By

some invisible agency, my guardian wound him up to a pitch little

short of ferocity about this trifle; and he fell to baring and

spanning his arm to show how muscular it was, and we all fell to

baring and spanning our arms in a ridiculous manner.

Now, the housekeeper was at that time clearing the table; my

guardian, taking no heed of her, but with the side of his face

turned from her, was leaning back in his chair biting the side of

his forefinger and showing an interest in Drummle, that, to me, was

quite inexplicable. Suddenly, he clapped his large hand on the

housekeeper's, like a trap, as she stretched it across the table.

So suddenly and smartly did he do this, that we all stopped in our

foolish contention.

"If you talk of strength," said Mr. Jaggers, "I'll show you a wrist.

Molly, let them see your wrist."

Her entrapped hand was on the table, but she had already put her

other hand behind her waist. "Master," she said, in a low voice,

with her eyes attentively and entreatingly fixed upon him. "Don't."

"I'll show you a wrist," repeated Mr. Jaggers, with an immovable

determination to show it. "Molly, let them see your wrist."

"Master," she again murmured. "Please!"

"Molly," said Mr. Jaggers, not looking at her, but obstinately

looking at the opposite side of the room, "let them see both your

wrists. Show them. Come!"

He took his hand from hers, and turned that wrist up on the table.

She brought her other hand from behind her, and held the two out

side by side. The last wrist was much disfigured - deeply scarred

and scarred across and across. When she held her hands out, she

took her eyes from Mr. Jaggers, and turned them watchfully on every

one of the rest of us in succession.

"There's power here," said Mr. Jaggers, coolly tracing out the

sinews with his forefinger. "Very few men have the power of wrist

that this woman has. It's remarkable what mere force of grip there

is in these hands. I have had occasion to notice many hands; but I

never saw stronger in that respect, man's or woman's, than these."

While he said these words in a leisurely critical style, she

continued to look at every one of us in regular succession as we

sat. The moment he ceased, she looked at him again. "That'll do,

Molly," said Mr. Jaggers, giving her a slight nod; "you have been

admired, and can go." She withdrew her hands and went out of the

room, and Mr. Jaggers, putting the decanters on from his dumbwaiter,

filled his glass and passed round the wine.

"At half-past nine, gentlemen," said he, "we must break up. Pray

make the best use of your time. I am glad to see you all. Mr.

Drummle, I drink to you."

If his object in singling out Drummle were to bring him out still

more, it perfectly succeeded. In a sulky triumph, Drummle showed

his morose depreciation of the rest of us, in a more and more

offensive degree until he became downright intolerable. Through all

his stages, Mr. Jaggers followed him with the same strange interest.

He actually seemed to serve as a zest to Mr. Jaggers's wine.

In our boyish want of discretion I dare say we took too much to

drink, and I know we talked too much. we became particularly hot

upon some boorish sneer of Drummle's, to the effect that we were

too free with our money. It led to my remarking, with more zeal

than discretion, that it came with a bad grace from him, to whom

Startop had lent money in my presence but a week or so before.

"Well," retorted Drummle; "he'll be paid."

"I don't mean to imply that he won't," said I, "but it might make

you hold your tongue about us and our money, I should think."

"You should think!" retorted Drummle. "Oh Lord!"

"I dare say," I went on, meaning to be very severe, "that you

wouldn't lend money to any of us, if we wanted it."

"You are right," said Drummle. "I wouldn't lend one of you a

sixpence. I wouldn't lend anybody a sixpence."

"Rather mean to borrow under those circumstances, I should say."

"You should say," repeated Drummle. "Oh Lord!"

This was so very aggravating - the more especially as I found

myself making no way against his surly obtuseness - that I said,

disregarding Herbert's efforts to check me:

"Come, Mr. Drummle, since we are on the subject, I'll tell you what

passed between Herbert here and me, when you borrowed that money."

"I don't want to know what passed between Herbert there and you,"

growled Drummle. And I think he added in a lower growl, that we

might both go to the devil and shake ourselves.

"I'll tell you, however," said I, "whether you want to know or not.

We said that as you put it in your pocket very glad to get it, you

seemed to be immensely amused at his being so weak as to lend it."

Drummle laughed outright, and sat laughing in our faces, with his

hands in his pockets and his round shoulders raised: plainly

signifying that it was quite true, and that he despised us, as

asses all.

Hereupon Startop took him in hand, though with a much better grace

than I had shown, and exhorted him to be a little more agreeable.

Startop, being a lively bright young fellow, and Drummle being the

exact opposite, the latter was always disposed to resent him as a

direct personal affront. He now retorted in a coarse lumpish way,

and Startop tried to turn the discussion aside with some small

pleasantry that made us all laugh. Resenting this little success

more than anything, Drummle, without any threat or warning, pulled

his hands out of his pockets, dropped his round shoulders, swore,

took up a large glass, and would have flung it at his adversary's

head, but for our entertainer's dexterously seizing it at the

instant when it was raised for that purpose.

"Gentlemen," said Mr. Jaggers, deliberately putting down the glass,

and hauling out his gold repeater by its massive chain, "I am

exceedingly sorry to announce that it's half-past nine."

On this hint we all rose to depart. Before we got to the street

door, Startop was cheerily calling Drummle "old boy," as if nothing

had happened. But the old boy was so far from responding, that he

would not even walk to Hammersmith on the same side of the way; so,

Herbert and I, who remained in town, saw them going down the street

on opposite sides; Startop leading, and Drummle lagging behind in

the shadow of the houses, much as he was wont to follow in his

boat.

As the door was not yet shut, I thought I would leave Herbert there

for a moment, and run up-stairs again to say a word to my guardian.

I found him in his dressing-room surrounded by his stock of boots,

already hard at it, washing his hands of us.

I told him I had come up again to say how sorry I was that anything

disagreeable should have occurred, and that I hoped he would not

blame me much.

"Pooh!" said he, sluicing his face, and speaking through the

water-drops; "it's nothing, Pip. I like that Spider though."

He had turned towards me now, and was shaking his head, and

blowing, and towelling himself.

"I am glad you like him, sir," said I - "but I don't."

"No, no," my guardian assented; "don't have too much to do with

him. Keep as clear of him as you can. But I like the fellow, Pip;

he is one of the true sort. Why, if I was a fortune-teller--"

Looking out of the towel, he caught my eye.

"But I am not a fortune-teller," he said, letting his head drop

into a festoon of towel, and towelling away at his two ears. "You

know what I am, don't you? Good-night, Pip."

"Good-night, sir."

In about a month after that, the Spider's time with Mr. Pocket was

up for good, and, to the great relief of all the house but Mrs.

Pocket, he went home to the family hole.

 

Chapter 27

"MY DEAR MR PIP,

"I write this by request of Mr. Gargery, for to let you know that he

is going to London in company with Mr. Wopsle and would be glad if

agreeable to be allowed to see you. He would call at Barnard's

Hotel Tuesday morning 9 o'clock, when if not agreeable please

leave word. Your poor sister is much the same as when you left. We

talk of you in the kitchen every night, and wonder what you are

saying and doing. If now considered in the light of a liberty,

excuse it for the love of poor old days. No more, dear Mr. Pip, from

"Your ever obliged, and affectionate servant,

"BIDDY."

"P.S. He wishes me most particular to write what larks. He says you

will understand. I hope and do not doubt it will be agreeable to

see him even though a gentleman, for you had ever a good heart, and

he is a worthy worthy man. I have read him all excepting only the

last little sentence, and he wishes me most particular to write

again what larks."

I received this letter by the post on Monday morning, and therefore

its appointment was for next day. Let me confess exactly, with what

feelings I looked forward to Joe's coming.

Not with pleasure, though I was bound to him by so many ties; no;

with considerable disturbance, some mortification, and a keen sense

of incongruity. If I could have kept him away by paying money, I

certainly would have paid money. My greatest reassurance was, that

he was coming to Barnard's Inn, not to Hammersmith, and

consequently would not fall in Bentley Drummle's way. I had little

objection to his being seen by Herbert or his father, for both of

whom I had a respect; but I had the sharpest sensitiveness as to

his being seen by Drummle, whom I held in contempt. So, throughout

life, our worst weaknesses and meannesses are usually committed for

the sake of the people whom we most despise.

I had begun to be always decorating the chambers in some quite

unnecessary and inappropriate way or other, and very expensive

those wrestles with Barnard proved to be. By this time, the rooms

were vastly different from what I had found them, and I enjoyed the

honour of occupying a few prominent pages in the books of a

neighbouring upholsterer. I had got on so fast of late, that I had

even started a boy in boots - top boots - in bondage and slavery to

whom I might have been said to pass my days. For, after I had made

the monster (out of the refuse of my washerwoman's family) and had

clothed him with a blue coat, canary waistcoat, white cravat,

creamy breeches, and the boots already mentioned, I had to find him

a little to do and a great deal to eat; and with both of those

horrible requirements he haunted my existence.

This avenging phantom was ordered to be on duty at eight on Tuesday

morning in the hall (it was two feet square, as charged for

floorcloth), and Herbert suggested certain things for breakfast

that he thought Joe would like. While I felt sincerely obliged to

him for being so interested and considerate, I had an odd

half-provoked sense of suspicion upon me, that if Joe had been

coming to see him, he wouldn't have been quite so brisk about it.

However, I came into town on the Monday night to be ready for Joe,

and I got up early in the morning, and caused the sittingroom and

breakfast-table to assume their most splendid appearance.

Unfortunately the morning was drizzly, and an angel could not have

concealed the fact that Barnard was shedding sooty tears outside the

window, like some weak giant of a Sweep.

As the time approached I should have liked to run away, but the

Avenger pursuant to orders was in the hall, and presently I heard

Joe on the staircase. I knew it was Joe, by his clumsy manner of

coming up-stairs - his state boots being always too big for him -

and by the time it took him to read the names on the other floors

in the course of his ascent. When at last he stopped outside our

door, I could hear his finger tracing over the painted letters of

my name, and I afterwards distinctly heard him breathing in at the

keyhole. Finally he gave a faint single rap, and Pepper - such was

the compromising name of the avenging boy - announced "Mr. Gargery!"

I thought he never would have done wiping his feet, and that I must

have gone out to lift him off the mat, but at last he came in.

"Joe, how are you, Joe?"

"Pip, how AIR you, Pip?"

With his good honest face all glowing and shining, and his hat put

down on the floor between us, he caught both my hands and worked

them straight up and down, as if I had been the lastpatented Pump.

"I am glad to see you, Joe. Give me your hat."

But Joe, taking it up carefully with both hands, like a bird's-nest

with eggs in it, wouldn't hear of parting with that piece of

property, and persisted in standing talking over it in a most

uncomfortable way.

"Which you have that growed," said Joe, "and that swelled, and that

gentle-folked;" Joe considered a little before he discovered this

word; "as to be sure you are a honour to your king and country."

"And you, Joe, look wonderfully well."

"Thank God," said Joe, "I'm ekerval to most. And your sister, she's

no worse than she were. And Biddy, she's ever right and ready. And

all friends is no backerder, if not no forarder. 'Ceptin Wopsle;

he's had a drop."

All this time (still with both hands taking great care of the

bird's-nest), Joe was rolling his eyes round and round the room,

and round and round the flowered pattern of my dressing-gown.

"Had a drop, Joe?"

"Why yes," said Joe, lowering his voice, "he's left the Church, and

went into the playacting. Which the playacting have likeways

brought him to London along with me. And his wish were," said Joe,

getting the bird's-nest under his left arm for the moment and

groping in it for an egg with his right; "if no offence, as I would

'and you that."

I took what Joe gave me, and found it to be the crumpled playbill

of a small metropolitan theatre, announcing the first appearance,

in that very week, of "the celebrated Provincial Amateur of Roscian

renown, whose unique performance in the highest tragic walk of our

National Bard has lately occasioned so great a sensation in local

dramatic circles."

"Were you at his performance, Joe?" I inquired.

"I were," said Joe, with emphasis and solemnity.

"Was there a great sensation?"

"Why," said Joe, "yes, there certainly were a peck of orange-peel.

Partickler, when he see the ghost. Though I put it to yourself,

sir, whether it were calc'lated to keep a man up to his work with a

good hart, to be continiwally cutting in betwixt him and the Ghost

with "Amen!" A man may have had a misfortun' and been in the

Church," said Joe, lowering his voice to an argumentative and

feeling tone, "but that is no reason why you should put him out at

such a time. Which I meantersay, if the ghost of a man's own father

cannot be allowed to claim his attention, what can, Sir? Still

more, when his mourning "at is unfortunately made so small as that

the weight of the black feathers brings it off, try to keep it on

how you may."

A ghost-seeing effect in Joe's own countenance informed me that

Herbert had entered the room. So, I presented Joe to Herbert, who

held out his hand; but Joe backed from it, and held on by the

bird's-nest.

"Your servant, Sir," said Joe, "which I hope as you and Pip" - here

his eye fell on the Avenger, who was putting some toast on table,

and so plainly denoted an intention to make that young gentleman

one of the family, that I frowned it down and confused him more -

"I meantersay, you two gentlemen - which I hope as you get your

elths in this close spot? For the present may be a werry good inn,

according to London opinions," said Joe, confidentially, "and I

believe its character do stand i; but I wouldn't keep a pig in it

myself - not in the case that I wished him to fatten wholesome and

to eat with a meller flavour on him."

Having borne this flattering testimony to the merits of our

dwelling-place, and having incidentally shown this tendency to call

me "sir," Joe, being invited to sit down to table, looked all round

the room for a suitable spot on which to deposit his hat - as if it

were only on some very few rare substances in nature that it could

find a resting place - and ultimately stood it on an extreme corner

of the chimney-piece, from which it ever afterwards fell off at

intervals.

"Do you take tea, or coffee, Mr. Gargery?" asked Herbert, who always

presided of a morning.

"Thankee, Sir," said Joe, stiff from head to foot, "I'll take

whichever is most agreeable to yourself."

"What do you say to coffee?"

"Thankee, Sir," returned Joe, evidently dispirited by the proposal,

"since you are so kind as make chice of coffee, I will not run

contrairy to your own opinions. But don't you never find it a

little 'eating?"

"Say tea then," said Herbert, pouring it out.

Here Joe's hat tumbled off the mantel-piece, and he started out of

his chair and picked it up, and fitted it to the same exact spot.

As if it were an absolute point of good breeding that it should

tumble off again soon.

"When did you come to town, Mr. Gargery?"

"Were it yesterday afternoon?" said Joe, after coughing behind his

hand, as if he had had time to catch the whooping-cough since he

came. "No it were not. Yes it were. Yes. It were yesterday

afternoon" (with an appearance of mingled wisdom, relief, and

strict impartiality).

"Have you seen anything of London, yet?"

"Why, yes, Sir," said Joe, "me and Wopsle went off straight to look

at the Blacking Ware'us. But we didn't find that it come up to its

likeness in the red bills at the shop doors; which I meantersay,"

added Joe, in an explanatory manner, "as it is there drawd too

architectooralooral."

I really believe Joe would have prolonged this word (mightily

expressive to my mind of some architecture that I know) into a

perfect Chorus, but for his attention being providentially

attracted by his hat, which was toppling. Indeed, it demanded from

him a constant attention, and a quickness of eye and hand, very

like that exacted by wicket-keeping. He made extraordinary play

with it, and showed the greatest skill; now, rushing at it and

catching it neatly as it dropped; now, merely stopping it midway,

beating it up, and humouring it in various parts of the room and

against a good deal of the pattern of the paper on the wall, before

he felt it safe to close with it; finally, splashing it into the

slop-basin, where I took the liberty of laying hands upon it.

As to his shirt-collar, and his coat-collar, they were perplexing

to reflect upon - insoluble mysteries both. Why should a man scrape

himself to that extent, before he could consider himself full

dressed? Why should he suppose it necessary to be purified by

suffering for his holiday clothes? Then he fell into such

unaccountable fits of meditation, with his fork midway between his

plate and his mouth; had his eyes attracted in such strange

directions; was afflicted with such remarkable coughs; sat so far

from the table, and dropped so much more than he ate, and pretended

that he hadn't dropped it; that I was heartily glad when Herbert

left us for the city.

I had neither the good sense nor the good feeling to know that this

was all my fault, and that if I had been easier with Joe, Joe would

have been easier with me. I felt impatient of him and out of temper

with him; in which condition he heaped coals of fire on my head.

"Us two being now alone, Sir," - began Joe.

"Joe," I interrupted, pettishly, "how can you call me, Sir?"

Joe looked at me for a single instant with something faintly like

reproach. Utterly preposterous as his cravat was, and as his

collars were, I was conscious of a sort of dignity in the look.

"Us two being now alone," resumed Joe, "and me having the

intentions and abilities to stay not many minutes more, I will now

conclude - leastways begin - to mention what have led to my having

had the present honour. For was it not," said Joe, with his old air

of lucid exposition, "that my only wish were to be useful to you, I

should not have had the honour of breaking wittles in the company

and abode of gentlemen."

I was so unwilling to see the look again, that I made no

remonstrance against this tone.

"Well, Sir," pursued Joe, "this is how it were. I were at the

Bargemen t'other night, Pip;" whenever he subsided into affection,

he called me Pip, and whenever he relapsed into politeness he

called me Sir; "when there come up in his shay-cart, Pumblechook.

Which that same identical," said Joe, going down a new track, "do

comb my 'air the wrong way sometimes, awful, by giving out up and

down town as it were him which ever had your infant companionation

and were looked upon as a playfellow by yourself."

"Nonsense. It was you, Joe."

"Which I fully believed it were, Pip," said Joe, slightly tossing

his head, "though it signify little now, Sir. Well, Pip; this same

identical, which his manners is given to blusterous, come to me at

the Bargemen (wot a pipe and a pint of beer do give refreshment to

the working-man, Sir, and do not over stimilate), and his word

were, 'Joseph, Miss Havisham she wish to speak to you.'"

"Miss Havisham, Joe?"

"'She wish,' were Pumblechook's word, 'to speak to you.'" Joe sat

and rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

"Yes, Joe? Go on, please."

"Next day, Sir," said Joe, looking at me as if I were a long way

off, "having cleaned myself, I go and I see Miss A."

"Miss A., Joe? Miss Havisham?"

"Which I say, Sir," replied Joe, with an air of legal formality, as

if he were making his will, "Miss A., or otherways Havisham. Her

expression air then as follering: 'Mr. Gargery. You air in

correspondence with Mr. Pip?' Having had a letter from you, I were

able to say 'I am.' (When I married your sister, Sir, I said 'I

will;' and when I answered your friend, Pip, I said 'I am.') 'Would

you tell him, then,' said she, 'that which Estella has come home

and would be glad to see him.'"

I felt my face fire up as I looked at Joe. I hope one remote cause

of its firing, may have been my consciousness that if I had known

his errand, I should have given him more encouragement.

"Biddy," pursued Joe, "when I got home and asked her fur to write

the message to you, a little hung back. Biddy says, "I know he will

be very glad to have it by word of mouth, it is holidaytime, you

want to see him, go!" I have now concluded, Sir," said Joe, rising

from his chair, "and, Pip, I wish you ever well and ever prospering

to a greater and a greater heighth."

"But you are not going now, Joe?"

"Yes I am," said Joe.

"But you are coming back to dinner, Joe?"

"No I am not," said Joe.

Our eyes met, and all the "Sir" melted out of that manly heart as

he gave me his hand.

"Pip, dear old chap, life is made of ever so many partings welded

together, as I may say, and one man's a blacksmith, and one's a

whitesmith, and one's a goldsmith, and one's a coppersmith.

Diwisions among such must come, and must be met as they come. If

there's been any fault at all to-day, it's mine. You and me is not

two figures to be together in London; nor yet anywheres else but

what is private, and beknown, and understood among friends. It

ain't that I am proud, but that I want to be right, as you shall

never see me no more in these clothes. I'm wrong in these clothes.

I'm wrong out of the forge, the kitchen, or off th' meshes. You

won't find half so much fault in me if you think of me in my forge

dress, with my hammer in my hand, or even my pipe. You won't find

half so much fault in me if, supposing as you should ever wish to

see me, you come and put your head in at the forge window and see

Joe the blacksmith, there, at the old anvil, in the old burnt

apron, sticking to the old work. I'm awful dull, but I hope I've

beat out something nigh the rights of this at last. And so GOD

bless you, dear old Pip, old chap, GOD bless you!"

I had not been mistaken in my fancy that there was a simple dignity

in him. The fashion of his dress could no more come in its way when

he spoke these words, than it could come in its way in Heaven. He

touched me gently on the forehead, and went out. As soon as I could

recover myself sufficiently, I hurried out after him and looked for

him in the neighbouring streets; but he was gone.

 

Chapter 28

It was clear that I must repair to our town next day, and in the

first flow of my repentance it was equally clear that I must stay

at Joe's. But, when I had secured my box-place by to-morrow's coach

and had been down to Mr. Pocket's and back, I was not by any means

convinced on the last point, and began to invent reasons and make

excuses for putting up at the Blue Boar. I should be an

inconvenience at Joe's; I was not expected, and my bed would not be

ready; I should be too far from Miss Havisham's, and she was

exacting and mightn't like it. All other swindlers upon earth are

nothing to the self-swindlers, and with such pretences did I cheat

myself. Surely a curious thing. That I should innocently take a bad

half-crown of somebody else's manufacture, is reasonable enough;

but that I should knowingly reckon the spurious coin of my own

make, as good money! An obliging stranger, under pretence of

compactly folding up my bank-notes for security's sake, abstracts

the notes and gives me nutshells; but what is his sleight of hand

to mine, when I fold up my own nutshells and pass them on myself as

notes!

Having settled that I must go to the Blue Boar, my mind was much

disturbed by indecision whether or not to take the Avenger. It was

tempting to think of that expensive Mercenary publicly airing his

boots in the archway of the Blue Boar's posting-yard; it was almost

solemn to imagine him casually produced in the tailor's shop and

confounding the disrespectful senses of Trabb's boy. On the other

hand, Trabb's boy might worm himself into his intimacy and tell him

things; or, reckless and desperate wretch as I knew he could be,

might hoot him in the High-street, My patroness, too, might hear of

him, and not approve. On the whole, I resolved to leave the Avenger

behind.

It was the afternoon coach by which I had taken my place, and, as

winter had now come round, I should not arrive at my destination

until two or three hours after dark. Our time of starting from the

Cross Keys was two o'clock. I arrived on the ground with a quarter

of an hour to spare, attended by the Avenger - if I may connect

that expression with one who never attended on me if he could

possibly help it.

At that time it was customary to carry Convicts down to the

dockyards by stage-coach. As I had often heard of them in the

capacity of outside passengers, and had more than once seen them on

the high road dangling their ironed legs over the coach roof, I had

no cause to be surprised when Herbert, meeting me in the yard, came

up and told me there were two convicts going down with me. But I

had a reason that was an old reason now, for constitutionally

faltering whenever I heard the word convict.

"You don't mind them, Handel?" said Herbert.

"Oh no!"

"I thought you seemed as if you didn't like them?"

"I can't pretend that I do like them, and I suppose you don't

particularly. But I don't mind them."

"See! There they are," said Herbert, "coming out of the Tap. What a

degraded and vile sight it is!"

They had been treating their guard, I suppose, for they had a

gaoler with them, and all three came out wiping their mouths on

their hands. The two convicts were handcuffed together, and had

irons on their legs - irons of a pattern that I knew well. They

wore the dress that I likewise knew well. Their keeper had a brace

of pistols, and carried a thick-knobbed bludgeon under his arm; but

he was on terms of good understanding with them, and stood, with

them beside him, looking on at the putting-to of the horses, rather

with an air as if the convicts were an interesting Exhibition not

formally open at the moment, and he the Curator. One was a taller

and stouter man than the other, and appeared as a matter of course,

according to the mysterious ways of the world both convict and

free, to have had allotted to him the smaller suit of clothes. His

arms and legs were like great pincushions of those shapes, and his

attire disguised him absurdly; but I knew his half-closed eye at

one glance. There stood the man whom I had seen on the settle at

the Three Jolly Bargemen on a Saturday night, and who had brought

me down with his invisible gun!

It was easy to make sure that as yet he knew me no more than if he

had never seen me in his life. He looked across at me, and his eye

appraised my watch-chain, and then he incidentally spat and said

something to the other convict, and they laughed and slued

themselves round with a clink of their coupling manacle, and looked

at something else. The great numbers on their backs, as if they

were street doors; their coarse mangy ungainly outer surface, as if

they were lower animals; their ironed legs, apologetically

garlanded with pocket-handkerchiefs; and the way in which all

present looked at them and kept from them; made them (as Herbert

had said) a most disagreeable and degraded spectacle.

But this was not the worst of it. It came out that the whole of the

back of the coach had been taken by a family removing from London,

and that there were no places for the two prisoners but on the seat

in front, behind the coachman. Hereupon, a choleric gentleman, who

had taken the fourth place on that seat, flew into a most violent

passion, and said that it was a breach of contract to mix him up

with such villainous company, and that it was poisonous and

pernicious and infamous and shameful, and I don't know what else.

At this time the coach was ready and the coachman impatient, and we

were all preparing to get up, and the prisoners had come over with

their keeper - bringing with them that curious flavour of

bread-poultice, baize, rope-yarn, and hearthstone, which attends

the convict presence.

"Don't take it so much amiss. sir," pleaded the keeper to the angry

passenger; "I'll sit next you myself. I'll put 'em on the outside

of the row. They won't interfere with you, sir. You needn't know

they're there."

"And don't blame me," growled the convict I had recognized. "I

don't want to go. I am quite ready to stay behind. As fur as I am

concerned any one's welcome to my place."

"Or mine," said the other, gruffly. "I wouldn't have incommoded

none of you, if I'd had my way." Then, they both laughed, and began

cracking nuts, and spitting the shells about. - As I really think I

should have liked to do myself, if I had been in their place and so

despised.

At length, it was voted that there was no help for the angry

gentleman, and that he must either go in his chance company or

remain behind. So, he got into his place, still making complaints,

and the keeper got into the place next him, and the convicts hauled

themselves up as well as they could, and the convict I had

recognized sat behind me with his breath on the hair of my head.

"Good-bye, Handel!" Herbert called out as we started. I thought

what a blessed fortune it was, that he had found another name for

me than Pip.

It is impossible to express with what acuteness I felt the

convict's breathing, not only on the back of my head, but all along

my spine. The sensation was like being touched in the marrow with

some pungent and searching acid, it set my very teeth on edge. He

seemed to have more breathing business to do than another man, and

to make more noise in doing it; and I was conscious of growing

high-shoulderd on one side, in my shrinking endeavours to fend him

off.

The weather was miserably raw, and the two cursed the cold. It made

us all lethargic before we had gone far, and when we had left the

Half-way House behind, we habitually dozed and shivered and were

silent. I dozed off, myself, in considering the question whether I

ought to restore a couple of pounds sterling to this creature

before losing sight of him, and how it could best be done. In the

act of dipping forward as if I were going to bathe among the

horses, I woke in a fright and took the question up again.

But I must have lost it longer than I had thought, since, although

I could recognize nothing in the darkness and the fitful lights and

shadows of our lamps, I traced marsh country in the cold damp wind

that blew at us. Cowering forward for warmth and to make me a

screen against the wind, the convicts were closer to me than

before. They very first words I heard them interchange as I became

conscious were the words of my own thought, "Two One Pound notes."

"How did he get 'em?" said the convict I had never seen.

"How should I know?" returned the other. "He had 'em stowed away

somehows. Giv him by friends, I expect."

"I wish," said the other, with a bitter curse upon the cold, "that

I had 'em here."

"Two one pound notes, or friends?"

"Two one pound notes. I'd sell all the friends I ever had, for one,

and think it a blessed good bargain. Well? So he says - ?"

"So he says," resumed the convict I had recognized - "it was all

said and done in half a minute, behind a pile of timber in the

Dockyard - 'You're a-going to be discharged?' Yes, I was. Would I

find out that boy that had fed him and kep his secret, and give him

them two one pound notes? Yes, I would. And I did."

"More fool you," growled the other. "I'd have spent 'em on a Man,

in wittles and drink. He must have been a green one. Mean to say he

knowed nothing of you?"

"Not a ha'porth. Different gangs and different ships. He was tried

again for prison breaking, and got made a Lifer."

"And was that - Honour! - the only time you worked out, in this

part of the country?"

"The only time."

"What might have been your opinion of the place?"

"A most beastly place. Mudbank, mist, swamp, and work; work, swamp,

mist, and mudbank."

They both execrated the place in very strong language, and

gradually growled themselves out, and had nothing left to say.

After overhearing this dialogue, I should assuredly have got down

and been left in the solitude and darkness of the highway, but for

feeling certain that the man had no suspicion of my identity.

Indeed, I was not only so changed in the course of nature, but so

differently dressed and so differently circumstanced, that it was

not at all likely he could have known me without accidental help.

Still, the coincidence of our being together on the coach, was

sufficiently strange to fill me with a dread that some other

coincidence might at any moment connect me, in his hearing, with my

name. For this reason, I resolved to alight as soon as we touched

the town, and put myself out of his hearing. This device I executed

successfully. My little portmanteau was in the boot under my feet;

I had but to turn a hinge to get it out: I threw it down before me,

got down after it, and was left at the first lamp on the first

stones of the town pavement. As to the convicts, they went their

way with the coach, and I knew at what point they would be spirited

off to the river. In my fancy, I saw the boat with its convict crew

waiting for them at the slime-washed stairs, - again heard the

gruff "Give way, you!" like and order to dogs - again saw the

wicked Noah's Ark lying out on the black water.

I could not have said what I was afraid of, for my fear was

altogether undefined and vague, but there was great fear upon me.

As I walked on to the hotel, I felt that a dread, much exceeding

the mere apprehension of a painful or disagreeable recognition,

made me tremble. I am confident that it took no distinctness of

shape, and that it was the revival for a few minutes of the terror

of childhood.

The coffee-room at the Blue Boar was empty, and I had not only

ordered my dinner there, but had sat down to it, before the waiter

knew me. As soon as he had apologized for the remissness of his

memory, he asked me if he should send Boots for Mr. Pumblechook?

"No," said I, "certainly not."

The waiter (it was he who had brought up the Great Remonstrance

from the Commercials, on the day when I was bound) appeared

surprised, and took the earliest opportunity of putting a dirty old

copy of a local newspaper so directly in my way, that I took it up

and read this paragraph:

Our readers will learn, not altogether without interest, in

reference to the recent romantic rise in fortune of a young

artificer in iron of this neighbourhood (what a theme, by the way,

for the magic pen of our as yet not universally acknowledged

townsman TOOBY, the poet of our columns!) that the youth's earliest

patron, companion, and friend, was a highly-respected individual

not entirely unconnected with the corn and seed trade, and whose

eminently convenient and commodious business premises are situate

within a hundred miles of the High-street. It is not wholly

irrespective of our personal feelings that we record HIM as the

Mentor of our young Telemachus, for it is good to know that our

town produced the founder of the latter's fortunes. Does the

thoughtcontracted brow of the local Sage or the lustrous eye of

local Beauty inquire whose fortunes? We believe that Quintin Matsys

was the BLACKSMITH of Antwerp. VERB. SAP.

I entertain a conviction, based upon large experience, that if in

the days of my prosperity I had gone to the North Pole, I should

have met somebody there, wandering Esquimaux or civilized man, who

would have told me that Pumblechook was my earliest patron and the

founder of my fortunes.

 

Chapter 29

Betimes in the morning I was up and out. It was too early yet to go

to Miss Havisham's, so I loitered into the country on Miss

Havisham's side of town - which was not Joe's side; I could go

there to-morrow - thinking about my patroness, and painting

brilliant pictures of her plans for me.

She had adopted Estella, she had as good as adopted me, and it

could not fail to be her intention to bring us together. She

reserved it for me to restore the desolate house, admit the

sunshine into the dark rooms, set the clocks a-going and the cold

hearths a-blazing, tear down the cobwebs, destroy the vermin - in

short, do all the shining deeds of the young Knight of romance, and

marry the Princess. I had stopped to look at the house as I passed;

and its seared red brick walls, blocked windows, and strong green

ivy clasping even the stacks of chimneys with its twigs and

tendons, as if with sinewy old arms, had made up a rich attractive

mystery, of which I was the hero. Estella was the inspiration of

it, and the heart of it, of course. But, though she had taken such

strong possession of me, though my fancy and my hope were so set

upon her, though her influence on my boyish life and character had

been all-powerful, I did not, even that romantic morning, invest

her with any attributes save those she possessed. I mention this in

this place, of a fixed purpose, because it is the clue by which I

am to be followed into my poor labyrinth. According to my

experience, the conventional notion of a lover cannot be always

true. The unqualified truth is, that when I loved Estella with the

love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistible.

Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always,

that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace,

against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that

could be. Once for all; I loved her none the less because I knew

it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had

devoutly believed her to be human perfection.

I so shaped out my walk as to arrive at the gate at my old time.

When I had rung at the bell with an unsteady hand, I turned my back

upon the gate, while I tried to get my breath and keep the beating

of my heart moderately quiet. I heard the side door open, and steps

come across the court-yard; but I pretended not to hear, even when

the gate swung on its rusty hinges.

Being at last touched on the shoulder, I started and turned. I

started much more naturally then, to find myself confronted by a

man in a sober grey dress. The last man I should have expected to

see in that place of porter at Miss Havisham's door.

"Orlick!"

"Ah, young master, there's more changes than yours. But come in,

come in. It's opposed to my orders to hold the gate open."

I entered and he swung it, and locked it, and took the key out.

"Yes!" said he, facing round, after doggedly preceding me a few

steps towards the house. "Here I am!"

"How did you come here?"

"I come her," he retorted, "on my legs. I had my box brought

alongside me in a barrow."

"Are you here for good?"

"I ain't her for harm, young master, I suppose?"

I was not so sure of that. I had leisure to entertain the retort in

my mind, while he slowly lifted his heavy glance from the pavement,

up my legs and arms, to my face.

"Then you have left the forge?" I said.

"Do this look like a forge?" replied Orlick, sending his glance all

round him with an air of injury. "Now, do it look like it?"

I asked him how long he had left Gargery's forge?

"One day is so like another here," he replied, "that I don't know

without casting it up. However, I come her some time since you

left."

"I could have told you that, Orlick."

"Ah!" said he, drily. "But then you've got to be a scholar."

By this time we had come to the house, where I found his room to be

one just within the side door, with a little window in it looking

on the court-yard. In its small proportions, it was not unlike the

kind of place usually assigned to a gate-porter in Paris. Certain

keys were hanging on the wall, to which he now added the gate-key;

and his patchwork-covered bed was in a little inner division or

recess. The whole had a slovenly confined and sleepy look, like a

cage for a human dormouse: while he, looming dark and heavy in the

shadow of a corner by the window, looked like the human dormouse

for whom it was fitted up - as indeed he was.

"I never saw this room before," I remarked; "but there used to be

no Porter here."

"No," said he; "not till it got about that there was no protection

on the premises, and it come to be considered dangerous, with

convicts and Tag and Rag and Bobtail going up and down. And then I

was recommended to the place as a man who could give another man as

good as he brought, and I took it. It's easier than bellowsing and

hammering. - That's loaded, that is."

My eye had been caught by a gun with a brass bound stock over the

chimney-piece, and his eye had followed mine.

"Well," said I, not desirous of more conversation, "shall I go up

to Miss Havisham?"

"Burn me, if I know!" he retorted, first stretching himself and

then shaking himself; "my orders ends here, young master. I give

this here bell a rap with this here hammer, and you go on along the

passage till you meet somebody."

"I am expected, I believe?"

"Burn me twice over, if I can say!" said he.

Upon that, I turned down the long passage which I had first trodden

in my thick boots, and he made his bell sound. At the end of the

passage, while the bell was still reverberating, I found Sarah

Pocket: who appeared to have now become constitutionally green and

yellow by reason of me.

"Oh!" said she. "You, is it, Mr. Pip?"

"It is, Miss Pocket. I am glad to tell you that Mr. Pocket and

family are all well."

"Are they any wiser?" said Sarah, with a dismal shake of the head;

"they had better be wiser, than well. Ah, Matthew, Matthew! You know

your way, sir?"

Tolerably, for I had gone up the staircase in the dark, many a

time. I ascended it now, in lighter boots than of yore, and tapped

in my old way at the door of Miss Havisham's room. "Pip's rap," I

heard her say, immediately; "come in, Pip."

She was in her chair near the old table, in the old dress, with her

two hands crossed on her stick, her chin resting on them, and her

eyes on the fire. Sitting near her, with the white shoe that had

never been worn, in her hand, and her head bent as she looked at

it, was an elegant lady whom I had never seen.

"Come in, Pip," Miss Havisham continued to mutter, without looking

round or up; "come in, Pip, how do you do, Pip? so you kiss my hand

as if I were a queen, eh? - Well?"

She looked up at me suddenly, only moving her eyes, and repeated in

a grimly playful manner,

"Well?"

"I heard, Miss Havisham," said I, rather at a loss, "that you were

so kind as to wish me to come and see you, and I came directly."

"Well?"

The lady whom I had never seen before, lifted up her eyes and

looked archly at me, and then I saw that the eyes were Estella's

eyes. But she was so much changed, was so much more beautiful, so

much more womanly, in all things winning admiration had made such

wonderful advance, that I seemed to have made none. I fancied, as I

looked at her, that I slipped hopelessly back into the coarse and

common boy again. O the sense of distance and disparity that came

upon me, and the inaccessibility that came about her!

She gave me her hand. I stammered something about the pleasure I

felt in seeing her again, and about my having looked forward to it

for a long, long time.

"Do you find her much changed, Pip?" asked Miss Havisham, with her

greedy look, and striking her stick upon a chair that stood between

them, as a sign to me to sit down there.

"When I came in, Miss Havisham, I thought there was nothing of

Estella in the face or figure; but now it all settles down so

curiously into the old--"

"What? You are not going to say into the old Estella?" Miss

Havisham interrupted. "She was proud and insulting, and you wanted

to go away from her. Don't you remember?"

I said confusedly that that was long ago, and that I knew no better

then, and the like. Estella smiled with perfect composure, and said

she had no doubt of my having been quite right, and of her having

been very disagreeable.

"Is he changed?" Miss Havisham asked her.

"Very much," said Estella, looking at me.

"Less coarse and common?" said Miss Havisham, playing with

Estella's hair.

Estella laughed, and looked at the shoe in her hand, and laughed

again, and looked at me, and put the shoe down. She treated me as a

boy still, but she lured me on.

We sat in the dreamy room among the old strange influences which

had so wrought upon me, and I learnt that she had but just come

home from France, and that she was going to London. Proud and

wilful as of old, she had brought those qualities into such

subjection to her beauty that it was impossible and out of nature -

or I thought so - to separate them from her beauty. Truly it was

impossible to dissociate her presence from all those wretched

hankerings after money and gentility that had disturbed my boyhood

- from all those ill-regulated aspirations that had first made me

ashamed of home and Joe - from all those visions that had raised

her face in the glowing fire, struck it out of the iron on the

anvil, extracted it from the darkness of night to look in at the

wooden window of the forge and flit away. In a word, it was

impossible for me to separate her, in the past or in the present,

from the innermost life of my life.

It was settled that I should stay there all the rest of the day,

and return to the hotel at night, and to London to-morrow. When we

had conversed for a while, Miss Havisham sent us two out to walk in

the neglected garden: on our coming in by-and-by, she said, I

should wheel her about a little as in times of yore.

So, Estella and I went out into the garden by the gate through

which I had strayed to my encounter with the pale young gentleman,

now Herbert; I, trembling in spirit and worshipping the very hem of

her dress; she, quite composed and most decidedly not worshipping

the hem of mine. As we drew near to the place of encounter, she

stopped and said:

"I must have been a singular little creature to hide and see that

fight that day: but I did, and I enjoyed it very much."

"You rewarded me very much."

"Did I?" she replied, in an incidental and forgetful way. "I

remember I entertained a great objection to your adversary, because

I took it ill that he should be brought here to pester me with his

company."

"He and I are great friends now."

"Are you? I think I recollect though, that you read with his

father?"

"Yes."

I made the admission with reluctance, for it seemed to have a

boyish look, and she already treated me more than enough like a

boy.

"Since your change of fortune and prospects, you have changed your

companions," said Estella.

"Naturally," said I.

"And necessarily," she added, in a haughty tone; "what was fit

company for you once, would be quite unfit company for you now."

In my conscience, I doubt very much whether I had any lingering

intention left, of going to see Joe; but if I had, this observation

put it to flight.

"You had no idea of your impending good fortune, in those times?"

said Estella, with a slight wave of her hand, signifying in the

fighting times.

"Not the least."

The air of completeness and superiority with which she walked at my

side, and the air of youthfulness and submission with which I

walked at hers, made a contrast that I strongly felt. It would have

rankled in me more than it did, if I had not regarded myself as

eliciting it by being so set apart for her and assigned to her.

The garden was too overgrown and rank for walking in with ease, and

after we had made the round of it twice or thrice, we came out

again into the brewery yard. I showed her to a nicety where I had

seen her walking on the casks, that first old day, and she said,

with a cold and careless look in that direction, "Did I?" I

reminded her where she had come out of the house and given me my

meat and drink, and she said, "I don't remember." "Not remember

that you made me cry?" said I. "No," said she, and shook her head

and looked about her. I verily believe that her not remembering and

not minding in the least, made me cry again, inwardly - and that is

the sharpest crying of all.

"You must know," said Estella, condescending to me as a brilliant

and beautiful woman might, "that I have no heart - if that has

anything to do with my memory."

I got through some jargon to the effect that I took the liberty of

doubting that. That I knew better. That there could be no such

beauty without it.

"Oh! I have a heart to be stabbed in or shot in, I have no doubt,"

said Estella, "and, of course, if it ceased to beat I should cease

to be. But you know what I mean. I have no softness there, no -

sympathy - sentiment - nonsense."

What was it that was borne in upon my mind when she stood still and

looked attentively at me? Anything that I had seen in Miss

Havisham? No. In some of her looks and gestures there was that

tinge of resemblance to Miss Havisham which may often be noticed to

have been acquired by children, from grown person with whom they

have been much associated and secluded, and which, when childhood

is passed, will produce a remarkable occasional likeness of

expression between faces that are otherwise quite different. And

yet I could not trace this to Miss Havisham. I looked again, and

though she was still looking at me, the suggestion was gone.

What was it?

"I am serious," said Estella, not so much with a frown (for her

brow was smooth) as with a darkening of her face; "if we are to be

thrown much together, you had better believe it at once. No!"

imperiously stopping me as I opened my lips. "I have not bestowed

my tenderness anywhere. I have never had any such thing."

In another moment we were in the brewery so long disused, and she

pointed to the high gallery where I had seen her going out on that

same first day, and told me she remembered to have been up there,

and to have seen me standing scared below. As my eyes followed her

white hand, again the same dim suggestion that I could not possibly

grasp, crossed me. My involuntary start occasioned her to lay her

hand upon my arm. Instantly the ghost passed once more, and was

gone.

What was it?

"What is the matter?" asked Estella. "Are you scared again?"

"I should be, if I believed what you said just now," I replied, to

turn it off.

"Then you don't? Very well. It is said, at any rate. Miss Havisham

will soon be expecting you at your old post, though I think that

might be laid aside now, with other old belongings. Let us make one

more round of the garden, and then go in. Come! You shall not shed

tears for my cruelty to-day; you shall be my Page, and give me your

shoulder."

Her handsome dress had trailed upon the ground. She held it in one

hand now, and with the other lightly touched my shoulder as we

walked. We walked round the ruined garden twice or thrice more, and

it was all in bloom for me. If the green and yellow growth of weed

in the chinks of the old wall had been the most precious flowers

that ever blew, it could not have been more cherished in my

remembrance.

There was no discrepancy of years between us, to remove her far

from me; we were of nearly the same age, though of course the age

told for more in her case than in mine; but the air of

inaccessibility which her beauty and her manner gave her, tormented

me in the midst of my delight, and at the height of the assurance I

felt that our patroness had chosen us for one another. Wretched

boy!

At last we went back into the house, and there I heard, with

surprise, that my guardian had come down to see Miss Havisham on

business, and would come back to dinner. The old wintry branches of

chandeliers in the room where the mouldering table was spread, had

been lighted while we were out, and Miss Havisham was in her chair

and waiting for me.

It was like pushing the chair itself back into the past, when we

began the old slow circuit round about the ashes of the bridal

feast. But, in the funereal room, with that figure of the grave

fallen back in the chair fixing its eyes upon her, Estella looked

more bright and beautiful than before, and I was under stronger

enchantment.

The time so melted away, that our early dinner-hour drew close at

hand, and Estella left us to prepare herself. We had stopped near

the centre of the long table, and Miss Havisham, with one of her

withered arms stretched out of the chair, rested that clenched hand

upon the yellow cloth. As Estella looked back over her shoulder

before going out at the door, Miss Havisham kissed that hand to

her, with a ravenous intensity that was of its kind quite dreadful.

Then, Estella being gone and we two left alone, she turned to me,

and said in a whisper:

"Is she beautiful, graceful, well-grown? Do you admire her?"

"Everybody must who sees her, Miss Havisham."

She drew an arm round my neck, and drew my head close down to hers

as she sat in the chair. "Love her, love her, love her! How does

she use you?"

Before I could answer (if I could have answered so difficult a

question at all), she repeated, "Love her, love her, love her! If

she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she

tears your heart to pieces - and as it gets older and stronger, it

will tear deeper - love her, love her, love her!"

Never had I seen such passionate eagerness as was joined to her

utterance of these words. I could feel the muscles of the thin arm

round my neck, swell with the vehemence that possessed her.

"Hear me, Pip! I adopted her to be loved. I bred her and educated

her, to be loved. I developed her into what she is, that she might

be loved. Love her!"

She said the word often enough, and there could be no doubt that

she meant to say it; but if the often repeated word had been hate

instead of love - despair - revenge - dire death - it could not

have sounded from her lips more like a curse.

"I'll tell you," said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper,

"what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning

self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against

yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart

and soul to the smiter - as I did!"

When she came to that, and to a wild cry that followed that, I

caught her round the waist. For she rose up in the chair, in her

shroud of a dress, and struck at the air as if she would as soon

have struck herself against the wall and fallen dead.

All this passed in a few seconds. As I drew her down into her

chair, I was conscious of a scent that I knew, and turning, saw my

guardian in the room.

He always carried (I have not yet mentioned it, I think) a

pocket-handkerchief of rich silk and of imposing proportions, which

was of great value to him in his profession. I have seen him so

terrify a client or a witness by ceremoniously unfolding this

pocket-handkerchief as if he were immediately going to blow his

nose, and then pausing, as if he knew he should not have time to do

it before such client or witness committed himself, that the

self-committal has followed directly, quite as a matter of course.

When I saw him in the room, he had this expressive

pockethandkerchief in both hands, and was looking at us. On meeting

my eye, he said plainly, by a momentary and silent pause in that

attitude, "Indeed? Singular!" and then put the handkerchief to its

right use with wonderful effect.

Miss Havisham had seen him as soon as I, and was (like everybody

else) afraid of him. She made a strong attempt to compose herself,

and stammered that he was as punctual as ever.

"As punctual as ever," he repeated, coming up to us. "(How do you

do, Pip? Shall I give you a ride, Miss Havisham? Once round?)

And so you are here, Pip?"

I told him when I had arrived, and how Miss Havisham had wished me

to come and see Estella. To which he replied, "Ah! Very fine young

lady!" Then he pushed Miss Havisham in her chair before him, with

one of his large hands, and put the other in his trousers-pocket as

if the pocket were full of secrets.

"Well, Pip! How often have you seen Miss Estella before?" said he,

when he came to a stop.

"How often?"

"Ah! How many times? Ten thousand times?"

"Oh! Certainly not so many."

"Twice?"

"Jaggers," interposed Miss Havisham, much to my relief; "leave my

Pip alone, and go with him to your dinner."

He complied, and we groped our way down the dark stairs together.

While we were still on our way to those detached apartments across

the paved yard at the back, he asked me how often I had seen Miss

Havisham eat and drink; offering me a breadth of choice, as usual,

between a hundred times and once.

I considered, and said, "Never."

"And never will, Pip," he retorted, with a frowning smile. "She has

never allowed herself to be seen doing either, since she lived this

present life of hers. She wanders about in the night, and then lays

hands on such food as she takes."

"Pray, sir," said I, "may I ask you a question?"

"You may," said he, "and I may decline to answer it. Put your

question."

"Estella's name. Is it Havisham or - ?" I had nothing to add.

"Or what?" said he.

"Is it Havisham?"

"It is Havisham."

This brought us to the dinner-table, where she and Sarah Pocket

awaited us. Mr. Jaggers presided, Estella sat opposite to him, I

faced my green and yellow friend. We dined very well, and were

waited on by a maid-servant whom I had never seen in all my comings

and goings, but who, for anything I know, had been in that

mysterious house the whole time. After dinner, a bottle of choice

old port was placed before my guardian (he was evidently well

acquainted with the vintage), and the two ladies left us.

Anything to equal the determined reticence of Mr. Jaggers under that

roof, I never saw elsewhere, even in him. He kept his very looks to

himself, and scarcely directed his eyes to Estella's face once

during dinner. When she spoke to him, he listened, and in due

course answered, but never looked at her, that I could see. On the

other hand, she often looked at him, with interest and curiosity,

if not distrust, but his face never, showed the least

consciousness. Throughout dinner he took a dry delight in making

Sarah Pocket greener and yellower, by often referring in

conversation with me to my expectations; but here, again, he showed

no consciousness, and even made it appear that he extorted - and

even did extort, though I don't know how - those references out of

my innocent self.

And when he and I were left alone together, he sat with an air upon

him of general lying by in consequence of information he possessed,

that really was too much for me. He cross-examined his very wine

when he had nothing else in hand. He held it between himself and

the candle, tasted the port, rolled it in his mouth, swallowed it,

looked at his glass again, smelt the port, tried it, drank it,

filled again, and cross-examined the glass again, until I was as

nervous as if I had known the wine to be telling him something to

my disadvantage. Three or four times I feebly thought I would start

conversation; but whenever he saw me going to ask him anything, he

looked at me with his glass in his hand, and rolling his wine about

in his mouth, as if requesting me to take notice that it was of no

use, for he couldn't answer.

I think Miss Pocket was conscious that the sight of me involved her

in the danger of being goaded to madness, and perhaps tearing off

her cap - which was a very hideous one, in the nature of a muslin

mop - and strewing the ground with her hair - which assuredly had

never grown on her head. She did not appear when we afterwards went

up to Miss Havisham's room, and we four played at whist. In the

interval, Miss Havisham, in a fantastic way, had put some of the

most beautiful jewels from her dressing-table into Estella's hair,

and about her bosom and arms; and I saw even my guardian look at

her from under his thick eyebrows, and raise them a little, when

her loveliness was before him, with those rich flushes of glitter

and colour in it.

Of the manner and extent to which he took our trumps into custody,

and came out with mean little cards at the ends of hands, before

which the glory of our Kings and Queens was utterly abased, I say

nothing; nor, of the feeling that I had, respecting his looking

upon us personally in the light of three very obvious and poor

riddles that he had found out long ago. What I suffered from, was

the incompatibility between his cold presence and my feelings

towards Estella. It was not that I knew I could never bear to speak

to him about her, that I knew I could never bear to hear him creak

his boots at her, that I knew I could never bear to see him wash

his hands of her; it was, that my admiration should be within a

foot or two of him - it was, that my feelings should be in the same

place with him - that, was the agonizing circumstance.

We played until nine o'clock, and then it was arranged that when

Estella came to London I should be forewarned of her coming and

should meet her at the coach; and then I took leave of her, and

touched her and left her.

My guardian lay at the Boar in the next room to mine. Far into the

night, Miss Havisham's words, "Love her, love her, love her!"

sounded in my ears. I adapted them for my own repetition, and said

to my pillow, "I love her, I love her, I love her!" hundreds of

times. Then, a burst of gratitude came upon me, that she should be

destined for me, once the blacksmith's boy. Then, I thought if she

were, as I feared, by no means rapturously grateful for that

destiny yet, when would she begin to be interested in me? When

should I awaken the heart within her, that was mute and sleeping

now?

Ah me! I thought those were high and great emotions. But I never

thought there was anything low and small in my keeping away from

Joe, because I knew she would be contemptuous of him. It was but a

day gone, and Joe had brought the tears into my eyes; they had soon

dried, God forgive me! soon dried.

 

Chapter 30

After well considering the matter while I was dressing at the Blue

Boar in the morning, I resolved to tell my guardian that I doubted

Orlick's being the right sort of man to fill a post of trust at

Miss Havisham's. "Why, of course he is not the right sort of man,

Pip," said my guardian, comfortably satisfied beforehand on the

general head, "because the man who fills the post of trust never is

the right sort of man." It seemed quite to put him into spirits, to

find that this particular post was not exceptionally held by the

right sort of man, and he listened in a satisfied manner while I

told him what knowledge I had of Orlick. "Very good, Pip," he

observed, when I had concluded, "I'll go round presently, and pay

our friend off." Rather alarmed by this summary action, I was for a

little delay, and even hinted that our friend himself might be

difficult to deal with. "Oh no he won't," said my guardian, making

his pocket-handkerchief-point, with perfect confidence; "I should

like to see him argue the question with me."

As we were going back together to London by the mid-day coach, and

as I breakfasted under such terrors of Pumblechook that I could

scarcely hold my cup, this gave me an opportunity of saying that I

wanted a walk, and that I would go on along the London-road while

Mr. Jaggers was occupied, if he would let the coachman know that I

would get into my place when overtaken. I was thus enabled to fly

from the Blue Boar immediately after breakfast. By then making a

loop of about a couple of miles into the open country at the back

of Pumblechook's premises, I got round into the High-street again,

a little beyond that pitfall, and felt myself in comparative

security.

It was interesting to be in the quiet old town once more, and it

was not disagreeable to be here and there suddenly recognized and

stared after. One or two of the tradespeople even darted out of

their shops and went a little way down the street before me, that

they might turn, as if they had forgotten something, and pass me

face to face - on which occasions I don't know whether they or I

made the worse pretence; they of not doing it, or I of not seeing

it. Still my position was a distinguished one, and I was not at all

dissatisfied with it, until Fate threw me in the way of that

unlimited miscreant, Trabb's boy.

Casting my eyes along the street at a certain point of my progress,

I beheld Trabb's boy approaching, lashing himself with an empty

blue bag. Deeming that a serene and unconscious contemplation of

him would best beseem me, and would be most likely to quell his

evil mind, I advanced with that expression of countenance, and was

rather congratulating myself on my success, when suddenly the knees

of Trabb's boy smote together, his hair uprose, his cap fell off,

he trembled violently in every limb, staggered out into the road,

and crying to the populace, "Hold me! I'm so frightened!" feigned to

be in a paroxysm of terror and contrition, occasioned by the

dignity of my appearance. As I passed him, his teeth loudly

chattered in his head, and with every mark of extreme humiliation,

he prostrated himself in the dust.

This was a hard thing to bear, but this was nothing. I had not

advanced another two hundred yards, when, to my inexpressible

terror, amazement, and indignation, I again beheld Trabb's boy

approaching. He was coming round a narrow corner. His blue bag was

slung over his shoulder, honest industry beamed in his eyes, a

determination to proceed to Trabb's with cheerful briskness was

indicated in his gait. With a shock he became aware of me, and was

severely visited as before; but this time his motion was rotatory,

and he staggered round and round me with knees more afflicted, and

with uplifted hands as if beseeching for mercy. His sufferings were

hailed with the greatest joy by a knot of spectators, and I felt

utterly confounded.

I had not got as much further down the street as the post-office,

when I again beheld Trabb's boy shooting round by a back way. This

time, he was entirely changed. He wore the blue bag in the manner

of my great-coat, and was strutting along the pavement towards me

on the opposite side of the street, attended by a company of

delighted young friends to whom he from time to time exclaimed,

with a wave of his hand, "Don't know yah!" Words cannot state the

amount of aggravation and injury wreaked upon me by Trabb's boy,

when, passing abreast of me, he pulled up his shirt-collar, twined

his side-hair, stuck an arm akimbo, and smirked extravagantly by,

wriggling his elbows and body, and drawling to his attendants,

"Don't know yah, don't know yah, pon my soul don't know yah!" The

disgrace attendant on his immediately afterwards taking to crowing

and pursuing me across the bridge with crows, as from an

exceedingly dejected fowl who had known me when I was a blacksmith,

culminated the disgrace with which I left the town, and was, so to

speak, ejected by it into the open country.

But unless I had taken the life of Trabb's boy on that occasion, I

really do not even now see what I could have done save endure. To

have struggled with him in the street, or to have exacted any lower

recompense from him than his heart's best blood, would have been

futile and degrading. Moreover, he was a boy whom no man could

hurt; an invulnerable and dodging serpent who, when chased into a

corner, flew out again between his captor's legs, scornfully

yelping. I wrote, however, to Mr. Trabb by next day's post, to say

that Mr. Pip must decline to deal further with one who could so far

forget what he owed to the best interests of society, as to employ

a boy who excited Loathing in every respectable mind.

The coach, with Mr. Jaggers inside, came up in due time, and I took

my box-seat again, and arrived in London safe - but not sound, for

my heart was gone. As soon as I arrived, I sent a penitential

codfish and barrel of oysters to Joe (as reparation for not having

gone myself), and then went on to Barnard's Inn.

I found Herbert dining on cold meat, and delighted to welcome me

back. Having despatched The Avenger to the coffee-house for an

addition to the dinner, I felt that I must open my breast that very

evening to my friend and chum. As confidence was out of the

question with The Avenger in the hall, which could merely be

regarded in the light of an ante-chamber to the keyhole, I sent him

to the Play. A better proof of the severity of my bondage to that

taskmaster could scarcely be afforded, than the degrading shifts to

which I was constantly driven to find him employment. So mean is

extremity, that I sometimes sent him to Hyde Park Corner to see

what o'clock it was.

Dinner done and we sitting with our feet upon the fender, I said to

Herbert, "My dear Herbert, I have something very particular to tell

you."

"My dear Handel," he returned, "I shall esteem and respect your

confidence."

"It concerns myself, Herbert," said I, "and one other person."

Herbert crossed his feet, looked at the fire with his head on one

side, and having looked at it in vain for some time, looked at me

because I didn't go on.

"Herbert," said I, laying my hand upon his knee, "I love - I adore

- Estella."

Instead of being transfixed, Herbert replied in an easy

matter-ofcourse way, "Exactly. Well?"

"Well, Herbert? Is that all you say? Well?"

"What next, I mean?" said Herbert. "Of course I know that."

"How do you know it?" said I.

"How do I know it, Handel? Why, from you."

"I never told you."

"Told me! You have never told me when you have got your hair cut,

but I have had senses to perceive it. You have always adored her,

ever since I have known you. You brought your adoration and your

portmanteau here, together. Told me! Why, you have always told me

all day long. When you told me your own story, you told me plainly

that you began adoring her the first time you saw her, when you

were very young indeed."

"Very well, then," said I, to whom this was a new and not unwelcome

light, "I have never left off adoring her. And she has come back, a

most beautiful and most elegant creature. And I saw her yesterday.

And if I adored her before, I now doubly adore her."

"Lucky for you then, Handel," said Herbert, "that you are picked

out for her and allotted to her. Without encroaching on forbidden

ground, we may venture to say that there can be no doubt between

ourselves of that fact. Have you any idea yet, of Estella's views

on the adoration question?"

I shook my head gloomily. "Oh! She is thousands of miles away, from

me," said I.

"Patience, my dear Handel: time enough, time enough. But you have

something more to say?"

"I am ashamed to say it," I returned, "and yet it's no worse to say

it than to think it. You call me a lucky fellow. Of course, I am. I

was a blacksmith's boy but yesterday; I am - what shall I say I am

- to-day?"

"Say, a good fellow, if you want a phrase," returned Herbert,

smiling, and clapping his hand on the back of mine, "a good fellow,

with impetuosity and hesitation, boldness and diffidence, action

and dreaming, curiously mixed in him."

I stopped for a moment to consider whether there really was this

mixture in my character. On the whole, I by no means recognized the

analysis, but thought it not worth disputing.

"When I ask what I am to call myself to-day, Herbert," I went on,

"I suggest what I have in my thoughts. You say I am lucky. I know I

have done nothing to raise myself in life, and that Fortune alone

has raised me; that is being very lucky. And yet, when I think of

Estella--"

("And when don't you, you know?" Herbert threw in, with his eyes on

the fire; which I thought kind and sympathetic of him.)

" - Then, my dear Herbert, I cannot tell you how dependent and

uncertain I feel, and how exposed to hundreds of chances. Avoiding

forbidden ground, as you did just now, I may still say that on the

constancy of one person (naming no person) all my expectations

depend. And at the best, how indefinite and unsatisfactory, only to

know so vaguely what they are!" In saying this, I relieved my mind

of what had always been there, more or less, though no doubt most

since yesterday.

"Now, Handel," Herbert replied, in his gay hopeful way, "it seems

to me that in the despondency of the tender passion, we are looking

into our gift-horse's mouth with a magnifying-glass. Likewise, it

seems to me that, concentrating our attention on the examination,

we altogether overlook one of the best points of the animal. Didn't

you tell me that your guardian, Mr. Jaggers, told you in the

beginning, that you were not endowed with expectations only? And

even if he had not told you so - though that is a very large If, I

grant - could you believe that of all men in London, Mr. Jaggers is

the man to hold his present relations towards you unless he were

sure of his ground?"

I said I could not deny that this was a strong point. I said it

(people often do so, in such cases) like a rather reluctant

concession to truth and justice; - as if I wanted to deny it!

"I should think it was a strong point," said Herbert, "and I should

think you would be puzzled to imagine a stronger; as to the rest,

you must bide your guardian's time, and he must bide his client's

time. You'll be one-and-twenty before you know where you are, and

then perhaps you'll get some further enlightenment. At all events,

you'll be nearer getting it, for it must come at last."

"What a hopeful disposition you have!" said I, gratefully admiring

his cheery ways.

"I ought to have," said Herbert, "for I have not much else. I must

acknowledge, by-the-bye, that the good sense of what I have just

said is not my own, but my father's. The only remark I ever heard

him make on your story, was the final one: "The thing is settled

and done, or Mr. Jaggers would not be in it." And now before I say

anything more about my father, or my father's son, and repay

confidence with confidence, I want to make myself seriously

disagreeable to you for a moment - positively repulsive."

"You won't succeed," said I.

"Oh yes I shall!" said he. "One, two, three, and now I am in for

it. Handel, my good fellow;" though he spoke in this light tone, he

was very much in earnest: "I have been thinking since we have been

talking with our feet on this fender, that Estella surely cannot be

a condition of your inheritance, if she was never referred to by

your guardian. Am I right in so understanding what you have told

me, as that he never referred to her, directly or indirectly, in

any way? Never even hinted, for instance, that your patron might

have views as to your marriage ultimately?"

"Never."

"Now, Handel, I am quite free from the flavour of sour grapes, upon

my soul and honour! Not being bound to her, can you not detach

yourself from her? - I told you I should be disagreeable."

I turned my head aside, for, with a rush and a sweep, like the old

marsh winds coming up from the sea, a feeling like that which had

subdued me on the morning when I left the forge, when the mists

were solemnly rising, and when I laid my hand upon the village

finger-post, smote upon my heart again. There was silence between

us for a little while.

"Yes; but my dear Handel," Herbert went on, as if we had been

talking instead of silent, "its having been so strongly rooted in

the breast of a boy whom nature and circumstances made so romantic,

renders it very serious. Think of her bringing-up, and think of

Miss Havisham. Think of what she is herself (now I am repulsive and

you abominate me). This may lead to miserable things."

"I know it, Herbert," said I, with my head still turned away, "but

I can't help it."

"You can't detach yourself?"

"No. Impossible!"

"You can't try, Handel?"

"No. Impossible!"

"Well!" said Herbert, getting up with a lively shake as if he had

been asleep, and stirring the fire; "now I'll endeavour to make

myself agreeable again!"

So he went round the room and shook the curtains out, put the

chairs in their places, tidied the books and so forth that were

lying about, looked into the hall, peeped into the letter-box, shut

the door, and came back to his chair by the fire: where he sat

down, nursing his left leg in both arms.

"I was going to say a word or two, Handel, concerning my father and

my father's son. I am afraid it is scarcely necessary for my

father's son to remark that my father's establishment is not

particularly brilliant in its housekeeping."

"There is always plenty, Herbert," said I: to say something

encouraging.

"Oh yes! and so the dustman says, I believe, with the strongest

approval, and so does the marine-store shop in the back street.

Gravely, Handel, for the subject is grave enough, you know how it

is, as well as I do. I suppose there was a time once when my father

had not given matters up; but if ever there was, the time is gone.

May I ask you if you have ever had an opportunity of remarking,

down in your part of the country, that the children of not exactly

suitable marriages, are always most particularly anxious to be

married?"

This was such a singular question, that I asked him in return, "Is

it so?"

"I don't know," said Herbert, "that's what I want to know. Because

it is decidedly the case with us. My poor sister Charlotte who was

next me and died before she was fourteen, was a striking example.

Little Jane is the same. In her desire to be matrimonially

established, you might suppose her to have passed her short

existence in the perpetual contemplation of domestic bliss. Little

Alick in a frock has already made arrangements for his union with a

suitable young person at Kew. And indeed, I think we are all

engaged, except the baby."

"Then you are?" said I.

"I am," said Herbert; "but it's a secret."

I assured him of my keeping the secret, and begged to be favoured

with further particulars. He had spoken so sensibly and feelingly

of my weakness that I wanted to know something about his strength.

"May I ask the name?" I said.

"Name of Clara," said Herbert.

"Live in London?"

"Yes. perhaps I ought to mention," said Herbert, who had become

curiously crestfallen and meek, since we entered on the interesting

theme, "that she is rather below my mother's nonsensical family

notions. Her father had to do with the victualling of

passenger-ships. I think he was a species of purser."

"What is he now?" said I.

"He's an invalid now," replied Herbert.

"Living on - ?"

"On the first floor," said Herbert. Which was not at all what I

meant, for I had intended my question to apply to his means. "I

have never seen him, for he has always kept his room overhead,

since I have known Clara. But I have heard him constantly. He makes

tremendous rows - roars, and pegs at the floor with some frightful

instrument." In looking at me and then laughing heartily, Herbert

for the time recovered his usual lively manner.

"Don't you expect to see him?" said I.

"Oh yes, I constantly expect to see him," returned Herbert,

"because I never hear him, without expecting him to come tumbling

through the ceiling. But I don't know how long the rafters may

hold."

When he had once more laughed heartily, he became meek again, and

told me that the moment he began to realize Capital, it was his

intention to marry this young lady. He added as a self-evident

proposition, engendering low spirits, "But you can't marry, you

know, while you're looking about you."

As we contemplated the fire, and as I thought what a difficult

vision to realize this same Capital sometimes was, I put my hands

in my pockets. A folded piece of paper in one of them attracting my

attention, I opened it and found it to be the playbill I had

received from Joe, relative to the celebrated provincial amateur of

Roscian renown. "And bless my heart," I involuntarily added aloud,

"it's to-night!"

This changed the subject in an instant, and made us hurriedly

resolve to go to the play. So, when I had pledged myself to comfort

and abet Herbert in the affair of his heart by all practicable and

impracticable means, and when Herbert had told me that his

affianced already knew me by reputation and that I should be

presented to her, and when we had warmly shaken hands upon our

mutual confidence, we blew out our candles, made up our fire,

locked our door, and issued forth in quest of Mr. Wopsle and

Denmark.

 

Chapter 31

On our arrival in Denmark, we found the king and queen of that

country elevated in two arm-chairs on a kitchen-table, holding a

Court. The whole of the Danish nobility were in attendance;

consisting of a noble boy in the wash-leather boots of a gigantic

ancestor, a venerable Peer with a dirty face who seemed to have

risen from the people late in life, and the Danish chivalry with a

comb in its hair and a pair of white silk legs, and presenting on

the whole a feminine appearance. My gifted townsman stood gloomily

apart, with folded arms, and I could have wished that his curls and

forehead had been more probable.

Several curious little circumstances transpired as the action

proceeded. The late king of the country not only appeared to have

been troubled with a cough at the time of his decease, but to have

taken it with him to the tomb, and to have brought it back. The

royal phantom also carried a ghostly manuscript round its

truncheon, to which it had the appearance of occasionally

referring, and that, too, with an air of anxiety and a tendency to

lose the place of reference which were suggestive of a state of

mortality. It was this, I conceive, which led to the Shade's being

advised by the gallery to "turn over!" - a recommendation which it

took extremely ill. It was likewise to be noted of this majestic

spirit that whereas it always appeared with an air of having been

out a long time and walked an immense distance, it perceptibly came

from a closely contiguous wall. This occasioned its terrors to be

received derisively. The Queen of Denmark, a very buxom lady,

though no doubt historically brazen, was considered by the public

to have too much brass about her; her chin being attached to her

diadem by a broad band of that metal (as if she had a gorgeous

toothache), her waist being encircled by another, and each of her

arms by another, so that she was openly mentioned as "the

kettledrum." The noble boy in the ancestral boots, was

inconsistent; representing himself, as it were in one breath, as an

able seaman, a strolling actor, a grave-digger, a clergyman, and a

person of the utmost importance at a Court fencing-match, on the

authority of whose practised eye and nice discrimination the finest

strokes were judged. This gradually led to a want of toleration for

him, and even - on his being detected in holy orders, and declining

to perform the funeral service - to the general indignation taking

the form of nuts. Lastly, Ophelia was a prey to such slow musical

madness, that when, in course of time, she had taken off her white

muslin scarf, folded it up, and buried it, a sulky man who had been

long cooling his impatient nose against an iron bar in the front

row of the gallery, growled, "Now the baby's put to bed let's have

supper!" Which, to say the least of it, was out of keeping.

Upon my unfortunate townsman all these incidents accumulated with

playful effect. Whenever that undecided Prince had to ask a

question or state a doubt, the public helped him out with it. As

for example; on the question whether 'twas nobler in the mind to

suffer, some roared yes, and some no, and some inclining to both

opinions said "toss up for it;" and quite a Debating Society arose.

When he asked what should such fellows as he do crawling between

earth and heaven, he was encouraged with loud cries of "Hear,

hear!" When he appeared with his stocking disordered (its disorder

expressed, according to usage, by one very neat fold in the top,

which I suppose to be always got up with a flat iron), a

conversation took place in the gallery respecting the paleness of

his leg, and whether it was occasioned by the turn the ghost had

given him. On his taking the recorders - very like a little black

flute that had just been played in the orchestra and handed out at

the door - he was called upon unanimously for Rule Britannia. When

he recommended the player not to saw the air thus, the sulky man

said, "And don't you do it, neither; you're a deal worse than him!"

And I grieve to add that peals of laughter greeted Mr. Wopsle on

every one of these occasions.

But his greatest trials were in the churchyard: which had the

appearance of a primeval forest, with a kind of small

ecclesiastical wash-house on one side, and a turnpike gate on the

other. Mr. Wopsle in a comprehensive black cloak, being descried

entering at the turnpike, the gravedigger was admonished in a

friendly way, "Look out! Here's the undertaker a-coming, to see how

you're a-getting on with your work!" I believe it is well known in

a constitutional country that Mr. Wopsle could not possibly have

returned the skull, after moralizing over it, without dusting his

fingers on a white napkin taken from his breast; but even that

innocent and indispensable action did not pass without the comment

"Wai-ter!" The arrival of the body for interment (in an empty black

box with the lid tumbling open), was the signal for a general joy

which was much enhanced by the discovery, among the bearers, of an

individual obnoxious to identification. The joy attended Mr. Wopsle

through his struggle with Laertes on the brink of the orchestra and

the grave, and slackened no more until he had tumbled the king off

the kitchen-table, and had died by inches from the ankles upward.

We had made some pale efforts in the beginning to applaud Mr.

Wopsle; but they were too hopeless to be persisted in. Therefore we

had sat, feeling keenly for him, but laughing, nevertheless, from

ear to ear. I laughed in spite of myself all the time, the whole

thing was so droll; and yet I had a latent impression that there

was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old

associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very

dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in

which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever

expressed himself about anything. When the tragedy was over, and he

had been called for and hooted, I said to Herbert, "Let us go at

once, or perhaps we shall meet him."

We made all the haste we could down-stairs, but we were not quick

enough either. Standing at the door was a Jewish man with an

unnatural heavy smear of eyebrow, who caught my eyes as we

advanced, and said, when we came up with him:

"Mr. Pip and friend?"

Identity of Mr. Pip and friend confessed.

"Mr. Waldengarver," said the man, "would be glad to have the

honour."

"Waldengarver?" I repeated - when Herbert murmured in my ear,

"Probably Wopsle."

"Oh!" said I. "Yes. Shall we follow you?"

"A few steps, please." When we were in a side alley, he turned and

asked, "How did you think he looked? - I dressed him."

I don't know what he had looked like, except a funeral; with the

addition of a large Danish sun or star hanging round his neck by a

blue ribbon, that had given him the appearance of being insured in

some extraordinary Fire Office. But I said he had looked very nice.

"When he come to the grave," said our conductor, "he showed his

cloak beautiful. But, judging from the wing, it looked to me that

when he see the ghost in the queen's apartment, he might have made

more of his stockings."

I modestly assented, and we all fell through a little dirty swing

door, into a sort of hot packing-case immediately behind it. Here

Mr. Wopsle was divesting himself of his Danish garments, and here

there was just room for us to look at him over one another's

shoulders, by keeping the packing-case door, or lid, wide open.

"Gentlemen," said Mr. Wopsle, "I am proud to see you. I hope, Mr.

Pip, you will excuse my sending round. I had the happiness to know

you in former times, and the Drama has ever had a claim which has

ever been acknowledged, on the noble and the affluent."

Meanwhile, Mr. Waldengarver, in a frightful perspiration, was trying

to get himself out of his princely sables.

"Skin the stockings off, Mr. Waldengarver," said the owner of that

property, "or you'll bust 'em. Bust 'em, and you'll bust

five-and-thirty shillings. Shakspeare never was complimented with a

finer pair. Keep quiet in your chair now, and leave 'em to me."

With that, he went upon his knees, and began to flay his victim;

who, on the first stocking coming off, would certainly have fallen

over backward with his chair, but for there being no room to fall

anyhow.

I had been afraid until then to say a word about the play. But

then, Mr. Waldengarver looked up at us complacently, and said:

"Gentlemen, how did it seem to you, to go, in front?"

Herbert said from behind (at the same time poking me), "capitally."

So I said "capitally."

"How did you like my reading of the character, gentlemen?" said Mr.

Waldengarver, almost, if not quite, with patronage.

Herbert said from behind (again poking me), "massive and concrete."

So I said boldly, as if I had originated it, and must beg to insist

upon it, "massive and concrete."

"I am glad to have your approbation, gentlemen," said Mr.

Waldengarver, with an air of dignity, in spite of his being ground

against the wall at the time, and holding on by the seat of the

chair.

"But I'll tell you one thing, Mr. Waldengarver," said the man who

was on his knees, "in which you're out in your reading. Now mind! I

don't care who says contrairy; I tell you so. You're out in your

reading of Hamlet when you get your legs in profile. The last

Hamlet as I dressed, made the same mistakes in his reading at

rehearsal, till I got him to put a large red wafer on each of his

shins, and then at that rehearsal (which was the last) I went in

front, sir, to the back of the pit, and whenever his reading

brought him into profile, I called out "I don't see no wafers!" And

at night his reading was lovely."

Mr. Waldengarver smiled at me, as much as to say "a faithful

dependent - I overlook his folly;" and then said aloud, "My view is

a little classic and thoughtful for them here; but they will

improve, they will improve."

Herbert and I said together, Oh, no doubt they would improve.

"Did you observe, gentlemen," said Mr. Waldengarver, "that there was

a man in the gallery who endeavoured to cast derision on the

service - I mean, the representation?"

We basely replied that we rather thought we had noticed such a man.

I added, "He was drunk, no doubt."

"Oh dear no, sir," said Mr. Wopsle, "not drunk. His employer would

see to that, sir. His employer would not allow him to be drunk."

"You know his employer?" said I.

Mr. Wopsle shut his eyes, and opened them again; performing both

ceremonies very slowly. "You must have observed, gentlemen," said

he, "an ignorant and a blatant ass, with a rasping throat and a

countenance expressive of low malignity, who went through - I will

not say sustained - the role (if I may use a French expression) of

Claudius King of Denmark. That is his employer, gentlemen. Such is

the profession!"

Without distinctly knowing whether I should have been more sorry

for Mr. Wopsle if he had been in despair, I was so sorry for him as

it was, that I took the opportunity of his turning round to have

his braces put on - which jostled us out at the doorway - to ask

Herbert what he thought of having him home to supper? Herbert said

he thought it would be kind to do so; therefore I invited him, and

he went to Barnard's with us, wrapped up to the eyes, and we did

our best for him, and he sat until two o'clock in the morning,

reviewing his success and developing his plans. I forget in detail

what they were, but I have a general recollection that he was to

begin with reviving the Drama, and to end with crushing it;

inasmuch as his decease would leave it utterly bereft and without a

chance or hope.

Miserably I went to bed after all, and miserably thought of

Estella, and miserably dreamed that my expectations were all

cancelled, and that I had to give my hand in marriage to Herbert's

Clara, or play Hamlet to Miss Havisham's Ghost, before twenty

thousand people, without knowing twenty words of it.

 

Chapter 32

One day when I was busy with my books and Mr. Pocket, I received a

note by the post, the mere outside of which threw me into a great

flutter; for, though I had never seen the handwriting in which it

was addressed, I divined whose hand it was. It had no set

beginning, as Dear Mr. Pip, or Dear Pip, or Dear Sir, or Dear

Anything, but ran thus:

"I am to come to London the day after to-morrow by the mid-day

coach. I believe it was settled you should meet me? At all events

Miss Havisham has that impression, and I write in obedience to it.

She sends you her regard.

Yours, ESTELLA."

If there had been time, I should probably have ordered several

suits of clothes for this occasion; but as there was not, I was

fain to be content with those I had. My appetite vanished

instantly, and I knew no peace or rest until the day arrived. Not

that its arrival brought me either; for, then I was worse than ever,

and began haunting the coach-office in wood-street, Cheapside,

before the coach had left the Blue Boar in our town. For all that I

knew this perfectly well, I still felt as if it were not safe to

let the coach-office be out of my sight longer than five minutes at

a time; and in this condition of unreason I had performed the first

half-hour of a watch of four or five hours, when Wemmick ran

against me.

"Halloa, Mr. Pip," said he; "how do you do? I should hardly have

thought this was your beat."

I explained that I was waiting to meet somebody who was coming up

by coach, and I inquired after the Castle and the Aged.

"Both flourishing thankye," said Wemmick, "and particularly the

Aged. He's in wonderful feather. He'll be eighty-two next birthday.

I have a notion of firing eighty-two times, if the neighbourhood

shouldn't complain, and that cannon of mine should prove equal to

the pressure. However, this is not London talk. where do you think

I am going to?"

"To the office?" said I, for he was tending in that direction.

"Next thing to it," returned Wemmick, "I am going to Newgate. We

are in a banker's-parcel case just at present, and I have been down

the road taking as squint at the scene of action, and thereupon

must have a word or two with our client."

"Did your client commit the robbery?" I asked.

"Bless your soul and body, no," answered Wemmick, very drily. "But

he is accused of it. So might you or I be. Either of us might be

accused of it, you know."

"Only neither of us is," I remarked.

"Yah!" said Wemmick, touching me on the breast with his forefinger;

"you're a deep one, Mr. Pip! Would you like to have a look at

Newgate? Have you time to spare?"

I had so much time to spare, that the proposal came as a relief,

notwithstanding its irreconcilability with my latent desire to keep

my eye on the coach-office. Muttering that I would make the inquiry

whether I had time to walk with him, I went into the office, and

ascertained from the clerk with the nicest precision and much to

the trying of his temper, the earliest moment at which the coach

could be expected - which I knew beforehand, quite as well as he. I

then rejoined Mr. Wemmick, and affecting to consult my watch and to

be surprised by the information I had received, accepted his offer.

We were at Newgate in a few minutes, and we passed through the

lodge where some fetters were hanging up on the bare walls among

the prison rules, into the interior of the jail. At that time,

jails were much neglected, and the period of exaggerated reaction

consequent on all public wrong-doing - and which is always its

heaviest and longest punishment - was still far off. So, felons

were not lodged and fed better than soldiers (to say nothing of

paupers), and seldom set fire to their prisons with the excusable

object of improving the flavour of their soup. It was visiting time

when Wemmick took me in; and a potman was going his rounds with

beer; and the prisoners, behind bars in yards, were buying beer,

and talking to friends; and a frouzy, ugly, disorderly, depressing

scene it was.

It struck me that Wemmick walked among the prisoners, much as a

gardener might walk among his plants. This was first put into my

head by his seeing a shoot that had come up in the night, and

saying, "What, Captain Tom? Are you there? Ah, indeed!" and also,

"Is that Black Bill behind the cistern? Why I didn't look for you

these two months; how do you find yourself?" Equally in his

stopping at the bars and attending to anxious whisperers - always

singly - Wemmick with his post-office in an immovable state, looked

at them while in conference, as if he were taking particular notice

of the advance they had made, since last observed, towards coming

out in full blow at their trial.

He was highly popular, and I found that he took the familiar

department of Mr. Jaggers's business: though something of the state

of Mr. Jaggers hung about him too, forbidding approach beyond

certain limits. His personal recognition of each successive client

was comprised in a nod, and in his settling his hat a little easier

on his head with both hands, and then tightening the postoffice,

and putting his hands in his pockets. In one or two instances,

there was a difficulty respecting the raising of fees, and then Mr.

Wemmick, backing as far as possible from the insufficient money

produced, said, "it's no use, my boy. I'm only a subordinate. I

can't take it. Don't go on in that way with a subordinate. If you

are unable to make up your quantum, my boy, you had better address

yourself to a principal; there are plenty of principals in the

profession, you know, and what is not worth the while of one, may

be worth the while of another; that's my recommendation to you,

speaking as a subordinate. Don't try on useless measures. Why

should you? Now, who's next?"

Thus, we walked through Wemmick's greenhouse, until he turned to me

and said, "Notice the man I shall shake hands with." I should have

done so, without the preparation, as he had shaken hands with no

one yet.

Almost as soon as he had spoken, a portly upright man (whom I can

see now, as I write) in a well-worn olive-coloured frock-coat, with

a peculiar pallor over-spreading the red in his complexion, and

eyes that went wandering about when he tried to fix them, came up

to a corner of the bars, and put his hand to his hat - which had a

greasy and fatty surface like cold broth - with a half-serious and

half-jocose military salute.

"Colonel, to you!" said Wemmick; "how are you, Colonel?"

"All right, Mr. Wemmick."

"Everything was done that could be done, but the evidence was too

strong for us, Colonel."

"Yes, it was too strong, sir - but I don't care."

"No, no," said Wemmick, coolly, "you don't care." Then, turning to

me, "Served His Majesty this man. Was a soldier in the line and

bought his discharge."

I said, "Indeed?" and the man's eyes looked at me, and then looked

over my head, and then looked all round me, and then he drew his

hand across his lips and laughed.

"I think I shall be out of this on Monday, sir," he said to

Wemmick.

"Perhaps," returned my friend, "but there's no knowing."

"I am glad to have the chance of bidding you good-bye, Mr. Wemmick,"

said the man, stretching out his hand between two bars.

"Thankye," said Wemmick, shaking hands with him. "Same to you,

Colonel."

"If what I had upon me when taken, had been real, Mr. Wemmick," said

the man, unwilling to let his hand go, "I should have asked the

favour of your wearing another ring - in acknowledgment of your

attentions."

"I'll accept the will for the deed," said Wemmick. "By-the-bye; you

were quite a pigeon-fancier." The man looked up at the sky. "I am

told you had a remarkable breed of tumblers. could you commission

any friend of yours to bring me a pair, of you've no further use

for 'em?"

"It shall be done, sir?"

"All right," said Wemmick, "they shall be taken care of. Good

afternoon, Colonel. Good-bye!" They shook hands again, and as we

walked away Wemmick said to me, "A Coiner, a very good workman. The

Recorder's report is made to-day, and he is sure to be executed on

Monday. Still you see, as far as it goes, a pair of pigeons are

portable property, all the same." With that, he looked back, and

nodded at this dead plant, and then cast his eyes about him in

walking out of the yard, as if he were considering what other pot

would go best in its place.

As we came out of the prison through the lodge, I found that the

great importance of my guardian was appreciated by the turnkeys, no

less than by those whom they held in charge. "Well, Mr. Wemmick,"

said the turnkey, who kept us between the two studded and spiked

lodge gates, and who carefully locked one before he unlocked the

other, "what's Mr. Jaggers going to do with that waterside murder?

Is he going to make it manslaughter, or what's he going to make of

it?"

"Why don't you ask him?" returned Wemmick.

"Oh yes, I dare say!" said the turnkey.

"Now, that's the way with them here. Mr. Pip," remarked Wemmick,

turning to me with his post-office elongated. "They don't mind what

they ask of me, the subordinate; but you'll never catch 'em asking

any questions of my principal."

"Is this young gentleman one of the 'prentices or articled ones of

your office?" asked the turnkey, with a grin at Mr. Wemmick's

humour.

"There he goes again, you see!" cried Wemmick, "I told you so! Asks

another question of the subordinate before his first is dry! Well,

supposing Mr. Pip is one of them?"

"Why then," said the turnkey, grinning again, "he knows what Mr.

Jaggers is."

"Yah!" cried Wemmick, suddenly hitting out at the turnkey in a

facetious way, "you're dumb as one of your own keys when you have

to do with my principal, you know you are. Let us out, you old fox,

or I'll get him to bring an action against you for false

imprisonment."

The turnkey laughed, and gave us good day, and stood laughing at us

over the spikes of the wicket when we descended the steps into the

street.

"Mind you, Mr. Pip," said Wemmick, gravely in my ear, as he took my

arm to be more confidential; "I don't know that Mr. Jaggers does a

better thing than the way in which he keeps himself so high. He's

always so high. His constant height is of a piece with his immense

abilities. That Colonel durst no more take leave of him, than that

turnkey durst ask him his intentions respecting a case. Then,

between his height and them, he slips in his subordinate - don't

you see? - and so he has 'em, soul and body."

I was very much impressed, and not for the first time, by my

guardian's subtlety. To confess the truth, I very heartily wished,

and not for the first time, that I had had some other guardian of

minor abilities.

Mr. Wemmick and I parted at the office in Little Britain, where

suppliants for Mr. Jaggers's notice were lingering about as usual,

and I returned to my watch in the street of the coach-office, with

some three hours on hand. I consumed the whole time in thinking how

strange it was that I should be encompassed by all this taint of

prison and crime; that, in my childhood out on our lonely marshes

on a winter evening I should have first encountered it; that, it

should have reappeared on two occasions, starting out like a stain

that was faded but not gone; that, it should in this new way

pervade my fortune and advancement. While my mind was thus engaged,

I thought of the beautiful young Estella, proud and refined, coming

towards me, and I thought with absolute abhorrence of the contrast

between the jail and her. I wished that Wemmick had not met me, or

that I had not yielded to him and gone with him, so that, of all

days in the year on this day, I might not have had Newgate in my

breath and on my clothes. I beat the prison dust off my feet as I

sauntered to and fro, and I shook it out of my dress, and I exhaled

its air from my lungs. So contaminated did I feel, remembering who

was coming, that the coach came quickly after all, and I was not

yet free from the soiling consciousness of Mr. Wemmick's

conservatory, when I saw her face at the coach window and her hand

waving to me.

What was the nameless shadow which again in that one instant had

passed?

 

Chapter 33

In her furred travelling-dress, Estella seemed more delicately

beautiful than she had ever seemed yet, even in my eyes. Her manner

was more winning than she had cared to let it be to me before, and

I thought I saw Miss Havisham's influence in the change.

We stood in the Inn Yard while she pointed out her luggage to me,

and when it was all collected I remembered - having forgotten

everything but herself in the meanwhile - that I knew nothing of

her destination

"I am going to Richmond," she told me. "Our lesson is, that there

are two Richmonds, one in Surrey and one in Yorkshire, and that mine

is the Surrey Richmond. The distance is ten miles. I am to have a

carriage, and you are to take me. This is my purse, and you are to

pay my charges out of it. Oh, you must take the purse! We have no

choice, you and I, but to obey our instructions. We are not free to

follow our own devices, you and I."

As she looked at me in giving me the purse, I hoped there was an

inner meaning in her words. She said them slightingly, but not with

displeasure.

"A carriage will have to be sent for, Estella. Will you rest here a

little?"

"Yes, I am to rest here a little, and I am to drink some tea, and

you are to take care of me the while."

She drew her arm through mine, as if it must be done, and I

requested a waiter who had been staring at the coach like a man who

had never seen such a thing in his life, to show us a private

sitting-room. Upon that, he pulled out a napkin, as if it were a

magic clue without which he couldn't find the way up-stairs, and

led us to the black hole of the establishment: fitted up with a

diminishing mirror (quite a superfluous article considering the

hole's proportions), an anchovy sauce-cruet, and somebody's

pattens. On my objecting to this retreat, he took us into another

room with a dinner-table for thirty, and in the grate a scorched

leaf of a copy-book under a bushel of coal-dust. Having looked at

this extinct conflagration and shaken his head, he took my order:

which, proving to be merely "Some tea for the lady," sent him out

of the room in a very low state of mind.

I was, and I am, sensible that the air of this chamber, in its

strong combination of stable with soup-stock, might have led one to

infer that the coaching department was not doing well, and that the

enterprising proprietor was boiling down the horses for the

refreshment department. Yet the room was all in all to me, Estella

being in it. I thought that with her I could have been happy there

for life. (I was not at all happy there at the time, observe, and I

knew it well.)

"Where are you going to, at Richmond?" I asked Estella.

"I am going to live," said she, "at a great expense, with a lady

there, who has the power - or says she has - of taking me about,

and introducing me, and showing people to me and showing me to

people."

"I suppose you will be glad of variety and admiration?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

She answered so carelessly, that I said, "You speak of yourself as

if you were some one else."

"Where did you learn how I speak of others? Come, come," said

Estella, smiling delightfully, "you must not expect me to go to

school to you; I must talk in my own way. How do you thrive with

Mr. Pocket?"

"I live quite pleasantly there; at least--" It appeared to me that

I was losing a chance.

"At least?" repeated Estella.

"As pleasantly as I could anywhere, away from you."

"You silly boy," said Estella, quite composedly, "how can you talk

such nonsense? Your friend Mr. Matthew, I believe, is superior to

the rest of his family?"

"Very superior indeed. He is nobody's enemy--"

"Don't add but his own," interposed Estella, "for I hate that class

of man. But he really is disinterested, and above small jealousy

and spite, I have heard?"

"I am sure I have every reason to say so."

"You have not every reason to say so of the rest of his people,"

said Estella, nodding at me with an expression of face that was at

once grave and rallying, "for they beset Miss Havisham with reports

and insinuations to your disadvantage. They watch you, misrepresent

you, write letters about you (anonymous sometimes), and you are the

torment and the occupation of their lives. You can scarcely realize

to yourself the hatred those people feel for you."

"They do me no harm, I hope?"

Instead of answering, Estella burst out laughing. This was very

singular to me, and I looked at her in considerable perplexity.

When she left off - and she had not laughed languidly, but with

real enjoyment - I said, in my diffident way with her:

"I hope I may suppose that you would not be amused if they did me

any harm."

"No, no you may be sure of that," said Estella. "You may be certain

that I laugh because they fail. Oh, those people with Miss

Havisham, and the tortures they undergo!" She laughed again, and

even now when she had told me why, her laughter was very singular

to me, for I could not doubt its being genuine, and yet it seemed

too much for the occasion. I thought there must really be something

more here than I knew; she saw the thought in my mind, and answered

it.

"It is not easy for even you." said Estella, "to know what

satisfaction it gives me to see those people thwarted, or what an

enjoyable sense of the ridiculous I have when they are made

ridiculous. For you were not brought up in that strange house from

a mere baby. - I was. You had not your little wits sharpened by

their intriguing against you, suppressed and defenceless, under the

mask of sympathy and pity and what not that is soft and soothing. -

I had. You did not gradually open your round childish eyes wider

and wider to the discovery of that impostor of a woman who

calculates her stores of peace of mind for when she wakes up in the

night. - I did."

It was no laughing matter with Estella now, nor was she summoning

these remembrances from any shallow place. I would not have been

the cause of that look of hers, for all my expectations in a heap.

"Two things I can tell you," said Estella. "First, notwithstanding

the proverb that constant dropping will wear away a stone, you may

set your mind at rest that these people never will - never would,

in hundred years - impair your ground with Miss Havisham, in any

particular, great or small. Second, I am beholden to you as the

cause of their being so busy and so mean in vain, and there is my

hand upon it."

As she gave it me playfully - for her darker mood had been but

momentary - I held it and put it to my lips. "You ridiculous boy,"

said Estella, "will you never take warning? Or do you kiss my hand

in the same spirit in which I once let you kiss my cheek?"

"What spirit was that?" said I.

"I must think a moment A spirit of contempt for the fawners and

plotters."

"If I say yes, may I kiss the cheek again?"

"You should have asked before you touched the hand. But, yes, if

you like."

I leaned down, and her calm face was like a statue's. "Now," said

Estella, gliding away the instant I touched her cheek, "you are to

take care that I have some tea, and you are to take me to

Richmond."

Her reverting to this tone as if our association were forced upon

us and we were mere puppets, gave me pain; but everything in our

intercourse did give me pain. Whatever her tone with me happened to

be, I could put no trust in it, and build no hope on it; and yet I

went on against trust and against hope. Why repeat it a thousand

times? So it always was.

I rang for the tea, and the waiter, reappearing with his magic

clue, brought in by degrees some fifty adjuncts to that refreshment

but of tea not a glimpse. A teaboard, cups and saucers, plates,

knives and forks (including carvers), spoons (various),

saltcellars, a meek little muffin confined with the utmost

precaution under a strong iron cover, Moses in the bullrushes

typified by a soft bit of butter in a quantity of parsley, a pale

loaf with a powdered head, two proof impressions of the bars of the

kitchen fire-place on triangular bits of bread, and ultimately a

fat family urn: which the waiter staggered in with, expressing in

his countenance burden and suffering. After a prolonged absence at

this stage of the entertainment, he at length came back with a

casket of precious appearance containing twigs. These I steeped in

hot water, and so from the whole of these appliances extracted one

cup of I don't know what, for Estella.

The bill paid, and the waiter remembered, and the ostler not

forgotten, and the chambermaid taken into consideration - in a

word, the whole house bribed into a state of contempt and

animosity, and Estella's purse much lightened - we got into our

post-coach and drove away. Turning into Cheapside and rattling up

Newgate-street, we were soon under the walls of which I was so

ashamed.

"What place is that?" Estella asked me.

I made a foolish pretence of not at first recognizing it, and then

told her. As she looked at it, and drew in her head again,

murmuring "Wretches!" I would not have confessed to my visit for

any consideration.

"Mr. Jaggers," said I, by way of putting it neatly on somebody else,

"has the reputation of being more in the secrets of that dismal

place than any man in London."

"He is more in the secrets of every place, I think," said Estella,

in a low voice.

"You have been accustomed to see him often, I suppose?"

"I have been accustomed to see him at uncertain intervals, ever

since I can remember. But I know him no better now, than I did

before I could speak plainly. What is your own experience of him?

Do you advance with him?"

"Once habituated to his distrustful manner," said I, "I have done

very well."

"Are you intimate?"

"I have dined with him at his private house."

"I fancy," said Estella, shrinking "that must be a curious place."

"It is a curious place."

I should have been chary of discussing my guardian too freely even

with her; but I should have gone on with the subject so far as to

describe the dinner in Gerrard-street, if we had not then come into

a sudden glare of gas. It seemed, while it lasted, to be all alight

and alive with that inexplicable feeling I had had before; and when

we were out of it, I was as much dazed for a few moments as if I

had been in Lightning.

So, we fell into other talk, and it was principally about the way

by which we were travelling, and about what parts of London lay on

this side of it, and what on that. The great city was almost new to

her, she told me, for she had never left Miss Havisham's

neighbourhood until she had gone to France, and she had merely

passed through London then in going and returning. I asked her if

my guardian had any charge of her while she remained here? To that

she emphatically said "God forbid!" and no more.

It was impossible for me to avoid seeing that she cared to attract

me; that she made herself winning; and would have won me even if

the task had needed pains. Yet this made me none the happier, for,

even if she had not taken that tone of our being disposed of by

others, I should have felt that she held my heart in her hand

because she wilfully chose to do it, and not because it would have

wrung any tenderness in her, to crush it and throw it away.

When we passed through Hammersmith, I showed her where Mr. Matthew

Pocket lived, and said it was no great way from Richmond, and that

I hoped I should see her sometimes.

"Oh yes, you are to see me; you are to come when you think proper;

you are to be mentioned to the family; indeed you are already

mentioned."

I inquired was it a large household she was going to be a member

of?

"No; there are only two; mother and daughter. The mother is a lady

of some station, though not averse to increasing her income."

"I wonder Miss Havisham could part with you again so soon."

"It is a part of Miss Havisham's plans for me, Pip," said Estella,

with a sigh, as if she were tired; "I am to write to her constantly

and see her regularly and report how I go on - I and the jewels -

for they are nearly all mine now."

It was the first time she had ever called me by my name. Of course

she did so, purposely, and knew that I should treasure it up.

We came to Richmond all too soon, and our destination there, was a

house by the Green; a staid old house, where hoops and powder and

patches, embroidered coats rolled stockings ruffles and swords, had

had their court days many a time. Some ancient trees before the

house were still cut into fashions as formal and unnatural as the

hoops and wigs and stiff skirts; but their own allotted places in

the great procession of the dead were not far off, and they would

soon drop into them and go the silent way of the rest.

A bell with an old voice - which I dare say in its time had often

said to the house, Here is the green farthingale, Here is the

diamondhilted sword, Here are the shoes with red heels and the blue

solitaire, - sounded gravely in the moonlight, and two

cherrycoloured maids came fluttering out to receive Estella. The

doorway soon absorbed her boxes, and she gave me her hand and a

smile, and said good night, and was absorbed likewise. And still I

stood looking at the house, thinking how happy I should be if I

lived there with her, and knowing that I never was happy with her,

but always miserable.

I got into the carriage to be taken back to Hammersmith, and I got

in with a bad heart-ache, and I got out with a worse heart-ache. At

our own door, I found little Jane Pocket coming home from a little

party escorted by her little lover; and I envied her little lover,

in spite of his being subject to Flopson.

Mr. Pocket was out lecturing; for, he was a most delightful lecturer

on domestic economy, and his treatises on the management of

children and servants were considered the very best text-books on

those themes. But, Mrs. Pocket was at home, and was in a little

difficulty, on account of the baby's having been accommodated with

a needle-case to keep him quiet during the unaccountable absence

(with a relative in the Foot Guards) of Millers. And more needles

were missing, than it could be regarded as quite wholesome for a

patient of such tender years either to apply externally or to take

as a tonic.

Mr. Pocket being justly celebrated for giving most excellent

practical advice, and for having a clear and sound perception of

things and a highly judicious mind, I had some notion in my

heartache of begging him to accept my confidence. But, happening to

look up at Mrs. Pocket as she sat reading her book of dignities

after prescribing Bed as a sovereign remedy for baby, I thought -

Well - No, I wouldn't.

 

Chapter 34

As I had grown accustomed to my expectations, I had insensibly

begun to notice their effect upon myself and those around me. Their

influence on my own character, I disguised from my recognition as

much as possible, but I knew very well that it was not all good. I

lived in a state of chronic uneasiness respecting my behaviour to

Joe. My conscience was not by any means comfortable about Biddy.

When I woke up in the night - like Camilla - I used to think, with

a weariness on my spirits, that I should have been happier and

better if I had never seen Miss Havisham's face, and had risen to

manhood content to be partners with Joe in the honest old forge.

Many a time of an evening, when I sat alone looking at the fire, I

thought, after all, there was no fire like the forge fire and the

kitchen fire at home.

Yet Estella was so inseparable from all my restlessness and

disquiet of mind, that I really fell into confusion as to the

limits of my own part in its production. That is to say, supposing

I had had no expectations, and yet had had Estella to think of, I

could not make out to my satisfaction that I should have done much

better. Now, concerning the influence of my position on others, I

was in no such difficulty, and so I perceived - though dimly enough

perhaps - that it was not beneficial to anybody, and, above all,

that it was not beneficial to Herbert. My lavish habits led his

easy nature into expenses that he could not afford, corrupted the

simplicity of his life, and disturbed his peace with anxieties and

regrets. I was not at all remorseful for having unwittingly set

those other branches of the Pocket family to the poor arts they

practised: because such littlenesses were their natural bent, and

would have been evoked by anybody else, if I had left them

slumbering. But Herbert's was a very different case, and it often

caused me a twinge to think that I had done him evil service in

crowding his sparely-furnished chambers with incongruous upholstery

work, and placing the canary-breasted Avenger at his disposal.

So now, as an infallible way of making little ease great ease, I

began to contract a quantity of debt. I could hardly begin but

Herbert must begin too, so he soon followed. At Startop's

suggestion, we put ourselves down for election into a club called

The Finches of the Grove: the object of which institution I have

never divined, if it were not that the members should dine

expensively once a fortnight, to quarrel among themselves as much

as possible after dinner, and to cause six waiters to get drunk on

the stairs. I Know that these gratifying social ends were so

invariably accomplished, that Herbert and I understood nothing else

to be referred to in the first standing toast of the society: which

ran "Gentlemen, may the present promotion of good feeling ever

reign predominant among the Finches of the Grove."

The Finches spent their money foolishly (the Hotel we dined at was

in Covent-garden), and the first Finch I saw, when I had the honour

of joining the Grove, was Bentley Drummle: at that time floundering

about town in a cab of his own, and doing a great deal of damage to

the posts at the street corners. Occasionally, he shot himself out

of his equipage head-foremost over the apron; and I saw him on one

occasion deliver himself at the door of the Grove in this

unintentional way - like coals. But here I anticipate a little for

I was not a Finch, and could not be, according to the sacred laws

of the society, until I came of age.

In my confidence in my own resources, I would willingly have taken

Herbert's expenses on myself; but Herbert was proud, and I could

make no such proposal to him. So, he got into difficulties in every

direction, and continued to look about him. When we gradually fell

into keeping late hours and late company, I noticed that he looked

about him with a desponding eye at breakfast-time; that he began to

look about him more hopefully about mid-day; that he drooped when

he came into dinner; that he seemed to descry Capital in the

distance rather clearly, after dinner; that he all but realized

Capital towards midnight; and that at about two o'clock in the

morning, he became so deeply despondent again as to talk of buying

a rifle and going to America, with a general purpose of compelling

buffaloes to make his fortune.

I was usually at Hammersmith about half the week, and when I was at

Hammersmith I haunted Richmond: whereof separately by-and-by.

Herbert would often come to Hammersmith when I was there, and I

think at those seasons his father would occasionally have some

passing perception that the opening he was looking for, had not

appeared yet. But in the general tumbling up of the family, his

tumbling out in life somewhere, was a thing to transact itself

somehow. In the meantime Mr. Pocket grew greyer, and tried oftener

to lift himself out of his perplexities by the hair. While Mrs.

Pocket tripped up the family with her footstool, read her book of

dignities, lost her pocket-handkerchief, told us about her

grandpapa, and taught the young idea how to shoot, by shooting it

into bed whenever it attracted her notice.

As I am now generalizing a period of my life with the object of

clearing my way before me, I can scarcely do so better than by at

once completing the description of our usual manners and customs at

Barnard's Inn.

We spent as much money as we could, and got as little for it as

people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or

less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same

condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly

enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the

best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common

one.

Every morning, with an air ever new, Herbert went into the City to

look about him. I often paid him a visit in the dark back-room in

which he consorted with an ink-jar, a hat-peg, a coal-box, a

string-box, an almanack, a desk and stool, and a ruler; and I do

not remember that I ever saw him do anything else but look about

him. If we all did what we undertake to do, as faithfully as

Herbert did, we might live in a Republic of the Virtues. He had

nothing else to do, poor fellow, except at a certain hour of every

afternoon to "go to Lloyd's" - in observance of a ceremony of

seeing his principal, I think. He never did anything else in

connexion with Lloyd's that I could find out, except come back

again. When he felt his case unusually serious, and that he

positively must find an opening, he would go on 'Change at a busy

time, and walk in and out, in a kind of gloomy country dance

figure, among the assembled magnates. "For," says Herbert to me,

coming home to dinner on one of those special occasions, "I find

the truth to be, Handel, that an opening won't come to one, but one

must go to it - so I have been."

If we had been less attached to one another, I think we must have

hated one another regularly every morning. I detested the chambers

beyond expression at that period of repentance, and could not

endure the sight of the Avenger's livery: which had a more

expensive and a less remunerative appearance then, than at any

other time in the four-and-twenty hours. As we got more and more

into debt breakfast became a hollower and hollower form, and, being

on one occasion at breakfast-time threatened (by letter) with legal

proceedings, "not unwholly unconnected," as my local paper might

put it, "with jewellery," I went so far as to seize the Avenger by

his blue collar and shake him off his feet - so that he was

actually in the air, like a booted Cupid - for presuming to suppose

that we wanted a roll.

At certain times - meaning at uncertain times, for they depended on

our humour - I would say to Herbert, as if it were a remarkable

discovery:

"My dear Herbert, we are getting on badly."

"My dear Handel," Herbert would say to me, in all sincerity, if you

will believe me, those very words were on my lips, by a strange

coincidence."

"Then, Herbert," I would respond, "let us look into out affairs."

We always derived profound satisfaction from making an appointment

for this purpose. I always thought this was business, this was the

way to confront the thing, this was the way to take the foe by the

throat. And I know Herbert thought so too.

We ordered something rather special for dinner, with a bottle of

something similarly out of the common way, in order that our minds

might be fortified for the occasion, and we might come well up to

the mark. Dinner over, we produced a bundle of pens, a copious

supply of ink, and a goodly show of writing and blotting paper.

For, there was something very comfortable in having plenty of

stationery.

I would then take a sheet of paper, and write across the top of it,

in a neat hand, the heading, "Memorandum of Pip's debts;" with

Barnard's Inn and the date very carefully added. Herbert would also

take a sheet of paper, and write across it with similar

formalities, "Memorandum of Herbert's debts."

Each of us would then refer to a confused heap of papers at his

side, which had been thrown into drawers, worn into holes in

Pockets, half-burnt in lighting candles, stuck for weeks into the

looking-glass, and otherwise damaged. The sound of our pens going,

refreshed us exceedingly, insomuch that I sometimes found it

difficult to distinguish between this edifying business proceeding

and actually paying the money. In point of meritorious character,

the two things seemed about equal.

When we had written a little while, I would ask Herbert how he got

on? Herbert probably would have been scratching his head in a most

rueful manner at the sight of his accumulating figures.

"They are mounting up, Handel," Herbert would say; "upon my life,

they are mounting up."

"Be firm, Herbert," I would retort, plying my own pen with great

assiduity. "Look the thing in the face. Look into your affairs.

Stare them out of countenance."

"So I would, Handel, only they are staring me out of countenance."

However, my determined manner would have its effect, and Herbert

would fall to work again. After a time he would give up once more,

on the plea that he had not got Cobbs's bill, or Lobbs's, or

Nobbs's, as the case might be.

"Then, Herbert, estimate; estimate it in round numbers, and put it

down."

"What a fellow of resource you are!" my friend would reply, with

admiration. "Really your business powers are very remarkable."

I thought so too. I established with myself on these occasions, the

reputation of a first-rate man of business - prompt, decisive,

energetic, clear, cool-headed. When I had got all my

responsibilities down upon my list, I compared each with the bill,

and ticked it off. My self-approval when I ticked an entry was

quite a luxurious sensation. When I had no more ticks to make, I

folded all my bills up uniformly, docketed each on the back, and

tied the whole into a symmetrical bundle. Then I did the same for

Herbert (who modestly said he had not my administrative genius),

and felt that I had brought his affairs into a focus for him.

My business habits had one other bright feature, which i called

"leaving a Margin." For example; supposing Herbert's debts to be

one hundred and sixty-four pounds four-and-twopence, I would say,

"Leave a margin, and put them down at two hundred." Or, supposing

my own to be four times as much, I would leave a margin, and put

them down at seven hundred. I had the highest opinion of the wisdom

of this same Margin, but I am bound to acknowledge that on looking

back, I deem it to have been an expensive device. For, we always

ran into new debt immediately, to the full extent of the margin,

and sometimes, in the sense of freedom and solvency it imparted,

got pretty far on into another margin.

But there was a calm, a rest, a virtuous hush, consequent on these

examinations of our affairs that gave me, for the time, an

admirable opinion of myself. Soothed by my exertions, my method,

and Herbert's compliments, I would sit with his symmetrical bundle

and my own on the table before me among the stationary, and feel

like a Bank of some sort, rather than a private individual.

We shut our outer door on these solemn occasions, in order that we

might not be interrupted. I had fallen into my serene state one

evening, when we heard a letter dropped through the slit in the

said door, and fall on the ground. "It's for you, Handel," said

Herbert, going out and coming back with it, "and I hope there is

nothing the matter." This was in allusion to its heavy black seal

and border.

The letter was signed TRABB & CO., and its contents were simply,

that I was an honoured sir, and that they begged to inform me that

Mrs. J. Gargery had departed this life on Monday last, at twenty

minutes past six in the evening, and that my attendance was

requested at the interment on Monday next at three o'clock in the

afternoon.

 

Chapter 35

It was the first time that a grave had opened in my road of life,

and the gap it made in the smooth ground was wonderful. The figure

of my sister in her chair by the kitchen fire, haunted me night and

day. That the place could possibly be, without her, was something

my mind seemed unable to compass; and whereas she had seldom or

never been in my thoughts of late, I had now the strangest ideas

that she was coming towards me in the street, or that she would

presently knock at the door. In my rooms too, with which she had

never been at all associated, there was at once the blankness of

death and a perpetual suggestion of the sound of her voice or the

turn of her face or figure, as if she were still alive and had been

often there.

Whatever my fortunes might have been, I could scarcely have

recalled my sister with much tenderness. But I suppose there is a

shock of regret which may exist without much tenderness. Under its

influence (and perhaps to make up for the want of the softer

feeling) I was seized with a violent indignation against the

assailant from whom she had suffered so much; and I felt that on

sufficient proof I could have revengefully pursued Orlick, or any

one else, to the last extremity.

Having written to Joe, to offer consolation, and to assure him that

I should come to the funeral, I passed the intermediate days in the

curious state of mind I have glanced at. I went down early in the

morning, and alighted at the Blue Boar in good time to walk over to

the forge.

It was fine summer weather again, and, as I walked along, the times

when I was a little helpless creature, and my sister did not spare

me, vividly returned. But they returned with a gentle tone upon

them that softened even the edge of Tickler. For now, the very

breath of the beans and clover whispered to my heart that the day

must come when it would be well for my memory that others walking

in the sunshine should be softened as they thought of me.

At last I came within sight of the house, and saw that Trabb and

Co. had put in a funereal execution and taken possession. Two

dismally absurd persons, each ostentatiously exhibiting a crutch

done up in a black bandage - as if that instrument could possibly

communicate any comfort to anybody - were posted at the front door;

and in one of them I recognized a postboy discharged from the Boar

for turning a young couple into a sawpit on their bridal morning,

in consequence of intoxication rendering it necessary for him to

ride his horse clasped round the neck with both arms. All the

children of the village, and most of the women, were admiring these

sable warders and the closed windows of the house and forge; and as

I came up, one of the two warders (the postboy) knocked at the door

- implying that I was far too much exhausted by grief, to have

strength remaining to knock for myself.

Another sable warder (a carpenter, who had once eaten two geese for

a wager) opened the door, and showed me into the best parlour.

Here, Mr. Trabb had taken unto himself the best table, and had got

all the leaves up, and was holding a kind of black Bazaar, with the

aid of a quantity of black pins. At the moment of my arrival, he

had just finished putting somebody's hat into black long-clothes,

like an African baby; so he held out his hand for mine. But I,

misled by the action, and confused by the occasion, shook hands

with him with every testimony of warm affection.

Poor dear Joe, entangled in a little black cloak tied in a large

bow under his chin, was seated apart at the upper end of the room;

where, as chief mourner, he had evidently been stationed by Trabb.

When I bent down and said to him, "Dear Joe, how are you?" he said,

"Pip, old chap, you knowed her when she were a fine figure of a--"

and clasped my hand and said no more.

Biddy, looking very neat and modest in her black dress, went

quietly here and there, and was very helpful. When I had spoken to

Biddy, as I thought it not a time for talking I went and sat down

near Joe, and there began to wonder in what part of the house it -

she - my sister - was. The air of the parlour being faint with the

smell of sweet cake, I looked about for the table of refreshments;

it was scarcely visible until one had got accustomed to the gloom,

but there was a cut-up plum-cake upon it, and there were cut-up

oranges, and sandwiches, and biscuits, and two decanters that I

knew very well as ornaments, but had never seen used in all my

life; one full of port, and one of sherry. Standing at this table,

I became conscious of the servile Pumblechook in a black cloak and

several yards of hatband, who was alternately stuffing himself, and

making obsequious movements to catch my attention. The moment he

succeeded, he came over to me (breathing sherry and crumbs), and

said in a subdued voice, "May I, dear sir?" and did. I then

descried Mr. and Mrs. Hubble; the last-named in a decent speechless

paroxysm in a corner. We were all going to "follow," and were all

in course of being tied up separately (by Trabb) into ridiculous

bundles.

"Which I meantersay, Pip," Joe whispered me, as we were being what

Mr. Trabb called "formed" in the parlour, two and two - and it was

dreadfully like a preparation for some grim kind of dance; "which I

meantersay, sir, as I would in preference have carried her to the

church myself, along with three or four friendly ones wot come to

it with willing harts and arms, but it were considered wot the

neighbours would look down on such and would be of opinions as it

were wanting in respect."

"Pocket-handkerchiefs out, all!" cried Mr. Trabb at this point, in a

depressed business-like voice. "Pocket-handkerchiefs out! We are

ready!"

So, we all put our pocket-handkerchiefs to our faces, as if our

noses were bleeding, and filed out two and two; Joe and I; Biddy

and Pumblechook; Mr. and Mrs. Hubble. The remains of my poor sister

had been brought round by the kitchen door, and, it being a point

of Undertaking ceremony that the six bearers must be stifled and

blinded under a horrible black velvet housing with a white border,

the whole looked like a blind monster with twelve human legs,

shuffling and blundering along, under the guidance of two keepers -

the postboy and his comrade.

The neighbourhood, however, highly approved of these arrangements,

and we were much admired as we went through the village; the more

youthful and vigorous part of the community making dashes now and

then to cut us off, and lying in wait to intercept us at points of

vantage. At such times the more exuberant among them called out in

an excited manner on our emergence round some corner of expectancy,

"Here they come!" "Here they are!" and we were all but cheered. In

this progress I was much annoyed by the abject Pumblechook, who,

being behind me, persisted all the way as a delicate attention in

arranging my streaming hatband, and smoothing my cloak. My thoughts

were further distracted by the excessive pride of Mr. and Mrs.

Hubble, who were surpassingly conceited and vainglorious in being

members of so distinguished a procession.

And now, the range of marshes lay clear before us, with the sails

of the ships on the river growing out of it; and we went into the

churchyard, close to the graves of my unknown parents, Philip

Pirrip, late of this parish, and Also Georgiana, Wife of the Above.

And there, my sister was laid quietly in the earth while the larks

sang high above it, and the light wind strewed it with beautiful

shadows of clouds and trees.

Of the conduct of the worldly-minded Pumblechook while this was

doing, I desire to say no more than it was all addressed to me; and

that even when those noble passages were read which remind humanity

how it brought nothing into the world and can take nothing out, and

how it fleeth like a shadow and never continueth long in one stay,

I heard him cough a reservation of the case of a young gentleman

who came unexpectedly into large property. When we got back, he had

the hardihood to tell me that he wished my sister could have known

I had done her so much honour, and to hint that she would have

considered it reasonably purchased at the price of her death. After

that, he drank all the rest of the sherry, and Mr. Hubble drank the

port, and the two talked (which I have since observed to be

customary in such cases) as if they were of quite another race from

the deceased, and were notoriously immortal. Finally, he went away

with Mr. and Mrs. Hubble - to make an evening of it, I felt sure, and

to tell the Jolly Bargemen that he was the founder of my fortunes

and my earliest benefactor.

When they were all gone, and when Trabb and his men - but not his

boy: I looked for him - had crammed their mummery into bags, and

were gone too, the house felt wholesomer. Soon afterwards, Biddy,

Joe, and I, had a cold dinner together; but we dined in the best

parlour, not in the old kitchen, and Joe was so exceedingly

particular what he did with his knife and fork and the saltcellar

and what not, that there was great restraint upon us. But after

dinner, when I made him take his pipe, and when I had loitered with

him about the forge, and when we sat down together on the great

block of stone outside it, we got on better. I noticed that after

the funeral Joe changed his clothes so far, as to make a compromise

between his Sunday dress and working dress: in which the dear

fellow looked natural, and like the Man he was.

He was very much pleased by my asking if I might sleep in my own

little room, and I was pleased too; for, I felt that I had done

rather a great thing in making the request. When the shadows of

evening were closing in, I took an opportunity of getting into the

garden with Biddy for a little talk.

"Biddy," said I, "I think you might have written to me about these

sad matters."

"Do you, Mr. Pip?" said Biddy. "I should have written if I had

thought that."

"Don't suppose that I mean to be unkind, Biddy, when I say I

consider that you ought to have thought that."

"Do you, Mr. Pip?"

She was so quiet, and had such an orderly, good, and pretty way

with her, that I did not like the thought of making her cry again.

After looking a little at her downcast eyes as she walked beside

me, I gave up that point.

"I suppose it will be difficult for you to remain here now, Biddy

dear?"

"Oh! I can't do so, Mr. Pip," said Biddy, in a tone of regret, but

still of quiet conviction. "I have been speaking to Mrs. Hubble, and

I am going to her to-morrow. I hope we shall be able to take some

care of Mr. Gargery, together, until he settles down."

"How are you going to live, Biddy? If you want any mo--"

"How am I going to live?" repeated Biddy, striking in, with a

momentary flush upon her face. "I'll tell you, Mr. Pip. I am going

to try to get the place of mistress in the new school nearly

finished here. I can be well recommended by all the neighbours, and

I hope I can be industrious and patient, and teach myself while I

teach others. You know, Mr. Pip," pursued Biddy, with a smile, as

she raised her eyes to my face, "the new schools are not like the

old, but I learnt a good deal from you after that time, and have

had time since then to improve."

"I think you would always improve, Biddy, under any circumstances."

"Ah! Except in my bad side of human nature," murmured Biddy.

It was not so much a reproach, as an irresistible thinking aloud.

Well! I thought I would give up that point too. So, I walked a

little further with Biddy, looking silently at her downcast eyes.

"I have not heard the particulars of my sister's death, Biddy."

"They are very slight, poor thing. She had been in one of her bad

states - though they had got better of late, rather than worse -

for four days, when she came out of it in the evening, just at

teatime, and said quite plainly, 'Joe.' As she had never said any

word for a long while, I ran and fetched in Mr. Gargery from the

forge. She made signs to me that she wanted him to sit down close

to her, and wanted me to put her arms round his neck. So I put them

round his neck, and she laid her head down on his shoulder quite

content and satisfied. And so she presently said 'Joe' again, and

once 'Pardon,' and once 'Pip.' And so she never lifted her head up

any more, and it was just an hour later when we laid it down on her

own bed, because we found she was gone."

Biddy cried; the darkening garden, and the lane, and the stars that

were coming out, were blurred in my own sight.

"Nothing was ever discovered, Biddy?"

"Nothing."

"Do you know what is become of Orlick?"

"I should think from the colour of his clothes that he is working

in the quarries."

"Of course you have seen him then? - Why are you looking at that

dark tree in the lane?"

"I saw him there, on the night she died."

"That was not the last time either, Biddy?"

"No; I have seen him there, since we have been walking here. - It

is of no use," said Biddy, laying her hand upon my arm, as I was

for running out, "you know I would not deceive you; he was not

there a minute, and he is gone."

It revived my utmost indignation to find that she was still pursued

by this fellow, and I felt inveterate against him. I told her so,

and told her that I would spend any money or take any pains to

drive him out of that country. By degrees she led me into more

temperate talk, and she told me how Joe loved me, and how Joe never

complained of anything - she didn't say, of me; she had no need; I

knew what she meant - but ever did his duty in his way of life,

with a strong hand, a quiet tongue, and a gentle heart.

"Indeed, it would be hard to say too much for him," said I; "and

Biddy, we must often speak of these things, for of course I shall

be often down here now. I am not going to leave poor Joe alone."

Biddy said never a single word.

"Biddy, don't you hear me?"

"Yes, Mr. Pip."

"Not to mention your calling me Mr. Pip - which appears to me to be

in bad taste, Biddy - what do you mean?"

"What do I mean?" asked Biddy, timidly.

"Biddy," said I, in a virtuously self-asserting manner, "I must

request to know what you mean by this?"

"By this?" said Biddy.

"Now, don't echo," I retorted. "You used not to echo, Biddy."

"Used not!" said Biddy. "O Mr. Pip! Used!"

Well! I rather thought I would give up that point too. After

another silent turn in the garden, I fell back on the main

position.

"Biddy," said I, "I made a remark respecting my coming down here

often, to see Joe, which you received with a marked silence. Have

the goodness, Biddy, to tell me why."

"Are you quite sure, then, that you WILL come to see him often?"

asked Biddy, stopping in the narrow garden walk, and looking at me

under the stars with a clear and honest eye.

"Oh dear me!" said I, as if I found myself compelled to give up

Biddy in despair. "This really is a very bad side of human

nature! Don't say any more, if you please, Biddy. This shocks me

very much."

For which cogent reason I kept Biddy at a distance during supper,

and, when I went up to my own old little room, took as stately a

leave of her as I could, in my murmuring soul, deem reconcilable

with the churchyard and the event of the day. As often as I was

restless in the night, and that was every quarter of an hour, I

reflected what an unkindness, what an injury, what an injustice,

Biddy had done me.

Early in the morning, I was to go. Early in the morning, I was out,

and looking in, unseen, at one of the wooden windows of the forge.

There I stood, for minutes, looking at Joe, already at work with a

glow of health and strength upon his face that made it show as if

the bright sun of the life in store for him were shining on it.

"Good-bye, dear Joe! - No, don't wipe it off - for God's sake, give

me your blackened hand! - I shall be down soon, and often."

"Never too soon, sir," said Joe, "and never too often, Pip!"

Biddy was waiting for me at the kitchen door, with a mug of new

milk and a crust of bread. "Biddy," said I, when I gave her my hand

at parting, "I am not angry, but I am hurt."

"No, don't be hurt," she pleaded quite pathetically; "let only me

be hurt, if I have been ungenerous."

Once more, the mists were rising as I walked away. If they

disclosed to me, as I suspect they did, that I should not come

back, and that Biddy was quite right, all I can say is - they were

quite right too.

 

Chapter 36

Herbert and I went on from bad to worse, in the way of increasing

our debts, looking into our affairs, leaving Margins, and the like

exemplary transactions; and Time went on, whether or no, as he has

a way of doing; and I came of age - in fulfilment of Herbert's

prediction, that I should do so before I knew where I was.

Herbert himself had come of age, eight months before me. As he had

nothing else than his majority to come into, the event did not make

a profound sensation in Barnard's Inn. But we had looked forward to

my one-and-twentieth birthday, with a crowd of speculations and

anticipations, for we had both considered that my guardian could

hardly help saying something definite on that occasion.

I had taken care to have it well understood in Little Britain, when

my birthday was. On the day before it, I received an official note

from Wemmick, informing me that Mr. Jaggers would be glad if I would

call upon him at five in the afternoon of the auspicious day. This

convinced us that something great was to happen, and threw me into

an unusual flutter when I repaired to my guardian's office, a model

of punctuality.

In the outer office Wemmick offered me his congratulations, and

incidentally rubbed the side of his nose with a folded piece of

tissuepaper that I liked the look of. But he said nothing

respecting it, and motioned me with a nod into my guardian's room.

It was November, and my guardian was standing before his fire

leaning his back against the chimney-piece, with his hands under

his coattails.

"Well, Pip," said he, "I must call you Mr. Pip to-day.

Congratulations, Mr. Pip."

We shook hands - he was always a remarkably short shaker - and I

thanked him.

"Take a chair, Mr. Pip," said my guardian.

As I sat down, and he preserved his attitude and bent his brows at

his boots, I felt at a disadvantage, which reminded me of that old

time when I had been put upon a tombstone. The two ghastly casts on

the shelf were not far from him, and their expression was as if

they were making a stupid apoplectic attempt to attend to the

conversation.

"Now my young friend," my guardian began, as if I were a witness in

the box, "I am going to have a word or two with you."

"If you please, sir."

"What do you suppose," said Mr. Jaggers, bending forward to look at

the ground, and then throwing his head back to look at the ceiling,

"what do you suppose you are living at the rate of?"

"At the rate of, sir?"

"At," repeated Mr. Jaggers, still looking at the ceiling, "the -

rate - of?" And then looked all round the room, and paused with his

pocket-handkerchief in his hand, half way to his nose.

I had looked into my affairs so often, that I had thoroughly

destroyed any slight notion I might ever have had of their

bearings. Reluctantly, I confessed myself quite unable to answer

the question. This reply seemed agreeable to Mr. Jaggers, who said,

"I thought so!" and blew his nose with an air of satisfaction.

"Now, I have asked you a question, my friend," said Mr. Jaggers.

"Have you anything to ask me?"

"Of course it would be a great relief to me to ask you several

questions, sir; but I remember your prohibition."

"Ask one," said Mr. Jaggers.

"Is my benefactor to be made known to me to-day?"

"No. Ask another."

"Is that confidence to be imparted to me soon?"

"Waive that, a moment," said Mr. Jaggers, "and ask another."

I looked about me, but there appeared to be now no possible escape

from the inquiry, "Have - I - anything to receive, sir?" On that,

Mr. Jaggers said, triumphantly, "I thought we should come to it!"

and called to Wemmick to give him that piece of paper. Wemmick

appeared, handed it in, and disappeared.

"Now, Mr. Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, "attend, if you please. You have

been drawing pretty freely here; your name occurs pretty often in

Wemmick's cash-book; but you are in debt, of course?"

"I am afraid I must say yes, sir."

"You know you must say yes; don't you?" said Mr. Jaggers.

"Yes, sir."

"I don't ask you what you owe, because you don't know; and if you

did know, you wouldn't tell me; you would say less. Yes, yes, my

friend," cried Mr. Jaggers, waving his forefinger to stop me, as I

made a show of protesting: "it's likely enough that you think you

wouldn't, but you would. You'll excuse me, but I know better than

you. Now, take this piece of paper in your hand. You have got it?

Very good. Now, unfold it and tell me what it is."

"This is a bank-note," said I, "for five hundred pounds."

"That is a bank-note," repeated Mr. Jaggers, "for five hundred

pounds. And a very handsome sum of money too, I think. You consider

it so?"

"How could I do otherwise!"

"Ah! But answer the question," said Mr. Jaggers.

"Undoubtedly."

"You consider it, undoubtedly, a handsome sum of money. Now, that

handsome sum of money, Pip, is your own. It is a present to you on

this day, in earnest of your expectations. And at the rate of that

handsome sum of money per annum, and at no higher rate, you are to

live until the donor of the whole appears. That is to say, you will

now take your money affairs entirely into your own hands, and you

will draw from Wemmick one hundred and twenty-five pounds per

quarter, until you are in communication with the fountain-head, and

no longer with the mere agent. As I have told you before, I am the

mere agent. I execute my instructions, and I am paid for doing so.

I think them injudicious, but I am not paid for giving any opinion

on their merits."

I was beginning to express my gratitude to my benefactor for the

great liberality with which I was treated, when Mr. Jaggers stopped

me. "I am not paid, Pip," said he, coolly, "to carry your words to

any one;" and then gathered up his coat-tails, as he had gathered

up the subject, and stood frowning at his boots as if he suspected

them of designs against him.

After a pause, I hinted:

"There was a question just now, Mr. Jaggers, which you desired me to

waive for a moment. I hope I am doing nothing wrong in asking it

again?"

"What is it?" said he.

I might have known that he would never help me out; but it took me

aback to have to shape the question afresh, as if it were quite

new. "Is it likely," I said, after hesitating, "that my patron, the

fountain-head you have spoken of, Mr. Jaggers, will soon--" there I

delicately stopped.

"Will soon what?" asked Mr. Jaggers. "That's no question as it

stands, you know."

"Will soon come to London," said I, after casting about for a

precise form of words, "or summon me anywhere else?"

"Now here," replied Mr. Jaggers, fixing me for the first time with

his dark deep-set eyes, "we must revert to the evening when we

first encountered one another in your village. What did I tell you

then, Pip?"

"You told me, Mr. Jaggers, that it might be years hence when that

person appeared."

"Just so," said Mr. Jaggers; "that's my answer."

As we looked full at one another, I felt my breath come quicker in

my strong desire to get something out of him. And as I felt that it

came quicker, and as I felt that he saw that it came quicker, I

felt that I had less chance than ever of getting anything out of

him.

"Do you suppose it will still be years hence, Mr. Jaggers?"

Mr. Jaggers shook his head - not in negativing the question, but in

altogether negativing the notion that he could anyhow be got to

answer it - and the two horrible casts of the twitched faces

looked, when my eyes strayed up to them, as if they had come to a

crisis in their suspended attention, and were going to sneeze.

"Come!" said Mr. Jaggers, warming the backs of his legs with the

backs of his warmed hands, "I'll be plain with you, my friend Pip.

That's a question I must not be asked. You'll understand that,

better, when I tell you it's a question that might compromise me.

Come! I'll go a little further with you; I'll say something more."

He bent down so low to frown at his boots, that he was able to rub

the calves of his legs in the pause he made.

"When that person discloses," said Mr. Jaggers, straightening

himself, "you and that person will settle your own affairs. When

that person discloses, my part in this business will cease and

determine. When that person discloses, it will not be necessary for

me to know anything about it. And that's all I have got to say."

We looked at one another until I withdrew my eyes, and looked

thoughtfully at the floor. From this last speech I derived the

notion that Miss Havisham, for some reason or no reason, had not

taken him into her confidence as to her designing me for Estella;

that he resented this, and felt a jealousy about it; or that he

really did object to that scheme, and would have nothing to do with

it. When I raised my eyes again, I found that he had been shrewdly

looking at me all the time, and was doing so still.

"If that is all you have to say, sir," I remarked, "there can be

nothing left for me to say."

He nodded assent, and pulled out his thief-dreaded watch, and asked

me where I was going to dine? I replied at my own chambers, with

Herbert. As a necessary sequence, I asked him if he would favour us

with his company, and he promptly accepted the invitation. But he

insisted on walking home with me, in order that I might make no

extra preparation for him, and first he had a letter or two to

write, and (of course) had his hands to wash. So, I said I would go

into the outer office and talk to Wemmick.

The fact was, that when the five hundred pounds had come into my

pocket, a thought had come into my head which had been often there

before; and it appeared to me that Wemmick was a good person to

advise with, concerning such thought.

He had already locked up his safe, and made preparations for going

home. He had left his desk, brought out his two greasy office

candlesticks and stood them in line with the snuffers on a slab

near the door, ready to be extinguished; he had raked his fire low,

put his hat and great-coat ready, and was beating himself all over

the chest with his safe-key, as an athletic exercise after

business.

"Mr. Wemmick," said I, "I want to ask your opinion. I am very

desirous to serve a friend."

Wemmick tightened his post-office and shook his head, as if his

opinion were dead against any fatal weakness of that sort.

"This friend," I pursued, "is trying to get on in commercial life,

but has no money, and finds it difficult and disheartening to make

a beginning. Now, I want somehow to help him to a beginning."

"With money down?" said Wemmick, in a tone drier than any sawdust.

"With some money down," I replied, for an uneasy remembrance shot

across me of that symmetrical bundle of papers at home; "with some

money down, and perhaps some anticipation of my expectations."

"Mr. Pip," said Wemmick, "I should like just to run over with you on

my fingers, if you please, the names of the various bridges up as

high as Chelsea Reach. Let's see; there's London, one; Southwark,

two; Blackfriars, three; Waterloo, four; Westminster, five;

Vauxhall, six." He had checked off each bridge in its turn, with

the handle of his safe-key on the palm of his hand. "There's as

many as six, you see, to choose from."

"I don't understand you," said I.

"Choose your bridge, Mr. Pip," returned Wemmick, "and take a walk

upon your bridge, and pitch your money into the Thames over the

centre arch of your bridge, and you know the end of it. Serve a

friend with it, and you may know the end of it too - but it's a

less pleasant and profitable end."

I could have posted a newspaper in his mouth, he made it so wide

after saying this.

"This is very discouraging," said I.

"Meant to be so," said Wemmick.

"Then is it your opinion," I inquired, with some little

indignation, "that a man should never--"

" - Invest portable property in a friend?" said Wemmick. "Certainly

he should not. Unless he wants to get rid of the friend - and then

it becomes a question how much portable property it may be worth to

get rid of him."

"And that," said I, "is your deliberate opinion, Mr. Wemmick?"

"That," he returned, "is my deliberate opinion in this office."

"Ah!" said I, pressing him, for I thought I saw him near a loophole

here; "but would that be your opinion at Walworth?"

"Mr. Pip," he replied, with gravity, "Walworth is one place, and

this office is another. Much as the Aged is one person, and Mr.

Jaggers is another. They must not be confounded together. My

Walworth sentiments must be taken at Walworth; none but my official

sentiments can be taken in this office."

"Very well," said I, much relieved, "then I shall look you up at

Walworth, you may depend upon it."

"Mr. Pip," he returned, "you will be welcome there, in a private and

personal capacity."

We had held this conversation in a low voice, well knowing my

guardian's ears to be the sharpest of the sharp. As he now appeared

in his doorway, towelling his hands, Wemmick got on his greatcoat

and stood by to snuff out the candles. We all three went into the

street together, and from the door-step Wemmick turned his way, and

Mr. Jaggers and I turned ours.

I could not help wishing more than once that evening, that Mr.

Jaggers had had an Aged in Gerrard-street, or a Stinger, or a

Something, or a Somebody, to unbend his brows a little. It was an

uncomfortable consideration on a twenty-first birthday, that coming

of age at all seemed hardly worth while in such a guarded and

suspicious world as he made of it. He was a thousand times better

informed and cleverer than Wemmick, and yet I would a thousand

times rather have had Wemmick to dinner. And Mr. Jaggers made not me

alone intensely melancholy, because, after he was gone, Herbert

said of himself, with his eyes fixed on the fire, that he thought

he must have committed a felony and forgotten the details of it, he

felt so dejected and guilty.

 

Chapter 37

Deeming Sunday the best day for taking Mr. Wemmick's Walworth

sentiments, I devoted the next ensuing Sunday afternoon to a

pilgrimage to the Castle. On arriving before the battlements, I

found the Union Jack flying and the drawbridge up; but undeterred

by this show of defiance and resistance, I rang at the gate, and

was admitted in a most pacific manner by the Aged.

"My son, sir," said the old man, after securing the drawbridge,

"rather had it in his mind that you might happen to drop in, and he

left word that he would soon be home from his afternoon's walk. He

is very regular in his walks, is my son. Very regular in

everything, is my son."

I nodded at the old gentleman as Wemmick himself might have nodded,

and we went in and sat down by the fireside.

"You made acquaintance with my son, sir," said the old man, in his

chirping way, while he warmed his hands at the blaze, "at his

office, I expect?" I nodded. "Hah! I have heerd that my son is a

wonderful hand at his business, sir?" I nodded hard. "Yes; so they

tell me. His business is the Law?" I nodded harder. "Which makes it

more surprising in my son," said the old man, "for he was not

brought up to the Law, but to the Wine-Coopering."

Curious to know how the old gentleman stood informed concerning the

reputation of Mr. Jaggers, I roared that name at him. He threw me

into the greatest confusion by laughing heartily and replying in a

very sprightly manner, "No, to be sure; you're right." And to this

hour I have not the faintest notion what he meant, or what joke he

thought I had made.

As I could not sit there nodding at him perpetually, without making

some other attempt to interest him, I shouted at inquiry whether

his own calling in life had been "the Wine-Coopering." By dint of

straining that term out of myself several times and tapping the old

gentleman on the chest to associate it with him, I at last

succeeded in making my meaning understood.

"No," said the old gentleman; "the warehousing, the warehousing.

First, over yonder;" he appeared to mean up the chimney, but I

believe he intended to refer me to Liverpool; "and then in the City

of London here. However, having an infirmity - for I am hard of

hearing, sir--"

I expressed in pantomime the greatest astonishment.

" - Yes, hard of hearing; having that infirmity coming upon me, my

son he went into the Law, and he took charge of me, and he by

little and little made out this elegant and beautiful property. But

returning to what you said, you know," pursued the old man, again

laughing heartily, "what I say is, No to be sure; you're right."

I was modestly wondering whether my utmost ingenuity would have

enabled me to say anything that would have amused him half as much

as this imaginary pleasantry, when I was startled by a sudden click

in the wall on one side of the chimney, and the ghostly tumbling

open of a little wooden flap with "JOHN" upon it. The old man,

following my eyes, cried with great triumph, "My son's come home!"

and we both went out to the drawbridge.

It was worth any money to see Wemmick waving a salute to me from

the other side of the moat, when we might have shaken hands across

it with the greatest ease. The Aged was so delighted to work the

drawbridge, that I made no offer to assist him, but stood quiet

until Wemmick had come across, and had presented me to Miss

Skiffins: a lady by whom he was accompanied.

Miss Skiffins was of a wooden appearance, and was, like her escort,

in the post-office branch of the service. She might have been some

two or three years younger than Wemmick, and I judged her to stand

possessed of portable property. The cut of her dress from the waist

upward, both before and behind, made her figure very like a boy's

kite; and I might have pronounced her gown a little too decidedly

orange, and her gloves a little too intensely green. But she seemed

to be a good sort of fellow, and showed a high regard for the Aged.

I was not long in discovering that she was a frequent visitor at

the Castle; for, on our going in, and my complimenting Wemmick on

his ingenious contrivance for announcing himself to the Aged, he

begged me to give my attention for a moment to the other side of

the chimney, and disappeared. Presently another click came, and

another little door tumbled open with "Miss Skiffins" on it; then

Miss Skiffins shut up and John tumbled open; then Miss Skiffins and

John both tumbled open together, and finally shut up together. On

Wemmick's return from working these mechanical appliances, I

expressed the great admiration with which I regarded them, and he

said, "Well, you know, they're both pleasant and useful to the

Aged. And by George, sir, it's a thing worth mentioning, that of

all the people who come to this gate, the secret of those pulls is

only known to the Aged, Miss Skiffins, and me!"

"And Mr. Wemmick made them," added Miss Skiffins, "with his own

hands out of his own head."

While Miss Skiffins was taking off her bonnet (she retained her

green gloves during the evening as an outward and visible sign that

there was company), Wemmick invited me to take a walk with him

round the property, and see how the island looked in wintertime.

Thinking that he did this to give me an opportunity of taking his

Walworth sentiments, I seized the opportunity as soon as we were

out of the Castle.

Having thought of the matter with care, I approached my subject as

if I had never hinted at it before. I informed Wemmick that I was

anxious in behalf of Herbert Pocket, and I told him how we had

first met, and how we had fought. I glanced at Herbert's home, and

at his character, and at his having no means but such as he was

dependent on his father for: those, uncertain and unpunctual.

I alluded to the advantages I had derived in my first rawness and

ignorance from his society, and I confessed that I feared I had but

ill repaid them, and that he might have done better without me and

my expectations. Keeping Miss Havisham in the background at a great

distance, I still hinted at the possibility of my having competed

with him in his prospects, and at the certainty of his possessing a

generous soul, and being far above any mean distrusts,

retaliations, or designs. For all these reasons (I told Wemmick),

and because he was my young companion and friend, and I had a great

affection for him, I wished my own good fortune to reflect some

rays upon him, and therefore I sought advice from Wemmick's

experience and knowledge of men and affairs, how I could best try

with my resources to help Herbert to some present income - say of a

hundred a year, to keep him in good hope and heart - and gradually

to buy him on to some small partnership. I begged Wemmick, in

conclusion, to understand that my help must always be rendered

without Herbert's knowledge or suspicion, and that there was no one

else in the world with whom I could advise. I wound up by laying my

hand upon his shoulder, and saying, "I can't help confiding in you,

though I know it must be troublesome to you; but that is your

fault, in having ever brought me here."

Wemmick was silent for a little while, and then said with a kind of

start, "Well you know, Mr. Pip, I must tell you one thing. This is

devilish good of you."

"Say you'll help me to be good then," said I.

"Ecod," replied Wemmick, shaking his head, "that's not my trade."

"Nor is this your trading-place," said I.

"You are right," he returned. "You hit the nail on the head. Mr.

Pip, I'll put on my considering-cap, and I think all you want to

do, may be done by degrees. Skiffins (that's her brother) is an

accountant and agent. I'll look him up and go to work for you."

"I thank you ten thousand times."

"On the contrary," said he, "I thank you, for though we are

strictly in our private and personal capacity, still it may be

mentioned that there are Newgate cobwebs about, and it brushes them

away."

After a little further conversation to the same effect, we returned

into the Castle where we found Miss Skiffins preparing tea. The

responsible duty of making the toast was delegated to the Aged, and

that excellent old gentleman was so intent upon it that he seemed

to me in some danger of melting his eyes. It was no nominal meal

that we were going to make, but a vigorous reality. The Aged

prepared such a haystack of buttered toast, that I could scarcely

see him over it as it simmered on an iron stand hooked on to the

top-bar; while Miss Skiffins brewed such a jorum of tea, that the

pig in the back premises became strongly excited, and repeatedly

expressed his desire to participate in the entertainment.

The flag had been struck, and the gun had been fired, at the right

moment of time, and I felt as snugly cut off from the rest of

Walworth as if the moat were thirty feet wide by as many deep.

Nothing disturbed the tranquillity of the Castle, but the

occasional tumbling open of John and Miss Skiffins: which little

doors were a prey to some spasmodic infirmity that made me

sympathetically uncomfortable until I got used to it. I inferred

from the methodical nature of Miss Skiffins's arrangements that she

made tea there every Sunday night; and I rather suspected that a

classic brooch she wore, representing the profile of an undesirable

female with a very straight nose and a very new moon, was a piece

of portable property that had been given her by Wemmick.

We ate the whole of the toast, and drank tea in proportion, and it

was delightful to see how warm and greasy we all got after it. The

Aged especially, might have passed for some clean old chief of a

savage tribe, just oiled. After a short pause for repose, Miss

Skiffins - in the absence of the little servant who, it seemed,

retired to the bosom of her family on Sunday afternoons - washed up

the tea-things, in a trifling lady-like amateur manner that

compromised none of us. Then, she put on her gloves again, and we

drew round the fire, and Wemmick said, "Now Aged Parent, tip us the

paper."

Wemmick explained to me while the Aged got his spectacles out, that

this was according to custom, and that it gave the old gentleman

infinite satisfaction to read the news aloud. "I won't offer an

apology," said Wemmick, "for he isn't capable of many pleasures -

are you, Aged P.?"

"All right, John, all right," returned the old man, seeing himself

spoken to.

"Only tip him a nod every now and then when he looks off his

paper," said Wemmick, "and he'll be as happy as a king. We are all

attention, Aged One."

"All right, John, all right!" returned the cheerful old man: so

busy and so pleased, that it really was quite charming.

The Aged's reading reminded me of the classes at Mr. Wopsle's

great-aunt's, with the pleasanter peculiarity that it seemed to

come through a keyhole. As he wanted the candles close to him, and

as he was always on the verge of putting either his head or the

newspaper into them, he required as much watching as a powder-mill.

But Wemmick was equally untiring and gentle in his vigilance, and

the Aged read on, quite unconscious of his many rescues. Whenever

he looked at us, we all expressed the greatest interest and

amazement, and nodded until he resumed again.

As Wemmick and Miss Skiffins sat side by side, and as I sat in a

shadowy corner, I observed a slow and gradual elongation of Mr.

Wemmick's mouth, powerfully suggestive of his slowly and gradually

stealing his arm round Miss Skiffins's waist. In course of time I

saw his hand appear on the other side of Miss Skiffins; but at that

moment Miss Skiffins neatly stopped him with the green glove,

unwound his arm again as if it were an article of dress, and with

the greatest deliberation laid it on the table before her. Miss

Skiffins's composure while she did this was one of the most

remarkable sights I have ever seen, and if I could have thought the

act consistent with abstraction of mind, I should have deemed that

Miss Skiffins performed it mechanically.

By-and-by, I noticed Wemmick's arm beginning to disappear again,

and gradually fading out of view. Shortly afterwards, his mouth

began to widen again. After an interval of suspense on my part that

was quite enthralling and almost painful, I saw his hand appear on

the other side of Miss Skiffins. Instantly, Miss Skiffins stopped

it with the neatness of a placid boxer, took off that girdle or

cestus as before, and laid it on the table. Taking the table to

represent the path of virtue, I am justified in stating that during

the whole time of the Aged's reading, Wemmick's arm was straying

from the path of virtue and being recalled to it by Miss Skiffins.

At last, the Aged read himself into a light slumber. This was the

time for Wemmick to produce a little kettle, a tray of glasses, and

a black bottle with a porcelain-topped cork, representing some

clerical dignitary of a rubicund and social aspect. With the aid of

these appliances we all had something warm to drink: including the

Aged, who was soon awake again. Miss Skiffins mixed, and I observed

that she and Wemmick drank out of one glass. Of course I knew

better than to offer to see Miss Skiffins home, and under the

circumstances I thought I had best go first: which I did, taking a

cordial leave of the Aged, and having passed a pleasant evening.

Before a week was out, I received a note from Wemmick, dated

Walworth, stating that he hoped he had made some advance in that

matter appertaining to our private and personal capacities, and

that he would be glad if I could come and see him again upon it.

So, I went out to Walworth again, and yet again, and yet again, and

I saw him by appointment in the City several times, but never held

any communication with him on the subject in or near Little

Britain. The upshot was, that we found a worthy young merchant or

shipping-broker, not long established in business, who wanted

intelligent help, and who wanted capital, and who in due course of

time and receipt would want a partner. Between him and me, secret

articles were signed of which Herbert was the subject, and I paid

him half of my five hundred pounds down, and engaged for sundry

other payments: some, to fall due at certain dates out of my

income: some, contingent on my coming into my property. Miss

Skiffins's brother conducted the negotiation. Wemmick pervaded it

throughout, but never appeared in it.

The whole business was so cleverly managed, that Herbert had not

the least suspicion of my hand being in it. I never shall forget

the radiant face with which he came home one afternoon, and told

me, as a mighty piece of news, of his having fallen in with one

Clarriker (the young merchant's name), and of Clarriker's having

shown an extraordinary inclination towards him, and of his belief

that the opening had come at last. Day by day as his hopes grew

stronger and his face brighter, he must have thought me a more and

more affectionate friend, for I had the greatest difficulty in

restraining my tears of triumph when I saw him so happy. At length,

the thing being done, and he having that day entered Clarriker's

House, and he having talked to me for a whole evening in a flush of

pleasure and success, I did really cry in good earnest when I went

to bed, to think that my expectations had done some good to

somebody.

A great event in my life, the turning point of my life, now opens

on my view. But, before I proceed to narrate it, and before I pass

on to all the changes it involved, I must give one chapter to

Estella. It is not much to give to the theme that so long filled

my heart.

 

Chapter 38

If that staid old house near the Green at Richmond should ever come

to be haunted when I am dead, it will be haunted, surely, by my

ghost. O the many, many nights and days through which the unquiet

spirit within me haunted that house when Estella lived there! Let

my body be where it would, my spirit was always wandering,

wandering, wandering, about that house.

The lady with whom Estella was placed, Mrs. Brandley by name, was a

widow, with one daughter several years older than Estella. The

mother looked young, and the daughter looked old; the mother's

complexion was pink, and the daughter's was yellow; the mother set

up for frivolity, and the daughter for theology. They were in what

is called a good position, and visited, and were visited by,

numbers of people. Little, if any, community of feeling subsisted

between them and Estella, but the understanding was established

that they were necessary to her, and that she was necessary to

them. Mrs. Brandley had been a friend of Miss Havisham's before the

time of her seclusion.

In Mrs. Brandley's house and out of Mrs. Brandley's house, I suffered

every kind and degree of torture that Estella could cause me. The

nature of my relations with her, which placed me on terms of

familiarity without placing me on terms of favour, conduced to my

distraction. She made use of me to tease other admirers, and she

turned the very familiarity between herself and me, to the account

of putting a constant slight on my devotion to her. If I had been

her secretary, steward, half-brother, poor relation - if I had been

a younger brother of her appointed husband - I could not have

seemed to myself, further from my hopes when I was nearest to her.

The privilege of calling her by her name and hearing her call me by

mine, became under the circumstances an aggravation of my trials;

and while I think it likely that it almost maddened her other

lovers, I know too certainly that it almost maddened me.

She had admirers without end. No doubt my jealousy made an admirer

of every one who went near her; but there were more than enough of

them without that.

I saw her often at Richmond, I heard of her often in town, and I

used often to take her and the Brandleys on the water; there were

picnics, fete days, plays, operas, concerts, parties, all sorts of

pleasures, through which I pursued her - and they were all miseries

to me. I never had one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my

mind all round the four-and-twenty hours was harping on the

happiness of having her with me unto death.

Throughout this part of our intercourse - and it lasted, as will

presently be seen, for what I then thought a long time - she

habitually reverted to that tone which expressed that our

association was forced upon us. There were other times when she

would come to a sudden check in this tone and in all her many

tones, and would seem to pity me.

"Pip, Pip," she said one evening, coming to such a check, when we

sat apart at a darkening window of the house in Richmond; "will you

never take warning?"

"Of what?"

"Of me."

"Warning not to be attracted by you, do you mean, Estella?"

"Do I mean! If you don't know what I mean, you are blind."

I should have replied that Love was commonly reputed blind, but for

the reason that I always was restrained - and this was not the

least of my miseries - by a feeling that it was ungenerous to press

myself upon her, when she knew that she could not choose but obey

Miss Havisham. My dread always was, that this knowledge on her part

laid me under a heavy disadvantage with her pride, and made me the

subject of a rebellious struggle in her bosom.

"At any rate," said I, "I have no warning given me just now, for

you wrote to me to come to you, this time."

"That's true," said Estella, with a cold careless smile that always

chilled me.

After looking at the twilight without, for a little while, she went

on to say:

"The time has come round when Miss Havisham wishes to have me for a

day at Satis. You are to take me there, and bring me back, if you

will. She would rather I did not travel alone, and objects to

receiving my maid, for she has a sensitive horror of being talked

of by such people. Can you take me?"

"Can I take you, Estella!"

"You can then? The day after to-morrow, if you please. You are to

pay all charges out of my purse, You hear the condition of your

going?"

"And must obey," said I.

This was all the preparation I received for that visit, or for

others like it: Miss Havisham never wrote to me, nor had I ever so

much as seen her handwriting. We went down on the next day but one,

and we found her in the room where I had first beheld her, and it

is needless to add that there was no change in Satis House.

She was even more dreadfully fond of Estella than she had been when

I last saw them together; I repeat the word advisedly, for there

was something positively dreadful in the energy of her looks and

embraces. She hung upon Estella's beauty, hung upon her words, hung

upon her gestures, and sat mumbling her own trembling fingers while

she looked at her, as though she were devouring the beautiful

creature she had reared.

From Estella she looked at me, with a searching glance that seemed

to pry into my heart and probe its wounds. "How does she use you,

Pip; how does she use you?" she asked me again, with her witch-like

eagerness, even in Estella's hearing. But, when we sat by her

flickering fire at night, she was most weird; for then, keeping

Estella's hand drawn through her arm and clutched in her own hand,

she extorted from her, by dint of referring back to what Estella

had told her in her regular letters, the names and conditions of

the men whom she had fascinated; and as Miss Havisham dwelt upon

this roll, with the intensity of a mind mortally hurt and diseased,

she sat with her other hand on her crutch stick, and her chin on

that, and her wan bright eyes glaring at me, a very spectre.

I saw in this, wretched though it made me, and bitter the sense of

dependence and even of degradation that it awakened - I saw in

this, that Estella was set to wreak Miss Havisham's revenge on men,

and that she was not to be given to me until she had gratified it

for a term. I saw in this, a reason for her being beforehand

assigned to me. Sending her out to attract and torment and do

mischief, Miss Havisham sent her with the malicious assurance that

she was beyond the reach of all admirers, and that all who staked

upon that cast were secured to lose. I saw in this, that I, too,

was tormented by a perversion of ingenuity, even while the prize

was reserved for me. I saw in this, the reason for my being staved

off so long, and the reason for my late guardian's declining to

commit himself to the formal knowledge of such a scheme. In a word,

I saw in this, Miss Havisham as I had her then and there before my

eyes, and always had had her before my eyes; and I saw in this, the

distinct shadow of the darkened and unhealthy house in which her

life was hidden from the sun.

The candles that lighted that room of hers were placed in sconces

on the wall. They were high from the ground, and they burnt with

the steady dulness of artificial light in air that is seldom

renewed. As I looked round at them, and at the pale gloom they

made, and at the stopped clock, and at the withered articles of

bridal dress upon the table and the ground, and at her own awful

figure with its ghostly reflection thrown large by the fire upon

the ceiling and the wall, I saw in everything the construction that

my mind had come to, repeated and thrown back to me. My thoughts

passed into the great room across the landing where the table was

spread, and I saw it written, as it were, in the falls of the

cobwebs from the centre-piece, in the crawlings of the spiders on

the cloth, in the tracks of the mice as they betook their little

quickened hearts behind the panels, and in the gropings and

pausings of the beetles on the floor.

It happened on the occasion of this visit that some sharp words

arose between Estella and Miss Havisham. It was the first time I

had ever seen them opposed.

We were seated by the fire, as just now described, and Miss

Havisham still had Estella's arm drawn through her own, and still

clutched Estella's hand in hers, when Estella gradually began to

detach herself. She had shown a proud impatience more than once

before, and had rather endured that fierce affection than accepted

or returned it.

"What!" said Miss Havisham, flashing her eyes upon her, "are you

tired of me?"

"Only a little tired of myself," replied Estella, disengaging her

arm, and moving to the great chimney-piece, where she stood looking

down at the fire.

"Speak the truth, you ingrate!" cried Miss Havisham, passionately

striking her stick upon the floor; "you are tired of me."

Estella looked at her with perfect composure, and again looked down

at the fire. Her graceful figure and her beautiful face expressed a

self-possessed indifference to the wild heat of the other, that was

almost cruel.

"You stock and stone!" exclaimed Miss Havisham. "You cold, cold

heart!"

"What?" said Estella, preserving her attitude of indifference as

she leaned against the great chimney-piece and only moving her

eyes; "do you reproach me for being cold? You?"

"Are you not?" was the fierce retort.

"You should know," said Estella. "I am what you have made me. Take

all the praise, take all the blame; take all the success, take all

the failure; in short, take me."

"O, look at her, look at her!" cried Miss Havisham, bitterly; "Look

at her, so hard and thankless, on the hearth where she was reared!

Where I took her into this wretched breast when it was first

bleeding from its stabs, and where I have lavished years of

tenderness upon her!"

"At least I was no party to the compact," said Estella, "for if I

could walk and speak, when it was made, it was as much as I could

do. But what would you have? You have been very good to me, and I

owe everything to you. What would you have?"

"Love," replied the other.

"You have it."

"I have not," said Miss Havisham.

"Mother by adoption," retorted Estella, never departing from the

easy grace of her attitude, never raising her voice as the other

did, never yielding either to anger or tenderness, "Mother by

adoption, I have said that I owe everything to you. All I possess

is freely yours. All that you have given me, is at your command to

have again. Beyond that, I have nothing. And if you ask me to give

you what you never gave me, my gratitude and duty cannot do

impossibilities."

"Did I never give her love!" cried Miss Havisham, turning wildly to

me. "Did I never give her a burning love, inseparable from jealousy

at all times, and from sharp pain, while she speaks thus to me! Let

her call me mad, let her call me mad!"

"Why should I call you mad," returned Estella, "I, of all people?

Does any one live, who knows what set purposes you have, half as

well as I do? Does any one live, who knows what a steady memory you

have, half as well as I do? I who have sat on this same hearth on

the little stool that is even now beside you there, learning your

lessons and looking up into your face, when your face was strange

and frightened me!"

"Soon forgotten!" moaned Miss Havisham. "Times soon forgotten!"

"No, not forgotten," retorted Estella. "Not forgotten, but

treasured up in my memory. When have you found me false to your

teaching? When have you found me unmindful of your lessons? When

have you found me giving admission here," she touched her bosom

with her hand, "to anything that you excluded? Be just to me."

"So proud, so proud!" moaned Miss Havisham, pushing away her grey

hair with both her hands.

"Who taught me to be proud?" returned Estella. "Who praised me when

I learnt my lesson?"

"So hard, so hard!" moaned Miss Havisham, with her former action.

"Who taught me to be hard?" returned Estella. "Who praised me when

I learnt my lesson?"

"But to be proud and hard to me!" Miss Havisham quite shrieked, as

she stretched out her arms. "Estella, Estella, Estella, to be proud

and hard to me!"

Estella looked at her for a moment with a kind of calm wonder, but

was not otherwise disturbed; when the moment was past, she looked

down at the fire again.

"I cannot think," said Estella, raising her eyes after a silence

"why you should be so unreasonable when I come to see you after a

separation. I have never forgotten your wrongs and their causes. I

have never been unfaithful to you or your schooling. I have never

shown any weakness that I can charge myself with."

"Would it be weakness to return my love?" exclaimed Miss Havisham.

"But yes, yes, she would call it so!"

"I begin to think," said Estella, in a musing way, after another

moment of calm wonder, "that I almost understand how this comes

about. If you had brought up your adopted daughter wholly in the

dark confinement of these rooms, and had never let her know that

there was such a thing as the daylight by which she had never once

seen your face - if you had done that, and then, for a purpose had

wanted her to understand the daylight and know all about it, you

would have been disappointed and angry?"

Miss Havisham, with her head in her hands, sat making a low

moaning, and swaying herself on her chair, but gave no answer.

"Or," said Estella, " - which is a nearer case - if you had taught

her, from the dawn of her intelligence, with your utmost energy and

might, that there was such a thing as daylight, but that it was

made to be her enemy and destroyer, and she must always turn

against it, for it had blighted you and would else blight her; - if

you had done this, and then, for a purpose, had wanted her to take

naturally to the daylight and she could not do it, you would have

been disappointed and angry?"

Miss Havisham sat listening (or it seemed so, for I could not see

her face), but still made no answer.

"So," said Estella, "I must be taken as I have been made. The

success is not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together

make me."

Miss Havisham had settled down, I hardly knew how, upon the floor,

among the faded bridal relics with which it was strewn. I took

advantage of the moment - I had sought one from the first - to

leave the room, after beseeching Estella's attention to her, with a

movement of my hand. When I left, Estella was yet standing by the

great chimney-piece, just as she had stood throughout. Miss

Havisham's grey hair was all adrift upon the ground, among the

other bridal wrecks, and was a miserable sight to see.

It was with a depressed heart that I walked in the starlight for an

hour and more, about the court-yard, and about the brewery, and

about the ruined garden. When I at last took courage to return to

the room, I found Estella sitting at Miss Havisham's knee, taking

up some stitches in one of those old articles of dress that were

dropping to pieces, and of which I have often been reminded since

by the faded tatters of old banners that I have seen hanging up in

cathedrals. Afterwards, Estella and I played at cards, as of yore -

only we were skilful now, and played French games - and so the

evening wore away, and I went to bed.

I lay in that separate building across the court-yard. It was the

first time I had ever lain down to rest in Satis House, and sleep

refused to come near me. A thousand Miss Havishams haunted me. She

was on this side of my pillow, on that, at the head of the bed, at

the foot, behind the half-opened door of the dressing-room, in the

dressing-room, in the room overhead, in the room beneath -

everywhere. At last, when the night was slow to creep on towards

two o'clock, I felt that I absolutely could no longer bear the

place as a place to lie down in, and that I must get up. I

therefore got up and put on my clothes, and went out across the

yard into the long stone passage, designing to gain the outer

court-yard and walk there for the relief of my mind. But, I was no

sooner in the passage than I extinguished my candle; for, I saw

Miss Havisham going along it in a ghostly manner, making a low cry.

I followed her at a distance, and saw her go up the staircase. She

carried a bare candle in her hand, which she had probably taken

from one of the sconces in her own room, and was a most unearthly

object by its light. Standing at the bottom of the staircase, I

felt the mildewed air of the feast-chamber, without seeing her open

the door, and I heard her walking there, and so across into her own

room, and so across again into that, never ceasing the low cry.

After a time, I tried in the dark both to get out, and to go back,

but I could do neither until some streaks of day strayed in and

showed me where to lay my hands. During the whole interval,

whenever I went to the bottom of the staircase, I heard her

footstep, saw her light pass above, and heard her ceaseless low

cry.

Before we left next day, there was no revival of the difference

between her and Estella, nor was it ever revived on any similar

occasion; and there were four similar occasions, to the best of my

remembrance. Nor, did Miss Havisham's manner towards Estella in

anywise change, except that I believed it to have something like

fear infused among its former characteristics.

It is impossible to turn this leaf of my life, without putting

Bentley Drummle's name upon it; or I would, very gladly.

On a certain occasion when the Finches were assembled in force, and

when good feeling was being promoted in the usual manner by

nobody's agreeing with anybody else, the presiding Finch called the

Grove to order, forasmuch as Mr. Drummle had not yet toasted a lady;

which, according to the solemn constitution of the society, it was

the brute's turn to do that day. I thought I saw him leer in an

ugly way at me while the decanters were going round, but as there

was no love lost between us, that might easily be. What was my

indignant surprise when he called upon the company to pledge him to

"Estella!"

"Estella who?" said I.

"Never you mind," retorted Drummle.

"Estella of where?" said I. "You are bound to say of where." Which

he was, as a Finch.

"Of Richmond, gentlemen," said Drummle, putting me out of the

question, "and a peerless beauty."

Much he knew about peerless beauties, a mean miserable idiot! I

whispered Herbert.

"I know that lady," said Herbert, across the table, when the toast

had been honoured.

"Do you?" said Drummle.

"And so do I," I added, with a scarlet face.

"Do you?" said Drummle. "Oh, Lord!"

This was the only retort - except glass or crockery - that the

heavy creature was capable of making; but, I became as highly

incensed by it as if it had been barbed with wit, and I immediately

rose in my place and said that I could not but regard it as being

like the honourable Finch's impudence to come down to that Grove -

we always talked about coming down to that Grove, as a neat

Parliamentary turn of expression - down to that Grove, proposing a

lady of whom he knew nothing. Mr. Drummle upon this, starting up,

demanded what I meant by that? Whereupon, I made him the extreme

reply that I believed he knew where I was to be found.

Whether it was possible in a Christian country to get on without

blood, after this, was a question on which the Finches were

divided. The debate upon it grew so lively, indeed, that at least

six more honourable members told six more, during the discussion,

that they believed they knew where they were to be found. However,

it was decided at last (the Grove being a Court of Honour) that if

Mr. Drummle would bring never so slight a certificate from the lady,

importing that he had the honour of her acquaintance, Mr. Pip must

express his regret, as a gentleman and a Finch, for "having been

betrayed into a warmth which." Next day was appointed for the

production (lest our honour should take cold from delay), and next

day Drummle appeared with a polite little avowal in Estella's hand,

that she had had the honour of dancing with him several times. This

left me no course but to regret that I had been "betrayed into a

warmth which," and on the whole to repudiate, as untenable, the

idea that I was to be found anywhere. Drummle and I then sat

snorting at one another for an hour, while the Grove engaged in

indiscriminate contradiction, and finally the promotion of good

feeling was declared to have gone ahead at an amazing rate.

I tell this lightly, but it was no light thing to me. For, I cannot

adequately express what pain it gave me to think that Estella

should show any favour to a contemptible, clumsy, sulky booby, so

very far below the average. To the present moment, I believe it to

have been referable to some pure fire of generosity and

disinterestedness in my love for her, that I could not endure the

thought of her stooping to that hound. No doubt I should have been

miserable whomsoever she had favoured; but a worthier object would

have caused me a different kind and degree of distress.

It was easy for me to find out, and I did soon find out, that

Drummle had begun to follow her closely, and that she allowed him

to do it. A little while, and he was always in pursuit of her, and

he and I crossed one another every day. He held on, in a dull

persistent way, and Estella held him on; now with encouragement,

now with discouragement, now almost flattering him, now openly

despising him, now knowing him very well, now scarcely remembering

who he was.

The Spider, as Mr. Jaggers had called him, was used to lying in

wait, however, and had the patience of his tribe. Added to that, he

had a blockhead confidence in his money and in his family

greatness, which sometimes did him good service - almost taking the

place of concentration and determined purpose. So, the Spider,

doggedly watching Estella, outwatched many brighter insects, and

would often uncoil himself and drop at the right nick of time.

At a certain Assembly Ball at Richmond (there used to be Assembly

Balls at most places then), where Estella had outshone all other

beauties, this blundering Drummle so hung about her, and with so

much toleration on her part, that I resolved to speak to her

concerning him. I took the next opportunity: which was when she was

waiting for Mrs. Brandley to take her home, and was sitting apart

among some flowers, ready to go. I was with her, for I almost

always accompanied them to and from such places.

"Are you tired, Estella?"

"Rather, Pip."

"You should be."

"Say rather, I should not be; for I have my letter to Satis House

to write, before I go to sleep."

"Recounting to-night's triumph?" said I. "Surely a very poor one,

Estella."

"What do you mean? I didn't know there had been any."

"Estella," said I, "do look at that fellow in the corner yonder,

who is looking over here at us."

"Why should I look at him?" returned Estella, with her eyes on me

instead. "What is there in that fellow in the corner yonder - to

use your words - that I need look at?"

"Indeed, that is the very question I want to ask you," said I. "For

he has been hovering about you all night."

"Moths, and all sorts of ugly creatures," replied Estella, with a

glance towards him, "hover about a lighted candle. Can the candle

help it?"

"No," I returned; "but cannot the Estella help it?"

"Well!" said she, laughing, after a moment, "perhaps. Yes. Anything

you like."

"But, Estella, do hear me speak. It makes me wretched that you

should encourage a man so generally despised as Drummle. You know

he is despised."

"Well?" said she.

"You know he is as ungainly within, as without. A deficient,

illtempered, lowering, stupid fellow."

"Well?" said she.

"You know he has nothing to recommend him but money, and a

ridiculous roll of addle-headed predecessors; now, don't you?"

"Well?" said she again; and each time she said it, she opened her

lovely eyes the wider.

To overcome the difficulty of getting past that monosyllable, I

took it from her, and said, repeating it with emphasis, "Well! Then,

that is why it makes me wretched."

Now, if I could have believed that she favoured Drummle with any

idea of making me - me - wretched, I should have been in better

heart about it; but in that habitual way of hers, she put me so

entirely out of the question, that I could believe nothing of the

kind.

"Pip," said Estella, casting her glance over the room, "don't be

foolish about its effect on you. It may have its effect on others,

and may be meant to have. It's not worth discussing."

"Yes it is," said I, "because I cannot bear that people should say,

'she throws away her graces and attractions on a mere boor, the

lowest in the crowd.'"

"I can bear it," said Estella.

"Oh! don't be so proud, Estella, and so inflexible."

"Calls me proud and inflexible in this breath!" said Estella,

opening her hands. "And in his last breath reproached me for

stooping to a boor!"

"There is no doubt you do," said I, something hurriedly, "for I

have seen you give him looks and smiles this very night, such as

you never give to - me."

"Do you want me then," said Estella, turning suddenly with a fixed

and serious, if not angry, look, "to deceive and entrap you?"

"Do you deceive and entrap him, Estella?"

"Yes, and many others - all of them but you. Here is Mrs. Brandley.

I'll say no more."

And now that I have given the one chapter to the theme that so

filled my heart, and so often made it ache and ache again, I pass

on, unhindered, to the event that had impended over me longer yet;

the event that had begun to be prepared for, before I knew that the

world held Estella, and in the days when her baby intelligence was

receiving its first distortions from Miss Havisham's wasting hands.

In the Eastern story, the heavy slab that was to fall on the bed of

state in the flush of conquest was slowly wrought out of the

quarry, the tunnel for the rope to hold it in its place was slowly

carried through the leagues of rock, the slab was slowly raised and

fitted in the roof, the rope was rove to it and slowly taken

through the miles of hollow to the great iron ring. All being made

ready with much labour, and the hour come, the sultan was aroused

in the dead of the night, and the sharpened axe that was to sever

the rope from the great iron ring was put into his hand, and he

struck with it, and the rope parted and rushed away, and the

ceiling fell. So, in my case; all the work, near and afar, that

tended to the end, had been accomplished; and in an instant the

blow was struck, and the roof of my stronghold dropped upon me.

 

Chapter 39

I was three-and-twenty years of age. Not another word had I heard

to enlighten me on the subject of my expectations, and my

twenty-third birthday was a week gone. We had left Barnard's Inn

more than a year, and lived in the Temple. Our chambers were in

Garden-court, down by the river.

Mr. Pocket and I had for some time parted company as to our original

relations, though we continued on the best terms. Notwithstanding my

inability to settle to anything - which I hope arose out of the

restless and incomplete tenure on which I held my means - I had a

taste for reading, and read regularly so many hours a day. That

matter of Herbert's was still progressing, and everything with me

was as I have brought it down to the close of the last preceding

chapter.

Business had taken Herbert on a journey to Marseilles. I was alone,

and had a dull sense of being alone. Dispirited and anxious, long

hoping that to-morrow or next week would clear my way, and long

disappointed, I sadly missed the cheerful face and ready response

of my friend.

It was wretched weather; stormy and wet, stormy and wet; and mud,

mud, mud, deep in all the streets. Day after day, a vast heavy veil

had been driving over London from the East, and it drove still, as

if in the East there were an Eternity of cloud and wind. So furious

had been the gusts, that high buildings in town had had the lead

stripped off their roofs; and in the country, trees had been torn

up, and sails of windmills carried away; and gloomy accounts had

come in from the coast, of shipwreck and death. Violent blasts of

rain had accompanied these rages of wind, and the day just closed

as I sat down to read had been the worst of all.

Alterations have been made in that part of the Temple since that

time, and it has not now so lonely a character as it had then, nor

is it so exposed to the river. We lived at the top of the last

house, and the wind rushing up the river shook the house that

night, like discharges of cannon, or breakings of a sea. When the

rain came with it and dashed against the windows, I thought,

raising my eyes to them as they rocked, that I might have fancied

myself in a storm-beaten lighthouse. Occasionally, the smoke came

rolling down the chimney as though it could not bear to go out into

such a night; and when I set the doors open and looked down the

staircase, the staircase lamps were blown out; and when I shaded my

face with my hands and looked through the black windows (opening

them ever so little, was out of the question in the teeth of such

wind and rain) I saw that the lamps in the court were blown out,

and that the lamps on the bridges and the shore were shuddering,

and that the coal fires in barges on the river were being carried

away before the wind like red-hot splashes in the rain.

I read with my watch upon the table, purposing to close my book at

eleven o'clock. As I shut it, Saint Paul's, and all the many

church-clocks in the City - some leading, some accompanying, some

following - struck that hour. The sound was curiously flawed by the

wind; and I was listening, and thinking how the wind assailed and

tore it, when I heard a footstep on the stair.

What nervous folly made me start, and awfully connect it with the

footstep of my dead sister, matters not. It was past in a moment,

and I listened again, and heard the footstep stumble in coming on.

Remembering then, that the staircase-lights were blown out, I took

up my reading-lamp and went out to the stair-head. Whoever was

below had stopped on seeing my lamp, for all was quiet.

"There is some one down there, is there not?" I called out, looking

down.

"Yes," said a voice from the darkness beneath.

"What floor do you want?"

"The top. Mr. Pip."

"That is my name. - There is nothing the matter?"

"Nothing the matter," returned the voice. And the man came on.

I stood with my lamp held out over the stair-rail, and he came

slowly within its light. It was a shaded lamp, to shine upon a

book, and its circle of light was very contracted; so that he was

in it for a mere instant, and then out of it. In the instant, I had

seen a face that was strange to me, looking up with an

incomprehensible air of being touched and pleased by the sight of

me.

Moving the lamp as the man moved, I made out that he was

substantially dressed, but roughly; like a voyager by sea. That he

had long iron-grey hair. That his age was about sixty. That he was

a muscular man, strong on his legs, and that he was browned and

hardened by exposure to weather. As he ascended the last stair or

two, and the light of my lamp included us both, I saw, with a

stupid kind of amazement, that he was holding out both his hands to

me.

"Pray what is your business?" I asked him.

"My business?" he repeated, pausing. "Ah! Yes. I will explain my

business, by your leave."

"Do you wish to come in?"

"Yes," he replied; "I wish to come in, Master."

I had asked him the question inhospitably enough, for I resented

the sort of bright and gratified recognition that still shone in

his face. I resented it, because it seemed to imply that he

expected me to respond to it. But, I took him into the room I had

just left, and, having set the lamp on the table, asked him as

civilly as I could, to explain himself.

He looked about him with the strangest air - an air of wondering

pleasure, as if he had some part in the things he admired - and he

pulled off a rough outer coat, and his hat. Then, I saw that his

head was furrowed and bald, and that the long iron-grey hair grew

only on its sides. But, I saw nothing that in the least explained

him. On the contrary, I saw him next moment, once more holding out

both his hands to me.

"What do you mean?" said I, half suspecting him to be mad.

He stopped in his looking at me, and slowly rubbed his right hand

over his head. "It's disapinting to a man," he said, in a coarse

broken voice, "arter having looked for'ard so distant, and come so

fur; but you're not to blame for that - neither on us is to blame

for that. I'll speak in half a minute. Give me half a minute,

please."

He sat down on a chair that stood before the fire, and covered his

forehead with his large brown veinous hands. I looked at him

attentively then, and recoiled a little from him; but I did not

know him.

"There's no one nigh," said he, looking over his shoulder; "is

there?"

"Why do you, a stranger coming into my rooms at this time of the

night, ask that question?" said I.

"You're a game one," he returned, shaking his head at me with a

deliberate affection, at once most unintelligible and most

exasperating; "I'm glad you've grow'd up, a game one! But don't

catch hold of me. You'd be sorry arterwards to have done it."

I relinquished the intention he had detected, for I knew him! Even

yet, I could not recall a single feature, but I knew him! If the

wind and the rain had driven away the intervening years, had

scattered all the intervening objects, had swept us to the

churchyard where we first stood face to face on such different

levels, I could not have known my convict more distinctly than I

knew him now as he sat in the chair before the fire. No need to

take a file from his pocket and show it to me; no need to take the

handkerchief from his neck and twist it round his head; no need to

hug himself with both his arms, and take a shivering turn across

the room, looking back at me for recognition. I knew him before he

gave me one of those aids, though, a moment before, I had not been

conscious of remotely suspecting his identity.

He came back to where I stood, and again held out both his hands.

Not knowing what to do - for, in my astonishment I had lost my

self-possession - I reluctantly gave him my hands. He grasped them

heartily, raised them to his lips, kissed them, and still held

them.

"You acted noble, my boy," said he. "Noble, Pip! And I have never

forgot it!"

At a change in his manner as if he were even going to embrace me, I

laid a hand upon his breast and put him away.

"Stay!" said I. "Keep off! If you are grateful to me for what I did

when I was a little child, I hope you have shown your gratitude by

mending your way of life. If you have come here to thank me, it was

not necessary. Still, however you have found me out, there must be

something good in the feeling that has brought you here, and I will

not repulse you; but surely you must understand that - I--"

My attention was so attracted by the singularity of his fixed look

at me, that the words died away on my tongue.

"You was a saying," he observed, when we had confronted one another

in silence, "that surely I must understand. What, surely must I

understand?"

"That I cannot wish to renew that chance intercourse with you of

long ago, under these different circumstances. I am glad to believe

you have repented and recovered yourself. I am glad to tell you so.

I am glad that, thinking I deserve to be thanked, you have come to

thank me. But our ways are different ways, none the less. You are

wet, and you look weary. Will you drink something before you go?"

He had replaced his neckerchief loosely, and had stood, keenly

observant of me, biting a long end of it. "I think," he answered,

still with the end at his mouth and still observant of me, "that I

will drink (I thank you) afore I go."

There was a tray ready on a side-table. I brought it to the table

near the fire, and asked him what he would have? He touched one of

the bottles without looking at it or speaking, and I made him some

hot rum-and-water. I tried to keep my hand steady while I did so,

but his look at me as he leaned back in his chair with the long

draggled end of his neckerchief between his teeth - evidently

forgotten - made my hand very difficult to master. When at last I

put the glass to him, I saw with amazement that his eyes were full

of tears.

Up to this time I had remained standing, not to disguise that I

wished him gone. But I was softened by the softened aspect of the

man, and felt a touch of reproach. "I hope," said I, hurriedly

putting something into a glass for myself, and drawing a chair to

the table, "that you will not think I spoke harshly to you just

now. I had no intention of doing it, and I am sorry for it if I

did. I wish you well, and happy!"

As I put my glass to my lips, he glanced with surprise at the end

of his neckerchief, dropping from his mouth when he opened it, and

stretched out his hand. I gave him mine, and then he drank, and

drew his sleeve across his eyes and forehead.

"How are you living?" I asked him.

"I've been a sheep-farmer, stock-breeder, other trades besides,

away in the new world," said he: "many a thousand mile of stormy

water off from this."

"I hope you have done well?"

"I've done wonderfully well. There's others went out alonger me as

has done well too, but no man has done nigh as well as me. I'm

famous for it."

"I am glad to hear it."

"I hope to hear you say so, my dear boy."

Without stopping to try to understand those words or the tone in

which they were spoken, I turned off to a point that had just come

into my mind.

"Have you ever seen a messenger you once sent to me," I inquired,

"since he undertook that trust?"

"Never set eyes upon him. I warn't likely to it."

"He came faithfully, and he brought me the two one-pound notes. I

was a poor boy then, as you know, and to a poor boy they were a

little fortune. But, like you, I have done well since, and you must

let me pay them back. You can put them to some other poor boy's

use." I took out my purse.

He watched me as I laid my purse upon the table and opened it, and

he watched me as I separated two one-pound notes from its contents.

They were clean and new, and I spread them out and handed them over

to him. Still watching me, he laid them one upon the other, folded

them long-wise, gave them a twist, set fire to them at the lamp,

and dropped the ashes into the tray.

"May I make so bold," he said then, with a smile that was like a

frown, and with a frown that was like a smile, "as ask you how you

have done well, since you and me was out on them lone shivering

marshes?"

"How?"

"Ah!"

He emptied his glass, got up, and stood at the side of the fire,

with his heavy brown hand on the mantelshelf. He put a foot up to

the bars, to dry and warm it, and the wet boot began to steam; but,

he neither looked at it, nor at the fire, but steadily looked at

me. It was only now that I began to tremble.

When my lips had parted, and had shaped some words that were

without sound, I forced myself to tell him (though I could not do

it distinctly), that I had been chosen to succeed to some property.

"Might a mere warmint ask what property?" said he.

I faltered, "I don't know."

"Might a mere warmint ask whose property?" said he.

I faltered again, "I don't know."

"Could I make a guess, I wonder," said the Convict, "at your income

since you come of age! As to the first figure now. Five?"

With my heart beating like a heavy hammer of disordered action, I

rose out of my chair, and stood with my hand upon the back of it,

looking wildly at him.

"Concerning a guardian," he went on. "There ought to have been some

guardian, or such-like, whiles you was a minor. Some lawyer, maybe.

As to the first letter of that lawyer's name now. Would it be J?"

All the truth of my position came flashing on me; and its

disappointments, dangers, disgraces, consequences of all kinds,

rushed in in such a multitude that I was borne down by them and had

to struggle for every breath I drew.

"Put it," he resumed, "as the employer of that lawyer whose name

begun with a J, and might be Jaggers - put it as he had come over

sea to Portsmouth, and had landed there, and had wanted to come on

to you. 'However, you have found me out,' you says just now. Well!

However, did I find you out? Why, I wrote from Portsmouth to a

person in London, for particulars of your address. That person's

name? Why, Wemmick."

I could not have spoken one word, though it had been to save my

life. I stood, with a hand on the chair-back and a hand on my

breast, where I seemed to be suffocating - I stood so, looking

wildly at him, until I grasped at the chair, when the room began to

surge and turn. He caught me, drew me to the sofa, put me up

against the cushions, and bent on one knee before me: bringing the

face that I now well remembered, and that I shuddered at, very near

to mine.

"Yes, Pip, dear boy, I've made a gentleman on you! It's me wot has

done it! I swore that time, sure as ever I earned a guinea, that

guinea should go to you. I swore arterwards, sure as ever I

spec'lated and got rich, you should get rich. I lived rough, that

you should live smooth; I worked hard, that you should be above

work. What odds, dear boy? Do I tell it, fur you to feel a

obligation? Not a bit. I tell it, fur you to know as that there

hunted dunghill dog wot you kep life in, got his head so high that

he could make a gentleman - and, Pip, you're him!"

The abhorrence in which I held the man, the dread I had of him, the

repugnance with which I shrank from him, could not have been

exceeded if he had been some terrible beast.

"Look'ee here, Pip. I'm your second father. You're my son - more to

me nor any son. I've put away money, only for you to spend. When I

was a hired-out shepherd in a solitary hut, not seeing no faces but

faces of sheep till I half forgot wot men's and women's faces wos

like, I see yourn. I drops my knife many a time in that hut when I

was a-eating my dinner or my supper, and I says, 'Here's the boy

again, a-looking at me whiles I eats and drinks!' I see you there a

many times, as plain as ever I see you on them misty marshes. 'Lord

strike me dead!' I says each time - and I goes out in the air to

say it under the open heavens - 'but wot, if I gets liberty and

money, I'll make that boy a gentleman!' And I done it. Why, look at

you, dear boy! Look at these here lodgings o'yourn, fit for a lord!

A lord? Ah! You shall show money with lords for wagers, and beat

'em!"

In his heat and triumph, and in his knowledge that I had been

nearly fainting, he did not remark on my reception of all this. It

was the one grain of relief I had.

"Look'ee here!" he went on, taking my watch out of my pocket, and

turning towards him a ring on my finger, while I recoiled from his

touch as if he had been a snake, "a gold 'un and a beauty: that's a

gentleman's, I hope! A diamond all set round with rubies; that's a

gentleman's, I hope! Look at your linen; fine and beautiful! Look

at your clothes; better ain't to be got! And your books too,"

turning his eyes round the room, "mounting up, on their shelves, by

hundreds! And you read 'em; don't you? I see you'd been a reading

of 'em when I come in. Ha, ha, ha! You shall read 'em to me, dear

boy! And if they're in foreign languages wot I don't understand, I

shall be just as proud as if I did."

Again he took both my hands and put them to his lips, while my

blood ran cold within me.

"Don't you mind talking, Pip," said he, after again drawing his

sleeve over his eyes and forehead, as the click came in his throat

which I well remembered - and he was all the more horrible to me

that he was so much in earnest; "you can't do better nor keep

quiet, dear boy. You ain't looked slowly forward to this as I have;

you wosn't prepared for this, as I wos. But didn't you never think

it might be me?"

"O no, no, no," I returned, "Never, never!"

"Well, you see it wos me, and single-handed. Never a soul in it but

my own self and Mr. Jaggers."

"Was there no one else?" I asked.

"No," said he, with a glance of surprise: "who else should there

be? And, dear boy, how good looking you have growed! There's bright

eyes somewheres - eh? Isn't there bright eyes somewheres, wot you

love the thoughts on?"

O Estella, Estella!

"They shall be yourn, dear boy, if money can buy 'em. Not that a

gentleman like you, so well set up as you, can't win 'em off of his

own game; but money shall back you! Let me finish wot I was a-

telling you, dear boy. From that there hut and that there

hiring-out, I got money left me by my master (which died, and had

been the same as me), and got my liberty and went for myself. In

every single thing I went for, I went for you. 'Lord strike a

blight upon it,' I says, wotever it was I went for, 'if it ain't

for him!' It all prospered wonderful. As I giv' you to understand

just now, I'm famous for it. It was the money left me, and the

gains of the first few year wot I sent home to Mr. Jaggers - all for

you - when he first come arter you, agreeable to my letter."

O, that he had never come! That he had left me at the forge - far

from contented, yet, by comparison happy!

"And then, dear boy, it was a recompense to me, look'ee here, to

know in secret that I was making a gentleman. The blood horses of

them colonists might fling up the dust over me as I was walking;

what do I say? I says to myself, 'I'm making a better gentleman nor

ever you'll be!' When one of 'em says to another, 'He was a

convict, a few year ago, and is a ignorant common fellow now, for

all he's lucky,' what do I say? I says to myself, 'If I ain't a

gentleman, nor yet ain't got no learning, I'm the owner of such.

All on you owns stock and land; which on you owns a brought-up

London gentleman?' This way I kep myself a-going. And this way I

held steady afore my mind that I would for certain come one day and

see my boy, and make myself known to him, on his own ground."

He laid his hand on my shoulder. I shuddered at the thought that

for anything I knew, his hand might be stained with blood.

"It warn't easy, Pip, for me to leave them parts, nor yet it warn't

safe. But I held to it, and the harder it was, the stronger I held,

for I was determined, and my mind firm made up. At last I done it.

Dear boy, I done it!"

I tried to collect my thoughts, but I was stunned. Throughout, I

had seemed to myself to attend more to the wind and the rain than

to him; even now, I could not separate his voice from those voices,

though those were loud and his was silent.

"Where will you put me?" he asked, presently. "I must be put

somewheres, dear boy."

"To sleep?" said I.

"Yes. And to sleep long and sound," he answered; "for I've been

sea-tossed and sea-washed, months and months."

"My friend and companion," said I, rising from the sofa, "is

absent; you must have his room."

"He won't come back to-morrow; will he?"

"No," said I, answering almost mechanically, in spite of my utmost

efforts; "not to-morrow."

"Because, look'ee here, dear boy," he said, dropping his voice, and

laying a long finger on my breast in an impressive manner, "caution

is necessary."

"How do you mean? Caution?"

"By G - , it's Death!"

"What's death?"

"I was sent for life. It's death to come back. There's been

overmuch coming back of late years, and I should of a certainty be

hanged if took."

Nothing was needed but this; the wretched man, after loading

wretched me with his gold and silver chains for years, had risked

his life to come to me, and I held it there in my keeping! If I had

loved him instead of abhorring him; if I had been attracted to him

by the strongest admiration and affection, instead of shrinking

from him with the strongest repugnance; it could have been no

worse. On the contrary, it would have been better, for his

preservation would then have naturally and tenderly addressed my

heart.

My first care was to close the shutters, so that no light might be

seen from without, and then to close and make fast the doors. While

I did so, he stood at the table drinking rum and eating biscuit;

and when I saw him thus engaged, I saw my convict on the marshes at

his meal again. It almost seemed to me as if he must stoop down

presently, to file at his leg.

When I had gone into Herbert's room, and had shut off any other

communication between it and the staircase than through the room in

which our conversation had been held, I asked him if he would go to

bed? He said yes, but asked me for some of my "gentleman's linen"

to put on in the morning. I brought it out, and laid it ready for

him, and my blood again ran cold when he again took me by both

hands to give me good night.

I got away from him, without knowing how I did it, and mended the

fire in the room where we had been together, and sat down by it,

afraid to go to bed. For an hour or more, I remained too stunned to

think; and it was not until I began to think, that I began fully to

know how wrecked I was, and how the ship in which I had sailed was

gone to pieces.

Miss Havisham's intentions towards me, all a mere dream; Estella

not designed for me; I only suffered in Satis House as a

convenience, a sting for the greedy relations, a model with a

mechanical heart to practise on when no other practice was at hand;

those were the first smarts I had. But, sharpest and deepest pain

of all - it was for the convict, guilty of I knew not what crimes,

and liable to be taken out of those rooms where I sat thinking, and

hanged at the Old Bailey door, that I had deserted Joe.

I would not have gone back to Joe now, I would not have gone back

to Biddy now, for any consideration: simply, I suppose, because my

sense of my own worthless conduct to them was greater than every

consideration. No wisdom on earth could have given me the comfort

that I should have derived from their simplicity and fidelity; but

I could never, never, undo what I had done.

In every rage of wind and rush of rain, I heard pursuers. Twice, I

could have sworn there was a knocking and whispering at the outer

door. With these fears upon me, I began either to imagine or recall

that I had had mysterious warnings of this man's approach. That,

for weeks gone by, I had passed faces in the streets which I had

thought like his. That, these likenesses had grown more numerous,

as he, coming over the sea, had drawn nearer. That, his wicked

spirit had somehow sent these messengers to mine, and that now on

this stormy night he was as good as his word, and with me.

Crowding up with these reflections came the reflection that I had

seen him with my childish eyes to be a desperately violent man;

that I had heard that other convict reiterate that he had tried to

murder him; that I had seen him down in the ditch tearing and

fighting like a wild beast. Out of such remembrances I brought into

the light of the fire, a half-formed terror that it might not be

safe to be shut up there with him in the dead of the wild solitary

night. This dilated until it filled the room, and impelled me to

take a candle and go in and look at my dreadful burden.

He had rolled a handkerchief round his head, and his face was set

and lowering in his sleep. But he was asleep, and quietly too,

though he had a pistol lying on the pillow. Assured of this, I

softly removed the key to the outside of his door, and turned it on

him before I again sat down by the fire. Gradually I slipped from

the chair and lay on the floor. When I awoke, without having parted

in my sleep with the perception of my wretchedness, the clocks of

the Eastward churches were striking five, the candles were wasted

out, the fire was dead, and the wind and rain intensified the thick

black darkness.

THIS IS THE END OF THE SECOND STAGE OF PIP'S EXPECTATIONS.

 

Chapter 40

It was fortunate for me that I had to take precautions to ensure

(so far as I could) the safety of my dreaded visitor; for, this

thought pressing on me when I awoke, held other thoughts in a

confused concourse at a distance.

The impossibility of keeping him concealed in the chambers was

self-evident. It could not be done, and the attempt to do it would

inevitably engender suspicion. True, I had no Avenger in my service

now, but I was looked after by an inflammatory old female, assisted

by an animated rag-bag whom she called her niece, and to keep a

room secret from them would be to invite curiosity and

exaggeration. They both had weak eyes, which I had long attributed

to their chronically looking in at keyholes, and they were always

at hand when not wanted; indeed that was their only reliable

quality besides larceny. Not to get up a mystery with these people,

I resolved to announce in the morning that my uncle had

unexpectedly come from the country.

This course I decided on while I was yet groping about in the

darkness for the means of getting a light. Not stumbling on the

means after all, I was fain to go out to the adjacent Lodge and get

the watchman there to come with his lantern. Now, in groping my way

down the black staircase I fell over something, and that something

was a man crouching in a corner.

As the man made no answer when I asked him what he did there, but

eluded my touch in silence, I ran to the Lodge and urged the

watchman to come quickly: telling him of the incident on the way

back. The wind being as fierce as ever, we did not care to endanger

the light in the lantern by rekindling the extinguished lamps on

the staircase, but we examined the staircase from the bottom to the

top and found no one there. It then occurred to me as possible that

the man might have slipped into my rooms; so, lighting my candle at

the watchman's, and leaving him standing at the door, I examined

them carefully, including the room in which my dreaded guest lay

asleep. All was quiet, and assuredly no other man was in those

chambers.

It troubled me that there should have been a lurker on the stairs,

on that night of all nights in the year, and I asked the watchman,

on the chance of eliciting some hopeful explanation as I handed him

a dram at the door, whether he had admitted at his gate any

gentleman who had perceptibly been dining out? Yes, he said; at

different times of the night, three. One lived in Fountain Court,

and the other two lived in the Lane, and he had seen them all go

home. Again, the only other man who dwelt in the house of which my

chambers formed a part, had been in the country for some weeks; and

he certainly had not returned in the night, because we had seen his

door with his seal on it as we came up-stairs.

"The night being so bad, sir," said the watchman, as he gave me

back my glass, "uncommon few have come in at my gate. Besides them

three gentlemen that I have named, I don't call to mind another

since about eleven o'clock, when a stranger asked for you."

"My uncle," I muttered. "Yes."

"You saw him, sir?"

"Yes. Oh yes."

"Likewise the person with him?"

"Person with him!" I repeated.

"I judged the person to be with him," returned the watchman. "The

person stopped, when he stopped to make inquiry of me, and the

person took this way when he took this way."

"What sort of person?"

The watchman had not particularly noticed; he should say a working

person; to the best of his belief, he had a dust-coloured kind of

clothes on, under a dark coat. The watchman made more light of the

matter than I did, and naturally; not having my reason for

attaching weight to it.

When I had got rid of him, which I thought it well to do without

prolonging explanations, my mind was much troubled by these two

circumstances taken together. Whereas they were easy of innocent

solution apart - as, for instance, some diner-out or diner-at-home,

who had not gone near this watchman's gate, might have strayed to

my staircase and dropped asleep there - and my nameless visitor

might have brought some one with him to show him the way - still,

joined, they had an ugly look to one as prone to distrust and fear

as the changes of a few hours had made me.

I lighted my fire, which burnt with a raw pale flare at that time

of the morning, and fell into a doze before it. I seemed to have

been dozing a whole night when the clocks struck six. As there was

full an hour and a half between me and daylight, I dozed again;

now, waking up uneasily, with prolix conversations about nothing,

in my ears; now, making thunder of the wind in the chimney; at

length, falling off into a profound sleep from which the daylight

woke me with a start.

All this time I had never been able to consider my own situation,

nor could I do so yet. I had not the power to attend to it. I was

greatly dejected and distressed, but in an incoherent wholesale

sort of way. As to forming any plan for the future, I could as soon

have formed an elephant. When I opened the shutters and looked out

at the wet wild morning, all of a leaden hue; when I walked from

room to room; when I sat down again shivering, before the fire,

waiting for my laundress to appear; I thought how miserable I was,

but hardly knew why, or how long I had been so, or on what day of

the week I made the reflection, or even who I was that made it.

At last, the old woman and the niece came in - the latter with a

head not easily distinguishable from her dusty broom - and

testified surprise at sight of me and the fire. To whom I imparted

how my uncle had come in the night and was then asleep, and how the

breakfast preparations were to be modified accordingly. Then, I

washed and dressed while they knocked the furniture about and made

a dust; and so, in a sort of dream or sleep-waking, I found myself

sitting by the fire again, waiting for - Him - to come to

breakfast.

By-and-by, his door opened and he came out. I could not bring

myself to bear the sight of him, and I thought he had a worse look

by daylight.

"I do not even know," said I, speaking low as he took his seat at

the table, "by what name to call you. I have given out that you are

my uncle."

"That's it, dear boy! Call me uncle."

"You assumed some name, I suppose, on board ship?"

"Yes, dear boy. I took the name of Provis."

"Do you mean to keep that name?"

"Why, yes, dear boy, it's as good as another - unless you'd like

another."

"What is your real name?" I asked him in a whisper.

"Magwitch," he answered, in the same tone; "chrisen'd Abel."

"What were you brought up to be?"

"A warmint, dear boy."

He answered quite seriously, and used the word as if it denoted

some profession.

"When you came into the Temple last night--" said I, pausing to

wonder whether that could really have been last night, which seemed

so long ago.

"Yes, dear boy?"

"When you came in at the gate and asked the watchman the way here,

had you any one with you?"

"With me? No, dear boy."

"But there was some one there?"

"I didn't take particular notice," he said, dubiously, "not knowing

the ways of the place. But I think there was a person, too, come in

alonger me."

"Are you known in London?"

"I hope not!" said he, giving his neck a jerk with his forefinger

that made me turn hot and sick.

"Were you known in London, once?"

"Not over and above, dear boy. I was in the provinces mostly."

"Were you - tried - in London?"

"Which time?" said he, with a sharp look.

"The last time."

He nodded. "First knowed Mr. Jaggers that way. Jaggers was for me."

It was on my lips to ask him what he was tried for, but he took up

a knife, gave it a flourish, and with the words, "And what I done

is worked out and paid for!" fell to at his breakfast.

He ate in a ravenous way that was very disagreeable, and all his

actions were uncouth, noisy, and greedy. Some of his teeth had

failed him since I saw him eat on the marshes, and as he turned his

food in his mouth, and turned his head sideways to bring his

strongest fangs to bear upon it, he looked terribly like a hungry old

dog. If I had begun with any appetite, he would have taken it away,

and I should have sat much as I did - repelled from him by an

insurmountable aversion, and gloomily looking at the cloth.

"I'm a heavy grubber, dear boy," he said, as a polite kind of

apology when he made an end of his meal, "but I always was. If it

had been in my constitution to be a lighter grubber, I might ha'

got into lighter trouble. Similarly, I must have my smoke. When I

was first hired out as shepherd t'other side the world, it's my

belief I should ha' turned into a molloncolly-mad sheep myself, if

I hadn't a had my smoke."

As he said so, he got up from the table, and putting his hand into the

breast of the pea-coat he wore, brought out a short black pipe, and

a handful of loose tobacco of the kind that is called Negro-head.

Having filled his pipe, he put the surplus tobacco back again, as

if his pocket were a drawer. Then, he took a live coal from the

fire with the tongs, and lighted his pipe at it, and then turned

round on the hearth-rug with his back to the fire, and went through

his favourite action of holding out both his hands for mine.

"And this," said he, dandling my hands up and down in his, as he

puffed at his pipe; "and this is the gentleman what I made! The

real genuine One! It does me good fur to look at you, Pip. All I

stip'late, is, to stand by and look at you, dear boy!"

I released my hands as soon as I could, and found that I was

beginning slowly to settle down to the contemplation of my

condition. What I was chained to, and how heavily, became

intelligible to me, as I heard his hoarse voice, and sat looking up

at his furrowed bald head with its iron grey hair at the sides.

"I mustn't see my gentleman a footing it in the mire of the

streets; there mustn't be no mud on his boots. My gentleman must

have horses, Pip! Horses to ride, and horses to drive, and horses

for his servant to ride and drive as well. Shall colonists have

their horses (and blood 'uns, if you please, good Lord!) and not my

London gentleman? No, no. We'll show 'em another pair of shoes than

that, Pip; won't us?"

He took out of his pocket a great thick pocket-book, bursting with

papers, and tossed it on the table.

"There's something worth spending in that there book, dear boy.

It's yourn. All I've got ain't mine; it's yourn. Don't you be

afeerd on it. There's more where that come from. I've come to the

old country fur to see my gentleman spend his money like a

gentleman. That'll be my pleasure. My pleasure 'ull be fur to see

him do it. And blast you all!" he wound up, looking round the room

and snapping his fingers once with a loud snap, "blast you every

one, from the judge in his wig, to the colonist a stirring up the

dust, I'll show a better gentleman than the whole kit on you put

together!"

"Stop!" said I, almost in a frenzy of fear and dislike, "I want to

speak to you. I want to know what is to be done. I want to know how

you are to be kept out of danger, how long you are going to stay,

what projects you have."

"Look'ee here, Pip," said he, laying his hand on my arm in a

suddenly altered and subdued manner; "first of all, look'ee here. I

forgot myself half a minute ago. What I said was low; that's what

it was; low. Look'ee here, Pip. Look over it. I ain't a-going to be

low."

"First," I resumed, half-groaning, "what precautions can be taken

against your being recognized and seized?"

"No, dear boy," he said, in the same tone as before, "that don't go

first. Lowness goes first. I ain't took so many years to make a

gentleman, not without knowing what's due to him. Look'ee here,

Pip. I was low; that's what I was; low. Look over it, dear boy."

Some sense of the grimly-ludicrous moved me to a fretful laugh, as

I replied, "I have looked over it. In Heaven's name, don't harp

upon it!"

"Yes, but look'ee here," he persisted. "Dear boy, I ain't come so

fur, not fur to be low. Now, go on, dear boy. You was a-saying--"

"How are you to be guarded from the danger you have incurred?"

"Well, dear boy, the danger ain't so great. Without I was informed

agen, the danger ain't so much to signify. There's Jaggers, and

there's Wemmick, and there's you. Who else is there to inform?"

"Is there no chance person who might identify you in the street?"

said I.

"Well," he returned, "there ain't many. Nor yet I don't intend to

advertise myself in the newspapers by the name of A. M. come back

from Botany Bay; and years have rolled away, and who's to gain by

it? Still, look'ee here, Pip. If the danger had been fifty times as

great, I should ha' come to see you, mind you, just the same."

"And how long do you remain?"

"How long?" said he, taking his black pipe from his mouth, and

dropping his jaw as he stared at me. "I'm not a-going back. I've

come for good."

"Where are you to live?" said I. "What is to be done with you?

Where will you be safe?"

"Dear boy," he returned, "there's disguising wigs can be bought for

money, and there's hair powder, and spectacles, and black clothes -

shorts and what not. Others has done it safe afore, and what others

has done afore, others can do agen. As to the where and how of

living, dear boy, give me your own opinions on it."

"You take it smoothly now," said I, "but you were very serious last

night, when you swore it was Death."

"And so I swear it is Death," said he, putting his pipe back in his

mouth, "and Death by the rope, in the open street not fur from

this, and it's serious that you should fully understand it to be

so. What then, when that's once done? Here I am. To go back now,

'ud be as bad as to stand ground - worse. Besides, Pip, I'm here,

because I've meant it by you, years and years. As to what I dare,

I'm a old bird now, as has dared all manner of traps since first he

was fledged, and I'm not afeerd to perch upon a scarecrow. If

there's Death hid inside of it, there is, and let him come out, and

I'll face him, and then I'll believe in him and not afore. And now

let me have a look at my gentleman agen."

Once more, he took me by both hands and surveyed me with an air of

admiring proprietorship: smoking with great complacency all the

while.

It appeared to me that I could do no better than secure him some

quiet lodging hard by, of which he might take possession when

Herbert returned: whom I expected in two or three days. That the

secret must be confided to Herbert as a matter of unavoidable

necessity, even if I could have put the immense relief I should

derive from sharing it with him out of the question, was plain to

me. But it was by no means so plain to Mr. Provis (I resolved to

call him by that name), who reserved his consent to Herbert's

participation until he should have seen him and formed a favourable

judgment of his physiognomy. "And even then, dear boy," said he,

pulling a greasy little clasped black Testament out of his pocket,

"we'll have him on his oath."

To state that my terrible patron carried this little black book

about the world solely to swear people on in cases of emergency,

would be to state what I never quite established - but this I can

say, that I never knew him put it to any other use. The book itself

had the appearance of having been stolen from some court of

justice, and perhaps his knowledge of its antecedents, combined

with his own experience in that wise, gave him a reliance on its

powers as a sort of legal spell or charm. On this first occasion of

his producing it, I recalled how he had made me swear fidelity in

the churchyard long ago, and how he had described himself last

night as always swearing to his resolutions in his solitude.

As he was at present dressed in a seafaring slop suit, in which he

looked as if he had some parrots and cigars to dispose of, I next

discussed with him what dress he should wear. He cherished an

extraordinary belief in the virtues of "shorts" as a disguise, and

had in his own mind sketched a dress for himself that would have

made him something between a dean and a dentist. It was with

considerable difficulty that I won him over to the assumption of a

dress more like a prosperous farmer's; and we arranged that he

should cut his hair close, and wear a little powder. Lastly, as he

had not yet been seen by the laundress or her niece, he was to keep

himself out of their view until his change of dress was made.

It would seem a simple matter to decide on these precautions; but

in my dazed, not to say distracted, state, it took so long, that I

did not get out to further them, until two or three in the

afternoon. He was to remain shut up in the chambers while I was

gone, and was on no account to open the door.

There being to my knowledge a respectable lodging-house in

Essex-street, the back of which looked into the Temple, and was

almost within hail of my windows, I first of all repaired to that

house, and was so fortunate as to secure the second floor for my

uncle, Mr. Provis. I then went from shop to shop, making such

purchases as were necessary to the change in his appearance. This

business transacted, I turned my face, on my own account, to Little

Britain. Mr. Jaggers was at his desk, but, seeing me enter, got up

immediately and stood before his fire.

"Now, Pip," said he, "be careful."

"I will, sir," I returned. For, coming along I had thought well of

what I was going to say.

"Don't commit yourself," said Mr. Jaggers, "and don't commit any

one. You understand - any one. Don't tell me anything: I don't want

to know anything; I am not curious."

Of course I saw that he knew the man was come.

"I merely want, Mr. Jaggers," said I, "to assure myself that what I

have been told, is true. I have no hope of its being untrue, but at

least I may verify it."

Mr. Jaggers nodded. "But did you say 'told' or 'informed'?" he asked

me, with his head on one side, and not looking at me, but looking

in a listening way at the floor. "Told would seem to imply verbal

communication. You can't have verbal communication with a man in

New South Wales, you know."

"I will say, informed, Mr. Jaggers."

"Good."

"I have been informed by a person named Abel Magwitch, that he is

the benefactor so long unknown to me."

"That is the man," said Mr. Jaggers," - in New South Wales."

"And only he?" said I.

"And only he," said Mr. Jaggers.

"I am not so unreasonable, sir, as to think you at all responsible

for my mistakes and wrong conclusions; but I always supposed it was

Miss Havisham."

"As you say, Pip," returned Mr. Jaggers, turning his eyes upon me

coolly, and taking a bite at his forefinger, "I am not at all

responsible for that."

"And yet it looked so like it, sir," I pleaded with a downcast

heart.

"Not a particle of evidence, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, shaking his

head and gathering up his skirts. "Take nothing on its looks; take

everything on evidence. There's no better rule."

"I have no more to say," said I, with a sigh, after standing silent

for a little while. "I have verified my information, and there's an

end."

"And Magwitch - in New South Wales - having at last disclosed

himself," said Mr. Jaggers, "you will comprehend, Pip, how rigidly

throughout my communication with you, I have always adhered to the

strict line of fact. There has never been the least departure from

the strict line of fact. You are quite aware of that?"

"Quite, sir."

"I communicated to Magwitch - in New South Wales - when he first

wrote to me - from New South Wales - the caution that he must not

expect me ever to deviate from the strict line of fact. I also

communicated to him another caution. He appeared to me to have

obscurely hinted in his letter at some distant idea he had of

seeing you in England here. I cautioned him that I must hear no

more of that; that he was not at all likely to obtain a pardon;

that he was expatriated for the term of his natural life; and that

his presenting himself in this country would be an act of felony,

rendering him liable to the extreme penalty of the law. I gave

Magwitch that caution," said Mr. Jaggers, looking hard at me; "I

wrote it to New South Wales. He guided himself by it, no doubt."

"No doubt," said I.

"I have been informed by Wemmick," pursued Mr. Jaggers, still

looking hard at me, "that he has received a letter, under date

Portsmouth, from a colonist of the name of Purvis, or--"

"Or Provis," I suggested.

"Or Provis - thank you, Pip. Perhaps it is Provis? Perhaps you know

it's Provis?"

"Yes," said I.

"You know it's Provis. A letter, under date Portsmouth, from a

colonist of the name of Provis, asking for the particulars of your

address, on behalf of Magwitch. Wemmick sent him the particulars, I

understand, by return of post. Probably it is through Provis that

you have received the explanation of Magwitch - in New South

Wales?"

"It came through Provis," I replied.

"Good day, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, offering his hand; "glad to have

seen you. In writing by post to Magwitch - in New South Wales - or

in communicating with him through Provis, have the goodness to

mention that the particulars and vouchers of our long account shall

be sent to you, together with the balance; for there is still a

balance remaining. Good day, Pip!"

We shook hands, and he looked hard at me as long as he could see

me. I turned at the door, and he was still looking hard at me,

while the two vile casts on the shelf seemed to be trying to get

their eyelids open, and to force out of their swollen throats, "O,

what a man he is!"

Wemmick was out, and though he had been at his desk he could have

done nothing for me. I went straight back to the Temple, where I

found the terrible Provis drinking rum-and-water and smoking

negro-head, in safety.

Next day the clothes I had ordered, all came home, and he put them

on. Whatever he put on, became him less (it dismally seemed to me)

than what he had worn before. To my thinking, there was something

in him that made it hopeless to attempt to disguise him. The more I

dressed him and the better I dressed him, the more he looked like

the slouching fugitive on the marshes. This effect on my anxious

fancy was partly referable, no doubt, to his old face and manner

growing more familiar to me; but I believe too that he dragged one

of his legs as if there were still a weight of iron on it, and that

from head to foot there was Convict in the very grain of the man.

The influences of his solitary hut-life were upon him besides, and

gave him a savage air that no dress could tame; added to these,

were the influences of his subsequent branded life among men, and,

crowning all, his consciousness that he was dodging and hiding now.

In all his ways of sitting and standing, and eating and drinking -

of brooding about, in a high-shouldered reluctant style - of taking

out his great horn-handled jack-knife and wiping it on his legs and

cutting his food - of lifting light glasses and cups to his lips,

as if they were clumsy pannikins - of chopping a wedge off his

bread, and soaking up with it the last fragments of gravy round and

round his plate, as if to make the most of an allowance, and then

drying his finger-ends on it, and then swallowing it - in these

ways and a thousand other small nameless instances arising every

minute in the day, there was Prisoner, Felon, Bondsman, plain as

plain could be.

It had been his own idea to wear that touch of powder, and I had

conceded the powder after overcoming the shorts. But I can compare

the effect of it, when on, to nothing but the probable effect of

rouge upon the dead; so awful was the manner in which everything in

him that it was most desirable to repress, started through that

thin layer of pretence, and seemed to come blazing out at the crown

of his head. It was abandoned as soon as tried, and he wore his

grizzled hair cut short.

Words cannot tell what a sense I had, at the same time, of the

dreadful mystery that he was to me. When he fell asleep of an

evening, with his knotted hands clenching the sides of the

easy-chair, and his bald head tattooed with deep wrinkles falling

forward on his breast, I would sit and look at him, wondering what

he had done, and loading him with all the crimes in the Calendar,

until the impulse was powerful on me to start up and fly from him.

Every hour so increased my abhorrence of him, that I even think I

might have yielded to this impulse in the first agonies of being so

haunted, notwithstanding all he had done for me, and the risk he

ran, but for the knowledge that Herbert must soon come back. Once,

I actually did start out of bed in the night, and begin to dress

myself in my worst clothes, hurriedly intending to leave him there

with everything else I possessed, and enlist for India as a private

soldier.

I doubt if a ghost could have been more terrible to me, up in those

lonely rooms in the long evenings and long nights, with the wind

and the rain always rushing by. A ghost could not have been taken

and hanged on my account, and the consideration that he could be,

and the dread that he would be, were no small addition to my

horrors. When he was not asleep, or playing a complicated kind of

patience with a ragged pack of cards of his own - a game that I

never saw before or since, and in which he recorded his winnings by

sticking his jack-knife into the table - when he was not engaged in

either of these pursuits, he would ask me to read to him - "Foreign

language, dear boy!" While I complied, he, not comprehending a

single word, would stand before the fire surveying me with the air

of an Exhibitor, and I would see him, between the fingers of the

hand with which I shaded my face, appealing in dumb show to the

furniture to take notice of my proficiency. The imaginary student

pursued by the misshapen creature he had impiously made, was not

more wretched than I, pursued by the creature who had made me, and

recoiling from him with a stronger repulsion, the more he admired

me and the fonder he was of me.

This is written of, I am sensible, as if it had lasted a year. It

lasted about five days. Expecting Herbert all the time, I dared not

go out, except when I took Provis for an airing after dark. At

length, one evening when dinner was over and I had dropped into a

slumber quite worn out - for my nights had been agitated and my

rest broken by fearful dreams - I was roused by the welcome

footstep on the staircase. Provis, who had been asleep too,

staggered up at the noise I made, and in an instant I saw his

jack-knife shining in his hand.

"Quiet! It's Herbert!" I said; and Herbert came bursting in, with

the airy freshness of six hundred miles of France upon him.

"Handel, my dear fellow, how are you, and again how are you, and

again how are you? I seem to have been gone a twelvemonth! Why, so I

must have been, for you have grown quite thin and pale! Handel, my -

Halloa! I beg your pardon."

He was stopped in his running on and in his shaking hands with me,

by seeing Provis. Provis, regarding him with a fixed attention, was

slowly putting up his jack-knife, and groping in another pocket for

something else.

"Herbert, my dear friend," said I, shutting the double doors, while

Herbert stood staring and wondering, "something very strange has

happened. This is - a visitor of mine."

"It's all right, dear boy!" said Provis coming forward, with his

little clasped black book, and then addressing himself to Herbert.

"Take it in your right hand. Lord strike you dead on the spot, if

ever you split in any way sumever! Kiss it!"

"Do so, as he wishes it," I said to Herbert. So, Herbert, looking

at me with a friendly uneasiness and amazement, complied, and

Provis immediately shaking hands with him, said, "Now you're on

your oath, you know. And never believe me on mine, if Pip shan't

make a gentleman on you!"

 

Chapter 41

In vain should I attempt to describe the astonishment and disquiet

of Herbert, when he and I and Provis sat down before the fire, and

I recounted the whole of the secret. Enough, that I saw my own

feelings reflected in Herbert's face, and, not least among them, my

repugnance towards the man who had done so much for me.

What would alone have set a division between that man and us, if

there had been no other dividing circumstance, was his triumph in

my story. Saving his troublesome sense of having been "low' on one

occasion since his return - on which point he began to hold forth

to Herbert, the moment my revelation was finished - he had no

perception of the possibility of my finding any fault with my good

fortune. His boast that he had made me a gentleman, and that he had

come to see me support the character on his ample resources, was

made for me quite as much as for himself; and that it was a highly

agreeable boast to both of us, and that we must both be very proud

of it, was a conclusion quite established in his own mind.

"Though, look'ee here, Pip's comrade," he said to Herbert, after

having discoursed for some time, "I know very well that once since

I come back - for half a minute - I've been low. I said to Pip, I

knowed as I had been low. But don't you fret yourself on that

score. I ain't made Pip a gentleman, and Pip ain't a-going to make

you a gentleman, not fur me not to know what's due to ye both. Dear

boy, and Pip's comrade, you two may count upon me always having a

gen-teel muzzle on. Muzzled I have been since that half a minute

when I was betrayed into lowness, muzzled I am at the present time,

muzzled I ever will be."

Herbert said, "Certainly," but looked as if there were no specific

consolation in this, and remained perplexed and dismayed. We were

anxious for the time when he would go to his lodging, and leave us

together, but he was evidently jealous of leaving us together, and

sat late. It was midnight before I took him round to Essex-street,

and saw him safely in at his own dark door. When it closed upon

him, I experienced the first moment of relief I had known since the

night of his arrival.

Never quite free from an uneasy remembrance of the man on the

stairs, I had always looked about me in taking my guest out after

dark, and in bringing him back; and I looked about me now.

Difficult as it is in a large city to avoid the suspicion of being

watched, when the mind is conscious of danger in that regard, I

could not persuade myself that any of the people within sight cared

about my movements. The few who were passing, passed on their

several ways, and the street was empty when I turned back into the

Temple. Nobody had come out at the gate with us, nobody went in at

the gate with me. As I crossed by the fountain, I saw his lighted

back windows looking bright and quiet, and, when I stood for a few

moments in the doorway of the building where I lived, before going

up the stairs, Garden-court was as still and lifeless as the

staircase was when I ascended it.

Herbert received me with open arms, and I had never felt before, so

blessedly, what it is to have a friend. When he had spoken some

sound words of sympathy and encouragement, we sat down to consider

the question, What was to be done?

The chair that Provis had occupied still remaining where it had

stood - for he had a barrack way with him of hanging about one

spot, in one unsettled manner, and going through one round of

observances with his pipe and his negro-head and his jack-knife and

his pack of cards, and what not, as if it were all put down for him

on a slate - I say, his chair remaining where it had stood, Herbert

unconsciously took it, but next moment started out of it, pushed it

away, and took another. He had no occasion to say, after that, that

he had conceived an aversion for my patron, neither had I occasion

to confess my own. We interchanged that confidence without shaping

a syllable.

"What," said I to Herbert, when he was safe in another chair, "what

is to be done?"

"My poor dear Handel," he replied, holding his head, "I am too

stunned to think."

"So was I, Herbert, when the blow first fell. Still, something must

be done. He is intent upon various new expenses - horses, and

carriages, and lavish appearances of all kinds. He must be stopped

somehow."

"You mean that you can't accept--"

"How can I?" I interposed, as Herbert paused. "Think of him! Look at

him!"

An involuntary shudder passed over both of us.

"Yet I am afraid the dreadful truth is, Herbert, that he is

attached to me, strongly attached to me. Was there ever such a

fate!"

"My poor dear Handel," Herbert repeated.

"Then," said I, "after all, stopping short here, never taking

another penny from him, think what I owe him already! Then again: I

am heavily in debt - very heavily for me, who have now no

expectations - and I have been bred to no calling, and I am fit for

nothing."

"Well, well, well!" Herbert remonstrated. "Don't say fit for

nothing."

"What am I fit for? I know only one thing that I am fit for, and

that is, to go for a soldier. And I might have gone, my dear

Herbert, but for the prospect of taking counsel with your

friendship and affection."

Of course I broke down there: and of course Herbert, beyond seizing

a warm grip of my hand, pretended not to know it.

"Anyhow, my dear Handel," said he presently, "soldiering won't do.

If you were to renounce this patronage and these favours, I suppose

you would do so with some faint hope of one day repaying what you

have already had. Not very strong, that hope, if you went

soldiering! Besides, it's absurd. You would be infinitely better in

Clarriker's house, small as it is. I am working up towards a

partnership, you know."

Poor fellow! He little suspected with whose money.

"But there is another question," said Herbert. "This is an ignorant

determined man, who has long had one fixed idea. More than that, he

seems to me (I may misjudge him) to be a man of a desperate and

fierce character."

"I know he is," I returned. "Let me tell you what evidence I have

seen of it." And I told him what I had not mentioned in my

narrative; of that encounter with the other convict.

"See, then," said Herbert; "think of this! He comes here at the

peril of his life, for the realization of his fixed idea. In the

moment of realization, after all his toil and waiting, you cut the

ground from under his feet, destroy his idea, and make his gains

worthless to him. Do you see nothing that he might do, under the

disappointment?"

"I have seen it, Herbert, and dreamed of it, ever since the fatal

night of his arrival. Nothing has been in my thoughts so

distinctly, as his putting himself in the way of being taken."

"Then you may rely upon it," said Herbert, "that there would be

great danger of his doing it. That is his power over you as long as

he remains in England, and that would be his reckless course if you

forsook him."

I was so struck by the horror of this idea, which had weighed upon

me from the first, and the working out of which would make me

regard myself, in some sort, as his murderer, that I could not rest

in my chair but began pacing to and fro. I said to Herbert,

meanwhile, that even if Provis were recognized and taken, in spite

of himself, I should be wretched as the cause, however innocently.

Yes; even though I was so wretched in having him at large and near

me, and even though I would far far rather have worked at the forge

all the days of my life than I would ever have come to this!

But there was no staving off the question, What was to be done?

"The first and the main thing to be done," said Herbert, "is to get

him out of England. You will have to go with him, and then he may

be induced to go."

"But get him where I will, could I prevent his coming back?"

"My good Handel, is it not obvious that with Newgate in the next

street, there must be far greater hazard in your breaking your mind

to him and making him reckless, here, than elsewhere. If a pretext

to get him away could be made out of that other convict, or out of

anything else in his life, now."

"There, again!" said I, stopping before Herbert, with my open hands

held out, as if they contained the desperation of the case. "I know

nothing of his life. It has almost made me mad to sit here of a

night and see him before me, so bound up with my fortunes and

misfortunes, and yet so unknown to me, except as the miserable

wretch who terrified me two days in my childhood!"

Herbert got up, and linked his arm in mine, and we slowly walked to

and fro together, studying the carpet.

"Handel," said Herbert, stopping, "you feel convinced that you can

take no further benefits from him; do you?"

"Fully. Surely you would, too, if you were in my place?"

"And you feel convinced that you must break with him?"

"Herbert, can you ask me?"

"And you have, and are bound to have, that tenderness for the life

he has risked on your account, that you must save him, if possible,

from throwing it away. Then you must get him out of England before

you stir a finger to extricate yourself. That done, extricate

yourself, in Heaven's name, and we'll see it out together, dear old

boy."

It was a comfort to shake hands upon it, and walk up and down

again, with only that done.

"Now, Herbert," said I, "with reference to gaining some knowledge

of his history. There is but one way that I know of. I must ask him

point-blank."

"Yes. Ask him," said Herbert, "when we sit at breakfast in the

morning." For, he had said, on taking leave of Herbert, that he

would come to breakfast with us.

With this project formed, we went to bed. I had the wildest dreams

concerning him, and woke unrefreshed; I woke, too, to recover the

fear which I had lost in the night, of his being found out as a

returned transport. Waking, I never lost that fear.

He came round at the appointed time, took out his jack-knife, and

sat down to his meal. He was full of plans "for his gentleman's

coming out strong, and like a gentleman," and urged me to begin

speedily upon the pocket-book, which he had left in my possession.

He considered the chambers and his own lodging as temporary

residences, and advised me to look out at once for a "fashionable

crib' near Hyde Park, in which he could have "a shake-down'. When

he had made an end of his breakfast, and was wiping his knife on

his leg, I said to him, without a word of preface:

"After you were gone last night, I told my friend of the struggle

that the soldiers found you engaged in on the marshes, when we came

up. You remember?"

"Remember!" said he. "I think so!"

"We want to know something about that man - and about you. It is

strange to know no more about either, and particularly you, than I

was able to tell last night. Is not this as good a time as another

for our knowing more?"

"Well!" he said, after consideration. "You're on your oath, you

know, Pip's comrade?"

"Assuredly," replied Herbert.

"As to anything I say, you know," he insisted. "The oath applies to

all."

"I understand it to do so."

"And look'ee here! Wotever I done, is worked out and paid for," he

insisted again.

"So be it."

He took out his black pipe and was going to fill it with negrohead,

when, looking at the tangle of tobacco in his hand, he seemed to

think it might perplex the thread of his narrative. He put it back

again, stuck his pipe in a button-hole of his coat, spread a hand

on each knee, and, after turning an angry eye on the fire for a few

silent moments, looked round at us and said what follows.

 

Chapter 42

"Dear boy and Pip's comrade. I am not a-going fur to tell you my

life, like a song or a story-book. But to give it you short and

handy, I'll put it at once into a mouthful of English. In jail and

out of jail, in jail and out of jail, in jail and out of jail.

There, you got it. That's my life pretty much, down to such times

as I got shipped off, arter Pip stood my friend.

"I've been done everything to, pretty well - except hanged. I've

been locked up, as much as a silver tea-kettle. I've been carted

here and carted there, and put out of this town and put out of that

town, and stuck in the stocks, and whipped and worried and drove.

I've no more notion where I was born, than you have - if so much. I

first become aware of myself, down in Essex, a thieving turnips for

my living. Summun had run away from me - a man - a tinker - and

he'd took the fire with him, and left me wery cold.

"I know'd my name to be Magwitch, chrisen'd Abel. How did I know

it? Much as I know'd the birds' names in the hedges to be

chaffinch, sparrer, thrush. I might have thought it was all lies

together, only as the birds' names come out true, I supposed mine

did.

"So fur as I could find, there warn't a soul that see young Abel

Magwitch, with us little on him as in him, but wot caught fright at

him, and either drove him off, or took him up. I was took up, took

up, took up, to that extent that I reg'larly grow'd up took up.

"This is the way it was, that when I was a ragged little creetur as

much to be pitied as ever I see (not that I looked in the glass,

for there warn't many insides of furnished houses known to me), I

got the name of being hardened. "This is a terrible hardened one,"

they says to prison wisitors, picking out me. "May be said to live

in jails, this boy. "Then they looked at me, and I looked at them,

and they measured my head, some on 'em - they had better a-measured

my stomach - and others on 'em giv me tracts what I couldn't read,

and made me speeches what I couldn't understand. They always went

on agen me about the Devil. But what the Devil was I to do? I must

put something into my stomach, mustn't I? - Howsomever, I'm a

getting low, and I know what's due. Dear boy and Pip's comrade,

don't you be afeerd of me being low.

"Tramping, begging, thieving, working sometimes when I could -

though that warn't as often as you may think, till you put the

question whether you would ha' been over-ready to give me work

yourselves - a bit of a poacher, a bit of a labourer, a bit of a

waggoner, a bit of a haymaker, a bit of a hawker, a bit of most

things that don't pay and lead to trouble, I got to be a man. A

deserting soldier in a Traveller's Rest, what lay hid up to the

chin under a lot of taturs, learnt me to read; and a travelling

Giant what signed his name at a penny a time learnt me to write. I

warn't locked up as often now as formerly, but I wore out my good

share of keymetal still.

"At Epsom races, a matter of over twenty years ago, I got

acquainted wi' a man whose skull I'd crack wi' this poker, like the

claw of a lobster, if I'd got it on this hob. His right name was

Compeyson; and that's the man, dear boy, what you see me a-pounding

in the ditch, according to what you truly told your comrade arter I

was gone last night.

"He set up fur a gentleman, this Compeyson, and he'd been to a

public boarding-school and had learning. He was a smooth one to

talk, and was a dab at the ways of gentlefolks. He was

good-looking too. It was the night afore the great race, when I

found him on the heath, in a booth that I know'd on. Him and some

more was a sitting among the tables when I went in, and the

landlord (which had a knowledge of me, and was a sporting one)

called him out, and said, 'I think this is a man that might suit

you' - meaning I was.

"Compeyson, he looks at me very noticing, and I look at him. He has

a watch and a chain and a ring and a breast-pin and a handsome suit

of clothes.

"'To judge from appearances, you're out of luck,' says Compeyson to

me.

"'Yes, master, and I've never been in it much.' (I had come out of

Kingston Jail last on a vagrancy committal. Not but what it might

have been for something else; but it warn't.)

"'Luck changes,' says Compeyson; 'perhaps yours is going to change.'

"I says, 'I hope it may be so. There's room.'

"'What can you do?' says Compeyson.

"'Eat and drink,' I says; 'if you'll find the materials.'

"Compeyson laughed, looked at me again very noticing, giv me five

shillings, and appointed me for next night. Same place.

"I went to Compeyson next night, same place, and Compeyson took me

on to be his man and pardner. And what was Compeyson's business in

which we was to go pardners? Compeyson's business was the

swindling, handwriting forging, stolen bank-note passing, and

such-like. All sorts of traps as Compeyson could set with his head,

and keep his own legs out of and get the profits from and let

another man in for, was Compeyson's business. He'd no more heart

than a iron file, he was as cold as death, and he had the head of

the Devil afore mentioned.

"There was another in with Compeyson, as was called Arthur - not as

being so chrisen'd, but as a surname. He was in a Decline, and was

a shadow to look at. Him and Compeyson had been in a bad thing with

a rich lady some years afore, and they'd made a pot of money by it;

but Compeyson betted and gamed, and he'd have run through the

king's taxes. So, Arthur was a-dying, and a-dying poor and with the

horrors on him, and Compeyson's wife (which Compeyson kicked

mostly) was a-having pity on him when she could, and Compeyson was

a-having pity on nothing and nobody.

"I might a-took warning by Arthur, but I didn't; and I won't

pretend I was partick'ler - for where 'ud be the good on it, dear

boy and comrade? So I begun wi' Compeyson, and a poor tool I was in

his hands. Arthur lived at the top of Compeyson's house (over nigh

Brentford it was), and Compeyson kept a careful account agen him

for board and lodging, in case he should ever get better to work it

out. But Arthur soon settled the account. The second or third time

as ever I see him, he come a-tearing down into Compeyson's parlour

late at night, in only a flannel gown, with his hair all in a

sweat, and he says to Compeyson's wife, 'Sally, she really is

upstairs alonger me, now, and I can't get rid of her. She's all in

white,' he says, 'wi' white flowers in her hair, and she's awful

mad, and she's got a shroud hanging over her arm, and she says

she'll put it on me at five in the morning.'

"Says Compeyson: 'Why, you fool, don't you know she's got a living

body? And how should she be up there, without coming through the

door, or in at the window, and up the stairs?'

"'I don't know how she's there,' says Arthur, shivering dreadful

with the horrors, 'but she's standing in the corner at the foot of

the bed, awful mad. And over where her heart's brook - you broke

it! - there's drops of blood.'

"Compeyson spoke hardy, but he was always a coward. 'Go up alonger

this drivelling sick man,' he says to his wife, 'and Magwitch, lend

her a hand, will you?' But he never come nigh himself.

"Compeyson's wife and me took him up to bed agen, and he raved most

dreadful. 'Why look at her!' he cries out. 'She's a-shaking the

shroud at me! Don't you see her? Look at her eyes! Ain't it awful to

see her so mad?' Next, he cries, 'She'll put it on me, and then I'm

done for! Take it away from her, take it away!' And then he catched

hold of us, and kep on a-talking to her, and answering of her, till

I half believed I see her myself.

"Compeyson's wife, being used to him, giv him some liquor to get

the horrors off, and by-and-by he quieted. 'Oh, she's gone! Has her

keeper been for her?' he says. 'Yes,' says Compeyson's wife. 'Did

you tell him to lock her and bar her in?' 'Yes.' 'And to take that

ugly thing away from her?' 'Yes, yes, all right.' 'You're a good

creetur,' he says, 'don't leave me, whatever you do, and thank

you!'

"He rested pretty quiet till it might want a few minutes of five,

and then he starts up with a scream, and screams out, 'Here she

is! She's got the shroud again. She's unfolding it. She's coming out

of the corner. She's coming to the bed. Hold me, both on you - one

of each side - don't let her touch me with it. Hah! she missed me

that time. Don't let her throw it over my shoulders. Don't let her

lift me up to get it round me. She's lifting me up. Keep me down!'

Then he lifted himself up hard, and was dead.

"Compeyson took it easy as a good riddance for both sides. Him and

me was soon busy, and first he swore me (being ever artful) on my

own book - this here little black book, dear boy, what I swore your

comrade on.

"Not to go into the things that Compeyson planned, and I done -

which 'ud take a week - I'll simply say to you, dear boy, and Pip's

comrade, that that man got me into such nets as made me his black

slave. I was always in debt to him, always under his thumb, always

a-working, always a-getting into danger. He was younger than me,

but he'd got craft, and he'd got learning, and he overmatched me

five hundred times told and no mercy. My Missis as I had the hard

time wi' - Stop though! I ain't brought her in--"

He looked about him in a confused way, as if he had lost his place

in the book of his remembrance; and he turned his face to the fire,

and spread his hands broader on his knees, and lifted them off and

put them on again.

"There ain't no need to go into it," he said, looking round once

more. "The time wi' Compeyson was a'most as hard a time as ever I

had; that said, all's said. Did I tell you as I was tried, alone,

for misdemeanour, while with Compeyson?"

I answered, No.

"Well!" he said, "I was, and got convicted. As to took up on

suspicion, that was twice or three times in the four or five year

that it lasted; but evidence was wanting. At last, me and Compeyson

was both committed for felony - on a charge of putting stolen notes

in circulation - and there was other charges behind. Compeyson says

to me, 'Separate defences, no communication,' and that was all. And

I was so miserable poor, that I sold all the clothes I had, except

what hung on my back, afore I could get Jaggers.

"When we was put in the dock, I noticed first of all what a

gentleman Compeyson looked, wi' his curly hair and his black

clothes and his white pocket-handkercher, and what a common sort of

a wretch I looked. When the prosecution opened and the evidence was

put short, aforehand, I noticed how heavy it all bore on me, and

how light on him. When the evidence was giv in the box, I noticed

how it was always me that had come for'ard, and could be swore to,

how it was always me that the money had been paid to, how it was

always me that had seemed to work the thing and get the profit.

But, when the defence come on, then I see the plan plainer; for,

says the counsellor for Compeyson, 'My lord and gentlemen, here you

has afore you, side by side, two persons as your eyes can separate

wide; one, the younger, well brought up, who will be spoke to as

such; one, the elder, ill brought up, who will be spoke to as such;

one, the younger, seldom if ever seen in these here transactions,

and only suspected; t'other, the elder, always seen in 'em and

always wi'his guilt brought home. Can you doubt, if there is but

one in it, which is the one, and, if there is two in it, which is

much the worst one?' And such-like. And when it come to character,

warn't it Compeyson as had been to the school, and warn't it his

schoolfellows as was in this position and in that, and warn't it

him as had been know'd by witnesses in such clubs and societies,

and nowt to his disadvantage? And warn't it me as had been tried

afore, and as had been know'd up hill and down dale in Bridewells

and Lock-Ups? And when it come to speech-making, warn't it

Compeyson as could speak to 'em wi' his face dropping every now and

then into his white pocket-handkercher - ah! and wi' verses in his

speech, too - and warn't it me as could only say, 'Gentlemen, this

man at my side is a most precious rascal'? And when the verdict

come, warn't it Compeyson as was recommended to mercy on account of

good character and bad company, and giving up all the information

he could agen me, and warn't it me as got never a word but Guilty?

And when I says to Compeyson, 'Once out of this court, I'll smash

that face of yourn!' ain't it Compeyson as prays the Judge to be

protected, and gets two turnkeys stood betwixt us? And when we're

sentenced, ain't it him as gets seven year, and me fourteen, and

ain't it him as the Judge is sorry for, because he might a done so

well, and ain't it me as the Judge perceives to be a old offender

of wiolent passion, likely to come to worse?"

He had worked himself into a state of great excitement, but he

checked it, took two or three short breaths, swallowed as often,

and stretching out his hand towards me said, in a reassuring

manner, "I ain't a-going to be low, dear boy!"

He had so heated himself that he took out his handkerchief and

wiped his face and head and neck and hands, before he could go on.

"I had said to Compeyson that I'd smash that face of his, and I

swore Lord smash mine! to do it. We was in the same prison-ship,

but I couldn't get at him for long, though I tried. At last I come

behind him and hit him on the cheek to turn him round and get a

smashing one at him, when I was seen and seized. The black-hole of

that ship warn't a strong one, to a judge of black-holes that could

swim and dive. I escaped to the shore, and I was a hiding among the

graves there, envying them as was in 'em and all over, when I first

see my boy!"

He regarded me with a look of affection that made him almost

abhorrent to me again, though I had felt great pity for him.

"By my boy, I was giv to understand as Compeyson was out on them

marshes too. Upon my soul, I half believe he escaped in his terror,

to get quit of me, not knowing it was me as had got ashore. I

hunted him down. I smashed his face. 'And now,' says I 'as the

worst thing I can do, caring nothing for myself, I'll drag you

back.' And I'd have swum off, towing him by the hair, if it had

come to that, and I'd a got him aboard without the soldiers.

"Of course he'd much the best of it to the last - his character was

so good. He had escaped when he was made half-wild by me and my

murderous intentions; and his punishment was light. I was put in

irons, brought to trial again, and sent for life. I didn't stop for

life, dear boy and Pip's comrade, being here."

"He wiped himself again, as he had done before, and then slowly

took his tangle of tobacco from his pocket, and plucked his pipe

from his button-hole, and slowly filled it, and began to smoke.

"Is he dead?" I asked, after a silence.

"Is who dead, dear boy?"

"Compeyson."

"He hopes I am, if he's alive, you may be sure," with a fierce

look. "I never heerd no more of him."

Herbert had been writing with his pencil in the cover of a book. He

softly pushed the book over to me, as Provis stood smoking with his

eyes on the fire, and I read in it:

"Young Havisham's name was Arthur. Compeyson is the man who

professed to be Miss Havisham's lover."

I shut the book and nodded slightly to Herbert, and put the book

by; but we neither of us said anything, and both looked at Provis

as he stood smoking by the fire.

 

Chapter 43

Why should I pause to ask how much of my shrinking from Provis

might be traced to Estella? Why should I loiter on my road, to

compare the state of mind in which I had tried to rid myself of the

stain of the prison before meeting her at the coach-office, with

the state of mind in which I now reflected on the abyss between

Estella in her pride and beauty, and the returned transport whom I

harboured? The road would be none the smoother for it, the end

would be none the better for it, he would not be helped, nor I

extenuated.

A new fear had been engendered in my mind by his narrative; or

rather, his narrative had given form and purpose to the fear that

was already there. If Compeyson were alive and should discover his

return, I could hardly doubt the consequence. That, Compeyson stood

in mortal fear of him, neither of the two could know much better

than I; and that, any such man as that man had been described to

be, would hesitate to release himself for good from a dreaded enemy

by the safe means of becoming an informer, was scarcely to be

imagined.

Never had I breathed, and never would I breathe - or so I resolved

- a word of Estella to Provis. But, I said to Herbert that before I

could go abroad, I must see both Estella and Miss Havisham. This

was when we were left alone on the night of the day when Provis

told us his story. I resolved to go out to Richmond next day, and I

went.

On my presenting myself at Mrs. Brandley's, Estella's maid was

called to tell that Estella had gone into the country. Where? To

Satis House, as usual. Not as usual, I said, for she had never yet

gone there without me; when was she coming back? There was an air

of reservation in the answer which increased my perplexity, and the

answer was, that her maid believed she was only coming back at all

for a little while. I could make nothing of this, except that it

was meant that I should make nothing of it, and I went home again

in complete discomfiture.

Another night-consultation with Herbert after Provis was gone home

(I always took him home, and always looked well about me), led us

to the conclusion that nothing should be said about going abroad

until I came back from Miss Havisham's. In the meantime, Herbert

and I were to consider separately what it would be best to say;

whether we should devise any pretence of being afraid that he was

under suspicious observation; or whether I, who had never yet been

abroad, should propose an expedition. We both knew that I had but

to propose anything, and he would consent. We agreed that his

remaining many days in his present hazard was not to be thought of.

Next day, I had the meanness to feign that I was under a binding

promise to go down to Joe; but I was capable of almost any meanness

towards Joe or his name. Provis was to be strictly careful while I

was gone, and Herbert was to take the charge of him that I had

taken. I was to be absent only one night, and, on my return, the

gratification of his impatience for my starting as a gentleman on a

greater scale, was to be begun. It occurred to me then, and as I

afterwards found to Herbert also, that he might be best got away

across the water, on that pretence - as, to make purchases, or the

like.

Having thus cleared the way for my expedition to Miss Havisham's, I

set off by the early morning coach before it was yet light, and was

out on the open country-road when the day came creeping on, halting

and whimpering and shivering, and wrapped in patches of cloud and

rags of mist, like a beggar. When we drove up to the Blue Boar

after a drizzly ride, whom should I see come out under the gateway,

toothpick in hand, to look at the coach, but Bentley Drummle!

As he pretended not to see me, I pretended not to see him. It was a

very lame pretence on both sides; the lamer, because we both went

into the coffee-room, where he had just finished his breakfast, and

where I ordered mine. It was poisonous to me to see him in the

town, for I very well knew why he had come there.

Pretending to read a smeary newspaper long out of date, which had

nothing half so legible in its local news, as the foreign matter of

coffee, pickles, fish-sauces, gravy, melted butter, and wine, with

which it was sprinkled all over, as if it had taken the measles in

a highly irregular form, I sat at my table while he stood before

the fire. By degrees it became an enormous injury to me that he

stood before the fire, and I got up, determined to have my share of

it. I had to put my hand behind his legs for the poker when I went

up to the fire-place to stir the fire, but still pretended not to

know him.

"Is this a cut?" said Mr. Drummle.

"Oh!" said I, poker in hand; "it's you, is it? How do you do? I was

wondering who it was, who kept the fire off."

With that, I poked tremendously, and having done so, planted myself

side by side with Mr. Drummle, my shoulders squared and my back to

the fire.

"You have just come down?" said Mr. Drummle, edging me a little away

with his shoulder.

"Yes," said I, edging him a little away with my shoulder.

"Beastly place," said Drummle. - "Your part of the country, I

think?"

"Yes," I assented. "I am told it's very like your Shropshire."

"Not in the least like it," said Drummle.

Here Mr. Drummle looked at his boots, and I looked at mine, and then

Mr. Drummle looked at my boots, and I looked at his.

"Have you been here long?" I asked, determined not to yield an inch

of the fire.

"Long enough to be tired of it," returned Drummle, pretending to

yawn, but equally determined.

"Do you stay here long?"

"Can't say," answered Mr. Drummle. "Do you?"

"Can't say," said I.

I felt here, through a tingling in my blood, that if Mr. Drummle's

shoulder had claimed another hair's breadth of room, I should have

jerked him into the window; equally, that if my own shoulder had

urged a similar claim, Mr. Drummle would have jerked me into the

nearest box. He whistled a little. So did I.

"Large tract of marshes about here, I believe?" said Drummle.

"Yes. What of that?" said I.

Mr. Drummle looked at me, and then at my boots, and then said, "Oh!"

and laughed.

"Are you amused, Mr. Drummle?"

"No," said he, "not particularly. I am going out for a ride in the

saddle. I mean to explore those marshes for amusement.

Out-of-the-way villages there, they tell me. Curious little

public-houses - and smithies - and that. Waiter!"

"Yes, sir."

"Is that horse of mine ready?"

"Brought round to the door, sir."

"I say. Look here, you sir. The lady won't ride to-day; the weather

won't do."

"Very good, sir."

"And I don't dine, because I'm going to dine at the lady's."

"Very good, sir."

Then, Drummle glanced at me, with an insolent triumph on his

great-jowled face that cut me to the heart, dull as he was, and so

exasperated me, that I felt inclined to take him in my arms (as the

robber in the story-book is said to have taken the old lady), and

seat him on the fire.

One thing was manifest to both of us, and that was, that until

relief came, neither of us could relinquish the fire. There we

stood, well squared up before it, shoulder to shoulder and foot to

foot, with our hands behind us, not budging an inch. The horse was

visible outside in the drizzle at the door, my breakfast was put on

the table, Drummle's was cleared away, the waiter invited me to

begin, I nodded, we both stood our ground.

"Have you been to the Grove since?" said Drummle.

"No," said I, "I had quite enough of the Finches the last time I

was there."

"Was that when we had a difference of opinion?"

"Yes," I replied, very shortly.

"Come, come! They let you off easily enough," sneered Drummle. "You

shouldn't have lost your temper."

"Mr. Drummle," said I, "you are not competent to give advice on that

subject. When I lose my temper (not that I admit having done so on

that occasion), I don't throw glasses."

"I do," said Drummle.

After glancing at him once or twice, in an increased state of

smouldering ferocity, I said:

"Mr. Drummle, I did not seek this conversation, and I don't think it

an agreeable one."

"I am sure it's not," said he, superciliously over his shoulder; "I

don't think anything about it."

"And therefore," I went on, "with your leave, I will suggest that

we hold no kind of communication in future."

"Quite my opinion," said Drummle, "and what I should have suggested

myself, or done - more likely - without suggesting. But don't lose

your temper. Haven't you lost enough without that?"

"What do you mean, sir?"

"Wai-ter!," said Drummle, by way of answering me.

The waiter reappeared.

"Look here, you sir. You quite understand that the young lady don't

ride to-day, and that I dine at the young lady's?"

"Quite so, sir!"

When the waiter had felt my fast cooling tea-pot with the palm of

his hand, and had looked imploringly at me, and had gone out,

Drummle, careful not to move the shoulder next me, took a cigar

from his pocket and bit the end off, but showed no sign of

stirring. Choking and boiling as I was, I felt that we could not go

a word further, without introducing Estella's name, which I could

not endure to hear him utter; and therefore I looked stonily at the

opposite wall, as if there were no one present, and forced myself

to silence. How long we might have remained in this ridiculous

position it is impossible to say, but for the incursion of three

thriving farmers - led on by the waiter, I think - who came into

the coffee-room unbuttoning their great-coats and rubbing their

hands, and before whom, as they charged at the fire, we were

obliged to give way.

I saw him through the window, seizing his horse's mane, and

mounting in his blundering brutal manner, and sidling and backing

away. I thought he was gone, when he came back, calling for a light

for the cigar in his mouth, which he had forgotten. A man in a

dustcoloured dress appeared with what was wanted - I could not have

said from where: whether from the inn yard, or the street, or where

not - and as Drummle leaned down from the saddle and lighted his

cigar and laughed, with a jerk of his head towards the coffee-room

windows, the slouching shoulders and ragged hair of this man, whose

back was towards me, reminded me of Orlick.

Too heavily out of sorts to care much at the time whether it were

he or no, or after all to touch the breakfast, I washed the weather

and the journey from my face and hands, and went out to the

memorable old house that it would have been so much the better for

me never to have entered, never to have seen.

 

Chapter 44

In the room where the dressing-table stood, and where the wax

candles burnt on the wall, I found Miss Havisham and Estella; Miss

Havisham seated on a settee near the fire, and Estella on a cushion

at her feet. Estella was knitting, and Miss Havisham was looking

on. They both raised their eyes as I went in, and both saw an

alteration in me. I derived that, from the look they interchanged.

"And what wind," said Miss Havisham, "blows you here, Pip?"

Though she looked steadily at me, I saw that she was rather

confused. Estella, pausing a moment in her knitting with her eyes

upon me, and then going on, I fancied that I read in the action of

her fingers, as plainly as if she had told me in the dumb alphabet,

that she perceived I had discovered my real benefactor.

"Miss Havisham," said I, "I went to Richmond yesterday, to speak to

Estella; and finding that some wind had blown her here, I

followed."

Miss Havisham motioning to me for the third or fourth time to sit

down, I took the chair by the dressing-table, which I had often

seen her occupy. With all that ruin at my feet and about me, it

seemed a natural place for me, that day.

"What I had to say to Estella, Miss Havisham, I will say before

you, presently - in a few moments. It will not surprise you, it

will not displease you. I am as unhappy as you can ever have meant

me to be."

Miss Havisham continued to look steadily at me. I could see in the

action of Estella's fingers as they worked, that she attended to

what I said: but she did not look up.

"I have found out who my patron is. It is not a fortunate

discovery, and is not likely ever to enrich me in reputation,

station, fortune, anything. There are reasons why I must say no

more of that. It is not my secret, but another's."

As I was silent for a while, looking at Estella and considering how

to go on, Miss Havisham repeated, "It is not your secret, but

another's. Well?"

"When you first caused me to be brought here, Miss Havisham; when I

belonged to the village over yonder, that I wish I had never left;

I suppose I did really come here, as any other chance boy might

have come - as a kind of servant, to gratify a want or a whim, and

to be paid for it?"

"Ay, Pip," replied Miss Havisham, steadily nodding her head; "you

did."

"And that Mr. Jaggers--"

"Mr. Jaggers," said Miss Havisham, taking me up in a firm tone, "had

nothing to do with it, and knew nothing of it. His being my lawyer,

and his being the lawyer of your patron, is a coincidence. He holds

the same relation towards numbers of people, and it might easily

arise. Be that as it may, it did arise, and was not brought about

by any one."

Any one might have seen in her haggard face that there was no

suppression or evasion so far.

"But when I fell into the mistake I have so long remained in, at

least you led me on?" said I.

"Yes," she returned, again nodding, steadily, "I let you go on."

"Was that kind?"

"Who am I," cried Miss Havisham, striking her stick upon the floor

and flashing into wrath so suddenly that Estella glanced up at her

in surprise, "who am I, for God's sake, that I should be kind?"

It was a weak complaint to have made, and I had not meant to make

it. I told her so, as she sat brooding after this outburst.

"Well, well, well!" she said. "What else?"

"I was liberally paid for my old attendance here," I said, to

soothe her, "in being apprenticed, and I have asked these questions

only for my own information. What follows has another (and I hope

more disinterested) purpose. In humouring my mistake, Miss

Havisham, you punished - practised on - perhaps you will supply

whatever term expresses your intention, without offence - your

self-seeking relations?"

"I did. Why, they would have it so! So would you. What has been my

history, that I should be at the pains of entreating either them,

or you, not to have it so! You made your own snares. I never made

them."

Waiting until she was quiet again - for this, too, flashed out of

her in a wild and sudden way - I went on.

"I have been thrown among one family of your relations, Miss

Havisham, and have been constantly among them since I went to

London. I know them to have been as honestly under my delusion as I

myself. And I should be false and base if I did not tell you,

whether it is acceptable to you or no, and whether you are inclined

to give credence to it or no, that you deeply wrong both Mr. Matthew

Pocket and his son Herbert, if you suppose them to be otherwise

than generous, upright, open, and incapable of anything designing

or mean."

"They are your friends," said Miss Havisham.

"They made themselves my friends," said I, "when they supposed me

to have superseded them; and when Sarah Pocket, Miss Georgiana, and

Mistress Camilla, were not my friends, I think."

This contrasting of them with the rest seemed, I was glad to see,

to do them good with her. She looked at me keenly for a little

while, and then said quietly:

"What do you want for them?"

"Only," said I, "that you would not confound them with the others.

They may be of the same blood, but, believe me, they are not of the

same nature."

Still looking at me keenly, Miss Havisham repeated:

"What do you want for them?"

"I am not so cunning, you see," I said, in answer, conscious that I

reddened a little, "as that I could hide from you, even if I

desired, that I do want something. Miss Havisham, if you would

spare the money to do my friend Herbert a lasting service in life,

but which from the nature of the case must be done without his

knowledge, I could show you how."

"Why must it be done without his knowledge?" she asked, settling

her hands upon her stick, that she might regard me the more

attentively.

"Because," said I, "I began the service myself, more than two years

ago, without his knowledge, and I don't want to be betrayed. Why I

fail in my ability to finish it, I cannot explain. It is a part of

the secret which is another person's and not mine."

She gradually withdrew her eyes from me, and turned them on the

fire. After watching it for what appeared in the silence and by the

light of the slowly wasting candles to be a long time, she was

roused by the collapse of some of the red coals, and looked towards

me again - at first, vacantly - then, with a gradually

concentrating attention. All this time, Estella knitted on. When

Miss Havisham had fixed her attention on me, she said, speaking as

if there had been no lapse in our dialogue:

"What else?"

"Estella," said I, turning to her now, and trying to command my

trembling voice, "you know I love you. You know that I have loved

you long and dearly."

She raised her eyes to my face, on being thus addressed, and her

fingers plied their work, and she looked at me with an unmoved

countenance. I saw that Miss Havisham glanced from me to her, and

from her to me.

"I should have said this sooner, but for my long mistake. It

induced me to hope that Miss Havisham meant us for one another.

While I thought you could not help yourself, as it were, I

refrained from saying it. But I must say it now."

Preserving her unmoved countenance, and with her fingers still

going, Estella shook her head.

"I know," said I, in answer to that action; "I know. I have no hope

that I shall ever call you mine, Estella. I am ignorant what may

become of me very soon, how poor I may be, or where I may go.

Still, I love you. I have loved you ever since I first saw you in

this house."

Looking at me perfectly unmoved and with her fingers busy, she

shook her head again.

"It would have been cruel in Miss Havisham, horribly cruel, to

practise on the susceptibility of a poor boy, and to torture me

through all these years with a vain hope and an idle pursuit, if

she had reflected on the gravity of what she did. But I think she

did not. I think that in the endurance of her own trial, she forgot

mine, Estella."

I saw Miss Havisham put her hand to her heart and hold it there, as

she sat looking by turns at Estella and at me.

"It seems," said Estella, very calmly, "that there are sentiments,

fancies - I don't know how to call them - which I am not able to

comprehend. When you say you love me, I know what you mean, as a

form of words; but nothing more. You address nothing in my breast,

you touch nothing there. I don't care for what you say at all. I

have tried to warn you of this; now, have I not?"

I said in a miserable manner, "Yes."

"Yes. But you would not be warned, for you thought I did not mean

it. Now, did you not think so?"

"I thought and hoped you could not mean it. You, so young, untried,

and beautiful, Estella! Surely it is not in Nature."

"It is in my nature," she returned. And then she added, with a

stress upon the words, "It is in the nature formed within me. I

make a great difference between you and all other people when I say

so much. I can do no more."

"Is it not true," said I, "that Bentley Drummle is in town here,

and pursuing you?"

"It is quite true," she replied, referring to him with the

indifference of utter contempt.

"That you encourage him, and ride out with him, and that he dines

with you this very day?"

She seemed a little surprised that I should know it, but again

replied, "Quite true."

"You cannot love him, Estella!"

Her fingers stopped for the first time, as she retorted rather

angrily, "What have I told you? Do you still think, in spite of it,

that I do not mean what I say?"

"You would never marry him, Estella?"

She looked towards Miss Havisham, and considered for a moment with

her work in her hands. Then she said, "Why not tell you the truth?

I am going to be married to him."

I dropped my face into my hands, but was able to control myself

better than I could have expected, considering what agony it gave

me to hear her say those words. When I raised my face again, there

was such a ghastly look upon Miss Havisham's, that it impressed me,

even in my passionate hurry and grief.

"Estella, dearest dearest Estella, do not let Miss Havisham lead

you into this fatal step. Put me aside for ever - you have done so,

I well know - but bestow yourself on some worthier person than

Drummle. Miss Havisham gives you to him, as the greatest slight and

injury that could be done to the many far better men who admire

you, and to the few who truly love you. Among those few, there may

be one who loves you even as dearly, though he has not loved you as

long, as I. Take him, and I can bear it better, for your sake!"

My earnestness awoke a wonder in her that seemed as if it would

have been touched with compassion, if she could have rendered me at

all intelligible to her own mind.

"I am going," she said again, in a gentler voice, "to be married to

him. The preparations for my marriage are making, and I shall be

married soon. Why do you injuriously introduce the name of my

mother by adoption? It is my own act."

"Your own act, Estella, to fling yourself away upon a brute?"

"On whom should I fling myself away?" she retorted, with a smile.

"Should I fling myself away upon the man who would the soonest feel

(if people do feel such things) that I took nothing to him? There!

It is done. I shall do well enough, and so will my husband. As to

leading me into what you call this fatal step, Miss Havisham would

have had me wait, and not marry yet; but I am tired of the life I

have led, which has very few charms for me, and I am willing enough

to change it. Say no more. We shall never understand each other."

"Such a mean brute, such a stupid brute!" I urged in despair.

"Don't be afraid of my being a blessing to him," said Estella; "I

shall not be that. Come! Here is my hand. Do we part on this, you

visionary boy - or man?"

"O Estella!" I answered, as my bitter tears fell fast on her hand,

do what I would to restrain them; "even if I remained in England

and could hold my head up with the rest, how could I see you

Drummle's wife?"

"Nonsense," she returned, "nonsense. This will pass in no time."

"Never, Estella!"

"You will get me out of your thoughts in a week."

"Out of my thoughts! You are part of my existence, part of myself.

You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came

here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then.

You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since - on the

river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in

the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea,

in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful

fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. The stones of

which the strongest London buildings are made, are not more real,

or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your

presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and

will be. Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose

but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me,

part of the evil. But, in this separation I associate you only with

the good, and I will faithfully hold you to that always, for you

must have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what

sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!"

In what ecstasy of unhappiness I got these broken words out of

myself, I don't know. The rhapsody welled up within me, like blood

from an inward wound, and gushed out. I held her hand to my lips

some lingering moments, and so I left her. But ever afterwards, I

remembered - and soon afterwards with stronger reason - that while

Estella looked at me merely with incredulous wonder, the spectral

figure of Miss Havisham, her hand still covering her heart, seemed

all resolved into a ghastly stare of pity and remorse.

All done, all gone! So much was done and gone, that when I went out

at the gate, the light of the day seemed of a darker colour than

when I went in. For a while, I hid myself among some lanes and

by-paths, and then struck off to walk all the way to London. For, I

had by that time come to myself so far, as to consider that I could

not go back to the inn and see Drummle there; that I could not bear

to sit upon the coach and be spoken to; that I could do nothing

half so good for myself as tire myself out.

It was past midnight when I crossed London Bridge. Pursuing the

narrow intricacies of the streets which at that time tended

westward near the Middlesex shore of the river, my readiest access

to the Temple was close by the river-side, through Whitefriars. I

was not expected till to-morrow, but I had my keys, and, if Herbert

were gone to bed, could get to bed myself without disturbing him.

As it seldom happened that I came in at that Whitefriars gate after

the Temple was closed, and as I was very muddy and weary, I did not

take it ill that the night-porter examined me with much attention

as he held the gate a little way open for me to pass in. To help

his memory I mentioned my name.

"I was not quite sure, sir, but I thought so. Here's a note, sir.

The messenger that brought it, said would you be so good as read it

by my lantern?"

Much surprised by the request, I took the note. It was directed to

Philip Pip, Esquire, and on the top of the superscription were the

words, "PLEASE READ THIS, HERE." I opened it, the watchman holding

up his light, and read inside, in Wemmick's writing:

"DON'T GO HOME."

 

Chapter 45

Turning from the Temple gate as soon as I had read the warning, I

made the best of my way to Fleet-street, and there got a late

hackney chariot and drove to the Hummums in Covent Garden. In those

times a bed was always to be got there at any hour of the night,

and the chamberlain, letting me in at his ready wicket, lighted the

candle next in order on his shelf, and showed me straight into the

bedroom next in order on his list. It was a sort of vault on the

ground floor at the back, with a despotic monster of a four-post

bedstead in it, straddling over the whole place, putting one of his

arbitrary legs into the fire-place and another into the doorway,

and squeezing the wretched little washing-stand in quite a Divinely

Righteous manner.

As I had asked for a night-light, the chamberlain had brought me

in, before he left me, the good old constitutional rush-light of

those virtuous days - an object like the ghost of a walking-cane,

which instantly broke its back if it were touched, which nothing

could ever be lighted at, and which was placed in solitary

confinement at the bottom of a high tin tower, perforated with

round holes that made a staringly wide-awake pattern on the walls.

When I had got into bed, and lay there footsore, weary, and

wretched, I found that I could no more close my own eyes than I

could close the eyes of this foolish Argus. And thus, in the gloom

and death of the night, we stared at one another.

What a doleful night! How anxious, how dismal, how long! There was

an inhospitable smell in the room, of cold soot and hot dust; and,

as I looked up into the corners of the tester over my head, I

thought what a number of blue-bottle flies from the butchers', and

earwigs from the market, and grubs from the country, must be

holding on up there, lying by for next summer. This led me to

speculate whether any of them ever tumbled down, and then I fancied

that I felt light falls on my face - a disagreeable turn of thought,

suggesting other and more objectionable approaches up my back. When

I had lain awake a little while, those extraordinary voices with

which silence teems, began to make themselves audible. The closet

whispered, the fireplace sighed, the little washing-stand ticked,

and one guitar-string played occasionally in the chest of drawers.

At about the same time, the eyes on the wall acquired a new

expression, and in every one of those staring rounds I saw

written, DON'T GO HOME.

Whatever night-fancies and night-noises crowded on me, they never

warded off this DON'T GO HOME. It plaited itself into whatever I

thought of, as a bodily pain would have done. Not long before, I

had read in the newspapers, how a gentleman unknown had come to the

Hummums in the night, and had gone to bed, and had destroyed

himself, and had been found in the morning weltering in blood. It

came into my head that he must have occupied this very vault of

mine, and I got out of bed to assure myself that there were no red

marks about; then opened the door to look out into the passages,

and cheer myself with the companionship of a distant light, near

which I knew the chamberlain to be dozing. But all this time, why I

was not to go home, and what had happened at home, and when I

should go home, and whether Provis was safe at home, were questions

occupying my mind so busily, that one might have supposed there

could be no more room in it for any other theme. Even when I

thought of Estella, and how we had parted that day for ever, and

when I recalled all the circumstances of our parting, and all her

looks and tones, and the action of her fingers while she knitted -

even then I was pursuing, here and there and everywhere, the

caution Don't go home. When at last I dozed, in sheer exhaustion of

mind and body, it became a vast shadowy verb which I had to

conjugate. Imperative mood, present tense: Do not thou go home, let

him not go home, let us not go home, do not ye or you go home, let

not them go home. Then, potentially: I may not and I cannot go

home; and I might not, could not, would not, and should not go

home; until I felt that I was going distracted, and rolled over on

the pillow, and looked at the staring rounds upon the wall again.

I had left directions that I was to be called at seven; for it was

plain that I must see Wemmick before seeing any one else, and

equally plain that this was a case in which his Walworth

sentiments, only, could be taken. It was a relief to get out of the

room where the night had been so miserable, and I needed no second

knocking at the door to startle me from my uneasy bed.

The Castle battlements arose upon my view at eight o'clock. The

little servant happening to be entering the fortress with two hot

rolls, I passed through the postern and crossed the drawbridge, in

her company, and so came without announcement into the presence of

Wemmick as he was making tea for himself and the Aged. An open door

afforded a perspective view of the Aged in bed.

"Halloa, Mr. Pip!" said Wemmick. "You did come home, then?"

"Yes," I returned; "but I didn't go home."

"That's all right," said he, rubbing his hands. "I left a note for

you at each of the Temple gates, on the chance. Which gate did you

come to?"

I told him.

"I'll go round to the others in the course of the day and destroy

the notes," said Wemmick; "it's a good rule never to leave

documentary evidence if you can help it, because you don't know

when it may be put in. I'm going to take a liberty with you. -

Would you mind toasting this sausage for the Aged P.?"

I said I should be delighted to do it.

"Then you can go about your work, Mary Anne," said Wemmick to the

little servant; "which leaves us to ourselves, don't you see, Mr.

Pip?" he added, winking, as she disappeared.

I thanked him for his friendship and caution, and our discourse

proceeded in a low tone, while I toasted the Aged's sausage and he

buttered the crumb of the Aged's roll.

"Now, Mr. Pip, you know," said Wemmick, "you and I understand one

another. We are in our private and personal capacities, and we have

been engaged in a confidential transaction before today. Official

sentiments are one thing. We are extra official."

I cordially assented. I was so very nervous, that I had already

lighted the Aged's sausage like a torch, and been obliged to blow

it out.

"I accidentally heard, yesterday morning," said Wemmick, "being in

a certain place where I once took you - even between you and me,

it's as well not to mention names when avoidable--"

"Much better not," said I. "I understand you."

"I heard there by chance, yesterday morning," said Wemmick, "that a

certain person not altogether of uncolonial pursuits, and not

unpossessed of portable property - I don't know who it may really

be - we won't name this person--"

"Not necessary," said I.

" - had made some little stir in a certain part of the world where

a good many people go, not always in gratification of their own

inclinations, and not quite irrespective of the government

expense--"

In watching his face, I made quite a firework of the Aged's

sausage, and greatly discomposed both my own attention and

Wemmick's; for which I apologized.

" - by disappearing from such place, and being no more heard of

thereabouts. From which," said Wemmick, "conjectures had been

raised and theories formed. I also heard that you at your chambers

in Garden Court, Temple, had been watched, and might be watched

again."

"By whom?" said I.

"I wouldn't go into that," said Wemmick, evasively, "it might clash

with official responsibilities. I heard it, as I have in my time

heard other curious things in the same place. I don't tell it you

on information received. I heard it."

He took the toasting-fork and sausage from me as he spoke, and set

forth the Aged's breakfast neatly on a little tray. Previous to

placing it before him, he went into the Aged's room with a clean

white cloth, and tied the same under the old gentleman's chin, and

propped him up, and put his nightcap on one side, and gave him

quite a rakish air. Then, he placed his breakfast before him with

great care, and said, "All right, ain't you, Aged P.?" To which the

cheerful Aged replied, "All right, John, my boy, all right!" As

there seemed to be a tacit understanding that the Aged was not in a

presentable state, and was therefore to be considered invisible, I

made a pretence of being in complete ignorance of these

proceedings.

"This watching of me at my chambers (which I have once had reason

to suspect)," I said to Wemmick when he came back, "is inseparable

from the person to whom you have adverted; is it?"

Wemmick looked very serious. "I couldn't undertake to say that, of

my own knowledge. I mean, I couldn't undertake to say it was at

first. But it either is, or it will be, or it's in great danger of

being."

As I saw that he was restrained by fealty to Little Britain from

saying as much as he could, and as I knew with thankfulness to him

how far out of his way he went to say what he did, I could not

press him. But I told him, after a little meditation over the fire,

that I would like to ask him a question, subject to his answering

or not answering, as he deemed right, and sure that his course

would be right. He paused in his breakfast, and crossing his arms,

and pinching his shirt-sleeves (his notion of indoor comfort was to

sit without any coat), he nodded to me once, to put my question.

"You have heard of a man of bad character, whose true name is

Compeyson?"

He answered with one other nod.

"Is he living?"

One other nod.

"Is he in London?"

He gave me one other nod, compressed the post-office exceedingly,

gave me one last nod, and went on with his breakfast.

"Now," said Wemmick, "questioning being over;" which he emphasized

and repeated for my guidance; "I come to what I did, after hearing

what I heard. I went to Garden Court to find you; not finding you,

I went to Clarriker's to find Mr. Herbert."

"And him you found?" said I, with great anxiety.

"And him I found. Without mentioning any names or going into any

details, I gave him to understand that if he was aware of anybody -

Tom, Jack, or Richard - being about the chambers, or about the

immediate neighbourhood, he had better get Tom, Jack, or Richard,

out of the way while you were out of the way."

"He would be greatly puzzled what to do?"

"He was puzzled what to do; not the less, because I gave him my

opinion that it was not safe to try to get Tom, Jack, or Richard,

too far out of the way at present. Mr. Pip, I'll tell you something.

Under existing circumstances there is no place like a great city

when you are once in it. Don't break cover too soon. Lie close.

Wait till things slacken, before you try the open, even for foreign

air."

I thanked him for his valuable advice, and asked him what Herbert

had done?

"Mr. Herbert," said Wemmick, "after being all of a heap for half an

hour, struck out a plan. He mentioned to me as a secret, that he is

courting a young lady who has, as no doubt you are aware, a

bedridden Pa. Which Pa, having been in the Purser line of life,

lies a-bed in a bow-window where he can see the ships sail up and

down the river. You are acquainted with the young lady, most

probably?"

"Not personally," said I.

The truth was, that she had objected to me as an expensive

companion who did Herbert no good, and that, when Herbert had first

proposed to present me to her, she had received the proposal with

such very moderate warmth, that Herbert had felt himself obliged to

confide the state of the case to me, with a view to the lapse of a

little time before I made her acquaintance. When I had begun to

advance Herbert's prospects by Stealth, I had been able to bear

this with cheerful philosophy; he and his affianced, for their

part, had naturally not been very anxious to introduce a third

person into their interviews; and thus, although I was assured that

I had risen in Clara's esteem, and although the young lady and I

had long regularly interchanged messages and remembrances by

Herbert, I had never seen her. However, I did not trouble Wemmick

with these particulars.

"The house with the bow-window," said Wemmick, "being by the

river-side, down the Pool there between Limehouse and Greenwich,

and being kept, it seems, by a very respectable widow who has a

furnished upper floor to let, Mr. Herbert put it to me, what did I

think of that as a temporary tenement for Tom, Jack, or Richard?

Now, I thought very well of it, for three reasons I'll give you.

That is to say. Firstly. It's altogether out of all your beats, and

is well away from the usual heap of streets great and small.

Secondly. Without going near it yourself, you could always hear of

the safety of Tom, Jack, or Richard, through Mr. Herbert. Thirdly.

After a while and when it might be prudent, if you should want to

slip Tom, Jack, or Richard, on board a foreign packet-boat, there

he is - ready."

Much comforted by these considerations, I thanked Wemmick again and

again, and begged him to proceed.

"Well, sir! Mr. Herbert threw himself into the business with a will,

and by nine o'clock last night he housed Tom, Jack, or Richard -

whichever it may be - you and I don't want to know - quite

successfully. At the old lodgings it was understood that he was

summoned to Dover, and in fact he was taken down the Dover road and

cornered out of it. Now, another great advantage of all this, is,

that it was done without you, and when, if any one was concerning

himself about your movements, you must be known to be ever so many

miles off and quite otherwise engaged. This diverts suspicion and

confuses it; and for the same reason I recommended that even if you

came back last night, you should not go home. It brings in more

confusion, and you want confusion."

Wemmick, having finished his breakfast, here looked at his watch,

and began to get his coat on.

"And now, Mr. Pip," said he, with his hands still in the sleeves, "I

have probably done the most I can do; but if I can ever do more -

from a Walworth point of view, and in a strictly private and

personal capacity - I shall be glad to do it. Here's the address.

There can be no harm in your going here to-night and seeing for

yourself that all is well with Tom, Jack, or Richard, before you go

home - which is another reason for your not going home last night.

But after you have gone home, don't go back here. You are very

welcome, I am sure, Mr. Pip;" his hands were now out of his sleeves,

and I was shaking them; "and let me finally impress one important

point upon you." He laid his hands upon my shoulders, and added in

a solemn whisper: "Avail yourself of this evening to lay hold of

his portable property. You don't know what may happen to him. Don't

let anything happen to the portable property."

Quite despairing of making my mind clear to Wemmick on this point,

I forbore to try.

"Time's up," said Wemmick, "and I must be off. If you had nothing

more pressing to do than to keep here till dark, that's what I

should advise. You look very much worried, and it would do you good

to have a perfectly quiet day with the Aged - he'll be up presently

- and a little bit of - you remember the pig?"

"Of course," said I.

"Well; and a little bit of him. That sausage you toasted was his,

and he was in all respects a first-rater. Do try him, if it is only

for old acquaintance sake. Good-bye, Aged Parent!" in a cheery

shout.

"All right, John; all right, my boy!" piped the old man from

within.

I soon fell asleep before Wemmick's fire, and the Aged and I

enjoyed one another's society by falling asleep before it more or

less all day. We had loin of pork for dinner, and greens grown on

the estate, and I nodded at the Aged with a good intention whenever

I failed to do it drowsily. When it was quite dark, I left the Aged

preparing the fire for toast; and I inferred from the number of

teacups, as well as from his glances at the two little doors in the

wall, that Miss Skiffins was expected.

 

Chapter 46

Eight o'clock had struck before I got into the air that was

scented, not disagreeably, by the chips and shavings of the

long-shore boatbuilders, and mast oar and block makers. All that

water-side region of the upper and lower Pool below Bridge, was

unknown ground to me, and when I struck down by the river, I found

that the spot I wanted was not where I had supposed it to be, and

was anything but easy to find. It was called Mill Pond Bank,

Chinks's Basin; and I had no other guide to Chinks's Basin than the

Old Green Copper Rope-Walk.

It matters not what stranded ships repairing in dry docks I lost

myself among, what old hulls of ships in course of being knocked to

pieces, what ooze and slime and other dregs of tide, what yards of

ship-builders and ship-breakers, what rusty anchors blindly biting

into the ground though for years off duty, what mountainous country

of accumulated casks and timber, how many rope-walks that were not

the Old Green Copper. After several times falling short of my

destination and as often over-shooting it, I came unexpectedly

round a corner, upon Mill Pond Bank. It was a fresh kind of place,

all circumstances considered, where the wind from the river had

room to turn itself round; and there were two or three trees in it,

and there was the stump of a ruined windmill, and there was the Old

Green Copper Rope-Walk - whose long and narrow vista I could trace

in the moonlight, along a series of wooden frames set in the

ground, that looked like superannuated haymaking-rakes which had

grown old and lost most of their teeth.

Selecting from the few queer houses upon Mill Pond Bank, a house

with a wooden front and three stories of bow-window (not

bay-window, which is another thing), I looked at the plate upon the

door, and read there, Mrs. Whimple. That being the name I wanted, I

knocked, and an elderly woman of a pleasant and thriving appearance

responded. She was immediately deposed, however, by Herbert, who

silently led me into the parlour and shut the door. It was an odd

sensation to see his very familiar face established quite at home

in that very unfamiliar room and region; and I found myself looking

at him, much as I looked at the corner-cupboard with the glass and

china, the shells upon the chimney-piece, and the coloured

engravings on the wall, representing the death of Captain Cook, a

ship-launch, and his Majesty King George the Third in a

state-coachman's wig, leather-breeches, and top-boots, on the

terrace at Windsor.

"All is well, Handel," said Herbert, "and he is quite satisfied,

though eager to see you. My dear girl is with her father; and if

you'll wait till she comes down, I'll make you known to her, and

then we'll go up-stairs. - That's her father."

I had become aware of an alarming growling overhead, and had

probably expressed the fact in my countenance.

"I am afraid he is a sad old rascal," said Herbert, smiling, "but I

have never seen him. Don't you smell rum? He is always at it."

"At rum?" said I.

"Yes," returned Herbert, "and you may suppose how mild it makes his

gout. He persists, too, in keeping all the provisions upstairs in

his room, and serving them out. He keeps them on shelves over his

head, and will weigh them all. His room must be like a chandler's

shop."

While he thus spoke, the growling noise became a prolonged roar,

and then died away.

"What else can be the consequence," said Herbert, in explanation,

"if he will cut the cheese? A man with the gout in his right hand -

and everywhere else - can't expect to get through a Double

Gloucester without hurting himself."

He seemed to have hurt himself very much, for he gave another

furious roar.

"To have Provis for an upper lodger is quite a godsend to Mrs.

Whimple," said Herbert, "for of course people in general won't

stand that noise. A curious place, Handel; isn't it?"

It was a curious place, indeed; but remarkably well kept and clean.

"Mrs. Whimple," said Herbert, when I told him so, "is the best of

housewives, and I really do not know what my Clara would do without

her motherly help. For, Clara has no mother of her own, Handel, and

no relation in the world but old Gruffandgrim."

"Surely that's not his name, Herbert?"

"No, no," said Herbert, "that's my name for him. His name is Mr.

Barley. But what a blessing it is for the son of my father and

mother, to love a girl who has no relations, and who can never

bother herself, or anybody else, about her family!"

Herbert had told me on former occasions, and now reminded me, that

he first knew Miss Clara Barley when she was completing her

education at an establishment at Hammersmith, and that on her being

recalled home to nurse her father, he and she had confided their

affection to the motherly Mrs. Whimple, by whom it had been fostered

and regulated with equal kindness and discretion, ever since. It

was understood that nothing of a tender nature could possibly be

confided to old Barley, by reason of his being totally unequal to

the consideration of any subject more psychological than Gout, Rum,

and Purser's stores.

As we were thus conversing in a low tone while Old Barley's

sustained growl vibrated in the beam that crossed the ceiling, the

room door opened, and a very pretty slight dark-eyed girl of twenty

or so, came in with a basket in her hand: whom Herbert tenderly

relieved of the basket, and presented blushing, as "Clara." She

really was a most charming girl, and might have passed for a

captive fairy, whom that truculent Ogre, Old Barley, had pressed

into his service.

"Look here," said Herbert, showing me the basket, with a

compassionate and tender smile after we had talked a little;

"here's poor Clara's supper, served out every night. Here's her

allowance of bread, and here's her slice of cheese, and here's her

rum - which I drink. This is Mr. Barley's breakfast for to-morrow,

served out to be cooked. Two mutton chops, three potatoes, some

split peas, a little flour, two ounces of butter, a pinch of salt,

and all this black pepper. It's stewed up together, and taken hot,

and it's a nice thing for the gout, I should think!"

There was something so natural and winning in Clara's resigned way

of looking at these stores in detail, as Herbert pointed them out,

- and something so confiding, loving, and innocent, in her modest

manner of yielding herself to Herbert's embracing arm - and

something so gentle in her, so much needing protection on Mill Pond

Bank, by Chinks's Basin, and the Old Green Copper Rope-Walk, with

Old Barley growling in the beam - that I would not have undone the

engagement between her and Herbert, for all the money in the

pocket-book I had never opened.

I was looking at her with pleasure and admiration, when suddenly

the growl swelled into a roar again, and a frightful bumping noise

was heard above, as if a giant with a wooden leg were trying to

bore it through the ceiling to come to us. Upon this Clara said to

Herbert, "Papa wants me, darling!" and ran away.

"There is an unconscionable old shark for you!" said Herbert. "What

do you suppose he wants now, Handel?"

"I don't know," said I. "Something to drink?"

"That's it!" cried Herbert, as if I had made a guess of

extraordinary merit. "He keeps his grog ready-mixed in a little tub

on the table. Wait a moment, and you'll hear Clara lift him up to

take some. - There he goes!" Another roar, with a prolonged shake

at the end. "Now," said Herbert, as it was succeeded by silence,

"he's drinking. Now," said Herbert, as the growl resounded in the

beam once more, "he's down again on his back!"

Clara returned soon afterwards, and Herbert accompanied me

up-stairs to see our charge. As we passed Mr. Barley's door, he was

heard hoarsely muttering within, in a strain that rose and fell

like wind, the following Refrain; in which I substitute good wishes

for something quite the reverse.

"Ahoy! Bless your eyes, here's old Bill Barley. Here's old Bill

Barley, bless your eyes. Here's old Bill Barley on the flat of his

back, by the Lord. Lying on the flat of his back, like a drifting

old dead flounder, here's your old Bill Barley, bless your eyes.

Ahoy! Bless you."

In this strain of consolation, Herbert informed me the invisible

Barley would commune with himself by the day and night together;

often while it was light, having, at the same time, one eye at a

telescope which was fitted on his bed for the convenience of

sweeping the river.

In his two cabin rooms at the top of the house, which were fresh

and airy, and in which Mr. Barley was less audible than below, I

found Provis comfortably settled. He expressed no alarm, and seemed

to feel none that was worth mentioning; but it struck me that he

was softened - indefinably, for I could not have said how, and could

never afterwards recall how when I tried; but certainly.

The opportunity that the day's rest had given me for reflection,

had resulted in my fully determining to say nothing to him

respecting Compeyson. For anything I knew, his animosity towards

the man might otherwise lead to his seeking him out and rushing on

his own destruction. Therefore, when Herbert and I sat down with

him by his fire, I asked him first of all whether he relied on

Wemmick's judgment and sources of information?

"Ay, ay, dear boy!" he answered, with a grave nod, "Jaggers knows."

"Then, I have talked with Wemmick," said I, "and have come to tell

you what caution he gave me and what advice."

This I did accurately, with the reservation just mentioned; and I

told him how Wemmick had heard, in Newgate prison (whether from

officers or prisoners I could not say), that he was under some

suspicion, and that my chambers had been watched; how Wemmick had

recommended his keeping close for a time, and my keeping away from

him; and what Wemmick had said about getting him abroad. I added,

that of course, when the time came, I should go with him, or should

follow close upon him, as might be safest in Wemmick's judgment.

What was to follow that, I did not touch upon; neither indeed was I

at all clear or comfortable about it in my own mind, now that I saw

him in that softer condition, and in declared peril for my sake. As

to altering my way of living, by enlarging my expenses, I put it to

him whether in our present unsettled and difficult circumstances,

it would not be simply ridiculous, if it were no worse?

He could not deny this, and indeed was very reasonable throughout.

His coming back was a venture, he said, and he had always known it

to be a venture. He would do nothing to make it a desperate

venture, and he had very little fear of his safety with such good

help.

Herbert, who had been looking at the fire and pondering, here said

that something had come into his thoughts arising out of Wemmick's

suggestion, which it might be worth while to pursue. "We are both

good watermen, Handel, and could take him down the river ourselves

when the right time comes. No boat would then be hired for the

purpose, and no boatmen; that would save at least a chance of

suspicion, and any chance is worth saving. Never mind the season;

don't you think it might be a good thing if you began at once to

keep a boat at the Temple stairs, and were in the habit of rowing

up and down the river? You fall into that habit, and then who

notices or minds? Do it twenty or fifty times, and there is nothing

special in your doing it the twenty-first or fifty-first."

I liked this scheme, and Provis was quite elated by it. We agreed

that it should be carried into execution, and that Provis should

never recognize us if we came below Bridge and rowed past Mill Pond

Bank. But, we further agreed that he should pull down the blind in

that part of his window which gave upon the east, whenever he saw

us and all was right.

Our conference being now ended, and everything arranged, I rose to

go; remarking to Herbert that he and I had better not go home

together, and that I would take half an hour's start of him. "I

don't like to leave you here," I said to Provis, "though I cannot

doubt your being safer here than near me. Good-bye!"

"Dear boy," he answered, clasping my hands, "I don't know when we

may meet again, and I don't like Good-bye. Say Good Night!"

"Good night! Herbert will go regularly between us, and when the

time comes you may be certain I shall be ready. Good night, Good

night!"

We thought it best that he should stay in his own rooms, and we

left him on the landing outside his door, holding a light over the

stair-rail to light us down stairs. Looking back at him, I thought

of the first night of his return when our positions were reversed,

and when I little supposed my heart could ever be as heavy and

anxious at parting from him as it was now.

Old Barley was growling and swearing when we repassed his door,

with no appearance of having ceased or of meaning to cease. When we

got to the foot of the stairs, I asked Herbert whether he had

preserved the name of Provis. He replied, certainly not, and that

the lodger was Mr. Campbell. He also explained that the utmost known

of Mr. Campbell there, was, that he (Herbert) had Mr. Campbell

consigned to him, and felt a strong personal interest in his being

well cared for, and living a secluded life. So, when we went into

the parlour where Mrs. Whimple and Clara were seated at work, I said

nothing of my own interest in Mr. Campbell, but kept it to myself.

When I had taken leave of the pretty gentle dark-eyed girl, and of

the motherly woman who had not outlived her honest sympathy with a

little affair of true love, I felt as if the Old Green Copper

Rope-Walk had grown quite a different place. Old Barley might be as

old as the hills, and might swear like a whole field of troopers,

but there were redeeming youth and trust and hope enough in

Chinks's Basin to fill it to overflowing. And then I thought of

Estella, and of our parting, and went home very sadly.

All things were as quiet in the Temple as ever I had seen them. The

windows of the rooms on that side, lately occupied by Provis, were

dark and still, and there was no lounger in Garden Court. I walked

past the fountain twice or thrice before I descended the steps that

were between me and my rooms, but I was quite alone. Herbert coming

to my bedside when he came in - for I went straight to bed,

dispirited and fatigued - made the same report. Opening one of the

windows after that, he looked out into the moonlight, and told me

that the pavement was a solemnly empty as the pavement of any

Cathedral at that same hour.

Next day, I set myself to get the boat. It was soon done, and the

boat was brought round to the Temple stairs, and lay where I could

reach her within a minute or two. Then, I began to go out as for

training and practice: sometimes alone, sometimes with Herbert. I

was often out in cold, rain, and sleet, but nobody took much note

of me after I had been out a few times. At first, I kept above

Blackfriars Bridge; but as the hours of the tide changed, I took

towards London Bridge. It was Old London Bridge in those days, and

at certain states of the tide there was a race and fall of water

there which gave it a bad reputation. But I knew well enough how to

"shoot' the bridge after seeing it done, and so began to row about

among the shipping in the Pool, and down to Erith. The first time I

passed Mill Pond Bank, Herbert and I were pulling a pair of oars;

and, both in going and returning, we saw the blind towards the east

come down. Herbert was rarely there less frequently than three

times in a week, and he never brought me a single word of

intelligence that was at all alarming. Still, I knew that there was

cause for alarm, and I could not get rid of the notion of being

watched. Once received, it is a haunting idea; how many undesigning

persons I suspected of watching me, it would be hard to calculate.

In short, I was always full of fears for the rash man who was in

hiding. Herbert had sometimes said to me that he found it pleasant

to stand at one of our windows after dark, when the tide was

running down, and to think that it was flowing, with everything it

bore, towards Clara. But I thought with dread that it was flowing

towards Magwitch, and that any black mark on its surface might be

his pursuers, going swiftly, silently, and surely, to take him.

 

Chapter 47

Some weeks passed without bringing any change. We waited for

Wemmick, and he made no sign. If I had never known him out of

Little Britain, and had never enjoyed the privilege of being on a

familiar footing at the Castle, I might have doubted him; not so

for a moment, knowing him as I did.

My worldly affairs began to wear a gloomy appearance, and I was

pressed for money by more than one creditor. Even I myself began to

know the want of money (I mean of ready money in my own pocket),

and to relieve it by converting some easily spared articles of

jewellery into cash. But I had quite determined that it would be a

heartless fraud to take more money from my patron in the existing

state of my uncertain thoughts and plans. Therefore, I had sent him

the unopened pocket-book by Herbert, to hold in his own keeping,

and I felt a kind of satisfaction - whether it was a false kind or

a true, I hardly know - in not having profited by his generosity

since his revelation of himself.

As the time wore on, an impression settled heavily upon me that

Estella was married. Fearful of having it confirmed, though it was

all but a conviction, I avoided the newspapers, and begged Herbert

(to whom I had confided the circumstances of our last interview)

never to speak of her to me. Why I hoarded up this last wretched

little rag of the robe of hope that was rent and given to the

winds, how do I know! Why did you who read this, commit that not

dissimilar inconsistency of your own, last year, last month, last

week?

It was an unhappy life that I lived, and its one dominant anxiety,

towering over all its other anxieties like a high mountain above a

range of mountains, never disappeared from my view. Still, no new

cause for fear arose. Let me start from my bed as I would, with the

terror fresh upon me that he was discovered; let me sit listening

as I would, with dread, for Herbert's returning step at night, lest

it should be fleeter than ordinary, and winged with evil news; for

all that, and much more to like purpose, the round of things went

on. Condemned to inaction and a state of constant restlessness and

suspense, I rowed about in my boat, and waited, waited, waited, as

I best could.

There were states of the tide when, having been down the river, I

could not get back through the eddy-chafed arches and starlings of

old London Bridge; then, I left my boat at a wharf near the Custom

House, to be brought up afterwards to the Temple stairs. I was not

averse to doing this, as it served to make me and my boat a

commoner incident among the water-side people there. From this

slight occasion, sprang two meetings that I have now to tell of.

One afternoon, late in the month of February, I came ashore at the

wharf at dusk. I had pulled down as far as Greenwich with the ebb

tide, and had turned with the tide. It had been a fine bright day,

but had become foggy as the sun dropped, and I had had to feel my

way back among the shipping, pretty carefully. Both in going and

returning, I had seen the signal in his window, All well.

As it was a raw evening and I was cold, I thought I would comfort

myself with dinner at once; and as I had hours of dejection and

solitude before me if I went home to the Temple, I thought I would

afterwards go to the play. The theatre where Mr. Wopsle had achieved

his questionable triumph, was in that waterside neighbourhood (it

is nowhere now), and to that theatre I resolved to go. I was aware

that Mr. Wopsle had not succeeded in reviving the Drama, but, on the

contrary, had rather partaken of its decline. He had been ominously

heard of, through the playbills, as a faithful Black, in connexion

with a little girl of noble birth, and a monkey. And Herbert had

seen him as a predatory Tartar of comic propensities, with a face

like a red brick, and an outrageous hat all over bells.

I dined at what Herbert and I used to call a Geographical

chop-house - where there were maps of the world in porter-pot rims

on every half-yard of the table-cloths, and charts of gravy on

every one of the knives - to this day there is scarcely a single

chop-house within the Lord Mayor's dominions which is not

Geographical - and wore out the time in dozing over crumbs, staring

at gas, and baking in a hot blast of dinners. By-and-by, I roused

myself and went to the play.

There, I found a virtuous boatswain in his Majesty's service - a

most excellent man, though I could have wished his trousers not

quite so tight in some places and not quite so loose in others -

who knocked all the little men's hats over their eyes, though he

was very generous and brave, and who wouldn't hear of anybody's

paying taxes, though he was very patriotic. He had a bag of money

in his pocket, like a pudding in the cloth, and on that property

married a young person in bed-furniture, with great rejoicings; the

whole population of Portsmouth (nine in number at the last Census)

turning out on the beach, to rub their own hands and shake

everybody else's, and sing "Fill, fill!" A certain

dark-complexioned Swab, however, who wouldn't fill, or do anything

else that was proposed to him, and whose heart was openly stated

(by the boatswain) to be as black as his figure-head, proposed to

two other Swabs to get all mankind into difficulties; which was so

effectually done (the Swab family having considerable political

influence) that it took half the evening to set things right, and

then it was only brought about through an honest little grocer with

a white hat, black gaiters, and red nose, getting into a clock,

with a gridiron, and listening, and coming out, and knocking

everybody down from behind with the gridiron whom he couldn't

confute with what he had overheard. This led to Mr. Wopsle's (who

had never been heard of before) coming in with a star and garter

on, as a plenipotentiary of great power direct from the Admiralty,

to say that the Swabs were all to go to prison on the spot, and

that he had brought the boatswain down the Union Jack, as a slight

acknowledgment of his public services. The boatswain, unmanned for

the first time, respectfully dried his eyes on the Jack, and then

cheering up and addressing Mr. Wopsle as Your Honour, solicited

permission to take him by the fin. Mr. Wopsle conceding his fin with

a gracious dignity, was immediately shoved into a dusty corner

while everybody danced a hornpipe; and from that corner, surveying

the public with a discontented eye, became aware of me.

The second piece was the last new grand comic Christmas pantomime,

in the first scene of which, it pained me to suspect that I

detected Mr. Wopsle with red worsted legs under a highly magnified

phosphoric countenance and a shock of red curtain-fringe for his

hair, engaged in the manufacture of thunderbolts in a mine, and

displaying great cowardice when his gigantic master came home (very

hoarse) to dinner. But he presently presented himself under

worthier circumstances; for, the Genius of Youthful Love being in

want of assistance - on account of the parental brutality of an

ignorant farmer who opposed the choice of his daughter's heart, by

purposely falling upon the object, in a flour sack, out of the

firstfloor window - summoned a sententious Enchanter; and he,

coming up from the antipodes rather unsteadily, after an apparently

violent journey, proved to be Mr. Wopsle in a high-crowned hat, with

a necromantic work in one volume under his arm. The business of

this enchanter on earth, being principally to be talked at, sung

at, butted at, danced at, and flashed at with fires of various

colours, he had a good deal of time on his hands. And I observed

with great surprise, that he devoted it to staring in my direction

as if he were lost in amazement.

There was something so remarkable in the increasing glare of Mr.

Wopsle's eye, and he seemed to be turning so many things over in

his mind and to grow so confused, that I could not make it out. I

sat thinking of it, long after he had ascended to the clouds in a

large watch-case, and still I could not make it out. I was still

thinking of it when I came out of the theatre an hour afterwards,

and found him waiting for me near the door.

"How do you do?" said I, shaking hands with him as we turned down

the street together. "I saw that you saw me."

"Saw you, Mr. Pip!" he returned. "Yes, of course I saw you. But who

else was there?"

"Who else?"

"It is the strangest thing," said Mr. Wopsle, drifting into his lost

look again; "and yet I could swear to him."

Becoming alarmed, I entreated Mr. Wopsle to explain his meaning.

"Whether I should have noticed him at first but for your being

there," said Mr. Wopsle, going on in the same lost way, "I can't be

positive; yet I think I should."

Involuntarily I looked round me, as I was accustomed to look round

me when I went home; for, these mysterious words gave me a chill.

"Oh! He can't be in sight," said Mr. Wopsle. "He went out, before I

went off, I saw him go."

Having the reason that I had, for being suspicious, I even

suspected this poor actor. I mistrusted a design to entrap me into

some admission. Therefore, I glanced at him as we walked on

together, but said nothing.

"I had a ridiculous fancy that he must be with you, Mr. Pip, till I

saw that you were quite unconscious of him, sitting behind you

there, like a ghost."

My former chill crept over me again, but I was resolved not to

speak yet, for it was quite consistent with his words that he might

be set on to induce me to connect these references with Provis. Of

course, I was perfectly sure and safe that Provis had not been

there.

"I dare say you wonder at me, Mr. Pip; indeed I see you do. But it

is so very strange! You'll hardly believe what I am going to tell

you. I could hardly believe it myself, if you told me."

"Indeed?" said I.

"No, indeed. Mr. Pip, you remember in old times a certain Christmas

Day, when you were quite a child, and I dined at Gargery's, and

some soldiers came to the door to get a pair of handcuffs mended?"

"I remember it very well."

"And you remember that there was a chase after two convicts, and

that we joined in it, and that Gargery took you on his back, and

that I took the lead and you kept up with me as well as you could?"

"I remember it all very well." Better than he thought - except the

last clause.

"And you remember that we came up with the two in a ditch, and that

there was a scuffle between them, and that one of them had been

severely handled and much mauled about the face, by the other?"

"I see it all before me."

"And that the soldiers lighted torches, and put the two in the

centre, and that we went on to see the last of them, over the black

marshes, with the torchlight shining on their faces - I am

particular about that; with the torchlight shining on their faces,

when there was an outer ring of dark night all about us?"

"Yes," said I. "I remember all that."

"Then, Mr. Pip, one of those two prisoners sat behind you tonight. I

saw him over your shoulder."

"Steady!" I thought. I asked him then, "Which of the two do you

suppose you saw?"

"The one who had been mauled," he answered readily, "and I'll swear

I saw him! The more I think of him, the more certain I am of him."

"This is very curious!" said I, with the best assumption I could

put on, of its being nothing more to me. "Very curious indeed!"

I cannot exaggerate the enhanced disquiet into which this

conversation threw me, or the special and peculiar terror I felt at

Compeyson's having been behind me "like a ghost." For, if he had

ever been out of my thoughts for a few moments together since the

hiding had begun, it was in those very moments when he was closest

to me; and to think that I should be so unconscious and off my

guard after all my care, was as if I had shut an avenue of a

hundred doors to keep him out, and then had found him at my elbow.

I could not doubt either that he was there, because I was there,

and that however slight an appearance of danger there might be

about us, danger was always near and active.

I put such questions to Mr. Wopsle as, When did the man come in? He

could not tell me that; he saw me, and over my shoulder he saw the

man. It was not until he had seen him for some time that he began

to identify him; but he had from the first vaguely associated him

with me, and known him as somehow belonging to me in the old

village time. How was he dressed? Prosperously, but not noticeably

otherwise; he thought, in black. Was his face at all disfigured?

No, he believed not. I believed not, too, for, although in my

brooding state I had taken no especial notice of the people behind

me, I thought it likely that a face at all disfigured would have

attracted my attention.

When Mr. Wopsle had imparted to me all that he could recall or I

extract, and when I had treated him to a little appropriate

refreshment after the fatigues of the evening, we parted. It was

between twelve and one o'clock when I reached the Temple, and the

gates were shut. No one was near me when I went in and went home.

Herbert had come in, and we held a very serious council by the

fire. But there was nothing to be done, saving to communicate to

Wemmick what I had that night found out, and to remind him that we

waited for his hint. As I thought that I might compromise him if I

went too often to the Castle, I made this communication by letter.

I wrote it before I went to bed, and went out and posted it; and

again no one was near me. Herbert and I agreed that we could do

nothing else but be very cautious. And we were very cautious indeed

- more cautious than before, if that were possible - and I for my

part never went near Chinks's Basin, except when I rowed by, and

then I only looked at Mill Pond Bank as I looked at anything else.

 

Chapter 48

The second of the two meetings referred to in the last chapter,

occurred about a week after the first. I had again left my boat at

the wharf below Bridge; the time was an hour earlier in the

afternoon; and, undecided where to dine, I had strolled up into

Cheapside, and was strolling along it, surely the most unsettled

person in all the busy concourse, when a large hand was laid upon

my shoulder, by some one overtaking me. It was Mr. Jaggers's hand,

and he passed it through my arm.

"As we are going in the same direction, Pip, we may walk together.

Where are you bound for?"

"For the Temple, I think," said I.

"Don't you know?" said Mr. Jaggers.

"Well," I returned, glad for once to get the better of him in

cross-examination, "I do not know, for I have not made up my mind."

"You are going to dine?" said Mr. Jaggers. "You don't mind admitting

that, I suppose?"

"No," I returned, "I don't mind admitting that."

"And are not engaged?"

"I don't mind admitting also, that I am not engaged."

"Then," said Mr. Jaggers, "come and dine with me."

I was going to excuse myself, when he added, "Wemmick's coming."

So, I changed my excuse into an acceptance - the few words I had

uttered, serving for the beginning of either - and we went along

Cheapside and slanted off to Little Britain, while the lights were

springing up brilliantly in the shop windows, and the street

lamp-lighters, scarcely finding ground enough to plant their

ladders on in the midst of the afternoon's bustle, were skipping up

and down and running in and out, opening more red eyes in the

gathering fog than my rushlight tower at the Hummums had opened

white eyes in the ghostly wall.

At the office in Little Britain there was the usual letter-writing,

hand-washing, candle-snuffing, and safe-locking, that closed the

business of the day. As I stood idle by Mr. Jaggers's fire, its

rising and falling flame made the two casts on the shelf look as if

they were playing a diabolical game at bo-peep with me; while the

pair of coarse fat office candles that dimly lighted Mr. Jaggers as

he wrote in a corner, were decorated with dirty winding-sheets, as

if in remembrance of a host of hanged clients.

We went to Gerrard-street, all three together, in a hackney coach:

and as soon as we got there, dinner was served. Although I should

not have thought of making, in that place, the most distant

reference by so much as a look to Wemmick's Walworth sentiments,

yet I should have had no objection to catching his eye now and then

in a friendly way. But it was not to be done. He turned his eyes on

Mr. Jaggers whenever he raised them from the table, and was as dry

and distant to me as if there were twin Wemmicks and this was the

wrong one.

"Did you send that note of Miss Havisham's to Mr. Pip, Wemmick?" Mr.

Jaggers asked, soon after we began dinner.

"No, sir," returned Wemmick; "it was going by post, when you

brought Mr. Pip into the office. Here it is." He handed it to his

principal, instead of to me.

"It's a note of two lines, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, handing it on,

"sent up to me by Miss Havisham, on account of her not being sure

of your address. She tells me that she wants to see you on a little

matter of business you mentioned to her. You'll go down?"

"Yes," said I, casting my eyes over the note, which was exactly in

those terms.

"When do you think of going down?"

"I have an impending engagement," said I, glancing at Wemmick, who

was putting fish into the post-office, "that renders me rather

uncertain of my time. At once, I think."

"If Mr. Pip has the intention of going at once," said Wemmick to Mr.

Jaggers, "he needn't write an answer, you know."

Receiving this as an intimation that it was best not to delay, I

settled that I would go to-morrow, and said so. Wemmick drank a

glass of wine and looked with a grimly satisfied air at Mr. Jaggers,

but not at me.

"So, Pip! Our friend the Spider," said Mr. Jaggers, "has played his

cards. He has won the pool."

It was as much as I could do to assent.

"Hah! He is a promising fellow - in his way - but he may not have

it all his own way. The stronger will win in the end, but the

stronger has to be found out first. If he should turn to, and beat

her--"

"Surely," I interrupted, with a burning face and heart, "you do not

seriously think that he is scoundrel enough for that, Mr. Jaggers?"

"I didn't say so, Pip. I am putting a case. If he should turn to

and beat her, he may possibly get the strength on his side; if it

should be a question of intellect, he certainly will not. It would

be chance work to give an opinion how a fellow of that sort will

turn out in such circumstances, because it's a toss-up between two

results."

"May I ask what they are?"

"A fellow like our friend the Spider," answered Mr. Jaggers, "either

beats, or cringes. He may cringe and growl, or cringe and not

growl; but he either beats or cringes. Ask Wemmick his opinion."

"Either beats or cringes," said Wemmick, not at all addressing

himself to me.

"So, here's to Mrs. Bentley Drummle," said Mr. Jaggers, taking a

decanter of choicer wine from his dumb-waiter, and filling for each

of us and for himself, "and may the question of supremacy be

settled to the lady's satisfaction! To the satisfaction of the lady

and the gentleman, it never will be. Now, Molly, Molly, Molly,

Molly, how slow you are to-day!"

She was at his elbow when he addressed her, putting a dish upon the

table. As she withdrew her hands from it, she fell back a step or

two, nervously muttering some excuse. And a certain action of her

fingers as she spoke arrested my attention.

"What's the matter?" said Mr. Jaggers.

"Nothing. Only the subject we were speaking of," said I, "was

rather painful to me."

The action of her fingers was like the action of knitting. She

stood looking at her master, not understanding whether she was free

to go, or whether he had more to say to her and would call her back

if she did go. Her look was very intent. Surely, I had seen exactly

such eyes and such hands, on a memorable occasion very lately!

He dismissed her, and she glided out of the room. But she remained

before me, as plainly as if she were still there. I looked at those

hands, I looked at those eyes, I looked at that flowing hair; and I

compared them with other hands, other eyes, other hair, that I knew

of, and with what those might be after twenty years of a brutal

husband and a stormy life. I looked again at those hands and eyes

of the housekeeper, and thought of the inexplicable feeling that

had come over me when I last walked - not alone - in the ruined

garden, and through the deserted brewery. I thought how the same

feeling had come back when I saw a face looking at me, and a hand

waving to me, from a stage-coach window; and how it had come back

again and had flashed about me like Lightning, when I had passed in

a carriage - not alone - through a sudden glare of light in a dark

street. I thought how one link of association had helped that

identification in the theatre, and how such a link, wanting before,

had been riveted for me now, when I had passed by a chance swift

from Estella's name to the fingers with their knitting action, and

the attentive eyes. And I felt absolutely certain that this woman

was Estella's mother.

Mr. Jaggers had seen me with Estella, and was not likely to have

missed the sentiments I had been at no pains to conceal. He nodded

when I said the subject was painful to me, clapped me on the back,

put round the wine again, and went on with his dinner.

Only twice more, did the housekeeper reappear, and then her stay in

the room was very short, and Mr. Jaggers was sharp with her. But her

hands were Estella's hands, and her eyes were Estella's eyes, and

if she had reappeared a hundred times I could have been neither

more sure nor less sure that my conviction was the truth.

It was a dull evening, for Wemmick drew his wine when it came

round, quite as a matter of business - just as he might have drawn

his salary when that came round - and with his eyes on his chief,

sat in a state of perpetual readiness for cross-examination. As to

the quantity of wine, his post-office was as indifferent and ready

as any other post-office for its quantity of letters. From my point

of view, he was the wrong twin all the time, and only externally

like the Wemmick of Walworth.

We took our leave early, and left together. Even when we were

groping among Mr. Jaggers's stock of boots for our hats, I felt that

the right twin was on his way back; and we had not gone half a

dozen yards down Gerrard-street in the Walworth direction before I

found that I was walking arm-in-arm with the right twin, and that

the wrong twin had evaporated into the evening air.

"Well!" said Wemmick, "that's over! He's a wonderful man, without

his living likeness; but I feel that I have to screw myself up when

I dine with him - and I dine more comfortably unscrewed."

I felt that this was a good statement of the case, and told him so.

"Wouldn't say it to anybody but yourself," he answered. "I know

that what is said between you and me, goes no further."

I asked him if he had ever seen Miss Havisham's adopted daughter,

Mrs. Bentley Drummle? He said no. To avoid being too abrupt, I then

spoke of the Aged, and of Miss Skiffins. He looked rather sly when

I mentioned Miss Skiffins, and stopped in the street to blow his

nose, with a roll of the head and a flourish not quite free from

latent boastfulness.

"Wemmick," said I, "do you remember telling me before I first went

to Mr. Jaggers's private house, to notice that housekeeper?"

"Did I?" he replied. "Ah, I dare say I did. Deuce take me," he

added, suddenly, "I know I did. I find I am not quite unscrewed

yet."

"A wild beast tamed, you called her."

"And what do you call her?"

"The same. How did Mr. Jaggers tame her, Wemmick?"

"That's his secret. She has been with him many a long year."

"I wish you would tell me her story. I feel a particular interest

in being acquainted with it. You know that what is said between you

and me goes no further."

"Well!" Wemmick replied, "I don't know her story - that is, I don't

know all of it. But what I do know, I'll tell you. We are in our

private and personal capacities, of course."

"Of course."

"A score or so of years ago, that woman was tried at the Old Bailey

for murder, and was acquitted. She was a very handsome young woman,

and I believe had some gipsy blood in her. Anyhow, it was hot enough

when it was up, as you may suppose."

"But she was acquitted."

"Mr. Jaggers was for her," pursued Wemmick, with a look full of

meaning, "and worked the case in a way quite astonishing. It was a

desperate case, and it was comparatively early days with him then,

and he worked it to general admiration; in fact, it may almost be

said to have made him. He worked it himself at the police-office,

day after day for many days, contending against even a committal;

and at the trial where he couldn't work it himself, sat under

Counsel, and - every one knew - put in all the salt and pepper. The

murdered person was a woman; a woman, a good ten years older, very

much larger, and very much stronger. It was a case of jealousy.

They both led tramping lives, and this woman in Gerrard-street here

had been married very young, over the broomstick (as we say), to a

tramping man, and was a perfect fury in point of jealousy. The

murdered woman - more a match for the man, certainly, in point of

years - was found dead in a barn near Hounslow Heath. There had

been a violent struggle, perhaps a fight. She was bruised and

scratched and torn, and had been held by the throat at last and

choked. Now, there was no reasonable evidence to implicate any

person but this woman, and, on the improbabilities of her having

been able to do it, Mr. Jaggers principally rested his case. You may

be sure," said Wemmick, touching me on the sleeve, "that he never

dwelt upon the strength of her hands then, though he sometimes does

now."

I had told Wemmick of his showing us her wrists, that day of the

dinner party.

"Well, sir!" Wemmick went on; "it happened - happened, don't you

see? - that this woman was so very artfully dressed from the time

of her apprehension, that she looked much slighter than she really

was; in particular, her sleeves are always remembered to have been

so skilfully contrived that her arms had quite a delicate look. She

had only a bruise or two about her - nothing for a tramp - but the

backs of her hands were lacerated, and the question was, was it

with finger-nails? Now, Mr. Jaggers showed that she had struggled

through a great lot of brambles which were not as high as her face;

but which she could not have got through and kept her hands out of;

and bits of those brambles were actually found in her skin and put

in evidence, as well as the fact that the brambles in question were

found on examination to have been broken through, and to have

little shreds of her dress and little spots of blood upon them here

and there. But the boldest point he made, was this. It was

attempted to be set up in proof of her jealousy, that she was under

strong suspicion of having, at about the time of the murder,

frantically destroyed her child by this man - some three years old

- to revenge herself upon him. Mr. Jaggers worked that, in this way.

"We say these are not marks of finger-nails, but marks of brambles,

and we show you the brambles. You say they are marks of

finger-nails, and you set up the hypothesis that she destroyed her

child. You must accept all consequences of that hypothesis. For

anything we know, she may have destroyed her child, and the child

in clinging to her may have scratched her hands. What then? You are

not trying her for the murder of her child; why don't you? As to

this case, if you will have scratches, we say that, for anything we

know, you may have accounted for them, assuming for the sake of

argument that you have not invented them!" To sum up, sir," said

Wemmick, "Mr. Jaggers was altogether too many for the Jury, and they

gave in."

"Has she been in his service ever since?"

"Yes; but not only that," said Wemmick. "She went into his service

immediately after her acquittal, tamed as she is now. She has since

been taught one thing and another in the way of her duties, but she

was tamed from the beginning."

"Do you remember the sex of the child?"

"Said to have been a girl."

"You have nothing more to say to me to-night?"

"Nothing. I got your letter and destroyed it. Nothing."

We exchanged a cordial Good Night, and I went home, with new matter

for my thoughts, though with no relief from the old.

 

Chapter 49

Putting Miss Havisham's note in my pocket, that it might serve as

my credentials for so soon reappearing at Satis House, in case her

waywardness should lead her to express any surprise at seeing me, I

went down again by the coach next day. But I alighted at the

Halfway House, and breakfasted there, and walked the rest of the

distance; for, I sought to get into the town quietly by the

unfrequented ways, and to leave it in the same manner.

The best light of the day was gone when I passed along the quiet

echoing courts behind the High-street. The nooks of ruin where the

old monks had once had their refectories and gardens, and where the

strong walls were now pressed into the service of humble sheds and

stables, were almost as silent as the old monks in their graves.

The cathedral chimes had at once a sadder and a more remote sound

to me, as I hurried on avoiding observation, than they had ever had

before; so, the swell of the old organ was borne to my ears like

funeral music; and the rooks, as they hovered about the grey tower

and swung in the bare high trees of the priory-garden, seemed to

call to me that the place was changed, and that Estella was gone

out of it for ever.

An elderly woman whom I had seen before as one of the servants who

lived in the supplementary house across the back court-yard, opened

the gate. The lighted candle stood in the dark passage within, as

of old, and I took it up and ascended the staircase alone. Miss

Havisham was not in her own room, but was in the larger room across

the landing. Looking in at the door, after knocking in vain, I saw

her sitting on the hearth in a ragged chair, close before, and lost

in the contemplation of, the ashy fire.

Doing as I had often done, I went in, and stood, touching the old

chimney-piece, where she could see me when she raised her eyes.

There was an air or utter loneliness upon her, that would have

moved me to pity though she had wilfully done me a deeper injury

than I could charge her with. As I stood compassionating her, and

thinking how in the progress of time I too had come to be a part of

the wrecked fortunes of that house, her eyes rested on me. She

stared, and said in a low voice, "Is it real?"

"It is I, Pip. Mr. Jaggers gave me your note yesterday, and I have

lost no time."

"Thank you. Thank you."

As I brought another of the ragged chairs to the hearth and sat

down, I remarked a new expression on her face, as if she were

afraid of me.

"I want," she said, "to pursue that subject you mentioned to me

when you were last here, and to show you that I am not all stone.

But perhaps you can never believe, now, that there is anything

human in my heart?"

When I said some reassuring words, she stretched out her tremulous

right hand, as though she was going to touch me; but she recalled

it again before I understood the action, or knew how to receive it.

"You said, speaking for your friend, that you could tell me how to

do something useful and good. Something that you would like done,

is it not?"

"Something that I would like done very much."

"What is it?"

I began explaining to her that secret history of the partnership. I

had not got far into it, when I judged from her looks that she was

thinking in a discursive way of me, rather than of what I said. It

seemed to be so, for, when I stopped speaking, many moments passed

before she showed that she was conscious of the fact.

"Do you break off," she asked then, with her former air of being

afraid of me, "because you hate me too much to bear to speak to

me?"

"No, no," I answered, "how can you think so, Miss Havisham! I

stopped because I thought you were not following what I said."

"Perhaps I was not," she answered, putting a hand to her head.

"Begin again, and let me look at something else. Stay! Now tell

me."

She set her hand upon her stick, in the resolute way that sometimes

was habitual to her, and looked at the fire with a strong

expression of forcing herself to attend. I went on with my

explanation, and told her how I had hoped to complete the

transaction out of my means, but how in this I was disappointed.

That part of the subject (I reminded her) involved matters which

could form no part of my explanation, for they were the weighty

secrets of another.

"So!" said she, assenting with her head, but not looking at me.

"And how much money is wanting to complete the purchase?"

I was rather afraid of stating it, for it sounded a large sum.

"Nine hundred pounds."

"If I give you the money for this purpose, will you keep my secret

as you have kept your own?"

"Quite as faithfully."

"And your mind will be more at rest?"

"Much more at rest."

"Are you very unhappy now?"

She asked this question, still without looking at me, but in an

unwonted tone of sympathy. I could not reply at the moment, for my

voice failed me. She put her left arm across the head of her stick,

and softly laid her forehead on it.

"I am far from happy, Miss Havisham; but I have other causes of

disquiet than any you know of. They are the secrets I have

mentioned."

After a little while, she raised her head and looked at the fire

again.

"It is noble in you to tell me that you have other causes of

unhappiness, Is it true?"

"Too true."

"Can I only serve you, Pip, by serving your friend? Regarding that

as done, is there nothing I can do for you yourself?"

"Nothing. I thank you for the question. I thank you even more for

the tone of the question. But, there is nothing."

She presently rose from her seat, and looked about the blighted

room for the means of writing. There were non there, and she took

from her pocket a yellow set of ivory tablets, mounted in tarnished

gold, and wrote upon them with a pencil in a case of tarnished gold

that hung from her neck.

"You are still on friendly terms with Mr. Jaggers?"

"Quite. I dined with him yesterday."

"This is an authority to him to pay you that money, to lay out at

your irresponsible discretion for your friend. I keep no money

here; but if you would rather Mr. Jaggers knew nothing of the

matter, I will send it to you."

"Thank you, Miss Havisham; I have not the least objection to

receiving it from him."

She read me what she had written, and it was direct and clear, and

evidently intended to absolve me from any suspicion of profiting by

the receipt of the money. I took the tablets from her hand, and it

trembled again, and it trembled more as she took off the chain to

which the pencil was attached, and put it in mine. All this she

did, without looking at me.

"My name is on the first leaf. If you can ever write under my name,

"I forgive her," though ever so long after my broken heart is dust

- pray do it!"

"O Miss Havisham," said I, "I can do it now. There have been sore

mistakes; and my life has been a blind and thankless one; and I

want forgiveness and direction far too much, to be bitter with

you."

She turned her face to me for the first time since she had averted

it, and, to my amazement, I may even add to my terror, dropped on

her knees at my feet; with her folded hands raised to me in the

manner in which, when her poor heart was young and fresh and whole,

they must often have been raised to heaven from her mother's side.

To see her with her white hair and her worn face kneeling at my

feet, gave me a shock through all my frame. I entreated her to

rise, and got my arms about her to help her up; but she only

pressed that hand of mine which was nearest to her grasp, and hung

her head over it and wept. I had never seen her shed a tear before,

and, in the hope that the relief might do her good, I bent over her

without speaking. She was not kneeling now, but was down upon the

ground.

"O!" she cried, despairingly. "What have I done! What have I done!"

"If you mean, Miss Havisham, what have you done to injure me, let

me answer. Very little. I should have loved her under any

circumstances. - Is she married?"

"Yes."

It was a needless question, for a new desolation in the desolate

house had told me so.

"What have I done! What have I done!" She wrung her hands, and

crushed her white hair, and returned to this cry over and over

again. "What have I done!"

I knew not how to answer, or how to comfort her. That she had done

a grievous thing in taking an impressionable child to mould into

the form that her wild resentment, spurned affection, and wounded

pride, found vengeance in, I knew full well. But that, in shutting

out the light of day, she had shut out infinitely more; that, in

seclusion, she had secluded herself from a thousand natural and

healing influences; that, her mind, brooding solitary, had grown

diseased, as all minds do and must and will that reverse the

appointed order of their Maker; I knew equally well. And could I

look upon her without compassion, seeing her punishment in the ruin

she was, in her profound unfitness for this earth on which she was

placed, in the vanity of sorrow which had become a master mania,

like the vanity of penitence, the vanity of remorse, the vanity of

unworthiness, and other monstrous vanities that have been curses in

this world?

"Until you spoke to her the other day, and until I saw in you a

looking-glass that showed me what I once felt myself, I did not

know what I had done. What have I done! What have I done!" And so

again, twenty, fifty times over, What had she done!

"Miss Havisham," I said, when her cry had died away, "you may

dismiss me from your mind and conscience. But Estella is a

different case, and if you can ever undo any scrap of what you have

done amiss in keeping a part of her right nature away from her, it

will be better to do that, than to bemoan the past through a

hundred years."

"Yes, yes, I know it. But, Pip - my Dear!" There was an earnest

womanly compassion for me in her new affection. "My Dear! Believe

this: when she first came to me, I meant to save her from misery

like my own. At first I meant no more."

"Well, well!" said I. "I hope so."

"But as she grew, and promised to be very beautiful, I gradually

did worse, and with my praises, and with my jewels, and with my

teachings, and with this figure of myself always before her a

warning to back and point my lessons, I stole her heart away and

put ice in its place."

"Better," I could not help saying, "to have left her a natural

heart, even to be bruised or broken."

With that, Miss Havisham looked distractedly at me for a while, and

then burst out again, What had she done!

"If you knew all my story," she pleaded, "you would have some

compassion for me and a better understanding of me."

"Miss Havisham," I answered, as delicately as I could, "I believe I

may say that I do know your story, and have known it ever since I

first left this neighbourhood. It has inspired me with great

commiseration, and I hope I understand it and its influences. Does

what has passed between us give me any excuse for asking you a

question relative to Estella? Not as she is, but as she was when

she first came here?"

She was seated on the ground, with her arms on the ragged chair,

and her head leaning on them. She looked full at me when I said

this, and replied, "Go on."

"Whose child was Estella?"

She shook her head.

"You don't know?"

She shook her head again.

"But Mr. Jaggers brought her here, or sent her here?"

"Brought her here."

"Will you tell me how that came about?"

She answered in a low whisper and with caution: "I had been shut up

in these rooms a long time (I don't know how long; you know what

time the clocks keep here), when I told him that I wanted a little

girl to rear and love, and save from my fate. I had first seen him

when I sent for him to lay this place waste for me; having read of

him in the newspapers, before I and the world parted. He told me

that he would look about him for such an orphan child. One night he

brought her here asleep, and I called her Estella."

"Might I ask her age then?"

"Two or three. She herself knows nothing, but that she was left an

orphan and I adopted her."

So convinced I was of that woman's being her mother, that I wanted

no evidence to establish the fact in my own mind. But, to any mind,

I thought, the connection here was clear and straight.

What more could I hope to do by prolonging the interview? I had

succeeded on behalf of Herbert, Miss Havisham had told me all she

knew of Estella, I had said and done what I could to ease her mind.

No matter with what other words we parted; we parted.

Twilight was closing in when I went down stairs into the natural

air. I called to the woman who had opened the gate when I entered,

that I would not trouble her just yet, but would walk round the

place before leaving. For, I had a presentiment that I should never

be there again, and I felt that the dying light was suited to my

last view of it.

By the wilderness of casks that I had walked on long ago, and on

which the rain of years had fallen since, rotting them in many

places, and leaving miniature swamps and pools of water upon those

that stood on end, I made my way to the ruined garden. I went all

round it; round by the corner where Herbert and I had fought our

battle; round by the paths where Estella and I had walked. So cold,

so lonely, so dreary all!

Taking the brewery on my way back, I raised the rusty latch of a

little door at the garden end of it, and walked through. I was

going out at the opposite door - not easy to open now, for the damp

wood had started and swelled, and the hinges were yielding, and the

threshold was encumbered with a growth of fungus - when I turned my

head to look back. A childish association revived with wonderful

force in the moment of the slight action, and I fancied that I saw

Miss Havisham hanging to the beam. So strong was the impression,

that I stood under the beam shuddering from head to foot before I

knew it was a fancy - though to be sure I was there in an instant.

The mournfulness of the place and time, and the great terror of

this illusion, though it was but momentary, caused me to feel an

indescribable awe as I came out between the open wooden gates where

I had once wrung my hair after Estella had wrung my heart. Passing

on into the front court-yard, I hesitated whether to call the woman

to let me out at the locked gate of which she had the key, or first

to go up-stairs and assure myself that Miss Havisham was as safe

and well as I had left her. I took the latter course and went up.

I looked into the room where I had left her, and I saw her seated

in the ragged chair upon the hearth close to the fire, with her

back towards me. In the moment when I was withdrawing my head to go

quietly away, I saw a great flaming light spring up. In the same

moment, I saw her running at me, shrieking, with a whirl of fire

blazing all about her, and soaring at least as many feet above her

head as she was high.

I had a double-caped great-coat on, and over my arm another thick

coat. That I got them off, closed with her, threw her down, and got

them over her; that I dragged the great cloth from the table for

the same purpose, and with it dragged down the heap of rottenness

in the midst, and all the ugly things that sheltered there; that we

were on the ground struggling like desperate enemies, and that the

closer I covered her, the more wildly she shrieked and tried to

free herself; that this occurred I knew through the result, but not

through anything I felt, or thought, or knew I did. I knew nothing

until I knew that we were on the floor by the great table, and that

patches of tinder yet alight were floating in the smoky air, which,

a moment ago, had been her faded bridal dress.

Then, I looked round and saw the disturbed beetles and spiders

running away over the floor, and the servants coming in with

breathless cries at the door. I still held her forcibly down with

all my strength, like a prisoner who might escape; and I doubt if I

even knew who she was, or why we had struggled, or that she had

been in flames, or that the flames were out, until I saw the

patches of tinder that had been her garments, no longer alight but

falling in a black shower around us.

She was insensible, and I was afraid to have her moved, or even

touched. Assistance was sent for and I held her until it came, as

if I unreasonably fancied (I think I did) that if I let her go, the

fire would break out again and consume her. When I got up, on the

surgeon's coming to her with other aid, I was astonished to see

that both my hands were burnt; for, I had no knowledge of it

through the sense of feeling.

On examination it was pronounced that she had received serious

hurts, but that they of themselves were far from hopeless; the

danger lay mainly in the nervous shock. By the surgeon's

directions, her bed was carried into that room and laid upon the

great table: which happened to be well suited to the dressing of

her injuries. When I saw her again, an hour afterwards, she lay

indeed where I had seen her strike her stick, and had heard her say

that she would lie one day.

Though every vestige of her dress was burnt, as they told me, she

still had something of her old ghastly bridal appearance; for, they

had covered her to the throat with white cotton-wool, and as she

lay with a white sheet loosely overlying that, the phantom air of

something that had been and was changed, was still upon her.

I found, on questioning the servants, that Estella was in Paris,

and I got a promise from the surgeon that he would write to her by

the next post. Miss Havisham's family I took upon myself; intending

to communicate with Mr. Matthew Pocket only, and leave him to do as

he liked about informing the rest. This I did next day, through

Herbert, as soon as I returned to town.

There was a stage, that evening, when she spoke collectedly of what

had happened, though with a certain terrible vivacity. Towards

midnight she began to wander in her speech, and after that it

gradually set in that she said innumerable times in a low solemn

voice, "What have I done!" And then, "When she first came, I meant

to save her from misery like mine." And then, "Take the pencil and

write under my name, 'I forgive her!'" She never changed the order

of these three sentences, but she sometimes left out a word in one

or other of them; never putting in another word, but always leaving

a blank and going on to the next word.

As I could do no service there, and as I had, nearer home, that

pressing reason for anxiety and fear which even her wanderings

could not drive out of my mind, I decided in the course of the

night that I would return by the early morning coach: walking on a

mile or so, and being taken up clear of the town. At about six

o'clock of the morning, therefore, I leaned over her and touched

her lips with mine, just as they said, not stopping for being

touched, "Take the pencil and write under my name, 'I forgive

her.'"

 

Chapter 50

My hands had been dressed twice or thrice in the night, and again

in the morning. My left arm was a good deal burned to the elbow,

and, less severely, as high as the shoulder; it was very painful,

but the flames had set in that direction, and I felt thankful it

was no worse. My right hand was not so badly burnt but that I could

move the fingers. It was bandaged, of course, but much less

inconveniently than my left hand and arm; those I carried in a

sling; and I could only wear my coat like a cloak, loose over my

shoulders and fastened at the neck. My hair had been caught by the

fire, but not my head or face.

When Herbert had been down to Hammersmith and seen his father, he

came back to me at our chambers, and devoted the day to attending on

me. He was the kindest of nurses, and at stated times took off the

bandages, and steeped them in the cooling liquid that was kept

ready, and put them on again, with a patient tenderness that I was

deeply grateful for.

At first, as I lay quiet on the sofa, I found it painfully

difficult, I might say impossible, to get rid of the impression of

the glare of the flames, their hurry and noise, and the fierce

burning smell. If I dozed for a minute, I was awakened by Miss

Havisham's cries, and by her running at me with all that height of

fire above her head. This pain of the mind was much harder to

strive against than any bodily pain I suffered; and Herbert, seeing

that, did his utmost to hold my attention engaged.

Neither of us spoke of the boat, but we both thought of it. That

was made apparent by our avoidance of the subject, and by our

agreeing - without agreement - to make my recovery of the use of my

hands, a question of so many hours, not of so many weeks.

My first question when I saw Herbert had been of course, whether

all was well down the river? As he replied in the affirmative, with

perfect confidence and cheerfulness, we did not resume the subject

until the day was wearing away. But then, as Herbert changed the

bandages, more by the light of the fire than by the outer light, he

went back to it spontaneously.

"I sat with Provis last night, Handel, two good hours."

"Where was Clara?"

"Dear little thing!" said Herbert. "She was up and down with

Gruffandgrim all the evening. He was perpetually pegging at the

floor, the moment she left his sight. I doubt if he can hold out

long though. What with rum and pepper - and pepper and rum - I

should think his pegging must be nearly over."

"And then you will be married, Herbert?"

"How can I take care of the dear child otherwise? - Lay your arm

out upon the back of the sofa, my dear boy, and I'll sit down here,

and get the bandage off so gradually that you shall not know when

it comes. I was speaking of Provis. Do you know, Handel, he

improves?"

"I said to you I thought he was softened when I last saw him."

"So you did. And so he is. He was very communicative last night,

and told me more of his life. You remember his breaking off here

about some woman that he had had great trouble with. - Did I hurt

you?"

I had started, but not under his touch. His words had given me a

start.

"I had forgotten that, Herbert, but I remember it now you speak of

it."

"Well! He went into that part of his life, and a dark wild part it

is. Shall I tell you? Or would it worry you just now?"

"Tell me by all means. Every word."

Herbert bent forward to look at me more nearly, as if my reply had

been rather more hurried or more eager than he could quite account

for. "Your head is cool?" he said, touching it.

"Quite," said I. "Tell me what Provis said, my dear Herbert."

"It seems," said Herbert, " - there's a bandage off most

charmingly, and now comes the cool one - makes you shrink at first,

my poor dear fellow, don't it? but it will be comfortable presently

- it seems that the woman was a young woman, and a jealous woman,

and a revengeful woman; revengeful, Handel, to the last degree."

"To what last degree?"

"Murder. - Does it strike too cold on that sensitive place?"

"I don't feel it. How did she murder? Whom did she murder?" "Why,

the deed may not have merited quite so terrible a name," said

Herbert, "but, she was tried for it, and Mr. Jaggers defended her,

and the reputation of that defence first made his name known to

Provis. It was another and a stronger woman who was the victim, and

there had been a struggle - in a barn. Who began it, or how fair it

was, or how unfair, may be doubtful; but how it ended, is certainly

not doubtful, for the victim was found throttled."

"Was the woman brought in guilty?"

"No; she was acquitted. - My poor Handel, I hurt you!"

"It is impossible to be gentler, Herbert. Yes? What else?"

"This acquitted young woman and Provis had a little child: a little

child of whom Provis was exceedingly fond. On the evening of the

very night when the object of her jealousy was strangled as I tell

you, the young woman presented herself before Provis for one

moment, and swore that she would destroy the child (which was in

her possession), and he should never see it again; then, she

vanished. - There's the worst arm comfortably in the sling once

more, and now there remains but the right hand, which is a far

easier job. I can do it better by this light than by a stronger,

for my hand is steadiest when I don't see the poor blistered

patches too distinctly. - You don't think your breathing is

affected, my dear boy? You seem to breathe quickly."

"Perhaps I do, Herbert. Did the woman keep her oath?"

"There comes the darkest part of Provis's life. She did."

"That is, he says she did."

"Why, of course, my dear boy," returned Herbert, in a tone of

surprise, and again bending forward to get a nearer look at me. "He

says it all. I have no other information."

"No, to be sure."

"Now, whether," pursued Herbert, "he had used the child's mother

ill, or whether he had used the child's mother well, Provis doesn't

say; but, she had shared some four or five years of the wretched

life he described to us at this fireside, and he seems to have felt

pity for her, and forbearance towards her. Therefore, fearing he

should be called upon to depose about this destroyed child, and so

be the cause of her death, he hid himself (much as he grieved for

the child), kept himself dark, as he says, out of the way and out

of the trial, and was only vaguely talked of as a certain man

called Abel, out of whom the jealousy arose. After the acquittal

she disappeared, and thus he lost the child and the child's

mother."

"I want to ask--"

"A moment, my dear boy, and I have done. That evil genius,

Compeyson, the worst of scoundrels among many scoundrels, knowing

of his keeping out of the way at that time, and of his reasons for

doing so, of course afterwards held the knowledge over his head as

a means of keeping him poorer, and working him harder. It was clear

last night that this barbed the point of Provis's animosity."

"I want to know," said I, "and particularly, Herbert, whether he

told you when this happened?"

"Particularly? Let me remember, then, what he said as to that. His

expression was, 'a round score o' year ago, and a'most directly

after I took up wi' Compeyson.' How old were you when you came upon

him in the little churchyard?"

"I think in my seventh year."

"Ay. It had happened some three or four years then, he said, and

you brought into his mind the little girl so tragically lost, who

would have been about your age."

"Herbert," said I, after a short silence, in a hurried way, "can

you see me best by the light of the window, or the light of the

fire?"

"By the firelight," answered Herbert, coming close again.

"Look at me."

"I do look at you, my dear boy."

"Touch me."

"I do touch you, my dear boy."

"You are not afraid that I am in any fever, or that my head is much

disordered by the accident of last night?"

"N-no, my dear boy," said Herbert, after taking time to examine me.

"You are rather excited, but you are quite yourself."

"I know I am quite myself. And the man we have in hiding down the

river, is Estella's Father."

 

Chapter 51

What purpose I had in view when I was hot on tracing out and

proving Estella's parentage, I cannot say. It will presently be

seen that the question was not before me in a distinct shape, until

it was put before me by a wiser head than my own.

But, when Herbert and I had held our momentous conversation, I was

seized with a feverish conviction that I ought to hunt the matter

down - that I ought not to let it rest, but that I ought to see Mr.

Jaggers, and come at the bare truth. I really do not know whether I

felt that I did this for Estella's sake, or whether I was glad to

transfer to the man in whose preservation I was so much concerned,

some rays of the romantic interest that had so long surrounded her.

Perhaps the latter possibility may be the nearer to the truth.

Any way, I could scarcely be withheld from going out to

Gerrard-street that night. Herbert's representations that if I did,

I should probably be laid up and stricken useless, when our

fugitive's safety would depend upon me, alone restrained my

impatience. On the understanding, again and again reiterated, that

come what would, I was to go to Mr. Jaggers to-morrow, I at length

submitted to keep quiet, and to have my hurts looked after, and to

stay at home. Early next morning we went out together, and at the

corner of Giltspur-street by Smithfield, I left Herbert to go his

way into the City, and took my way to Little Britain.

There were periodical occasions when Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick went

over the office accounts, and checked off the vouchers, and put all

things straight. On these occasions Wemmick took his books and

papers into Mr. Jaggers's room, and one of the up-stairs clerks came

down into the outer office. Finding such clerk on Wemmick's post

that morning, I knew what was going on; but, I was not sorry to

have Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick together, as Wemmick would then hear

for himself that I said nothing to compromise him.

My appearance with my arm bandaged and my coat loose over my

shoulders, favoured my object. Although I had sent Mr. Jaggers a

brief account of the accident as soon as I had arrived in town, yet

I had to give him all the details now; and the speciality of the

occasion caused our talk to be less dry and hard, and less strictly

regulated by the rules of evidence, than it had been before. While

I described the disaster, Mr. Jaggers stood, according to his wont,

before the fire. Wemmick leaned back in his chair, staring at me,

with his hands in the pockets of his trousers, and his pen put

horizontally into the post. The two brutal casts, always

inseparable in my mind from the official proceedings, seemed to be

congestively considering whether they didn't smell fire at the

present moment.

My narrative finished, and their questions exhausted, I then

produced Miss Havisham's authority to receive the nine hundred

pounds for Herbert. Mr. Jaggers's eyes retired a little deeper into

his head when I handed him the tablets, but he presently handed

them over to Wemmick, with instructions to draw the cheque for his

signature. While that was in course of being done, I looked on at

Wemmick as he wrote, and Mr. Jaggers, poising and swaying himself on

his well-polished boots, looked on at me. "I am sorry, Pip," said

he, as I put the cheque in my pocket, when he had signed it, "that

we do nothing for you."

"Miss Havisham was good enough to ask me," I returned, "whether she

could do nothing for me, and I told her No."

"Everybody should know his own business," said Mr. Jaggers. And I

saw Wemmick's lips form the words "portable property."

"I should not have told her No, if I had been you," said Mr

Jaggers; "but every man ought to know his own business best."

"Every man's business," said Wemmick, rather reproachfully towards

me, "is portable property."

As I thought the time was now come for pursuing the theme I had at

heart, I said, turning on Mr. Jaggers:

"I did ask something of Miss Havisham, however, sir. I asked her to

give me some information relative to her adopted daughter, and she

gave me all she possessed."

"Did she?" said Mr. Jaggers, bending forward to look at his boots

and then straightening himself. "Hah! I don't think I should have

done so, if I had been Miss Havisham. But she ought to know her own

business best."

"I know more of the history of Miss Havisham's adopted child, than

Miss Havisham herself does, sir. I know her mother."

Mr. Jaggers looked at me inquiringly, and repeated "Mother?"

"I have seen her mother within these three days."

"Yes?" said Mr. Jaggers.

"And so have you, sir. And you have seen her still more recently."

"Yes?" said Mr. Jaggers.

"Perhaps I know more of Estella's history than even you do," said

I. "I know her father too."

A certain stop that Mr. Jaggers came to in his manner - he was too

self-possessed to change his manner, but he could not help its

being brought to an indefinably attentive stop - assured me that he

did not know who her father was. This I had strongly suspected from

Provis's account (as Herbert had repeated it) of his having kept

himself dark; which I pieced on to the fact that he himself was not

Mr. Jaggers's client until some four years later, and when he could

have no reason for claiming his identity. But, I could not be sure

of this unconsciousness on Mr. Jaggers's part before, though I was

quite sure of it now.

"So! You know the young lady's father, Pip?" said Mr. Jaggers.

"Yes," I replied, "and his name is Provis - from New South Wales."

Even Mr. Jaggers started when I said those words. It was the

slightest start that could escape a man, the most carefully

repressed and the soonest checked, but he did start, though he made

it a part of the action of taking out his pocket-handkerchief. How

Wemmick received the announcement I am unable to say, for I was

afraid to look at him just then, lest Mr. Jaggers's sharpness should

detect that there had been some communication unknown to him

between us.

"And on what evidence, Pip," asked Mr. Jaggers, very coolly, as he

paused with his handkerchief half way to his nose, "does Provis

make this claim?"

"He does not make it," said I, "and has never made it, and has no

knowledge or belief that his daughter is in existence."

For once, the powerful pocket-handkerchief failed. My reply was so

unexpected that Mr. Jaggers put the handkerchief back into his

pocket without completing the usual performance, folded his arms,

and looked with stern attention at me, though with an immovable

face.

Then I told him all I knew, and how I knew it; with the one

reservation that I left him to infer that I knew from Miss Havisham

what I in fact knew from Wemmick. I was very careful indeed as to

that. Nor, did I look towards Wemmick until I had finished all I

had to tell, and had been for some time silently meeting Mr.

Jaggers's look. When I did at last turn my eyes in Wemmick's

direction, I found that he had unposted his pen, and was intent

upon the table before him.

"Hah!" said Mr. Jaggers at last, as he moved towards the papers on

the table, " - What item was it you were at, Wemmick, when Mr. Pip

came in?"

But I could not submit to be thrown off in that way, and I made a

passionate, almost an indignant, appeal to him to be more frank and

manly with me. I reminded him of the false hopes into which I had

lapsed, the length of time they had lasted, and the discovery I had

made: and I hinted at the danger that weighed upon my spirits. I

represented myself as being surely worthy of some little confidence

from him, in return for the confidence I had just now imparted. I

said that I did not blame him, or suspect him, or mistrust him, but

I wanted assurance of the truth from him. And if he asked me why I

wanted it and why I thought I had any right to it, I would tell

him, little as he cared for such poor dreams, that I had loved

Estella dearly and long, and that, although I had lost her and must

live a bereaved life, whatever concerned her was still nearer and

dearer to me than anything else in the world. And seeing that Mr.

Jaggers stood quite still and silent, and apparently quite

obdurate, under this appeal, I turned to Wemmick, and said,

"Wemmick, I know you to be a man with a gentle heart. I have seen

your pleasant home, and your old father, and all the innocent

cheerful playful ways with which you refresh your business life.

And I entreat you to say a word for me to Mr. Jaggers, and to

represent to him that, all circumstances considered, he ought to be

more open with me!"

I have never seen two men look more oddly at one another than Mr.

Jaggers and Wemmick did after this apostrophe. At first, a

misgiving crossed me that Wemmick would be instantly dismissed from

his employment; but, it melted as I saw Mr. Jaggers relax into

something like a smile, and Wemmick become bolder.

"What's all this?" said Mr. Jaggers. "You with an old father, and

you with pleasant and playful ways?"

"Well!" returned Wemmick. "If I don't bring 'em here, what does it

matter?"

"Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, laying his hand upon my arm, and smiling

openly, "this man must be the most cunning impostor in all London."

"Not a bit of it," returned Wemmick, growing bolder and bolder. "I

think you're another."

Again they exchanged their former odd looks, each apparently still

distrustful that the other was taking him in.

"You with a pleasant home?" said Mr. Jaggers.

"Since it don't interfere with business," returned Wemmick, "let it

be so. Now, I look at you, sir, I shouldn't wonder if you might be

planning and contriving to have a pleasant home of your own, one of

these days, when you're tired of all this work."

Mr. Jaggers nodded his head retrospectively two or three times, and

actually drew a sigh. "Pip," said he, "we won't talk about 'poor

dreams;' you know more about such things than I, having much

fresher experience of that kind. But now, about this other matter.

I'll put a case to you. Mind! I admit nothing."

He waited for me to declare that I quite understood that he

expressly said that he admitted nothing.

"Now, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, "put this case. Put the case that a

woman, under such circumstances as you have mentioned, held her

child concealed, and was obliged to communicate the fact to her

legal adviser, on his representing to her that he must know, with

an eye to the latitude of his defence, how the fact stood about

that child. Put the case that at the same time he held a trust to

find a child for an eccentric rich lady to adopt and bring up."

"I follow you, sir."

"Put the case that he lived in an atmosphere of evil, and that all

he saw of children, was, their being generated in great numbers for

certain destruction. Put the case that he often saw children

solemnly tried at a criminal bar, where they were held up to be

seen; put the case that he habitually knew of their being

imprisoned, whipped, transported, neglected, cast out, qualified in

all ways for the hangman, and growing up to be hanged. Put the case

that pretty nigh all the children he saw in his daily business

life, he had reason to look upon as so much spawn, to develop into

the fish that were to come to his net - to be prosecuted, defended,

forsworn, made orphans, bedevilled somehow."

"I follow you, sir."

"Put the case, Pip, that here was one pretty little child out of

the heap, who could be saved; whom the father believed dead, and

dared make no stir about; as to whom, over the mother, the legal

adviser had this power: "I know what you did, and how you did it.

You came so and so, this was your manner of attack and this the

manner of resistance, you went so and so, you did such and such

things to divert suspicion. I have tracked you through it all, and

I tell it you all. Part with the child, unless it should be

necessary to produce it to clear you, and then it shall be

produced. Give the child into my hands, and I will do my best to

bring you off. If you are saved, your child is saved too; if you

are lost, your child is still saved." Put the case that this was

done, and that the woman was cleared."

"I understand you perfectly."

"But that I make no admissions?"

"That you make no admissions." And Wemmick repeated, "No

admissions."

"Put the case, Pip, that passion and the terror of death had a

little shaken the woman's intellect, and that when she was set at

liberty, she was scared out of the ways of the world and went to

him to be sheltered. Put the case that he took her in, and that he

kept down the old wild violent nature whenever he saw an inkling of

its breaking out, by asserting his power over her in the old way.

Do you comprehend the imaginary case?"

"Quite."

"Put the case that the child grew up, and was married for money.

That the mother was still living. That the father was still living.

That the mother and father unknown to one another, were dwelling

within so many miles, furlongs, yards if you like, of one another.

That the secret was still a secret, except that you had got wind of

it. Put that last case to yourself very carefully."

"I do."

"I ask Wemmick to put it to himself very carefully."

And Wemmick said, "I do."

"For whose sake would you reveal the secret? For the father's? I

think he would not be much the better for the mother. For the

mother's? I think if she had done such a deed she would be safer

where she was. For the daughter's? I think it would hardly serve

her, to establish her parentage for the information of her husband,

and to drag her back to disgrace, after an escape of twenty years,

pretty secure to last for life. But, add the case that you had

loved her, Pip, and had made her the subject of those 'poor dreams'

which have, at one time or another, been in the heads of more men

than you think likely, then I tell you that you had better - and

would much sooner when you had thought well of it - chop off that

bandaged left hand of yours with your bandaged right hand, and then

pass the chopper on to Wemmick there, to cut that off, too."

I looked at Wemmick, whose face was very grave. He gravely touched

his lips with his forefinger. I did the same. Mr. Jaggers did the

same. "Now, Wemmick," said the latter then, resuming his usual

manner, "what item was it you were at, when Mr. Pip came in?"

Standing by for a little, while they were at work, I observed that

the odd looks they had cast at one another were repeated several

times: with this difference now, that each of them seemed

suspicious, not to say conscious, of having shown himself in a weak

and unprofessional light to the other. For this reason, I suppose,

they were now inflexible with one another; Mr. Jaggers being highly

dictatorial, and Wemmick obstinately justifying himself whenever

there was the smallest point in abeyance for a moment. I had never

seen them on such ill terms; for generally they got on very well

indeed together.

But, they were both happily relieved by the opportune appearance of

Mike, the client with the fur cap and the habit of wiping his nose

on his sleeve, whom I had seen on the very first day of my

appearance within those walls. This individual, who, either in his

own person or in that of some member of his family, seemed to be

always in trouble (which in that place meant Newgate), called to

announce that his eldest daughter was taken up on suspicion of

shop-lifting. As he imparted this melancholy circumstance to

Wemmick, Mr. Jaggers standing magisterially before the fire and

taking no share in the proceedings, Mike's eye happened to twinkle

with a tear.

"What are you about?" demanded Wemmick, with the utmost

indignation. "What do you come snivelling here for?"

"I didn't go to do it, Mr. Wemmick."

"You did," said Wemmick. "How dare you? You're not in a fit state

to come here, if you can't come here without spluttering like a bad

pen. What do you mean by it?"

"A man can't help his feelings, Mr. Wemmick," pleaded Mike.

"His what?" demanded Wemmick, quite savagely. "Say that again!"

"Now, look here my man," said Mr. Jaggers, advancing a step, and

pointing to the door. "Get out of this office. I'll have no

feelings here. Get out."

"It serves you right," said Wemmick, "Get out."

So the unfortunate Mike very humbly withdrew, and Mr. Jaggers and

Wemmick appeared to have re-established their good understanding,

and went to work again with an air of refreshment upon them as if

they had just had lunch.

 

Chapter 52

From Little Britain, I went, with my cheque in my pocket, to Miss

Skiffins's brother, the accountant; and Miss Skiffins's brother,

the accountant, going straight to Clarriker's and bringing

Clarriker to me, I had the great satisfaction of concluding that

arrangement. It was the only good thing I had done, and the only

completed thing I had done, since I was first apprised of my great

expectations.

Clarriker informing me on that occasion that the affairs of the

House were steadily progressing, that he would now be able to

establish a small branch-house in the East which was much wanted

for the extension of the business, and that Herbert in his new

partnership capacity would go out and take charge of it, I found

that I must have prepared for a separation from my friend, even

though my own affairs had been more settled. And now indeed I felt

as if my last anchor were loosening its hold, and I should soon be

driving with the winds and waves.

But, there was recompense in the joy with which Herbert would come

home of a night and tell me of these changes, little imagining that

he told me no news, and would sketch airy pictures of himself

conducting Clara Barley to the land of the Arabian Nights, and of

me going out to join them (with a caravan of camels, I believe),

and of our all going up the Nile and seeing wonders. Without being

sanguine as to my own part in these bright plans, I felt that

Herbert's way was clearing fast, and that old Bill Barley had but

to stick to his pepper and rum, and his daughter would soon be

happily provided for.

We had now got into the month of March. My left arm, though it

presented no bad symptoms, took in the natural course so long to

heal that I was still unable to get a coat on. My right arm was

tolerably restored; - disfigured, but fairly serviceable.

On a Monday morning, when Herbert and I were at breakfast, I

received the following letter from Wemmick by the post.

"Walworth. Burn this as soon as read. Early in the week, or say

Wednesday, you might do what you know of, if you felt disposed to

try it. Now burn."

When I had shown this to Herbert and had put it in the fire - but

not before we had both got it by heart - we considered what to do.

For, of course my being disabled could now be no longer kept out of

view.

"I have thought it over, again and again," said Herbert, "and I

think I know a better course than taking a Thames waterman. Take

Startop. A good fellow, a skilled hand, fond of us, and

enthusiastic and honourable."

I had thought of him, more than once.

"But how much would you tell him, Herbert?"

"It is necessary to tell him very little. Let him suppose it a mere

freak, but a secret one, until the morning comes: then let him know

that there is urgent reason for your getting Provis aboard and

away. You go with him?"

"No doubt."

"Where?"

It had seemed to me, in the many anxious considerations I had given

the point, almost indifferent what port we made for - Hamburg,

Rotterdam, Antwerp - the place signified little, so that he was got

out of England. Any foreign steamer that fell in our way and would

take us up, would do. I had always proposed to myself to get him

well down the river in the boat; certainly well beyond Gravesend,

which was a critical place for search or inquiry if suspicion were

afoot. As foreign steamers would leave London at about the time of

high-water, our plan would be to get down the river by a previous

ebb-tide, and lie by in some quiet spot until we could pull off to

one. The time when one would be due where we lay, wherever that

might be, could be calculated pretty nearly, if we made inquiries

beforehand.

Herbert assented to all this, and we went out immediately after

breakfast to pursue our investigations. We found that a steamer for

Hamburg was likely to suit our purpose best, and we directed our

thoughts chiefly to that vessel. But we noted down what other

foreign steamers would leave London with the same tide, and we

satisfied ourselves that we knew the build and colour of each. We

then separated for a few hours; I, to get at once such passports as

were necessary; Herbert, to see Startop at his lodgings. We both

did what we had to do without any hindrance, and when we met again

at one o'clock reported it done. I, for my part, was prepared with

passports; Herbert had seen Startop, and he was more than ready to

join.

Those two should pull a pair of oars, we settled, and I would

steer; our charge would be sitter, and keep quiet; as speed was not

our object, we should make way enough. We arranged that Herbert

should not come home to dinner before going to Mill Pond Bank that

evening; that he should not go there at all, to-morrow evening,

Tuesday; that he should prepare Provis to come down to some Stairs

hard by the house, on Wednesday, when he saw us approach, and not

sooner; that all the arrangements with him should be concluded that

Monday night; and that he should be communicated with no more in

any way, until we took him on board.

These precautions well understood by both of us, I went home.

On opening the outer door of our chambers with my key, I found a

letter in the box, directed to me; a very dirty letter, though not

ill-written. It had been delivered by hand (of course since I left

home), and its contents were these:

"If you are not afraid to come to the old marshes to-night or

tomorrow night at Nine, and to come to the little sluice-house by

the limekiln, you had better come. If you want information

regarding your uncle Provis, you had much better come and tell no

one and lose no time. You must come alone. Bring this with you."

I had had load enough upon my mind before the receipt of this

strange letter. What to do now, I could not tell. And the worst

was, that I must decide quickly, or I should miss the afternoon

coach, which would take me down in time for to-night. To-morrow

night I could not think of going, for it would be too close upon

the time of the flight. And again, for anything I knew, the

proffered information might have some important bearing on the

flight itself.

If I had had ample time for consideration, I believe I should still

have gone. Having hardly any time for consideration - my watch

showing me that the coach started within half an hour - I resolved

to go. I should certainly not have gone, but for the reference to

my Uncle Provis; that, coming on Wemmick's letter and the morning's

busy preparation, turned the scale.

It is so difficult to become clearly possessed of the contents of

almost any letter, in a violent hurry, that I had to read this

mysterious epistle again, twice, before its injunction to me to be

secret got mechanically into my mind. Yielding to it in the same

mechanical kind of way, I left a note in pencil for Herbert,

telling him that as I should be so soon going away, I knew not for

how long, I had decided to hurry down and back, to ascertain for

myself how Miss Havisham was faring. I had then barely time to get

my great-coat, lock up the chambers, and make for the coach-office

by the short by-ways. If I had taken a hackney-chariot and gone by

the streets, I should have missed my aim; going as I did, I caught

the coach just as it came out of the yard. I was the only inside

passenger, jolting away knee-deep in straw, when I came to myself.

For, I really had not been myself since the receipt of the letter;

it had so bewildered me ensuing on the hurry of the morning. The

morning hurry and flutter had been great, for, long and anxiously

as I had waited for Wemmick, his hint had come like a surprise at

last. And now, I began to wonder at myself for being in the coach,

and to doubt whether I had sufficient reason for being there, and

to consider whether I should get out presently and go back, and to

argue against ever heeding an anonymous communication, and, in

short, to pass through all those phases of contradiction and

indecision to which I suppose very few hurried people are

strangers. Still, the reference to Provis by name, mastered

everything. I reasoned as I had reasoned already without knowing it

- if that be reasoning - in case any harm should befall him through

my not going, how could I ever forgive myself!

It was dark before we got down, and the journey seemed long and

dreary to me who could see little of it inside, and who could not

go outside in my disabled state. Avoiding the Blue Boar, I put up

at an inn of minor reputation down the town, and ordered some

dinner. While it was preparing, I went to Satis House and inquired

for Miss Havisham; she was still very ill, though considered

something better.

My inn had once been a part of an ancient ecclesiastical house, and

I dined in a little octagonal common-room, like a font. As I was

not able to cut my dinner, the old landlord with a shining bald

head did it for me. This bringing us into conversation, he was so

good as to entertain me with my own story - of course with the

popular feature that Pumblechook was my earliest benefactor and the

founder of my fortunes.

"Do you know the young man?" said I.

"Know him!" repeated the landlord. "Ever since he was - no height

at all."

"Does he ever come back to this neighbourhood?"

"Ay, he comes back," said the landlord, "to his great friends, now

and again, and gives the cold shoulder to the man that made him."

"What man is that?"

"Him that I speak of," said the landlord. "Mr. Pumblechook."

"Is he ungrateful to no one else?"

"No doubt he would be, if he could," returned the landlord, "but he

can't. And why? Because Pumblechook done everything for him."

"Does Pumblechook say so?"

"Say so!" replied the landlord. "He han't no call to say so."

"But does he say so?"

"It would turn a man's blood to white wine winegar to hear him tell

of it, sir," said the landlord.

I thought, "Yet Joe, dear Joe, you never tell of it. Long-suffering

and loving Joe, you never complain. Nor you, sweet-tempered Biddy!"

"Your appetite's been touched like, by your accident," said the

landlord, glancing at the bandaged arm under my coat. "Try a

tenderer bit."

"No thank you," I replied, turning from the table to brood over the

fire. "I can eat no more. Please take it away."

I had never been struck at so keenly, for my thanklessness to Joe,

as through the brazen impostor Pumblechook. The falser he, the

truer Joe; the meaner he, the nobler Joe.

My heart was deeply and most deservedly humbled as I mused over the

fire for an hour or more. The striking of the clock aroused me, but

not from my dejection or remorse, and I got up and had my coat

fastened round my neck, and went out. I had previously sought in my

pockets for the letter, that I might refer to it again, but I could

not find it, and was uneasy to think that it must have been dropped

in the straw of the coach. I knew very well, however, that the

appointed place was the little sluice-house by the limekiln on the

marshes, and the hour nine. Towards the marshes I now went

straight, having no time to spare.

 

Chapter 53

It was a dark night, though the full moon rose as I left the

enclosed lands, and passed out upon the marshes. Beyond their dark

line there was a ribbon of clear sky, hardly broad enough to hold

the red large moon. In a few minutes she had ascended out of that

clear field, in among the piled mountains of cloud.

There was a melancholy wind, and the marshes were very dismal. A

stranger would have found them insupportable, and even to me they

were so oppressive that I hesitated, half inclined to go back. But,

I knew them well, and could have found my way on a far darker

night, and had no excuse for returning, being there. So, having

come there against my inclination, I went on against it.

The direction that I took, was not that in which my old home lay,

nor that in which we had pursued the convicts. My back was turned

towards the distant Hulks as I walked on, and, though I could see

the old lights away on the spits of sand, I saw them over my

shoulder. I knew the limekiln as well as I knew the old Battery,

but they were miles apart; so that if a light had been burning at

each point that night, there would have been a long strip of the

blank horizon between the two bright specks.

At first, I had to shut some gates after me, and now and then to

stand still while the cattle that were lying in the banked-up

pathway, arose and blundered down among the grass and reeds. But

after a little while, I seemed to have the whole flats to myself.

It was another half-hour before I drew near to the kiln. The lime

was burning with a sluggish stifling smell, but the fires were made

up and left, and no workmen were visible. Hard by, was a small

stone-quarry. It lay directly in my way, and had been worked that

day, as I saw by the tools and barrows that were lying about.

Coming up again to the marsh level out of this excavation - for the

rude path lay through it - I saw a light in the old sluice-house. I

quickened my pace, and knocked at the door with my hand. Waiting

for some reply, I looked about me, noticing how the sluice was

abandoned and broken, and how the house - of wood with a tiled roof

- would not be proof against the weather much longer, if it were so

even now, and how the mud and ooze were coated with lime, and how

the choking vapour of the kiln crept in a ghostly way towards me.

Still there was no answer, and I knocked again. No answer still,

and I tried the latch.

It rose under my hand, and the door yielded. Looking in, I saw a

lighted candle on a table, a bench, and a mattress on a truckle

bedstead. As there was a loft above, I called, "Is there any one

here?" but no voice answered. Then, I looked at my watch, and,

finding that it was past nine, called again, "Is there any one

here?" There being still no answer, I went out at the door,

irresolute what to do.

It was beginning to rain fast. Seeing nothing save what I had seen

already, I turned back into the house, and stood just within the

shelter of the doorway, looking out into the night. While I was

considering that some one must have been there lately and must soon

be coming back, or the candle would not be burning, it came into my

head to look if the wick were long. I turned round to do so, and

had taken up the candle in my hand, when it was extinguished by

some violent shock, and the next thing I comprehended, was, that I

had been caught in a strong running noose, thrown over my head from

behind.

"Now," said a suppressed voice with an oath, "I've got you!"

"What is this?" I cried, struggling. "Who is it? Help, help, help!"

Not only were my arms pulled close to my sides, but the pressure on

my bad arm caused me exquisite pain. Sometimes, a strong man's

hand, sometimes a strong man's breast, was set against my mouth to

deaden my cries, and with a hot breath always close to me, I

struggled ineffectually in the dark, while I was fastened tight to

the wall. "And now," said the suppressed voice with another oath,

"call out again, and I'll make short work of you!"

Faint and sick with the pain of my injured arm, bewildered by the

surprise, and yet conscious how easily this threat could be put in

execution, I desisted, and tried to ease my arm were it ever so

little. But, it was bound too tight for that. I felt as if, having

been burnt before, it were now being boiled.

The sudden exclusion of the night and the substitution of black

darkness in its place, warned me that the man had closed a shutter.

After groping about for a little, he found the flint and steel he

wanted, and began to strike a light. I strained my sight upon the

sparks that fell among the tinder, and upon which he breathed and

breathed, match in hand, but I could only see his lips, and the

blue point of the match; even those, but fitfully. The tinder was

damp - no wonder there - and one after another the sparks died out.

The man was in no hurry, and struck again with the flint and steel.

As the sparks fell thick and bright about him, I could see his

hands, and touches of his face, and could make out that he was

seated and bending over the table; but nothing more. Presently I

saw his blue lips again, breathing on the tinder, and then a flare

of light flashed up, and showed me Orlick.

Whom I had looked for, I don't know. I had not looked for him.

Seeing him, I felt that I was in a dangerous strait indeed, and I

kept my eyes upon him.

He lighted the candle from the flaring match with great

deliberation, and dropped the match, and trod it out. Then, he put

the candle away from him on the table, so that he could see me, and

sat with his arms folded on the table and looked at me. I made out

that I was fastened to a stout perpendicular ladder a few inches

from the wall - a fixture there - the means of ascent to the loft

above.

"Now," said he, when we had surveyed one another for some time,

"I've got you."

"Unbind me. Let me go!"

"Ah!" he returned, "I'll let you go. I'll let you go to the moon,

I'll let you go to the stars. All in good time."

"Why have you lured me here?"

"Don't you know?" said he, with a deadly look

"Why have you set upon me in the dark?"

"Because I mean to do it all myself. One keeps a secret better than

two. Oh you enemy, you enemy!"

His enjoyment of the spectacle I furnished, as he sat with his arms

folded on the table, shaking his head at me and hugging himself,

had a malignity in it that made me tremble. As I watched him in

silence, he put his hand into the corner at his side, and took up a

gun with a brass-bound stock.

"Do you know this?" said he, making as if he would take aim at me.

"Do you know where you saw it afore? Speak, wolf!"

"Yes," I answered.

"You cost me that place. You did. Speak!"

"What else could I do?"

"You did that, and that would be enough, without more. How dared

you to come betwixt me and a young woman I liked?"

"When did I?"

"When didn't you? It was you as always give Old Orlick a bad name

to her."

"You gave it to yourself; you gained it for yourself. I could have

done you no harm, if you had done yourself none."

"You're a liar. And you'll take any pains, and spend any money, to

drive me out of this country, will you?" said he, repeating my

words to Biddy in the last interview I had with her. "Now, I'll

tell you a piece of information. It was never so well worth your

while to get me out of this country as it is to-night. Ah! If it

was all your money twenty times told, to the last brass farden!" As

he shook his heavy hand at me, with his mouth snarling like a

tiger's, I felt that it was true.

"What are you going to do to me?"

"I'm a-going," said he, bringing his fist down upon the table with a

heavy blow, and rising as the blow fell, to give it greater force,

"I'm a-going to have your life!"

He leaned forward staring at me, slowly unclenched his hand and

drew it across his mouth as if his mouth watered for me, and sat

down again.

"You was always in Old Orlick's way since ever you was a child. You

goes out of his way, this present night. He'll have no more on you.

You're dead."

I felt that I had come to the brink of my grave. For a moment I

looked wildly round my trap for any chance of escape; but there was

none.

"More than that," said he, folding his arms on the table again, "I

won't have a rag of you, I won't have a bone of you, left on earth.

I'll put your body in the kiln - I'd carry two such to it, on my

shoulders - and, let people suppose what they may of you, they

shall never know nothing."

My mind, with inconceivable rapidity, followed out all the

consequences of such a death. Estella's father would believe I had

deserted him, would be taken, would die accusing me; even Herbert

would doubt me, when he compared the letter I had left for him,

with the fact that I had called at Miss Havisham's gate for only a

moment; Joe and Biddy would never know how sorry I had been that

night; none would ever know what I had suffered, how true I had

meant to be, what an agony I had passed through. The death close

before me was terrible, but far more terrible than death was the

dread of being misremembered after death. And so quick were my

thoughts, that I saw myself despised by unborn generations -

Estella's children, and their children - while the wretch's words

were yet on his lips.

"Now, wolf," said he, "afore I kill you like any other beast -

which is wot I mean to do and wot I have tied you up for - I'll

have a good look at you and a good goad at you. Oh, you enemy!"

It had passed through my thoughts to cry out for help again; though

few could know better than I, the solitary nature of the spot, and

the hopelessness of aid. But as he sat gloating over me, I was

supported by a scornful detestation of him that sealed my lips.

Above all things, I resolved that I would not entreat him, and that

I would die making some last poor resistance to him. Softened as my

thoughts of all the rest of men were in that dire extremity; humbly

beseeching pardon, as I did, of Heaven; melted at heart, as I was,

by the thought that I had taken no farewell, and never never now

could take farewell, of those who were dear to me, or could explain

myself to them, or ask for their compassion on my miserable errors;

still, if I could have killed him, even in dying, I would have done

it.

He had been drinking, and his eyes were red and bloodshot. Around

his neck was slung a tin bottle, as I had often seen his meat and

drink slung about him in other days. He brought the bottle to his

lips, and took a fiery drink from it; and I smelt the strong

spirits that I saw flash into his face.

"Wolf!" said he, folding his arms again, "Old Orlick's a-going to

tell you somethink. It was you as did for your shrew sister."

Again my mind, with its former inconceivable rapidity, had

exhausted the whole subject of the attack upon my sister, her

illness, and her death, before his slow and hesitating speech had

formed these words.

"It was you, villain," said I.

"I tell you it was your doing - I tell you it was done through

you," he retorted, catching up the gun, and making a blow with the

stock at the vacant air between us. "I come upon her from behind,

as I come upon you to-night. I giv' it her! I left her for dead,

and if there had been a limekiln as nigh her as there is now nigh

you, she shouldn't have come to life again. But it warn't Old

Orlick as did it; it was you. You was favoured, and he was bullied

and beat. Old Orlick bullied and beat, eh? Now you pays for it. You

done it; now you pays for it."

He drank again, and became more ferocious. I saw by his tilting of

the bottle that there was no great quantity left in it. I

distinctly understood that he was working himself up with its

contents, to make an end of me. I knew that every drop it held, was

a drop of my life. I knew that when I was changed into a part of

the vapour that had crept towards me but a little while before,

like my own warning ghost, he would do as he had done in my

sister's case - make all haste to the town, and be seen slouching

about there, drinking at the ale-houses. My rapid mind pursued him

to the town, made a picture of the street with him in it, and

contrasted its lights and life with the lonely marsh and the white

vapour creeping over it, into which I should have dissolved.

It was not only that I could have summed up years and years and

years while he said a dozen words, but that what he did say

presented pictures to me, and not mere words. In the excited and

exalted state of my brain, I could not think of a place without

seeing it, or of persons without seeing them. It is impossible to

over-state the vividness of these images, and yet I was so intent,

all the time, upon him himself - who would not be intent on the

tiger crouching to spring! - that I knew of the slightest action of

his fingers.

When he had drunk this second time, he rose from the bench on which

he sat, and pushed the table aside. Then, he took up the candle,

and shading it with his murderous hand so as to throw its light on

me, stood before me, looking at me and enjoying the sight.

"Wolf, I'll tell you something more. It was Old Orlick as you

tumbled over on your stairs that night."

I saw the staircase with its extinguished lamps. I saw the shadows

of the heavy stair-rails, thrown by the watchman's lantern on the

wall. I saw the rooms that I was never to see again; here, a door

half open; there, a door closed; all the articles of furniture

around.

"And why was Old Orlick there? I'll tell you something more, wolf.

You and her have pretty well hunted me out of this country, so far

as getting a easy living in it goes, and I've took up with new

companions, and new masters. Some of 'em writes my letters when I

wants 'em wrote - do you mind? - writes my letters, wolf! They

writes fifty hands; they're not like sneaking you, as writes but

one. I've had a firm mind and a firm will to have your life, since

you was down here at your sister's burying. I han't seen a way to

get you safe, and I've looked arter you to know your ins and outs.

For, says Old Orlick to himself, 'Somehow or another I'll have

him!' What! When I looks for you, I finds your uncle Provis, eh?"

Mill Pond Bank, and Chinks's Basin, and the Old Green Copper

Rope-Walk, all so clear and plain! Provis in his rooms, the signal

whose use was over, pretty Clara, the good motherly woman, old Bill

Barley on his back, all drifting by, as on the swift stream of my

life fast running out to sea!

"You with a uncle too! Why, I know'd you at Gargery's when you was

so small a wolf that I could have took your weazen betwixt this

finger and thumb and chucked you away dead (as I'd thoughts o'

doing, odd times, when I see you loitering amongst the pollards on

a Sunday), and you hadn't found no uncles then. No, not you! But

when Old Orlick come for to hear that your uncle Provis had

mostlike wore the leg-iron wot Old Orlick had picked up, filed

asunder, on these meshes ever so many year ago, and wot he kep by

him till he dropped your sister with it, like a bullock, as he

means to drop you - hey? - when he come for to hear that - hey?--"

In his savage taunting, he flared the candle so close at me, that I

turned my face aside, to save it from the flame.

"Ah!" he cried, laughing, after doing it again, "the burnt child

dreads the fire! Old Orlick knowed you was burnt, Old Orlick knowed

you was smuggling your uncle Provis away, Old Orlick's a match for

you and know'd you'd come to-night! Now I'll tell you something

more, wolf, and this ends it. There's them that's as good a match

for your uncle Provis as Old Orlick has been for you. Let him 'ware

them, when he's lost his nevvy! Let him 'ware them, when no man

can't find a rag of his dear relation's clothes, nor yet a bone of

his body. There's them that can't and that won't have Magwitch -

yes, I know the name! - alive in the same land with them, and

that's had such sure information of him when he was alive in

another land, as that he couldn't and shouldn't leave it unbeknown

and put them in danger. P'raps it's them that writes fifty hands,

and that's not like sneaking you as writes but one. 'Ware

Compeyson, Magwitch, and the gallows!"

He flared the candle at me again, smoking my face and hair, and for

an instant blinding me, and turned his powerful back as he replaced

the light on the table. I had thought a prayer, and had been with

Joe and Biddy and Herbert, before he turned towards me again.

There was a clear space of a few feet between the table and the

opposite wall. Within this space, he now slouched backwards and

forwards. His great strength seemed to sit stronger upon him than

ever before, as he did this with his hands hanging loose and heavy

at his sides, and with his eyes scowling at me. I had no grain of

hope left. Wild as my inward hurry was, and wonderful the force of

the pictures that rushed by me instead of thoughts, I could yet

clearly understand that unless he had resolved that I was within a

few moments of surely perishing out of all human knowledge, he

would never have told me what he had told.

Of a sudden, he stopped, took the cork out of his bottle, and

tossed it away. Light as it was, I heard it fall like a plummet. He

swallowed slowly, tilting up the bottle by little and little, and

now he looked at me no more. The last few drops of liquor he poured

into the palm of his hand, and licked up. Then, with a sudden hurry

of violence and swearing horribly, he threw the bottle from him,

and stooped; and I saw in his hand a stone-hammer with a long heavy

handle.

The resolution I had made did not desert me, for, without uttering

one vain word of appeal to him, I shouted out with all my might,

and struggled with all my might. It was only my head and my legs

that I could move, but to that extent I struggled with all the

force, until then unknown, that was within me. In the same instant

I heard responsive shouts, saw figures and a gleam of light dash in

at the door, heard voices and tumult, and saw Orlick emerge from a

struggle of men, as if it were tumbling water, clear the table at a

leap, and fly out into the night.

After a blank, I found that I was lying unbound, on the floor, in

the same place, with my head on some one's knee. My eyes were fixed

on the ladder against the wall, when I came to myself - had opened

on it before my mind saw it - and thus as I recovered

consciousness, I knew that I was in the place where I had lost it.

Too indifferent at first, even to look round and ascertain who

supported me, I was lying looking at the ladder, when there came

between me and it, a face. The face of Trabb's boy!

"I think he's all right!" said Trabb's boy, in a sober voice; "but

ain't he just pale though!"

At these words, the face of him who supported me looked over into

mine, and I saw my supporter to be--

"Herbert! Great Heaven!"

"Softly," said Herbert. "Gently, Handel. Don't be too eager."

"And our old comrade, Startop!" I cried, as he too bent over me.

"Remember what he is going to assist us in," said Herbert, "and be

calm."

The allusion made me spring up; though I dropped again from the

pain in my arm. "The time has not gone by, Herbert, has it? What

night is to-night? How long have I been here?" For, I had a strange

and strong misgiving that I had been lying there a long time - a

day and a night - two days and nights - more.

"The time has not gone by. It is still Monday night."

"Thank God!"

"And you have all to-morrow, Tuesday, to rest in," said Herbert.

"But you can't help groaning, my dear Handel. What hurt have you

got? Can you stand?"

"Yes, yes," said I, "I can walk. I have no hurt but in this

throbbing arm."

They laid it bare, and did what they could. It was violently

swollen and inflamed, and I could scarcely endure to have it

touched. But, they tore up their handkerchiefs to make fresh

bandages, and carefully replaced it in the sling, until we could

get to the town and obtain some cooling lotion to put upon it. In a

little while we had shut the door of the dark and empty

sluice-house, and were passing through the quarry on our way back.

Trabb's boy - Trabb's overgrown young man now - went before us with

a lantern, which was the light I had seen come in at the door. But,

the moon was a good two hours higher than when I had last seen the

sky, and the night though rainy was much lighter. The white vapour

of the kiln was passing from us as we went by, and, as I had

thought a prayer before, I thought a thanksgiving now.

Entreating Herbert to tell me how he had come to my rescue - which

at first he had flatly refused to do, but had insisted on my

remaining quiet - I learnt that I had in my hurry dropped the

letter, open, in our chambers, where he, coming home to bring with

him Startop whom he had met in the street on his way to me, found

it, very soon after I was gone. Its tone made him uneasy, and the

more so because of the inconsistency between it and the hasty

letter I had left for him. His uneasiness increasing instead of

subsiding after a quarter of an hour's consideration, he set off

for the coach-office, with Startop, who volunteered his company, to

make inquiry when the next coach went down. Finding that the

afternoon coach was gone, and finding that his uneasiness grew into

positive alarm, as obstacles came in his way, he resolved to follow

in a post-chaise. So, he and Startop arrived at the Blue Boar,

fully expecting there to find me, or tidings of me; but, finding

neither, went on to Miss Havisham's, where they lost me. Hereupon

they went back to the hotel (doubtless at about the time when I was

hearing the popular local version of my own story), to refresh

themselves and to get some one to guide them out upon the marshes.

Among the loungers under the Boar's archway, happened to be Trabb's

boy - true to his ancient habit of happening to be everywhere where

he had no business - and Trabb's boy had seen me passing from Miss

Havisham's in the direction of my dining-place. Thus, Trabb's boy

became their guide, and with him they went out to the sluice-house:

though by the town way to the marshes, which I had avoided. Now, as

they went along, Herbert reflected, that I might, after all, have

been brought there on some genuine and serviceable errand tending

to Provis's safety, and, bethinking himself that in that case

interruption must be mischievous, left his guide and Startop on the

edge of the quarry, and went on by himself, and stole round the

house two or three times, endeavouring to ascertain whether all was

right within. As he could hear nothing but indistinct sounds of one

deep rough voice (this was while my mind was so busy), he even at

last began to doubt whether I was there, when suddenly I cried out

loudly, and he answered the cries, and rushed in, closely followed

by the other two.

When I told Herbert what had passed within the house, he was for

our immediately going before a magistrate in the town, late at

night as it was, and getting out a warrant. But, I had already

considered that such a course, by detaining us there, or binding us

to come back, might be fatal to Provis. There was no gainsaying

this difficulty, and we relinquished all thoughts of pursuing

Orlick at that time. For the present, under the circumstances, we

deemed it prudent to make rather light of the matter to Trabb's

boy; who I am convinced would have been much affected by

disappointment, if he had known that his intervention saved me from

the limekiln. Not that Trabb's boy was of a malignant nature, but

that he had too much spare vivacity, and that it was in his

constitution to want variety and excitement at anybody's expense.

When we parted, I presented him with two guineas (which seemed to

meet his views), and told him that I was sorry ever to have had an

ill opinion of him (which made no impression on him at all).

Wednesday being so close upon us, we determined to go back to

London that night, three in the post-chaise; the rather, as we

should then be clear away, before the night's adventure began to be

talked of. Herbert got a large bottle of stuff for my arm, and by

dint of having this stuff dropped over it all the night through, I

was just able to bear its pain on the journey. It was daylight when

we reached the Temple, and I went at once to bed, and lay in bed

all day.

My terror, as I lay there, of falling ill and being unfitted for

tomorrow, was so besetting, that I wonder it did not disable me of

itself. It would have done so, pretty surely, in conjunction with

the mental wear and tear I had suffered, but for the unnatural

strain upon me that to-morrow was. So anxiously looked forward to,

charged with such consequences, its results so impenetrably hidden

though so near.

No precaution could have been more obvious than our refraining from

communication with him that day; yet this again increased my

restlessness. I started at every footstep and every sound,

believing that he was discovered and taken, and this was the

messenger to tell me so. I persuaded myself that I knew he was

taken; that there was something more upon my mind than a fear or a

presentiment; that the fact had occurred, and I had a mysterious

knowledge of it. As the day wore on and no ill news came, as the

day closed in and darkness fell, my overshadowing dread of being

disabled by illness before to-morrow morning, altogether mastered

me. My burning arm throbbed, and my burning head throbbed, and I

fancied I was beginning to wander. I counted up to high numbers, to

make sure of myself, and repeated passages that I knew in prose and

verse. It happened sometimes that in the mere escape of a fatigued

mind, I dozed for some moments or forgot; then I would say to

myself with a start, "Now it has come, and I am turning delirious!"

They kept me very quiet all day, and kept my arm constantly

dressed, and gave me cooling drinks. Whenever I fell asleep, I

awoke with the notion I had had in the sluice-house, that a long

time had elapsed and the opportunity to save him was gone. About

midnight I got out of bed and went to Herbert, with the conviction

that I had been asleep for four-and-twenty hours, and that

Wednesday was past. It was the last self-exhausting effort of my

fretfulness, for, after that, I slept soundly.

Wednesday morning was dawning when I looked out of window. The

winking lights upon the bridges were already pale, the coming sun

was like a marsh of fire on the horizon. The river, still dark and

mysterious, was spanned by bridges that were turning coldly grey,

with here and there at top a warm touch from the burning in the

sky. As I looked along the clustered roofs, with Church towers and

spires shooting into the unusually clear air, the sun rose up, and

a veil seemed to be drawn from the river, and millions of sparkles

burst out upon its waters. From me too, a veil seemed to be drawn,

and I felt strong and well.

Herbert lay asleep in his bed, and our old fellow-student lay

asleep on the sofa. I could not dress myself without help, but I

made up the fire, which was still burning, and got some coffee

ready for them. In good time they too started up strong and well,

and we admitted the sharp morning air at the windows, and looked at

the tide that was still flowing towards us.

"When it turns at nine o'clock," said Herbert, cheerfully, "look

out for us, and stand ready, you over there at Mill Pond Bank!"

 

Chapter 54

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind

blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the

shade. We had out pea-coats with us, and I took a bag. Of all my

worldly possessions I took no more than the few necessaries that

filled the bag. Where I might go, what I might do, or when I might

return, were questions utterly unknown to me; nor did I vex my mind

with them, for it was wholly set on Provis's safety. I only

wondered for the passing moment, as I stopped at the door and

looked back, under what altered circumstances I should next see

those rooms, if ever.

We loitered down to the Temple stairs, and stood loitering there,

as if we were not quite decided to go upon the water at all. Of

course I had taken care that the boat should be ready and

everything in order. After a little show of indecision, which there

were none to see but the two or three amphibious creatures

belonging to our Temple stairs, we went on board and cast off;

Herbert in the bow, I steering. It was then about high-water -

half-past eight.

Our plan was this. The tide, beginning to run down at nine, and

being with us until three, we intended still to creep on after it

had turned, and row against it until dark. We should then be well

in those long reaches below Gravesend, between Kent and Essex,

where the river is broad and solitary, where the waterside

inhabitants are very few, and where lone public-houses are

scattered here and there, of which we could choose one for a

resting-place. There, we meant to lie by, all night. The steamer

for Hamburg, and the steamer for Rotterdam, would start from London

at about nine on Thursday morning. We should know at what time to

expect them, according to where we were, and would hail the first;

so that if by any accident we were not taken abroad, we should have

another chance. We knew the distinguishing marks of each vessel.

The relief of being at last engaged in the execution of the

purpose, was so great to me that I felt it difficult to realize the

condition in which I had been a few hours before. The crisp air,

the sunlight, the movement on the river, and the moving river

itself - the road that ran with us, seeming to sympathize with us,

animate us, and encourage us on - freshened me with new hope. I

felt mortified to be of so little use in the boat; but, there were

few better oarsmen than my two friends, and they rowed with a

steady stroke that was to last all day.

At that time, the steam-traffic on the Thames was far below its

present extent, and watermen's boats were far more numerous. Of

barges, sailing colliers, and coasting traders, there were perhaps

as many as now; but, of steam-ships, great and small, not a tithe

or a twentieth part so many. Early as it was, there were plenty of

scullers going here and there that morning, and plenty of barges

dropping down with the tide; the navigation of the river between

bridges, in an open boat, was a much easier and commoner matter in

those days than it is in these; and we went ahead among many skiffs

and wherries, briskly.

Old London Bridge was soon passed, and old Billingsgate market with

its oyster-boats and Dutchmen, and the White Tower and Traitor's

Gate, and we were in among the tiers of shipping. Here, were the

Leith, Aberdeen, and Glasgow steamers, loading and unloading goods,

and looking immensely high out of the water as we passed alongside;

here, were colliers by the score and score, with the coal-whippers

plunging off stages on deck, as counterweights to measures of coal

swinging up, which were then rattled over the side into barges;

here, at her moorings was to-morrow's steamer for Rotterdam, of

which we took good notice; and here to-morrow's for Hamburg, under

whose bowsprit we crossed. And now I, sitting in the stern, could

see with a faster beating heart, Mill Pond Bank and Mill Pond

stairs.

"Is he there?" said Herbert.

"Not yet."

"Right! He was not to come down till he saw us. Can you see his

signal?"

"Not well from here; but I think I see it. - Now, I see him! Pull

both. Easy, Herbert. Oars!"

We touched the stairs lightly for a single moment, and he was on

board and we were off again. He had a boat-cloak with him, and a

black canvas bag, and he looked as like a river-pilot as my heart

could have wished. "Dear boy!" he said, putting his arm on my

shoulder as he took his seat. "Faithful dear boy, well done.

Thankye, thankye!"

Again among the tiers of shipping, in and out, avoiding rusty

chain-cables frayed hempen hawsers and bobbing buoys, sinking for

the moment floating broken baskets, scattering floating chips of

wood and shaving, cleaving floating scum of coal, in and out, under

the figure-head of the John of Sunderland making a speech to the

winds (as is done by many Johns), and the Betsy of Yarmouth with a

firm formality of bosom and her nobby eyes starting two inches out

of her head, in and out, hammers going in shipbuilders'yards, saws

going at timber, clashing engines going at things unknown, pumps

going in leaky ships, capstans going, ships going out to sea, and

unintelligible sea-creatures roaring curses over the bulwarks at

respondent lightermen, in and out - out at last upon the clearer

river, where the ships' boys might take their fenders in, no longer

fishing in troubled waters with them over the side, and where the

festooned sails might fly out to the wind.

At the Stairs where we had taken him abroad, and ever since, I had

looked warily for any token of our being suspected. I had seen

none. We certainly had not been, and at that time as certainly we

were not, either attended or followed by any boat. If we had been

waited on by any boat, I should have run in to shore, and have

obliged her to go on, or to make her purpose evident. But, we held

our own, without any appearance of molestation.

He had his boat-cloak on him, and looked, as I have said, a natural

part of the scene. It was remarkable (but perhaps the wretched life

he had led, accounted for it), that he was the least anxious of any

of us. He was not indifferent, for he told me that he hoped to live

to see his gentleman one of the best of gentlemen in a foreign

country; he was not disposed to be passive or resigned, as I

understood it; but he had no notion of meeting danger half way.

When it came upon him, he confronted it, but it must come before he

troubled himself.

"If you knowed, dear boy," he said to me, "what it is to sit here

alonger my dear boy and have my smoke, arter having been day by day

betwixt four walls, you'd envy me. But you don't know what it is."

"I think I know the delights of freedom," I answered.

"Ah," said he, shaking his head gravely. "But you don't know it

equal to me. You must have been under lock and key, dear boy, to

know it equal to me - but I ain't a-going to be low."

It occurred to me as inconsistent, that for any mastering idea, he

should have endangered his freedom and even his life. But I

reflected that perhaps freedom without danger was too much apart

from all the habit of his existence to be to him what it would be

to another man. I was not far out, since he said, after smoking a

little:

"You see, dear boy, when I was over yonder, t'other side the world,

I was always a-looking to this side; and it come flat to be there,

for all I was a-growing rich. Everybody knowed Magwitch, and

Magwitch could come, and Magwitch could go, and nobody's head would

be troubled about him. They ain't so easy concerning me here, dear

boy - wouldn't be, leastwise, if they knowed where I was."

"If all goes well," said I, "you will be perfectly free and safe

again, within a few hours."

"Well," he returned, drawing a long breath, "I hope so."

"And think so?"

He dipped his hand in the water over the boat's gunwale, and said,

smiling with that softened air upon him which was not new to me:

"Ay, I s'pose I think so, dear boy. We'd be puzzled to be more

quiet and easy-going than we are at present. But - it's a-flowing

so soft and pleasant through the water, p'raps, as makes me think

it - I was a-thinking through my smoke just then, that we can no

more see to the bottom of the next few hours, than we can see to

the bottom of this river what I catches hold of. Nor yet we can't

no more hold their tide than I can hold this. And it's run through

my fingers and gone, you see!" holding up his dripping hand.

"But for your face, I should think you were a little despondent,"

said I.

"Not a bit on it, dear boy! It comes of flowing on so quiet, and of

that there rippling at the boat's head making a sort of a Sunday

tune. Maybe I'm a-growing a trifle old besides."

He put his pipe back in his mouth with an undisturbed expression of

face, and sat as composed and contented as if we were already out

of England. Yet he was as submissive to a word of advice as if he

had been in constant terror, for, when we ran ashore to get some

bottles of beer into the boat, and he was stepping out, I hinted

that I thought he would be safest where he was, and he said. "Do

you, dear boy?" and quietly sat down again.

The air felt cold upon the river, but it was a bright day, and the

sunshine was very cheering. The tide ran strong, I took care to

lose none of it, and our steady stroke carried us on thoroughly

well. By imperceptible degrees, as the tide ran out, we lost more

and more of the nearer woods and hills, and dropped lower and lower

between the muddy banks, but the tide was yet with us when we were

off Gravesend. As our charge was wrapped in his cloak, I purposely

passed within a boat or two's length of the floating Custom House,

and so out to catch the stream, alongside of two emigrant ships,

and under the bows of a large transport with troops on the

forecastle looking down at us. And soon the tide began to slacken,

and the craft lying at anchor to swing, and presently they had all

swung round, and the ships that were taking advantage of the new

tide to get up to the Pool, began to crowd upon us in a fleet, and

we kept under the shore, as much out of the strength of the tide

now as we could, standing carefully off from low shallows and

mudbanks.

Our oarsmen were so fresh, by dint of having occasionally let her

drive with the tide for a minute or two, that a quarter of an

hour's rest proved full as much as they wanted. We got ashore among

some slippery stones while we ate and drank what we had with us,

and looked about. It was like my own marsh country, flat and

monotonous, and with a dim horizon; while the winding river turned

and turned, and the great floating buoys upon it turned and turned,

and everything else seemed stranded and still. For, now, the last

of the fleet of ships was round the last low point we had headed;

and the last green barge, straw-laden, with a brown sail, had

followed; and some ballast-lighters, shaped like a child's first

rude imitation of a boat, lay low in the mud; and a little squat

shoal-lighthouse on open piles, stood crippled in the mud on stilts

and crutches; and slimy stakes stuck out of the mud, and slimy

stones stuck out of the mud, and red landmarks and tidemarks stuck

out of the mud, and an old landing-stage and an old roofless building

slipped into the mud, and all about us was stagnation and mud.

We pushed off again, and made what way we could. It was much harder

work now, but Herbert and Startop persevered, and rowed, and rowed,

and rowed, until the sun went down. By that time the river had

lifted us a little, so that we could see above the bank. There was

the red sun, on the low level of the shore, in a purple haze, fast

deepening into black; and there was the solitary flat marsh; and

far away there were the rising grounds, between which and us there

seemed to be no life, save here and there in the foreground a

melancholy gull.

As the night was fast falling, and as the moon, being past the

full, would not rise early, we held a little council: a short one,

for clearly our course was to lie by at the first lonely tavern we

could find. So, they plied their oars once more, and I looked out

for anything like a house. Thus we held on, speaking little, for

four or five dull miles. It was very cold, and, a collier coming by

us, with her galley-fire smoking and flaring, looked like a

comfortable home. The night was as dark by this time as it would be

until morning; and what light we had, seemed to come more from the

river than the sky, as the oars in their dipping struck at a few

reflected stars.

At this dismal time we were evidently all possessed by the idea that

we were followed. As the tide made, it flapped heavily at irregular

intervals against the shore; and whenever such a sound came, one or

other of us was sure to start and look in that direction. Here and

there, the set of the current had worn down the bank into a little

creek, and we were all suspicious of such places, and eyed them

nervously. Sometimes, "What was that ripple?" one of us would say

in a low voice. Or another, "Is that a boat yonder?" And

afterwards, we would fall into a dead silence, and I would sit

impatiently thinking with what an unusual amount of noise the oars

worked in the thowels.

At length we descried a light and a roof, and presently afterwards

ran alongside a little causeway made of stones that had been picked

up hard by. Leaving the rest in the boat, I stepped ashore, and

found the light to be in a window of a public-house. It was a dirty

place enough, and I dare say not unknown to smuggling adventurers;

but there was a good fire in the kitchen, and there were eggs and

bacon to eat, and various liquors to drink. Also, there were two

double-bedded rooms - "such as they were," the landlord said. No

other company was in the house than the landlord, his wife, and a

grizzled male creature, the "Jack" of the little causeway, who was

as slimy and smeary as if he had been low-water mark too.

With this assistant, I went down to the boat again, and we all came

ashore, and brought out the oars, and rudder, and boat-hook, and

all else, and hauled her up for the night. We made a very good meal

by the kitchen fire, and then apportioned the bedrooms: Herbert and

Startop were to occupy one; I and our charge the other. We found

the air as carefully excluded from both, as if air were fatal to

life; and there were more dirty clothes and bandboxes under the

beds than I should have thought the family possessed. But, we

considered ourselves well off, notwithstanding, for a more solitary

place we could not have found.

While we were comforting ourselves by the fire after our meal, the

Jack - who was sitting in a corner, and who had a bloated pair of

shoes on, which he had exhibited while we were eating our eggs and

bacon, as interesting relics that he had taken a few days ago from

the feet of a drowned seaman washed ashore - asked me if we had

seen a four-oared galley going up with the tide? When I told him

No, he said she must have gone down then, and yet she "took up

too," when she left there.

"They must ha' thought better on't for some reason or another,"

said the Jack, "and gone down."

"A four-oared galley, did you say?" said I.

"A four," said the Jack, "and two sitters."

"Did they come ashore here?"

"They put in with a stone two-gallon jar, for some beer. I'd

ha'been glad to pison the beer myself," said the Jack, "or put some

rattling physic in it."

"Why?"

"I know why," said the Jack. He spoke in a slushy voice, as if much

mud had washed into his throat.

"He thinks," said the landlord: a weakly meditative man with a pale

eye, who seemed to rely greatly on his Jack: "he thinks they was,

what they wasn't."

"I knows what I thinks," observed the Jack.

"You thinks Custum 'Us, Jack?" said the landlord.

"I do," said the Jack.

"Then you're wrong, Jack."

"Am I!"

In the infinite meaning o